Panther Park I can't escape you

@Takiyok Takes place after this thread

They had come through the sunspire tunnel without issue, but once again, everyone was tired. Taikon left the group to do a bit of hunting, though he strongly worried about encountering the cougar. Takiyok and Zephyr's injuries were both improving, but he was anxious about what the journey was doing to his friends. For the most part, he had left Takiyok alone. He was sure they she was still angry with him for bringing Zephyr along. She also had her own things to deal with since Taktuq had joined them.
Plus, he was intentionally avoiding her because he hoped to have everyone safe before telling her about his budding relationship with Zephyr. He had no idea how she would react, and he needed to sort out his own thoughts before talking to her.
There was no doubt that she had certainly noticed the way he looked at Zephyr, noticed the hungry glances and even the occasional touch. Taikon avoided telling her, using the time he had alone to put his nose to the ground and search for something they could eat.

Taki was observant of her surroundings always, so she had picked up on the shift in things between Taikon and Zephyr. At first she had been confused at the spike of hurt that swelled in her chest anytime she witnessed a look or a touch. It felt too familiar and opened up a lot of old wounds that had never really healed properly. Taikon had all but ignored her since she had woken from her temporary coma. At first she thought he was just giving her space to be mad, but then insecurity put there by her unrequited feelings for Mahler had whispered that it was because he felt more attached to her—more loyal. That was about the time she realized why their closeness hurt so much—her feelings for her friend had developed into far more. And once again, she found herself wanting the love of someone who did not want to give it back. What was it about her that turned them all away? She hated feeling that way about herself; she was strong and confident, and she didn't have time for these messy and painful feelings. But just as she had been afraid of, she had given him the power to hurt her, and then he did. He didn't even know it, and she couldn't tell if that made things better or worse.

Regardless of turmoil in her heart, she had been feeling like she needed to explain herself—why she had gotten so angry with him. It wasn't often she explained herself to anyone, but despite everything, she felt she should to him.

So once Taktuq was sound asleep, she followed his scent from camp. It didn't take her long to find him, and when she did, she chuffed behind him and trotted up to his side. Normally, she would have greeted him with an affectionate touch, but she refrained, the thought of it sending pain through her chest again. Instead, she began speaking. Taikon. I need to talk to you about why I have been so angry with you, she got out. If he was willing to listen, she would continue.

She came up behind him, ambushing him mid-thought. As she moved up to his side, Taikon moved to reach his nose out to her, but read her body language, frowned, and abandoned the attempt. Clearly, she was still upset at him over something.
At that point, Taikon was beginning to feel that Takiyok was treating everything quite childishly. She had collected her little niece, even though a child was far more likely to slow them down than Zephyr. He wondered if the injury to her head was making her irritable, and he just happened to make an excellent lightning rod.
Now she wanted to talk about it. He sighed, nodding and slowing down his pace to a quiet walk so he could listen properly. Yeah I.. I've got things I should say too. You go first, he said gently, frowning and furrowing his brow. He glanced briefly toward her, but couldn't bear to make eye contact with her.

Taki nodded, frowning as she looked down at her paws. My father was a difficult man. Even when I was a child, he did not tolerate any form of weakness from me. I was in training to be a warrior from the moment I could walk, she began. And for a long time, I idolized him; all I wanted was his approval, but he was not easy to please. It shaped me in many way, some good and some bad. But in situations where I do not feel safe or I feel like I am responsible for others, I seem to fall back on that training and I can be very callous. She shook her head. When I look back on it, all I see is my father, and he is the last wolf I ever want to be like. She chanced a glance up at him. So I am sorry. They were not words she said often, and for good reason, but she felt they needed to be said now. And with her apology, came a break in the wall she had built up over the last few days—the one that was created to try and protect her scarred heart. I think the reason I acted so harshly was because I was afraid taking on an injured would wolf would make things more dangerous, and I would not forgive myself if something happened to you. She could feel the words building in her chest, pounding against her throat as they tried to break free; so she let them. I care about you as...more than just a friend. I want more than just friendship, and it has clouded some of my judgement, she said, looking away again. Her heart slammed against her ribs and her blood rushed in her ears—a fight or flight reaction to something that could quite possibly shatter her, depending on what he said next. For the first few seconds after she said the words, she wished she could take them back. Things would be easier on him if she just kept the feelings to herself and went on with life, and things would be easier for her if she just collected Taktuq and left. But both would be cowardly, and that was one thing she was not.

