Ocean's Breath Plateau Hold My Breath For the Tide

Massaraq breathed. Since @Towhee had all but carried him back to the plateau he had recovered from the most acute of his injuries - slaked his thirst and even bolted down a rabbit or two. The wound on his side had closed enough for him to move and knew that he should either speak to @Rodyn about staying longer or no longer press upon Moontide's hospitality. And yet. He stared out at the ocean, barely seeing it, he could not tell whether the tide washed in or out. Towhee had left and @Rolayne too, he had stayed with @Panuk and yet the pup was more capable of running around than him in his state.

Ajei's feather which had been a familiar flutter of color behind his ear was gone now and he could almost see them, Ajei, Arrluk, Massaraq all looking out onto the water and playing in the surf as if no time at all had passed. And yet here he was in the distance. He wanted to go back.

The water washed over the sand and the sea breeze ruffled his fur and yet he could not help but feel as if it barely had to go around him at all, it simply kept flowing - as if he were nothing. Perhaps it was not such a bad thing. And yet he wanted...he wanted to be something, brother, friend, son, words were ungainly things and they say heavy in his head until the tide dislodged them and his mind was empty again.

He should go back. He wanted to go back. He should speak to Rodyn. He should properly thank Towhee for probably saving his life and putting up with whatever delirious nonsense he might have said on the way back. He should move. Maybe tomorrow.

made a few assumptions lmk if I should change anything!

A other of Kukutux's brood was ensconced in the moontide borders. While Rodyn's own child was upon the spear. Part of him wanted to rush back to the spear. And demand @Rolayne come home and @Sialuk bring him. And yet he also knew the boy and maybe even Sia needed this. So he tried to be patient even though it hurt.

Because he knew there was a chance Rolayne wouldn't come home. And he felt grief stricken all over again and worthless. Feelings he was growing accustomed to feeling.

Hw found the boy no now a man looking out over the sea. A despondent expression on his face. He settled beside the young man. It was unusual to see him without the black and white of Arrluk or the firebird of Ajei.

Hey. he spoke softly. The words stirring the silence.

tags for reference

Massaraq recognized the alpha of Moontide a tip of his head and he glanced briefly to the sea again. Solitude felt empty and hollow and yet the presence of someone else felt like sandpaper to his skin. "Rodyn, I." A faint smile, a motion that had been so free and easy and genuine in his youth and now curled politely over his lips instinctively.

He queried, going for polite, in his heart wanting to ask so much more. Had his anaa been there? Had Ajei and Arrluk? How were they? Had Kassuq returned from his own journey. Instead, he settled upon something else. "How was the hunt? I hope I'm not an inconvenience here I can leave soon..." He trailed off, not quite able to hide his own hesitation and uncertainty. He was not sure if he was ready to go back but nor was he ready to leave and not go back, to head out into the world again. To be asked a third time if he could go home and have to answer that it was him, that he felt he could not. And he cursed himself for saying such at all, as if by speaking it he had made it true.

Sadness clung to thr boy. A deep melancholy that Rodyn didn't care for. Hut he couldn't growl him. He himself csrried much melancholy as of late.

There were a lot of new faces and ild. Your psrents. Your brother Arrluk, Ariadne and the daughter of shikoba. So many more besides. We hunted well

Rodyn smiled. You stay as long as your heart desires. It is no easy task going from boyhood to manhood.

The news of his family made him ache all anew, life had gone on in his absence and he would not have it any other way, was glad of it, and yet it hurt. "I'm glad, it's a good thing headed into the winter." He settled on that because it was what was expected, they were words he could imagine his tataa saying.

The alpha of Moontide's words released a worry in his heart, a fear of being chased away from here. And yet they did not serve to hasten his steps back to a home he did not know would claim him or he be able to claim it. "Thank you. I...I don't know if. What kind of man I'm going to be. I dreamed, but I dreamed of nothingness, emptiness. I don't know" I don't know if when I go back what my anaa will see in me - if she will see right into the heart of me like she always seemed to be able to do and see that there is nothing. I fear that Ajei and Arrluk will see it too. I don't know what is wrong with me that I am empty inside.

