Firefly Glen [wp] i'm not ready to die

no need to match length, i got carried away <3 AW!!

sobeille first met the gentle flame that was @Ajei the late winter of her first year. @Arrluk came shortly there-after, unassuming in a way commanding respect sobeille did not wish to give. she intended to disdain him; time again he showed her she had little reason to.

though ajei had occupied a space in her heart since their first meeting, she could not deny the little dove her happiness. and that happiness involved arrluk. arrluk, sobeille's killbrother. the image of his muscular figure tearing into skin, splattered by seal-blood, caused a strange stirring within her.

kukutux thought this bittersweet. sobeille found herself among a similar thoughtpath, for very different reasons.

once, ajei had come to her upset. and in the only way sobeille knew, she sought to ease that suffering by killing. a sense of great injustice welled in her heart to think of anyone getting in the way of ajei's happiness.

including herself.

what to give, then, to show what she believed was love? sobeille brought fish, for she remembered ajei was most fond of it. bluegill and trout from the freshwaters. salmon fat with roe, char, and flounder from the sea. all wrapped in a thick pelt of seal-skin that may one day warm ajei's children.

she placed this gift among the others as another bittersweet memory came to her.

but it is also a bit like a happy ending. didn't get it right the first time. so you get another chance.

something within her uncoiled from its resting. in another life, ajei. sobeille promised, glancing up as a constellation of fireflies danced into view.

Ajei remembered her first meeting with Sobeille it had been fraught with confusion and the potential for bad blood. But they had persevered and forged a friendship that didn't have any words. Where Ajei was quiet and humble and passive. Sobeille was loud and sometimes vain and assertive to the nth degree. But it worked regardless. And Ajei considered her almost as dear to her as Arrluk.

Ajei did not know how to make them both happy. Though she wished she could. She was not foolish enough to not realize after some very deep rumination on Sobeilles actions to the she wolves of the creek. Exactly what that meant. And also she knew that though Arrluk could potentially share and would if requested. Sobeille was a different entity entirely. And not to mention, Ajei had not thought on her own feelings. She cared deeply. Arrluk's was a steady flame. Sobeille was her dear dear friend and she did not think more. Not because the potential wasn't there but because as much as Ajei hated to even draw attention to it. Sobeille could be dark. But it suited her.


So it was delight and a smile she greeted Sobeille. The dried blood on her a different red to her fur color. And it darkened that which was usually white.

Hello! She called to her friend.

de blood looks good on you, sobeille commended, a rare warmth for ajei only reaching her goldenrod eyes. ajei's joy was infectious and like sunlight, chased away the venomous thoughts hounding sobeille's conscience.

being that ajei was the bride, sobeille expected soon her relatives would come and whisk her away to the merrymaking. it was her day, not sobeille's -- while marriage was a custom alien to those of the saltshore, she understood this ceremony to be one of sacred significance.

congratulations. came the wrangled accolade from the girl that did not know wedding customs -- she hoped such a thing was appropriate, and smiled anxiously at her friend.

Ajei made a soft sounding. Oh. Then chuckled. It is quite sticky actually. Part of her had wanted to brush it off. Ajei was not vain, but she did like to be clean. And it felt a bit strange on her this sticky essence of life that clung to her. 

Ajei leaned forward to boom her head to Sobeille's Thank you. I also  hear that you helped Arrluk with his bride price. Thank you for that. You are one of my dearest you know that right?

And anxioius searching look. She did not want to lose Sobeille as a friend with her marriage. She did not, could not fathom such a world without her friend in it with her.

sticky, ajei called it. sobeille knew the feeling well. she liked when the pulp dried and the blood turned to brittle red dust.

but she was not ajei, and she knew her friend to always be well-groomed. it was one of the many things sobeille coveted about ajei, because she was not like others sobeille ever knew. of course. you deserved six of dem. sobeille grinned, pleased to have been part of securing arrluk's bride price.

community. people helping one another. standing alone, no wolf could ever reach the stars. but if they stood upon the shoulders of others...

a flush of warmth radiated from her cheeks as ajei brushed the fur along sobeille's forehead with her own. when ajei pulled away, the space she left was wanting and cold. sobeille searched her gaze, seeing worry there that fretted her features and brought her stomach to drop like lead.

and you mine, ajei. her tone carried with it the conviction of the sea; strong, eternal, and devoted. she wished to chase away the dragons darkening ajei's gaze; oh, she would do anything to bring joy back into her friend's face! ajei, when you be 'aving kids, can i be deir tante?

Ajei had never been a hunter. Fish yes. And she supposed in a way fish were sticky, but water washed it off quickly. Whereas this thick feeling didn't go away.