Taikon listened. It was one of the things he knew how to do, and he was thankful that finally, she seemed okay with talking to him. As she spoke of her father, he was reminded of his own issues with his mother. Seeking approval from her had caused him serious issues, especially since her values had never matched his. As Takiyok described her flaws, he nodded, having a much better understanding of why she had been so nasty when he had allowed Zephyr to potentially compromise their journey. He breathed as she apologized, having been that whatever she was going to say was a lot worse than an apology. It's okay, he said, giving her a small, strained smile. It had been quite difficult for him to deal with the anger she had directed toward him, but it was comforting to know that it had happened out of fear, and a lack of safety. He understood.
Takiyok went on, citing that she felt quite protective over him. He opened his mouth to speak, to tell her that she didn't need to worry about him. He had survived far worse than everything they had been through, and somehow had turned out okay. But Takiyok went on, and he didn't feel right interrupting her.
And as her heart pounded, she transferred a painful energy to him, and his throat dried up, and his chest was heavy, and he had to take a shuddering breath and remind himself how to breathe. He stopped walking, standing there, looking in front of him while she looked on. His head spun as he realized at once that she was so bothered because indeed, she had seen the way he looked at Zephyr. She'd seen it, and it bothered her because she wanted more.
Finally, he looked at her, found her eyes. They blazed, and it cut him. Taki... I... He took another breath, feeling scared. He looked away for a moment so he could think of what to say. You are one of the most incredible people I've ever met, and it's been hell to get here, but I wouldn't have picked anyone else to do it with if I had a do-over, he said, and felt himself start to shiver. He shifted on his feet, rolling his shoulders, stressed.
This...might not make sense. Zephyr is... different, to me, he said, and quickly clarified, but that doesn't mean we can't be more. I mean — I don't know.. how to make it make sense. I'm... there's something really wrong with me, he panicked, and had to sit down and stare between his feet. His breath started to speed up.
It's always been really hard for me to feel... to look at a woman, or a man, and want... I'm not normal. He shook his head. It was all weighing on him. He remembered why he had been exiled. He remembered Cella. He remembered the disgusted looks on all their faces. Afraid of the wound he was opening, he shifted the subject, and looked up at her, his eyes pleading. When you hit your head, I was fucking terrified that was it. That you weren't going to wake up, and I wouldn't have you in my life anymore, and I wouldn't be able to see you have kids again, and it... His mouth opened, but no words came. He thought of her there, motionless. He remembered how scared he was that one more rattled breath would be her last. Look I'm fucked up, and I can't feel attraction the way other people do. He knew she wouldn't understand why he could feel like that for Zephyr.
But he was scared.
And he didn't know how to tell her he loved her.

As he started talking, her chest swelled with an emotion she couldn't quite explain—it was a good feeling, but one she was not accustomed to feeling. She had not had many things go well for her in her life, and she certainly had never had her feelings for a man reciprocated. But as he continued to speak, she grew more and more confused. He brought up Zephyr, which caused a spike of unwanted jealousy—it was not an emotion she usually wasted time on, nor did she want to feel that way about the woman. She actually had a budding respect for the persistent wolf. Not to mention, she wasn't sure how much she liked being an afterthought. Would he have ever wanted anything more if she hadn't asked for it? 

He confused her further by bringing up how devastated he had been when she injured herself, but then immediately followed it with the admission that he was fucked up and didn't feel attraction the same way. It was all a lot to take in, and she was silent for a long time, offering him only a frown. 

I guess I do not understand what you mean, she finally said. Do you want to be with me or not? she asked. do you feel the same way about me that I feel about you? They were not simple questions to answer by any means, but he could offer her more than just fragments of confusing thoughts for her to try and piece together. It was like her black and white mind was trying to process his rainbow of thoughts and it just wasn't relaying them properly.

