Arrow Lake Now we got bad blood

She had mulled it over for long enough; she was most definitely not happy with @Stigmata and his decision to have children with another member of the pack. She knew he had a lot going on, but it wasn't in her nature to keep things to herself when they were bothering her. She, honestly, felt slighted, and for it to come from yet another wolf she trusted so soon after everything that had happened with Sia, it made her wonder if anyone could ever be trusted completely with her loyalty.

So, she searched the territory for him, starting first at the borders and following them on the chance that she might catch him in the middle of a patrol. The longer she walked, the more irritated she became; for his sake, hopefully she found him soon.

it had been rather difficult not to notice takiyok's colder-than-usual temperament as of late, but stigmata hadn't exactly felt inclined to ask about it...

mostly because he had already guessed what her problem was, and had predicted its occurrence quite soon after mating with ketzia. though he couldn't be happier to see her belly round with his seed, imagining this very conversation had made him dread the day she might begin to show.

that time had come and gone some time ago, and it seemed his previous partner had held her rabid tongue for about as long as she could stand it. stigmata paused as the pale storm of a she-wolf descended upon him with an air of authority he mentally shrank away from, and his ears folded backwards in quiet deference to her presence.

for she had been queen first, and continued to reign as the mother of his most prized children.

the general was still fairly irritated over the recent betrayal of diaspora's banished pionier, as well as the further delay of his recruiting trip, but he made a valiant effort to let her be the one that was mad, as she so rightly deserved. he was silent as she took her stance before him, and he pressed his ears forward to hear her every emotion - even the ones hidden in her undertones.

She had never been any good at keeping her anger from radiating out of every part of her body, and there had been plenty of time for hers to build and fester, so she had no doubt the general could sense her state when she finally approached. And, whatever submission she noted in the flattening of his ears did little to mollify her. 

I wasn't aware you had such little respect for me, she started, her voice calm despite her anger. You promised it would be my season and in return I've given you my loyalty and a legacy to inherit Diaspora. Hurt flickered across her expression before she could stop it. And in return, you make me regret trusting that you would keep to your word. That was what stung the most: again she had been let down by someone she trusted more than anyone. He had chipped away at her walls and lured into a false sense of security, and she hated that she had let him. I agreed to share what should have been only for our children with the sea wolves in their time of need, but I'm fairly certain that your upcoming brood was formed out of nothing more than your own selfishness. Maybe it was out of line for her to say it, but she didn't really care right now. You should be focusing your attention on our growing children, and now it will be divided even more. The pups were close to three months old now, and they were supposed to give them their names soon; now it would all be tainted by this, and she wasn't sure she could ever forgive him for that nor could she forgive him for the time they would lose with their father.

as he listened to her, and the bud of irritation he'd felt over the matter blossomed with frightening speed into a full-leafed tree of shame, the ash-plated warden became intensely aware of just what kind of doghouse he'd put himself into. the idea of losing takiyok's trust felt like he was about to be skinned, and all the blood seemed to drain from him, as stigmata seemed to brace for an unspeakable amount of pain.

"you are right," he admitted in a hush. then, louder: "i did not think about you, or our children. i thought only of myself, and what i wanted... i love her, and i could not think past that." stigmata swallowed a dry lump in his throat, counting all the ways he felt guilty.

guilty for hurting takiyok; guilty for not regretting his relationship with ketzia; guilty for not considering the emotional needs of his family.

"try to understand, takiyok. i barely knew my mother, other than that she was cold, and i cannot even tell you what my father's eye color was, let alone what he was like, that is how much i saw of him... but it is just how i was raised."

"so i apologize for failing to see the importance of my presence as a parent. i did not understand or even see all the potential consequences until now. it was beyond my scope to recognize such things, even though they seem so obvious to you... but i am prepared to take responsibility for all of it."

by now he was looking at her feet, head bowed in deference, and ears pinned back in repentance. i did not understand that this could break us. "if i have truly lost your trust, then my next action will be to retire as general, so that i might dedicate myself wholly to earning it back."

She was surprised to hear him agree with her. She had expected an argument or possibly even some kind of reprimand for the way she had spoken to him, both of which she was prepared for; she was not, however, prepared for him to see the error in what he had done. Honestly, it caught her off guard a little, and she just stared at him for a few moments, a hint of suspicion in her expression. She also hadn't been aware of the extent of his feelings for Ketzia, which maybe softened her anger a fraction, not that she would admit it. Plus, it didn't really change why she was mad about the whole thing. Love or not, it was still one more thing demanding his attention. 

She could understand, probably more than most, how the way he had been raised had not really prepared him for any of this. But, she couldn't help but think about how growing up under her own cruel father hadn't hindered her parenting skills. It was quite the opposite, actually; she had always promised herself that she would do things differently. She wasn't lenient by any means, but she was always involved and was never afraid to show her children how much she loved them. Still, she could sympathize with Stigmata, especially since it seemed he really did feel guilty. She could probably forgive him with some time, provided he actually made an effort. 

Apologies typically meant little to her. Everyone always apologized, but it rarely ever went beyond words. So, her expression hardened at his words initially, and she was about to suggest that he prove his sincerity to her, but then his body language shifted, and she froze. Clearly, she hadn't quite understood just how much all of this meant to him. Had this been almost anyone else, she would have gladly accepted the submission, but that wasn't what she wanted from him; she cared about him even if she was beyond pissed about his bad decision, and all she wanted was for him to respect their bond and understand how important his role as a parent was. She had yet to say anything, since she had mostly been trying to process his reaction, but when he proposed that he step down from leading Diaspora, she quickly shook her head and took a few steps back. No. She shook her head again. No. I would never ask that of you. He knew her well; she had to admit. Just an apology wouldn't have fixed things. Diaspora and being its general was everything to him, and to hear him offer to sacrifice his position to repair things between them was...too much. She didn't think she could forgive herself if she let him do that. If he hadn't already raised his gaze to meet hers, she would chuff impatiently for him to do so. You're...my family now, she said, somewhat awkwardly. She didn't like having to talk about how she felt, and calling him family meant more than he probably even knew. But, I won't lie. It will take some time to completely trust you again. Unfortunately, she couldn't help how she felt, and she knew that, no matter how much she cared about the general, it would take a while for the doubt to go away. Just continue to be there for the children, and I'll eventually come around. Her gaze softened as she spoke. Sia flashed through her mind, then: she really hoped things wouldn't end up the way they had with her brother. Hopefully, Stigmata wouldn't make her regret this.