Phoenix Maplewood I don't feel connected to all of your lies.

Etienne searched. It was another day. He had been closer to the creek and had saw nothing. Not even a scent of @Anselm remained. So he had come this way. He didn't think the mountain man would come this way, but perhaps.

He thought if @Druid gone and his own paw the harbinger of her destruction. Even if he hadn't bitten her or given her the sickness. He had given her a means to be out of this world. He had given her a reason to leave her children behind.

And @Heda gone. Her he could not draw pity for she ruined all she touched it seemed. But he could feel a slight bit of empathy even if she was a victim of her own self inflicted damage. There came a time when you stopped being a victim, pitiful and morose. Even Etienne had to do so.

He stood in the Maplewood ears splayed out a sadness in his chest. A sick welling of despair in his very bones.

What was he even doing here?

He threw back his head and howled as loud as he could. Putting every single ounce of every single feeling into it. Every single one that had plagued him for days, weeks, months, years. His throat hurt. His chest hurt. His eyes blurred. He would collect himself and head back to swiftcirrent, hopefully a little lighter. Because sometimes even the world has to scream. It's why they have thunderstorms.

Had to get this angsty confusing thread out for Etienne. All tags are references only, but they can answer of course though I am unsure how he would behave. Honestly
I'm not sure if this even makes sense hmm.

With yesterday’s exchange still fresh in his mind, Cambria found himself moving further afield, purportedly widening his patrol route. His thoughts wandered along with his feet, the yearling pondering how pack life had changed him. Once, he would not have hesitated to help a stranger. Nowadays, it was as though his altruistic nature had withered.

Or maybe you’re just saving it for your pack, he mused under his breath, slowing to a pause near where the grass of the plains gave way to the rocky terrain of the moraine. I’m not sure… he continued talking to himself, only the words drifted into silence as a howl rose into the air.

It wasn’t unusual to overhear howls in this wilderness, though there was something about this one that made his hair raise. The yearling proceeded stiff-legged across the rugged path, mismatched gaze honed on the forest over yonder as the wolf’s voice hit a lachrymose crescendo before falling away into ringing silence.

Cambria halted at the tree line, his earlier thoughts still swirling. Did this caller need help? He sounded distressed but not necessarily urgent. What drove the yearling into the trees was perhaps less an effort to resume his former altruism than a sort of morbid curiosity about who’d made that sound and why.

The silence rang with his last call and Etienne stood, breathing slightly heavy. Then he felt a bone crushing anger that he was in this situation. How dare any of them put him there? Then overwhelming grief. He ran the gambit of emotions in seconds and it left him exhausted. he sort of slumped into himself, even if he were standing firm.

Then a noise and he drew himself to his full height and searched for the noise maker themselves. Golden eyes narrowed. Slightly shamefaced that he had been caught losing himself in a way.

There were a great many leaves carpeting the forest floor. When Cambria noticed this, his eyes flung upward to behold the splendorous foliage here. He actually stopped to marvel a moment, wondering how he hadn’t noticed it at first. But then he remembered what had brought him into these woods, so he dropped his gaze back to terra firma and resumed his inquisitive prowl.

He pushed through some dense undergrowth, frowning when he felt some burdocks latching to his pale chest. Cambria paid them little heed now as he struggled through the underbrush, a rather noisy affair. Eventually, he decided to leap over the remaining snares of twigs and other herbage.

He cleared it, eyes assessing his new accouterments. The yearling felt a good shake was in order, though before he could fling the detritus from his pelt, his mismatched eyes peered ahead. They fixed on a figure and Cambria went suddenly very still.

It wasn’t the surprise of seeing him there—the Dragonling quickly recovered from that—but the stranger’s magnificence that snatched Cambria’s breath from his throat. He had never seen such beautiful, striking markings. His coat immediately reminded the native islander of a sandy beach. His eyes were as golden as a molten sunset over the sea. He was trim, with sharp features and a heaviness on his face that didn’t take away from his handsomeness.

Cambria had never felt so utterly transfixed by someone before. He continued standing there, admiring the feathers wound so deliberately in the man’s furs even as he forgot entirely about the litter strewn in his own.

The leaves kept the sun away from the world. It cradled Etienne in it's embracing shadows and he reveled in it. However, the dappled sun left a carpet of colors and his entire body and his soul they ached. Gods they ached. And yet.

A nearby noise and masked face lifted up and he stared, golden eyes on the foliage and what ever was about to come near him. A shift of his paws and he watched and he waited. Wondering should he run?