A soft laugh. Oh I don't know about that. We can let some for others no? Another soft delighted laugh. 

Ajei blinked.What is a Tante? she had no qualms, merely curious what the word meant. She hoped Sobeille was a part of her life and her children's lives.

encouraged by the soft laugh spilling from ajei's warm features, sobeille allowed a small smile. even her tail thumped limply -- a rare gesture considering she often failed to communicate in body language how she felt.

sharing bounties with the world -- instead of ajei -- did not appeal to sobeille, but she understood that this was what made ajei so special. her heart, her altruism, her warmth and her undying generosity -- where sobeille was built hard, ajei was built beautiful. and a loving, caring god must have made her painstakingly in their own image.

a tante be like an auntie. sobeille explained, expression growing thoughtful as she recalled her time in the mooncamps. i can teach dem 'ow to 'unt de seals an' de otters, an' read bones, an' know which plants be good and which plants be bad.

Ajei very seldom was given such a reaction from Sobeille. And as such it felt rare and special and she coveted it. She pulled it tight ot her chest and put it away to ruminate and bring forth on a day that was perhaps not as beautiful as today. And it would bring her happiness with it.

Oh well that was something. She had Mojag, but he was often trading. And her litter mate. She had not seen him since she was mere weeks old. Another face that simply disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. But she found this thought pleasing about Sobeille. Perhaps not everyone could handle all that was Sobeille, but she trusted that despite that sobeille could be dark and brooding. She knew how Arrluk and Ajei were and Ajei knew that the she wolf would have enough respect in her for Ajei herself that she would not show her children something she did not want them to see. 

I quite like that idea. It sounds lovely.  Very well. Tante Sobeille.

900 for u <333

it would have moved sobeille deeply to know that ajei held that memory of her close to her chest. as it was, she examined the thoughtful expression of her friend, reading carefully all the things unspoken there in ajei's rich jade eyes.

in her past life, ajei believed she was an otter. sobeille wondered in her own past life, if she had been a seal -- had they ever met? perhaps where fresh-water spilled out to sea, the two met -- wet noses damp and inquisitive as they touched.

tante sobeille. sobeille reaffirmed with a wide grin, a flush of pride overwhelming her chest. an' when i be 'avin' kids -- she leveled ajei a look that said not now, but maybe some day, i be wantin' dem to know deir tante ajei, and all deir cousins.

the idea of her children growing alongside ajei's stirred sobeille's quickly beating heart. she could not change her childhood -- but she could see to it that her own children had a safer, happier one.

AWESOME! Congrats!

Ajei did not know how their past lives had gone. But she liked to think that those she cared for in this one. Had been those she cared for then. Because she could not imagine such a life without them. It was simply unfathomable. 

She nodded. Oh I can't wait to meet them. When you decide to have them.

Ajei was determined to be for her children. To be longer with them. Her mother had only a short time with her, and this was not something she could fathom and would not.

perhaps souls, like connective tissue in the body, spent their lives seeking bonds. perhaps in a life before, or a life after, their souls ran together like a great river through the course of time.

sobeille felt sad thinking of this, and hid it behind the bright flit of her gaze. ajei had lost her mother early on; it would show in every loving gesture she paid her children, to know they would never taste such bitter sorrow.

t’ink of it, ajei! she grinned, feeling the mournfulness edge away. the pitter of deir feet, de playdates. deir lives will be better wit auntie ajei in it. i been t’inking of names, but i also t’ink i won’t know until i see deir little faces. and you?

Ajei didn't know what fate had in store for any of them. But so far despite her bittersweet memories. Fate hadn't given her a bad turn. Only time would tell if that may change.

Ajei did not plan to leave her children. And she refused to think of the what ifs. Even if it were in her nature to do so. She couldn't.

I don't know what names to pick. I'd think it will be a choice when I see them.

i'd think it will be a choice when i see them.

for some reason the image of kukutux's wearied face rose in sobeille's vision, the ghost of a phrase ringing in her ears: it pleases me to see your face;

would she think such a thing as she held the first of her babes to the light and marveled at their first breath, their curling paws, the squall of their tiny, angry bodies?

aye. sometimes i be t'inkin' you don' know til you see it. but already sobeille knew one thing. i will be namin' dem after those who went before. her gaze slid to ajei, thinking of the girl's mother and the profound loss she'd experienced so young.

A small smile at the thought of those who went before. How she missed her mother. But she did not know if she would name a child after her. At least not her full name. She had taken her mother's name as her own last name and would continue to wear it. She would not take the Name only nuiruk it would be added to her mother's name. She hoped that Arrluk understood. She would give his name to their children. It was fitting.