He confused the shit out of her and it wasn't her fault. All of his bumbling and panicking just brought a slow frown to her features. Taikon released a long, heavy sigh, unsure how to say what he was trying to say. Taki asked him questions he didn't know how to answer. She didn't understand.
She was extremely direct, and that was something he really appreciated about her. I don't think I can answer those things without talking about it, he said, at a loss of how else to say it. I... have very strong feelings for you, but I don't think they're the same, because I don't feel things the same way as you do, he tried to explain. Tried to say it without saying it.
He sighed again. It wasn't working. How come she could use words so easily and he couldn't? I want to be normal, and be able to look at you and feel... what's the word... desire. But I'm just not wired that way. And I think you deserve someone who is. But I still.. he licked his lips, swallowing harshly. If you don't care about that, then great, but most people really, really do. He frowned. He wanted to touch her, to hold her again, but he knew that she was just as likely to look at him in the same disgusted way that his mother had. He watched her expression, afraid.

She tried to take his answer into her mind and say it back to him so that she could understand and they could be on the same page. You have feelings for me, but they are not sexual feelings? she said slowly. Is that what you mean by desire? She finally took a seat now that she wasn't in fear of the scars on her heart being ripped open again. Honestly, it was hard to see how nervous he was and not reach out and offer affection, but she was still unsure about things. What would that relationship even look like? she continued. Would you not want to have children with me? Really, sex was not an important part of her life. The only time she had ever been with anyone was to procreate, and she had never thought much about it aside from that. But children were a deal breaker for her; she wanted more of them, and if he wasn't willing to have that kind of relationship with her, then she wasn't sure she could make the other stuff work. 

And there was still the Zephyr stuff to discuss—the heated looks that told her a different story about how he felt desire, but one confusing thing at a time.

Somehow, she understood. Somehow, she phrased it in a way that was super easy and he kicked himself mentally for not being able to come up with that. Yeah, that's... that's exactly what I mean, he said. He was holding his head low, looking up at her, ears laid back. Takiyok seemed to digest it, and she didn't look disgusted or angry. His ears perked the moment she mentioned children.
A warm, pleasant smile melted his fear, and as he exhaled he felt incredibly happy that she would even want something like that with him. He couldn't help it. Even though their conversation was very serious, the thought of her having not only children, but his children, was incredible. Of course I would, he answered, lifting his head and putting his nose very slightly toward her. His want to coat her in the most affectionate kisses imaginable was overwhelming, but he held fast. His smile faded, but his expression was far more relaxed.
I think a relationship would look mostly the same as other people, I just won't ever experience sexual feelings for you. I can have sex, he swallowed, thinking of Zephyr. I mean we can build whatever we want to build. I don't really get jealous, so you could... you know... get your needs met elsewhere, he sort of half-laughed out the last words, because he realized it sounded a bit ridiculous. He couldn't get past that she wanted to have kids with him because that was just amazing, and his heart leapt for joy.

He doesn't mean to eavesdrop; he isn't even aware Takiyok and Taikon are nearby, until he hears the distant sound of voices.

He almost turns away. He almost leaves them to their conversation, unwilling to intrude.

"What would that relationship even look like? Would you not want to have children with me?"

Relationship. Children. He freezes, knowing immediately that Takiyok can't be talking to her niece. He knows, at least, that it doesn't work that way. His thoughts race, tuning him out of the conversation, a jumble of growing hurt. It takes a moment for him to remember to listen, to confirm his fears.

"Of course I would —"

He doesn't hear the rest. He doesn't need to. The picture is painted clearly for him, ugly garish colors he never thought he'd see from Taikon. This time the myriad hurts — it isn't beautiful or captivating or comforting. It's daggers in his eyes, the sharp unwinding of the threads wrapped around his heart, snapping and fraying under the friction. Taikon had lied to him. He'd never meant to make anything more of their encounter. Maybe he'd even seduced him on purpose, to ensure their smooth journey out of the mountains. It doesn't matter, now. Zephyr sees the truth, though it hadn't been meant for his eyes.

Taikon is just like Mal. Just like Kavik. Just like every man who has ever walked into his life and promised protection.

And that's okay.

Tears fill his eyes as he turns away, but they never reach his cheeks. This is the way it was meant to be, the wraith mouths to himself as he leaves the scene where he's so starkly out of place. He was never mine.

This is the way of the world, the will of the Daedra — and there is beauty to be found even in the dark bitter blues of heartbreak.