Etienne stared back. A sunrise eye and a ocean eye. But not just any part of the ocean. The deep dark parts that you didn't swim in, because you knew, you knew something lurked there. Something that could pull you in and never let you go. It was a strange combination, but it lightened the ivory man's countenance further.

A tilt of a colored ear. 'ello. I be Etienne.

The shadows shifted on the stranger’s face just before he opened his mouth to speak. Cambria blinked, realized he was staring, and felt a warm flush tingle from the crown of his head all the way to the tip of his tail. Swiftly if reluctantly, he averted his eyes. He hoped the man knew he’d only looked so long out of pure captivation, not to present a challenge, although that thought sent another wave of heat sizzling down his spine.

He drew in a sharp breath at the stranger’s—no, Etienne’s—exotic brogue. The yearling’s stomach did a strange little swoop. He glanced upward again, a mildly stunned expression on his face, before dropping his two-toned eyes back to the carpet of colorful leaves on the forest floor.

I, he made to reply, only to realize the words caught in his throat and tripped oddly off his tongue, I be Cambria.

The instant the words left his mouth, he flushed more intensely than ever. His skin must be red hot under his pale fur. Why had he said it that way? Etienne might think he was ridiculing him, when it was the last thing Cambria intended to do. The yearling was mortified, his tongue curling against the roof of his mouth as he visibly cringed.

Etienne didn't understand why this wolf was staring at him. Had he been crying so hard that it was obvious even as the shadows shifted. He rubbed a paw over his cheek, smoothing down the fur there in case of.

A tilt of his head. Perhaps this one had never heard the way he spoke. It was a thing sometimes. His dialect and his accent was jarring to those that were not used to it.

Nice to meet you, Cambria. There was a small ruffling of his fur, but he ignored it. Perhaps the young man hadn't realized he essentially copied Etienne. Based on the way he cringed away. A small laugh, kind and lyrical.

Wut you be doin' out 'ere?

If Etienne found the faux pas distasteful, he didn’t give any indication. The little laugh that escaped him warmed Cambria’s belly, untying the knot there. He still felt a little mortified, though he marshaled his courage and glanced upward to catch a glimpse of the other man’s expression right as Etienne spoke again. His voice cast cast another spell over the yearling.

I, he began haltingly once more, though the words flowed out of him a little more naturally now as he explained, I thought I heard someone in distress. I wanted to make sure they were alright…

He trailed off for a moment, sucking in a breath. Although the puffiness of his face didn’t detract from Etienne’s handsomeness, it was very obvious he’d been the source of the anguished sounds. Part of Cambria wanted to offer the man his discretion and privacy. Another yearned to step forward and do what he could to comfort him.

Was that you? he asked, though they both knew it was rhetorical. He was quick to add in a slightly softer voice, Are you alright?

Etienne tilted am ear forward. Masked eyes studying the other wolf cloaked in sea foam in front of him. Eyes like pools and sunrises. For a fleeting moment. He thought of how Anselm's eyes were like that. Sunrise, but frosty morning cloaked. This one had a warmer countenance.

A sharp toothed smile. A self deprecating laugh and a nod. All in a matter of second. He sighed none weary and tired, but he shrugged his leaner shoulders. The Feathers at his throat bobbed in rhythm of his movements.

Dat was indeed me. And no I not be okay, but someday I will. Dere be a lot in dis ones personal life dat be chaos on a good day and hell on a bad.

The yearling absently brushed some debris from his fur as his attention remained riveted upon Etienne. He didn’t seem particularly embarrassed to be caught in such a vulnerable moment, nor did he try to pretend that he was okay. Cambria marveled at his candor. He wanted to know so much more, though only if Etienne wanted to share.

Do you want to talk about it?

He had never been a particularly talkative wolf and he certainly didn’t like small talk very much. But he liked to listen. Often, he learned this way. But this wasn’t a teachable moment, so to speak. He offered his ears for Etienne’s benefit, hoping he could lift some of the invisible weight sagging his—Cambria couldn’t help notice they were nicely chiseled—shoulders.

Etienne always felt things largely. And he saw no reason to hide that part of himself from anyone. He had done so and look at the pain it had invoked.


Etienne's ears pushed forward and he blinked surprised. And weighed his response. When was the last time with the exception of Suzu had anyone asked him such a thing.

Eti was lean and rangey. He ran daily and swam daily. He preferred an active life.

