Emberwood The devil in disguise had a poker face

The sun was warm on his back. The trees making pretty patterns in thr breaks of their leaves on the loam floor. Each paw step muffled by the soft soil. Golden gild looked around amd beyond. But what was he to do or say or be?

What was a boy without a mother but an orphan? And it pained him so.

The deaths that had followed so quickly, all because of the cruelty of males. Who coveted what they couldn't have, and took what they wanted. Senseless.

And he hated his gender.

Unfortunately for Etienne, it was one of his gender currently afoot and afield — or, rather, aforest. He entered the trees with caution, wary even in the golden light of early summer. It was too reminiscent of his childhood home, which he still had strange nightmares about from time to time.

It was the scent of turkeys that drew him deeper, but detecting the presence of another wolf, he was quick to abandon the hunt.

"Hello?" he called out, his young voice absent of guile or suspicion. He was nervous, just a little, but he had never become shy of strangers, by some unlikely miracle. Not even the senseless violence of his youth had rid him of the hope he had in others.

"Is anyone there?" he called again, hesitating to seek the stranger out directly. He would rather be invited — but he began cautiously following the trail all the same.

Etienne supposed it was not a kindness to lump all men into such a horrific pile. But at the same time. What man had ever done him right. Oh Anselm tried, but sometimes he could be mean. Cambria he had thought, but then he had turned his back and stomped on all the promises he had made Etienne too. There had been only one male father figure in the pack and he had run at the first sign of trouble. Though Eti could not blame him. He had his own family after all. Swordfish had done the same.

A young voice called out and Etienne shamefully for a second thought of not answering it. But then he realized that was a cruelty so he moved towards the sound. A soft whuff in return.

He blinked when the wolf painted in shadows and loam met his gaze. Young like he thought. Male unfortunately, but it was not his fault. Just as Etienne's gender was not his own fault.

Bonjou. Etienne shook his head. Sorry, I mean 'ello? Much like times in past. In moments of stress. Etienne clung to the comfort of his mother's tongue.

The two males found each other, honing in via scent and sound. Katmai was not sure what he expected, nor what he hoped to carry away from this encounter. He was drawn quite naturally to others, and it intrigued him, always, to lay eyes on a new face.

This wolf, he thought, looked very kind.

"Bonjour," he replied, startled, not quite sure whether he was welcome here. It was obvious by his tone, just as it was obvious by his accent that he'd never used this greeting aloud before. "And peace be. I hope I'm not disturbing you?"

Etienne normally liked others, but lately he wanted to be alone. However, he knew this was a dangerous path to tread. So he turned golden gaze to the newcomer.

A twitch of his maw at the endearing way the man tried to say his greeting. It was cute.

Etienne shook his head. You not be disturbin' me. I be Etienne, but most jes call me Eti.

Oh, good, spoke the sag of the young man's shoulders, and the way he cast one last glance over his shoulder. He usually enjoyed spending time on his own, but something about this place made him uneasy.

"Nice to meet you, Eti," he replied, minding his manners as his parents had taught him. Just as his father had taught him to say hello in as many languages as he knew — he thought that had been French, but unfortunately, he only knew the one word in that language. "I'm Katmai."

And, yeah, plenty of wolves called him Kat. He didn't offer the nickname, though. He wanted to appear grown-up to this very obviously grown-up male.

"Do you live around here?" he asked, trying not to look around at the unsettling trees. "I'm — I'm a little lost, maybe."

Etienne was not a fool. He caught the way the young man looked around and the way he seemed uncomfortable. He could not blame him. This was not the most favorable of places and it was dark. There was a circle of trees with some sunlight just ahead. Perhaps they could make it there.

Nice to meet you Katmai. Wut brings you 'ere? Just wanderin' 'bout?

Etienne shifted. I be wanderin' my ownself. Just wanderin'

Etienne realized again, he had barely anyone left. The younger wolves at Sapphique did not know him. Accept perhaps Sobeille. And he wasn't if she even liked him. What was a man to do?

What had brought him here, really? The need to wander ran strong in his blood, perhaps from both sides. Perhaps it was like his father said, and that wolves would have roots like trees if they were meant to stay in one place.

But it was awfully lonely on the open road.

"I was looking for where my family used to live," he said, just quietly. "A place called Morningside. I've never seen it, but that's still what we name ourselves."

He kept to himself the idea that he might claim it for his own.

"But I guess I'm just wandering, too. Wandering by myself."