So that was it; he wanted her in all ways except sexually. And when she mentioned children, his demeanor shifted exponentially. The idea of children made his ears lift and a smile lighten up his features. And then he said the one thing that would seal the deal—Of course I would. Her frown softened and she gave him an affectionate look. Then she finally closed whatever distance was between them, placing her head under his chin and nuzzling into his fur. She stiffened a little, though, when he mentioned that she could get her needs met elsewhere. She pulled her head back to look at him, her expression serious. I do not just have sex with men I do not know, she told him, unsure why she needed to even state that. She thought it would be obvious. Nor would I feel comfortable being with someone else. Sex is not that important to me. The only time I have ever been with anyone in that way was to have children. Stigmata and I were close, but it was not like that. She would not be so generous though, but she wondered if she would have to worry about that with him. She studied his face a moment before asking what had been on her mind from the start. But, I saw the way you looked at Zephyr, she said, her expression hardening. That was desire, even though you just told me you did not feel that. So I am confused. Now she looked at him expectantly, feeling she was owed an explanation for whatever was going on between them.

Mature Content Warning

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At last, he felt her against him. She pushed under his chin and he found everything was right with the world. His ears flicked away, and as she stiffened, Taikon looked away toward where he could have sworn he heard something moving. When he didn't see anything, he focused his attention back to her, and found that she had pulled away. She only half-understood what he had meant.
I do not just have sex with men I do not know. He quickly inserted, No I know, nodding profusely, worried he'd lose her again. Takiyok said she wouldn't be comfortable being with anyone else, and his heart sank for a moment. He knew, and he would confirm but he knew this meant that he would not be able to see Zephyr anymore in that way. He dreaded telling him. He recalled briefly what he had said about never feeling a connection like that before, and it crushed Taikon to have to tell him they simply could not follow their hearts.
And then she talked about it. She was confused. Fuck. Of course she knew — he was hardly a subtle beast.
He nodded slowly, and swallowed, looking down briefly. I don't blame you. I... He took a slow, shuddering breath, preparing by closing his eyes. The only way to tell her was to tell her what he had never told anyone. W-when I was a prince, I was betrothed to a very beautiful woman from another kingdom, he started, and this is related, I promise. He exhaled sharply in a hoo, licking his lips. I-I knew that I didn't feel... well really anything with her, not even romantic. And then I m-met... my.. she was a slave, he went on. She was from a band of coyotes that the queen had enslaved, and I felt... I felt that desire with her.
It cut him. Hard. Deep. Remembering Cella was impossible. He hated himself. He'd killed her.
My mother had her killed. Dismembered. She was pregnant. Heat rushed to his cheeks. Soundless tears overflowed. I don't know why I am like this. It's... the.. Zephyr is partly coyote, and that's why I— I can feel that. It's fucked up. I hate it. I want to be normal. He repeated it. I want to be normal.
If he was normal, Cella would still be alive, and he wouldn't have put Takiyok in this stupid, shitty position.
He had more to say, more to tell her. But he shook, almost violently, when he told her about Cella, and couldn't continue. He started his breathing exercise, feeling his body try to hyperventilate.

She had not expected him to go into a story, and it must have showed on her face because he paused and told her that it related to her question. She nodded, feeling helpless as she watched him struggle to tell her his story. He had been betrothed but wanted another—a coyote slave. Then he mentioned that his mother had killed her while she was pregnant. She thought her father was a monster, but his mother was worse, and she hadn't even thought that possible. She knew what it was like to lose children, but not in that capacity. To lose them before they were born—before their tiny cries could be heard when they took their first breath—it was too much to bear. Pain flickered across her gaze, and she tucked her head under his chin once more. Taikon, she said gently. It is okay. She understood now, and she didn't blame him for it. That is an awful thing to go through. It is understandable that you would have trouble moving past it, she explained softly. But it does not change things for me as long as it does not change them for you. She was afraid to pull back. Afraid that this might be the last time she was in this place against him. She buried her face into his fur and breathed in his scent to try and commit it to memory as if it already wasn't.