Dere is not muc' to say. I 'ad a friend dat recently died and an otter dat disappeared. I can't imagine 'im jest leavin' but 'im did.

Despite mentions of chaos and hell, Etienne insisted there wasn’t much to say. Cambria’s lips parted, then pressed together again. He wouldn’t push. But then Etienne offered some details that made the yearling’s heart sink. He couldn’t just sympathize, he could empathize.

I’m sorry, he said, aware it was a platitude. Being left behind is such a terrible feeling, whether or not it can be helped, Cambria said, picturing his own mother’s face before banishing it from his mind. Losing two loved ones at once sounds unbearable, he continued, although I suppose there’s hope you’ll see one of them again.

He tentatively moved closer, until only a few feet spanned between them. Cambria had no idea what he was doing—all of this was completely unprecedented—until he was doing it. He balanced his weight on three legs as he raised a foreleg to reach for Etienne’s shoulder, though he paused to ascertain the man’s permission before making contact.

Etienne didn't wish to burden a stranger with his own darkness. Nor did he want to get into much detail about what was said when Anselm did leave about Etiennes own proclivity.

Etienne smiled sadly. It is true. But I spose it is only deserved. I was de leaver one time. And I left dose I loved be'ind. A shake of his head.

'e made sure to tell me he wanted not'in' to do wit' me before 'e left.

Etienne's eyes narrowed and his nares blew wide. But he didn't move at first. But realizing his reaction could be considered cruel. He pressed forward until a lean paw lay on swimmers shoulder.

Etienne let slip a few more details. Before Cambria could truly process what he’d said, his pale paw pressed against a lean shoulder. The yearling sucked in a breath so sharply, it was audible. His cheeks heated again. He swallowed, resisting the urge to snatch his paw away and retreat. It helped when he hesitantly looked into Etienne’s face.

He saw sadness there, though a lot of warmth too. He didn’t seem to mind Cambria’s touch. And as the yearling’s embarrassment lessened, he realized his body was tingling. It wasn’t just his paw or even his leg. Every single inch of skin seemed to hum pleasantly, originating from their point of contact.

I’ve never felt anything like this before, he mumbled to himself without thinking.

Realizing he’d spoken aloud, he went very still and reconsidered fleeing the scene. Yet Cambria couldn’t have pulled his paw away even if he wanted. It felt like there was a magnetic force within Etienne that held him in place. To test that theory, he shifted his paw ever so slightly up and down, essentially rubbing the other man’s shoulder.

He looked a little anxiously at Etienne’s face now, wondering if this was okay.

Etienne didn't move. He wasn't sure what the other young man had wanted exactly. But he offered his physical touch. And waited.

A small shift at the boys gasp. Etienne was now unsure what had just been thought of ti get a reaction. He could imagine he supposed he knew the feeling of such things.

Etienne looked at him and gave a wry chuckle. A shoulder? It be a swimmers one. I be from de ocean.

Etienne didn't move though he was surprised at the boldness of the youth. He also didn't mind exactly. He was kind. And at the moment it was only a touch of comfort. So he let it go for now.

So Cambria. Wut did my cry interrupt? Were you busy?

Did he feel it too? Cambria didn’t have to wonder long. His paw stilled at Etienne’s quip, realizing it wasn’t mutual. Feeling more self-conscious than ever, he broke his own spell by letting his leg fall away. He took a step back, just glad that Etienne didn’t seem put out by his peculiar behavior.

I’m sorry, he repeated his earlier words, now with an entirely different tone. I don’t…

He didn’t know what to say. Cambria couldn’t explain his feelings to himself, much less somebody else. If Etienne wasn’t bothered now, that might change if the yearling tried to tell him about his powerful attraction. He wasn’t particularly adept at social norms, though even Cambria knew that was far too forward.

Ah, he replied when questioned, you didn’t interrupt anything. He paused, brow suddenly furrowing. Wait, Cambria blurted softly, did you say your friend told you he wanted nothing to do with you before he disappeared?

How could someone say something so mean to someone like Etienne? Cambria felt an entirely disproportionate surge of anger at this nameless, faceless friend. He might’ve only known him for a handful of minutes, though the Dragonling felt dead certain the man before him deserved nothing but kindness.

Etienne wouldn't deny that the other male was lovely to look at. His two eye colors were fascinating. He liked them. And the contrast with his eyes and his fur was a big one that he enjoyed.