Etienne had wondered and yet part of him simply wanted to stay put. Build roots. Raise a family. Even if his idea of a family didnt meet most ideals. But why couldn't two men adopt. Though he supposed he had to find a man who loved him amd he loved first.

Etienne had not heard of Morningside he didnt think. His mind racing through all the names.

I don't know that on3. But if i had to guess near the mountains. Those are where most of those I don't know are.

It can be lonely.

Katmai nodded in acknowledgement, though he was fairly certain his family's land was out on the plains. If Eti didn't recognize the name, there was no more reason to press the issue. It would only further prove that they had nothing to say to one another, and Katmai didn't like that idea.

"I'm sure it'll turn up," he said, trying to sound unconcerned about it. He was not worried about remaining lost forever, after all. Just about the time he'd already spent out here, and whether or not it had been wasted.

Eti, he thought, looked like a man who knew something about time.

"Or maybe it won't," he admitted. "Maybe I should go home?" He didn't know why he sought a stranger's advice on this subject. He didn't know why he wanted to ask, Why don't YOU go home? and was embarrassed by the idea that the true question could easily be read in his tone.

Etienne didnt know this wolves family. But he had been rather reclusive in his lifetime. Was it really so short of a time. It felt so long.

Desert tings 'ave a way of doin' Dat. I 'ope you be findin' wut you been looking fir.

Etienne made a soft noise. Do you be wantin' to go ' ome? Does it still feel like 'ome?

It was strange that such simple questions could so easily stump him. Katmai blinked at Eti, grasping for an answer — an answer that wasn't, Yes, of course I want to go home, because that wasn't true. An answer that wasn't, No, I don't want to, because that would be horrible of him.

The latter question was the one he answered first.

"I guess nothing has. In a long time," he admitted, his shoulders drooping despite how hard he fought to keep his voice even. "I wish I could go back to when it did."

But he couldn't. He'd been trying all these many months.

He looked up at Etienne with a new sorrow in his eyes. A fearful sort of understanding.

"But lots of wolves leave home," he told him. "And then they find new homes. Right?"

Etienne settled to his haunches his own gaze understanding, haunted. Clear.

Etienne smiled. Sometimes you be lovin' your family and your 'ome so muc' it be 'urtin' but it still not be a safe place for you or your soul.

Etienne nodded. It be importan' you don't get cut up in dey pas' it in de pas' for a reason. And yes. Lots of wolves leave ' ome. I did.

Katmai found that he liked the sound of Eric's voice. The cadence of it felt almost like a song, though not a kind that he was very familiar with. The words, too, were meaningful like lyrics often were.

The past was in the past for a reason.

"Do you ever wish you didn't?" Katmai asked, though he knew he should not be demanding such answers from a stranger. He wasn't a kid anymore, and it wasn't anyone's job but his own to make him feel better or assuage his worries. Still, he could not help but give in to the urge to seek wisdom and comfort from someone with more experience.

Etienne made a soft ruk noise in his throat and nodded.

O' yes I be wis'in' Dat more times den I count. And sometimes I did go 'ome. Went back. Felt my old grounds. Spoke wit' my family. But I was not dey same and 'ome was not de same. So I left again. Every single time.

Every resonating word deadened his heart further. He felt lost and empty by the end, adrift in the idea that this was a known phenomenon, and that the only other case study he knew of was still all alone. Yet at the same time, it was comforting to know that he was not uniquely broken — that there was at least Etienne who had walked the same pathways before him.

"I'm sorry," he said, because he saw this as a thing of deep and painful grief. Still, he could not help but admire his fortitude. The fact that he was still alive, and still walking ever onward, was something to which Katmai could aspire.

Etienne didn't know why his life had turned out the way it had. Perhaps somewhere the gods, the loa, the sea were all laughing. Or perhaps they saw it as some sort of unique path just for him. Test and test make sure he was worthy to be a boy of queens. Perhaps that was it. He didn't know, but life had not been easy.

A soft smile. You need not apologize for me. I made my c'oices. And I stand be'ind dem.

It was a cold comfort, but it was a comfort all the same. To know that Etienne stood by what he'd done with his life, even if he was adrift at this current moment. He blinked and he saw Eti — just for a moment — as someone expansive, someone familiar and unknowable in turns. But another blink and a moment later saw him return to just another wolf. Another weathered traveler. A kindred spirit, perhaps, but nothing more.

Even so, Katmai felt better for having met him.

"I should keep going," he said to the man, ready now to be away from the woods. "Please be well, Eti."