Ajei smiled. What a beautiful way to honor them. I do not know if I would use my mother's entire name. We shall see.

She shifted and settled further into her seat. Enjoying the small moment away from the hubbub of the wedding. Even if it were small. It was chaotic. And more than Ajei usually handled.

you could take parts of it. sobeille thought it was something powerful -- like how seers extracted totems from objects of significant power. take the heart of something, and it might still beat when given life in a new form.

my grandmaman be named rosalyn. dere can be only one rosalyn. but mebbe, i mash some names together. she didn't know the word for portmanteau, but she thought this practice of name-melding an exciting idea. mebbe i be namin' dem after two at once. she fell silent, considering the gravitas a name-meld of two of sapphiques' greatest matriarchs could have. would that child borrow some of her early ancestor's power -- would she grow to form her own legacy more enduring than those that stood before her?

and here she was, named after a boy. 

Ajei liked the sound of that. Taking parts of her mother's name, perhaps her eldest brothers. Not her father. Not her littermate. She did not know them, could not remember them. Perhaps some of Aiolos and Kukutux. And yet part of her wanted to keep their names for them. It felt honorable this way too. She was not sure what she would do. And perhaps when they had children, the sight of them would bring names so strong to the forefront that no other would work. 

Ajei's mother had chosen her name with care. She had given her one with deep meaning to her. One that Ajei tried to embody and she hoped she succeeded. A small smile. 

I can't wait to hear these names. I am certain they will be beautiful and fit your children perfectly.

i am certain they are beautiful and will fit your children perfectly.was there any soul more perfect than ajei? sobeille hid the lance of jealousy that nearly threatened to break her composure.

tell me your maman's name. sobeille switched suddenly, eyes alight with this marvel idea. in thinking of it, she was not certain she had ever learned shikoba's name. mebbe you could take parts of hers, or arrluk's mamans. think -- how about kukujei? a fluttering laugh left sobeille's jaws, gaze light.

Ajei did not know how to be anyone but herself. But she felt she did okay. She tried to be good and kind.

A beautiful smile lit up her face, for she loved talking about her mama. 

Her name was Shikoba and she was a fierce hunter and warrior. Much much braver than me. But that's okay. I think she'd be proud of me anyway.

shikoba. impressive depth to this name, like a well-wielded atlatl. sobeille examined the way ajei's gaze lit up, a fiery love rekindled by the simple act of mentioning a ghost.

kojei. sobeille decided, feeling the wind lift the russet of her fur. how she wished to have met this woman, for if sobeille knew anything, it was that great daughters often came from greater women.

A small little noise at the name. It was lovely. Oh i love that. She wagged her tail, lifting her head and stretching with a smile. It was nice to hear her name with her mothers. I Miss her Sobeille. I miss her so much. But I try not to let it affect me too much.

She sighed softly. Especially now. There's so much I want to share with her. And sometimes I do talk to her. I suppose it may seem a bit silly. But it helps sometimes.

oh, for that life that could have been. twisted was the nerve in sobeille’s heart to see the smile, and then the mourning, in ajei’s expressive eyes.

dere be days like dat. sobeille surmised softly, a rare gentleness in her voice. it is not silly. talk to ‘er. she may not be ‘ere physically, but she is a part of you. so long as you draw breath, she lives. an’ no one can take dat from you.

shifting so that she could better see the constellation of stars above, sobeille imagined shikoba’s spirit nestled among the glittering cosmos. perhaps her soulsphere occupied a space next to her own ancestors: did rosalyn or caiaphas or any number of them peer down upon them?

an’ when you an’ i ‘ave children, a bit our ourselves will be distilled in dem too.

Ajwi missed her mother. Now more than ever. And with each passing day she knew it would grow. She would do her best. 

Ajei frowned, but not in dislike of her words. Yes I s'pose so.

Ajei smiled.They will be lovely children Sobeille. They will.

fade for new? <3

twinkling just beyond the milky way's long arm sat a red star. sobeille studied its dark pulsing, preoccupied to the point she missed the subtle frown gracing her friend's features.

when she turned back, the frown had been replaced by a smile that brought great warmth to ajei's features. dey will. an' you will be a lovely mother.

of this sobeille was certain. but before she could speak again, a great din sounded from the forest -- the roar of the crowd demanding the bride's presence.

in another life. sobeille's expression remained steadfast as she turned to her friend, metaphorically linking arms with the bride. i t'ink dey are requestin' your presence. shall we go?

Though this is what Ajei preferred. The quiet moments. The moments stolen with good friends. She knew she was not a very good bride if she didn't stay near Arrluk or greet the others. So she nodded. But first she licked her friend along the cheek. 

Thank you Sobeillef or the quiet moments. I treasure them.