Redhawk Caldera Lakeside sunset

tags for reference, all welcome!

Life in Brecheliant was good, in general. It was good to spend time with those he loved, even though he was ageing considerably - with joints growing stiffer and, despite laying down his duties as Auspex, less energy to do both duty and enjoyment each day. Eljay spent most of his time with those closest to him: with his beautiful children - @Jay who was brave and strong and yet caring for his family, and @Ceridwen who had returned home and told him many stories, which he enjoyed in her warm company with a smile on his face. With his mate @Maia , who felt so natural a presence that it was almost as though she was a part of him, an extension of himself. He was so proud of her as an Auspex, and he enjoyed all the time they spent together just being. He refused to let her bring up his looming age and dwindling health, smiling and joking around it if she'd bring it up, switching the subject; lately often to that of their impending children, this year. Aiden, Ani and Chickadee were gone, but such was life. He was not so worried as he'd been with Elfie and Weejay. Perhaps because he was so many times a father now and so many of his young had gone their own way, or perhaps because he hadn't the energy anymore.

What time was left he enjoyed spending in the company of the rest of Brecheliant; his good friend @Teya who always made him as though a part of @Weejay had been granted to be left behind with him, since their ages were so similar and like Weejay, Teya was kind and good company. Her mate and his family @Bronco, who Eljay had enjoyed patrolling with and spending time with but these days, was not as good at keeping up with anymore. They now had children, and it made Eljay happy to think that his children this year would have such close relatives to grow up with, just like last year.

It worried Eljay what had happened with Reyes. His heart bled for @Sorana, but the truth was that he had not had much time to help her. He hardly could provide for his own family, instead reliant on the family's and pack's support, and hardly felt he had the energy to get around to spending enough time with everyone. It hurt to see how badly Sorana needed help, yet being so unable to help her. Many times he had thought of her and considered reaching out; many times he had, in the end, not managed.

@Bridget had most of the healing under control, so he mostly assisted her these days by sharing his expertise when she had questions. He felt the need to relay his knowledge, just in case... Well, his parents had been younger when they died. He was intent on assisting as best he could, though, and enjoy every day to come. He planned to stay for another few years, at the least. Though he had admitted to himself that he was getting older, he hardly ever spoke of it to others.

Eljay lay on his favourite spot by the lake today, watching the sunset dance on the water's surface with a gentle smile on his face.

Dwin was a very self-sufficient person - she could spend a whole day working on a project of her design and feel quite good in her company. But then - her second best past-time was having conversations and discussions with others. This activity charged her batteries and she thoroughly enjoyed the rush of imagination, as her mind generated new ideas and images effortlessly. That second part had been missing lately and she felt a little lonely at home. 

Teya had given birth and together with Bronco and Bridget they had their paws full. Mom and the rest were busy covering tasks for them. Aiden had dispersed. Sorana had vibes of a very unhappy person from afar and Dwin simply avoided her. Not that she was heartless or would not want to help - no, the sadness that emanated from her childhood playmate was something dark and what she could not understand. It seemed better to keep distance. Now and then she idly wondered, if it was not time to go out in the wilds again, if only for the sake of meeting new people and drowning them in questions and discussions. But... until spring came properly, she did not wish to stray far. 

So it was a very lucky occasion that Dwin happened to show up at the same place, where here dear, old dad was enjoying the last rays of the early spring sun. "Hi," she told him happily, having closed the distance between them in several long strides and slowing down at the end to approach the old man carefully. She leaned down, to nuzzle the fur on his nape affectionately and then she lied down right next to him. Her side against his - for a moment she stayed there, trying to figure out, what Eljay was looking at, then turning to address him: "How are you feeling today?" 

The content smile on Eljay's face widened as Ceridwen came into view. Hiya, he returned softly at her as he returned the nips and nibbles. For a short moment they just lay there together and watched the colours dancing on the water, until Ceridwen - as expected - broke the silence. A perfectly normal question, most days, but these days he could not help but wonder if there was an underlying question as well. How are you feeling today? Better, worse or the same as yesterday? Just because he was a bit stiffer in the joints and had a bit less energy than before, and just because his fur grew whiter every month, it didn't mean that he was deteriorating in any way. Mentally, Eljay was still as fit as ever.

Enjoying a beautiful sunset with my lovely daughter, he said contently, So couldn't be a much better day, really. He looked at Ceridwen and thought about her adventures. He couldn't help but wonder if she wanted to travel again, or if she'd stay for her upcoming baby siblings, when the time came.

You remind me of your grandmother, he mused with a fond smile, She loved adventuring, too.

"Dad, did you just seriously called me old?" Dwin asked in a mock-how-dare-you voice and expression, but the cheerful twinkle in her eyes gave her away. She was immensely proud of all her ancestors (that she remembered of and had been told about) and being compared to any one of them was a huge compliment to her. 

"Except she did not leave a lot of stories, where she mentions that adventuring is actually very hard," she added, knowing that dad would understand. He was the opposite of Finley - while she had passed on tales with distilled awesomeness, dad recalled all the hardships very well. Before she had ventured outside Brecheliant, like all young people, she did not take Eljay's experience seriously. Figured that he was simply not cut out for that kind of stuff. 