He breathed a quiet fear that roared nonetheless like the swell of the ocean waves crashing onto the shore, easily forgotten, impossible to resist. "What does that say about me as a man?" He ventured a glance towards the other wolf. The man who had loved his sea-sister so well that he had built a village for her, a strong village that still mourned her passing. Stories of the trials for his bride price were not easily lost with all that he had gathered for Samani and more beyond that after their marriage. Massaraq was becoming a man yes, and yet he was young and new to it and a small part of him still hoped that answers could be found by those older and more experienced than he. But what kind of man would he be if he had nothing to give? His family, his friends, perhaps one day a husband or wife.

There was no warmth behind his praises.  Rodyn felt bad for the youth. The inbetween stages were always hard. New things awoke inside you and sometimes you grew faster than your siblings in different ways.

Rodyn hmmed. I don't deign to know all there is of your mother's tribe. But in this case I wouldn't think of it as emptiness, but as blank. You are lucky in the regard that perhaps you can make your own destiny. It isn't chosen for you. Just a realm of possibilities. That is how I would choose to interpret it, were I, you


Rodyn thought of Samani then. And he hoped he could help her brother. That he was saying right things for him.

As a man, I would say you are loyal. You are wholesome and familial, steadfast. You worry and love them.

He was stumbling over his own words and then Rodyn's for there was wisdom in them and yet a reticence in Massaraq, to let go of the overwhelming waves of fear and anger too that came from too long lingering on the precipice. But these were things that he could not say even if he tried for how could one say nothing at all? Choose to interpret it - as if there was a choice, as if the answer did not already lay in the hollow feeling in his belly that he could not fill no matter how much he ate or how much he drank or how far he roamed. And yet truth - or maybe he simply wanted the words to be true - that his future was still a thing he coud have a hand in writing, that he had not disappeared like he had feared, that he still had things to offer like loyalty and love.

Water slapped across the shore breaking him out of a moment's reverie. "I...hope so. Perhaps not so much of late, having been gone." A trace of humor had slipped into his words, half performance half genuine in its discomfort a desire to slip on something even if ill-fitting to hide in. But his journey had not been short.

Rodyn smiled. You know i wondered for over half a year before i made my home here and met your family. And in that time i felt quite empty and unfulfilled. But.

He winked and then looked out iver the water. It does get better. I promise.

No matter what he had been through, even Samani's death. He had no regrets. None.

He might have been incredulous that a wolf who had faced what Rodyn had could say those words, and yet he trusted in the depths and considered and weighed the possibility there. But still felt himself floundering there. "The world willing."

"I was watching @Panuk...how are they?" He asked, because for as briefly as he had known his sister the pair were still his nephews. Since he had been small Massaraq had always felt he had more family than he knew what to do with and though the absence of his sister weighed on him he had not felt like he was missing playmates or friends or parental figures in his life. But he also could not imagine growing up without his anaa.

the temptation to have the dialogue just be "or take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them" XD

[ooc] I know what you mean. [/ooc[

Rodyn had been in a weird place when he left home. But where Massaraq and Arrluk and all the other boys could leave in peace and return home. Rodyn had not been able too and it had not been a peaceful leaving. His father had literally rendered flesh from his son to chase him from the packlands, because he was of sexually maturity and all the Ardeth boys were cursed to this existence. Except for Rodyn's he refused to do that with his children.

Rodyn nodded his head. Both boys are good, but handling everything differently. Panuk is quiet, reserved. And Rolayne is wild. I worry for them and I hope that I can be what they need.

The sound of the waves soothed his background thoughts as he let himself sink into the present moment and respond evenly. "it's a natural thing to worry for your kids. But the fact that they grow into their own personalities seems to show you are giving them opportunity to thrive." Different wolves responded to things differently and yet it seemed tragedy so often broken them along old tried and true fault lines.

Rodyn nodded and shifted. He stood carefully and looked over the younger man.

I will leave you to your thoughts. And I hope you realize how much all of us seen in you. It is okay sometimes to lean on others until you can find yourself. And please stay as long as you want or need too.

Then he smiled and if there was no stopping he would go to his children.