Lion Head Mesa girl with crimson nails has jesus 'round her neck

she watched the beautiful woman, rapt, invested—but the words that came from her in the end struck her with such force that she was rendered silent, as though the wind had truly been stolen from her lungs. hadn’t it, though? the great Imperator, dead—! no! and it was not so much the words that brought her to this thought, but the way in which the beautiful stranger trembled, and held herself. what other news could it be? 
it was not her great plans that she considered then, only the great man. how had yet another been stolen from her? ah, his son—Cornelius! he would be devastated, too, 
she was meant to be Pharaoh, but for a moment she was a girl again, asking Germanicus to teach her to spar and explaining her love of dance, and he, in kindness, likening the moves of a spar to such a thing. it had been the first time Toula admired any, outside of her family—and the feeling never changed. even in death, she would admire him,
thank the Gods for Senmut. the stranger would have had every opportunity to throttle her, were it not for her own guard—and Toula blinked, no longer in the past with a great man but in the cruel present, where and when he no longer was. she mourned him, and she was not ashamed of it—and she did not hide it. but Senmut, he ended the silence, he asked a question of the woman who—
fiance? her voice cracked—but her gaze was all the softer upon the woman before her. at least Germanicus had died loved, and by a great beauty. yes, loved—she had to believe that this was no thing of convenience, though he was a man of duty. she had to believe that in the end that he had at least found this soft, sweet feeling for himself. 
but she also hoped for Senmut to be viciously corrected—not in action but in word, that the pale one before her would say, no! he is not dead! only very ill, and it is very urgent that you go to him at once and save him! 
a silly little dream, perhaps, but one she allowed herself for these precious next few minutes—until the correction never did come.