"It's more parts of survival and being lonely and homesick than the ones I can recount as truly amazing," she shared something she would never ever tell either her siblings or friends. Growing up and keeping up appearances was tough and she knew that of all people around her Eljay would understand her the best and would not poke fun at her or judge her. Not that anyone else here would do that, but Dwin had inherited a bit of her mom's insecurity and that had grown a little more pronounced, while she had been away.

"I guess, if I told everyone the whole truth, the story would not be half as interesting, would it?" she looked at him. "I kind of think that stories have done great injustice to people, to whom things do not come easily. Or somehow brush over the fact that even heroes might struggle. That just because it is hard, you are no less of a hero of your own story," she mused, her pace of thoughts now more like a calm river than the usual chaotic rapids and geysers and waterfalls. 

Eljay chuckled at Ceridwen's retort. When Ceridwen then mentioned that Finley did not leave many stories, Eljay was getting ready to retort that actually, it was just that he was particularly bad at remembering them and so he had only shared what ones he did remember, but she followed it up with mentioning that adventuring was actually hard. That was sort of nice to hear, honestly, because even though Eljay had learned to let go of his children if they wished to travel, he still worried for them and, most of all, he really enjoyed having them close to him.

Ceridwen continued to mention something very reflective, which made Eljay feel rather proud of his clever daughter. That's very true, he said softly, thoughtfully. Then he mentioned: I think that stories try to cut out the more difficult parts. I suppose it's because people enjoy hearing happy stories. Not all, he supposed, but Eljay himself at least enjoyed those the best. Maia was best at the happy parts, too.

Then he said, Thankfully there is enough opportunity for trips away with odds of being a hero in someone's story when you're in a pack, but with perhaps a little less loneliness. He hadn't really meant to bring up anything pertaining to whether or not Ceridwen intended to stay at Brecheliant, but he just couldn't help himself.

"I do not want to stash travelling away altogether, just... I think that going out together with someone and having a home to return to would be something better than just not knowing, where you will end up with or who you are going to meet," Dwin had made quite a lot of acquaintances along the way, but none of them had become her friends. Okay, encounter with Val may have felt a little different, but looking back - none of the people she had met or talked to at length had made her feel the same way people here in Brecheliant made her feel. The connection was different and now that she was back home, she appreciated it even more. Because - she would learn over time - it was a very rare thing.

"What I mean - I think a bit more planning would do me good. And finding out, what suits me the best... too. That you can do only by going out," she smiled. "So - you never travelled much because you felt lonely?" she wondered, because most of the stories, where Eljay was featured, were about him being firmly rootes somewhere. 

That sounds like a good plan, Eljay said when Ceridwen said that she didn't want to be a homebody, but that she just wanted to travel with someone. He was glad that she did not take his comment too harshly — he knew that he was speaking out of turn. It was just so hard to resist fathering, sometimes.

I suppose so, Eljay said when Dwin concluded she could only figure out what suited her by actually doing it. At her next question, he wondered, Do you mean if I never felt lonely staying behind..? If that's the case, no. And if you meant if I never felt that I stayed behind because I was afraid I'd get lonely... I don't think that's the reason, no. He admitted, I never felt the urge to go out very much. When I was young I was afraid, but now I just feel content enough being here. The truth lay somewhere in the middle, probably; maybe if he tried going out again, Eljay would feel some of that old fear come up. But as it were, he simply did not go out much and thought that it was no longer there.

Something about the manner Eljay played with the word "lonely" reminded her of Little Miss Dee and her complete change of character after the accident. She wondered, if her sister felt lonely even despite the safety, love and protection her family offered her. That, perhaps, what had happened to her, was something no one else could "unhappen" to her again. That this experience made her feel lonely and unhappy, because no one could truly relate to it. Feeling sorry did not count and was not enough. 

"But you have not always lived here. So this means that you have not always felt content with being here," she pointed out to those few occasions, when Eljay had taken courage to go out and seek happiness elsewhere. "What happened - why did you stop feeling content with the way things were?"

It was true that he hadn't always left here. He had left twice of his own volition, that he remembered in the moment; once when he was young and thought he was a bother, and the second time when he was cracking apart from staying here. Life was complicated like that. It was not like there was always just one thing you did or did not do, it turned out. Eljay smiled lightly at his daughter's cleverness as she posed the questions. She was so inquisitive.

It's true. I left the first time because I was young and I thought that I was not good enough for my pack and family, that I had to leave to grow. He had grown, though he would rather not have had that experience, overall.

And the last time was because I was in love with your mother. It was perhaps not the whole truth, but he didn't feel like elaborating on all the gritty details. Because she lived at the Fen at the time, and I wanted to be with her more than I wanted to stay here, I suppose. He smiled at Ceridwen and awaited further questions — because there usually were more.

"Why would you think that you were not good enough for your family?" Dwin asked, because in her eyes dad was nothing short of absolute perfection. Her only complaint was that he was getting older and did not have as much energy to engage in all the awesome games and adventures that life could offer. But that was hardly fault of her wonderful dad, no one could escape or defeat old age. "Couldn't they see that you are amazing?" she asked, naively thinking that the people, who did not appreciate Eljay, was to blame, not the lack of self-confidence that had stolen a lot of days, if not years of happiness from him. 