He didn't mean to shoot for sympathy points. He didn't mean to dump it on her. But it was the only way he could share it and have her understand that he wanted to want her. Cella was the only person on earth that he had been able to love fully and completely, and his doing so had destroyed her and the attempt at a life they wanted to make together. Even now, he blamed himself entirely for what had happened. He knew his mother was a monster, and he had gone through with marrying Cella anyway in secret. He shook. He cried. He had done a lot of crying the past week.
Takiyok's voice was soft. The tenderness in it soothed him as she tucked herself under him once more, and he pressed himself against her, melting into her, losing any facade of eloquence and control he'd been trying to hold onto.
Her northern coat was soft and full and he refused to let go. She said it didn't change anything, but he was so scared that she would need more from him. She would see the way he looked at Zephyr and it would hurt her, and he didn't want that at all. He didn't want to hurt her the way he'd gotten everyone in his life hurt. How are you so wonderful? He thought it, but was unable to make words.
It took him a while to let go and finally find his words again. He slowly broke their embrace. I... It sounds like, he spoke quite slowly as he struggled to maintain the composure he'd just found. You want us to be exclusive. I will tell Zephyr. We.. have a connection. He deserves to know, he said. He didn't like having to sever something that had seemed so promising and demote Zephyr to the friend zone, but Takiyok had been there through thick and thin. Taikon was willing to do whatever he needed to in order to make her happy, even if it meant sacrificing the freedom to explore his heart.

She would allow him to find comfort in her embrace for as long as he needed it. She was quiet while he buried his face in her fur and drew whatever strength he needed from her. She nuzzled the soft fur of his neck soothingly, and it made her realize just how much she had missed their closeness the last few days. 

When he did finally speak again, she found herself conflicted by his words. He was right: she was not okay with him being with anyone else. I am afraid I am far more selfish than you are, she said quietly. I would not be okay with you being with anyone else. I'm sorry. She felt wrong for setting that boundary, but it was the only way this could work. She couldn't bear the thought of him with another. She only hoped he would not grow to resent her for drawing that line. 

As expected, the mention of his connection with Zephyr made hurt swell in her chest. But the feeling was momentarily forgotten when Taikon referred to her as a he. She frowned, wondering if it had been a mistake. He? she asked, a little confused.

Taikon nodded somberly. If monogamy is important to you, then I will be monogamous. He said it plainly, but he really did mean it. He reached out and touched her cheek, just to assure her that this was a leash he was willing to take. Even though he sometimes felt sexual attraction for people who looked like Zephyr, he wasn't the type of person to demand the ability to stray from a relationship. He had been monogamous with Cella. He had really only ever discussed the possibility of other relationship styles with Aphrodite just before she died.
Then, he realized that he hadn't told Takiyok that Zephyr was a boy. He smiled and laughed awkwardly. Ah, right, he shook his head. Zephyr is a woman on the outside but a man on the inside. I forgot to tell you. Which I guess also makes me bisexual or something, I don't know, he explained. Taikon was still trying to figure out what exactly it meant. He was starting to view gender differently and had come to the realization that he had seriously limited the friendships in his life because of some weird facade of gender he'd been holding onto.

It is, she said softly, leaning into his affection. Being with me is worth that much to you? she asked, frowning again. She felt like what she was asking might be a lot for someone who wasn't necessarily monogamous. I do not want you to resent me for it. She didn't want what was between them to turn ugly and painful; that would hurt just as much as him cheating on her.

She stared at him a few moments, blinking a few times as she tried to understand what he was saying. In fact, she was having a hard time understanding. What does that mean? she asked. Until now, she had always thought you were either a man or a woman. Period. She was not sure she could grasp this new definition.

Absolutely, he answered. She was worth more to him than anyone else in the world. He'd followed her for a reason. They'd shared a connection from the beginning. Even though Sagtannet had been a disaster, being up there on the mountain ledge with her in the evenings, talking, sharing their stories of pain and loss and talking about the future, it was more meaningful to him than she might ever know. That part of me isn't something that important. It's way, way more important that we can talk about stuff. You know, openly, like this, he explained, grinning a bit. Even though he wasn't looking forward to telling Zephyr, it was important that he did. Killing something this early shouldn't bring too much heartbreak, he hoped.
Takiyok had trouble understanding what it meant, and he nodded, then shook his head, as though arguing with himself internally. I'm still sort of digesting it myself, he said. But I kind of realized there's really not much difference, so it doesn't matter. He's more comfortable thinking of himself as a man, so, he shrugged, making an apathetic, almost silly face. I'm sure he could explain it better.

His answer was, of course, the right one, and she buried her face in his fur and she tried to push away the doubt in her heart. She wanted to take him at his word, but that had always been difficult for her with anyone. It wasn't even anything that he had done; it was just her own shit that always got in the way of her being completely happy. She refused to let him know the doubt was even there—it would only hurt him to know, and the only thing that could really make it go away was time and watching him keep his word. I enjoy our conversations, she told him pulling back just enough to meet his gaze. I have told you a lot more than I have told anyone in a long time. I have always felt very comfortable telling you things. The hint of a smile played on her lips. She wasn't sure why or how he had managed that, but she was grateful to have him in her life. 

Taki's frown deepened. I suppose he is allowed to feel however he wants, she said, clearly still lost in thought. Do you think you would be attracted to someone who was a man on the outside as well as on the inside? she asked, her tone only curious. He had been wondering whether or not to consider himself bisexual, and she thought answering that question would be a good place to start. And She would make a note to ask Zephyr more about this—some day in the future when tensions wouldn't be so high. She assumed he would not be up to talking much to her right now or any time soon.

She felt warm and soft and right against him. For a moment, he closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment of joy as a world of potential and wonder opened up before them. They had been two lost souls, staggering through a wicked and empty world, but with her he felt home. He breathed softly as she pulled back a touch, smiling with tender, gentle eyes back to her. Me too, he echoed. From the get go, they'd always been able to talk. People always said communication was the key to every successful relationship, and it was a skill he hoped would serve them well as they started a new journey.
Takiyok asked whether he might be attracted to a man on the outside. It was something he had considered ever since Zephyr told him that he was male. Even though it didn't entirely make sense to Taikon, it seemed likely that gender was just not a thing he'd ever had to think about, and so he had always assumed he was mostly straight.
I don't know. I so rarely experience attraction at all that I always just assumed I wouldn't be, but now I feel like that assumption maybe kept me from friendships and experiences. I've always made connections more easily with women, but maybe that's because I treated men differently, I dunno, he answered. He frowned. He was all sorts of confused and didn't know how to answer her properly. Then, he suddenly feared she might have asked for other reasons. That wouldn't change how I feel about you, though, he inserted quickly.

Their feelings were unknowingly aligned: she felt right, pressed against him, sharing their thoughts and talking. It was something she had missed more than she had realized during time she was angry with him. She was now angry with herself for wasting that time, especially after she had come so close to mortally injuring herself. But she was sure it would not be the last time she grew angry with him over something, and she thought it was at least promising that they could discuss it. It was even more promising that she had even felt the need to apologize or look deeper into her anger. There was a time when she would not have done either; she would have been unapologetically ruthless and never looked back. But that was not always the way things should be handled, and it had taken her quite a while to learn that. She was not softer by any means, but she was more willing to see more sides than just her own. 

She listened carefully as he spoke, her mind taking in and processing what he was saying. Like him, she had never put this much thought into gender and sexual preference before, and it was leaving her with a lot of unanswered questions. It seemed he wasn't able to answer her question, but she didn't really blame him. He was just trying to figure all of this out too. When he felt the need to assure her that it wouldn't change how he felt about her if he was bisexual. She nodded a little. I know, she told him gently, although she appreciated him making that a point. I was just curious. I have never given much though to these things. She nuzzled under his chin again. Thank you for saying that, though.

He was thankful she was willing to listen to him babble. Taikon had always been the type of person to consider things carefully and do a lot of thinking when new ideas were presented to him. She seemed satisfied at least that regardless of his sexuality, it wouldn't have an impact on them.
Heh, yeah, I get that, he answered. The only reason he had thought about any of it was because of his strange affliction. Somehow, having her accept him as he was anyway made him feel less ashamed. Neither of them were perfect, even though when he looked at her then, she was. While she nuzzled him, he knew he would never get tired of this. He would never get tired of talking to her, of learning every little new thing about her.
These were the moments he committed himself to her. Despite not outright proposing to stick by her forever, that was exactly what he planned to do. He didn't have the words to say it, and so for the time being, he simply enjoyed her touch.
Finally, he drew back for a moment, looking around, realizing they'd left little Taktuq with Zephyr. Taikon didn't like leaving the two together for extended periods because Taktuq had experienced something very traumatic and needed Takiyok's familiarity. We should get back to them, he said calmly, though he had to rub his eyes with his wrist to clear both tears of joy and sorrow that had been holding on.
They would find that Zephyr was practicing an avoidance strategy upon their return.