"So, mom became your home?" her choice of metaphor might not have been the best, but the meaning was clear. "Mom said that places are not as important as the people you live together with there," she shared. "How did you meet?" she asked next, realizing that this was the first time she had actually thought of it. Up until then Maia and Eljay had seemed as a single unit. Having never seen them in any other arrangement, it was strange to think that her parents had lived apart. That both of them had had lives before they had met. 

Eljay chuckled when Ceridwen asked why he would think that he was not good enough for his family, because it spoke of the confidence she had that he had certainly lacked as a child (and sometimes did even today). Thank you, said Eljay with a humble smile. I didn't think so, especially when I was young. I was always different from others, more sensitive, and I thought it was a bad thing. Among other things by having some children that were sensitive and caring — Weejay came to mind — Eljay had grown to accept that trait in himself better.

He nodded when Ceridwen suggested that Maia had become his home. That was true; while Eljay was happy that they had ended up back at his birth home, he could've lived anywhere and lived a happy life with Maia.

We knew each other for a long time before we got together, Eljay explained. We lived some bit west of here at first. Your mother lived there because of her sister Wraen, and I lived there because of my childhood friend. He left out the bit where he and Wildfire'd been mates, because it would only complicate the story. When my friend died, your mother was there for me, but I didn't really see her at that time, because I was hurting from losing my friend. It was only after she and Wraen left to find Brecheliant that I understood how much she meant to me. Of course, that was not the end of the story. I moved to this very place, and your mother lived to the west, at a place called Broken Antler Fen, in Brecheliant. We eventually admitted that we liked each other, but neither of us wanted to move at first. That's when I, eventually, moved to live with her. He realised only by the end that he had circled back to their original conversation, and so he left it at that.

Dwin was a little disappointed in, how simple the story had been, but that was always the issue of the truth. It was never as colourful and concentrated as the version you passed on from one generation to the next. If it had been her telling this, she would have spiced it up with some dragons and spells, and at least three heroic quests and some magic, but the thing was... this was her dad's story. And the way it had been told was the way he was. Making it any different would distance it from the narrator and his experience. Something to ruminate about later. 

She wanted to ask about Wildfire. Her father may not have told much and that was all the more reason she wanted to find out more. Not because she resented him having a life before meeting Maia, but out of curiousity. About how life happened to people. "Did you like Wildfire the same way you like mom? What was she like?" she asked directly, but with no hint of accusation or suspicion. She did not fell threatened by the dead. Rather this lady was also part of her father's story and it felt wrong to have her whole life reduced to a name and scant mentions now and then.

It was strange to talk to anyone about Wildfire, but especially his and Maia's children. It was as if she was a part of another life, Wildfire, and now he had a different life altogether. It was a messy time, and when he thought back to her, at times Eljay still felt a remnant of the grief he had undergone (just like he did when he thought of his parents). It was strange that grief stayed with you, and for a long time it could stay and slumber, but then one day, somebody said or did something that reminded you of them, or made you wish that they were there. Then suddenly your heart was bleeding again, and the wound you thought had healed turned out to be a scab rather than a scar.

Overcome by such feelings now, it was with reluctance that Eljay said, Yes. She was different, but I suppose the love was similar in many ways... Even though every person that we love gets a different place in our heart, so it's never exactly the same. He didn't really feel like talking about Wildfire, because talking about her reminded him of the fact that she had died again — of the pain that he had gone through — of how much he missed her, even today, even though he didn't think of her as often these days. She was kind and caring, and yet adventurous. He realised only a few seconds after that he had just described Maia. Contemplatively and a little melancholic, Eljay said with a wry smile, .. I guess that she was similar to your mother in many ways..

Eljay did not tell much and Dwin felt a little confused by his reluctance to talk about her. She had not lost anyone she loved to death yet, she had not even fallen in love with anyone in such a way to understand the depth of pain those left behind felt. That it never really went away, even after time passed. Some parts of your mind still kept the memories alive. Maybe years from now she would understand her father better than now and see this conversation in an entirely different light. With more compassion and understanding. 

However, something he said about people occupying a different corner of one's heart, made her think and ask a question in return. "Do you think - dad - that one's heart has a finite space for people you care for?" she mused. 

Eljay blinked when Ceridwen asked her question, but he was also quick to answer, considering he was already in this train of thought, anyway. No, I don't believe that, he said with a shake of his head. Eljay did not often believe things firmly, but this he felt strongly about. Perhaps because he had had - and still had - so many in his life that occupied some part of his heart and life. I think that there are many different wolves in our lives that each take a different place in it, but somehow, you never do seem to run out of space.

"That's interesting," Dwin remarked, thinking of all the people, who had found place in her heart. There were quite a few. And then she thought, how much bigger her father's heart must be, because he had lived so much longer than her and had met more people. Another idea - a collection of people.

"What do you mean by "different places"?" Dwin asked. "Is a heart like a labyrinth?"