A soft sound left Etienne as the youth removed his paw. He was on the verge of eyes closing, bliss. But He supposed his moment and his joke had fallen flat. Etienne knew that sometimes his family's attitude tended to come out in him. It just wasn't often.

For wut? Did I say not too? Did I tell you I disliked it? Non. I was fine. I was merely teasin' you.

A soft smile. it 'as been a long time since anyone 'as touc'ed me in kindness.

Etienne let a small wry chuckle leave him. 'eard dat did you? But yes 'e did. But dere is more to it dan dat.

Etienne's brow furrowed and he settled to his haunches. I be a gay wolf. I do not like women for anyting but family and friends. And dis wolf I love 'im big. Bigger dan dey sky. But 'e did not like dis about me. And I left first to try and keep my love to myself. But w'en i return. 'e was very angry. As was 'is rite. But the ting I tink dat bodder 'im dey most is my proclivity for men.

Etienne shrugged his shoulders then. A small sad smile on his face. He did not hide himself from others anymore and if they did not like this about him. Well.

Etienne’s next words struck Cambria like lightning. He immediately wanted to touch him again, especially when Etienne admitted he hadn’t been touched in kindness in quite some time. The yearling would happily rectify that, though he was so shocked by the other man’s blunt words, his brain misfired. And by the time he thought to make another move, Etienne began speaking of his fallout with his friend.

He revealed so much in just a few sentences, Cambria struggled to comprehend. His heart did a little leap when Etienne admitted he was gay, then dropped like a stone when he said he was in love with his friend. Oh, was pretty much the only coherent thought in the yearling’s mind for several beats.

There were so many different things he could—he should—say in reply to such revelations, though Cambria felt momentarily tongue-tied. In lieu of words, he offered his touch again. It felt so natural to reach out and replace his paw on Etienne’s shoulder, then slide it further around the muscular curve of his shoulder blades. The yearling drew himself closer, until his leg draped over his back and their sides touched.

The youth was near him pretty quickly. And Etienne wasn't entirely certain what to do or say further. He had bared his soul in a way and he was still sort of gathering that to himself and of himself.

Etienne didn't move he accepted the young man's touch and his forearm heavy over shoulders. And he tilted his head.

I am sad, because I am tryin' to get over 'im. But also dere is muc' going on everyw'ere it is 'ard.

Etienne's fur ruffed at his neck. Tell me more about yourself den. You 'ear all about me.

He could feel the rise and fall of Etienne’s breaths, even the dim thump of his heartbeat. Cambria had never held someone so intimately. It was at once comforting and overwhelming. He still hadn’t found the right words to say and didn’t feel like they were going to come to him anytime soon. He only hoped his touch sufficed, in the meantime.

When Etienne spoke again, he felt that too: a low rumble. He said he was still trying to get over his friend. Cambria wondered why he felt so attached to someone who didn’t like him for who he was; who’d told him he didn’t want anything to do with him; who’d evidently walked out of his life, probably without remorse.

Your friend sounds like a di— He caught himself, sipped in a breath before he could say “dipshit” and instead finished, —ngus. I know I don’t really know you but you… You’re stunning. You deserve better.

He left it at that. This friend really did sound like a dipshit, though Etienne cared for him and so Cambria didn’t want to start slinging insults. Besides, he wasn’t really one for that sort of thing. He would rather focus on the man in front of him, not the faceless one somewhere off in the distance behind Etienne.

There’s not much to tell, he said when Etienne coaxed him to talk about himself. I was born on an island, where I lived with my mother until she just left one day. I found my way off the island and somehow manage to survived on my own, wandering around and trying to learn everything I could. I only recently joined a pack for the first time. Do you know of Redtail Rise?

Etienne didn't mind silence. It was actually usually something preferred when you were lost in your own feelings and had no where to turn or any idea what to do with them. And he didn't know. Lost at sea as he was.

Etienne could no more answer the questions that this man would have asked him than he could answer his own. He regular asked himself how he could care so deeply for someone who couldn't stand him. Who hated teh very air he breathed or at least so it seemed. But there it was. His quandary.

A soft laugh. 'e can be yes. A soft intake of breath and leave it out shakier, but okay. T'ank you.

A smile. I be livin' near dey ocean, it w'ere i grew up. Noting quite like de sea. Ah yes I know Redtail Rise. My manman er mama 'ad a friend dere and my brudder, Reiki 'e live dere or did. I 'ave not seen 'im in sometime. And 'e did not know me very well. Golden eagle stole 'im w'en we were very young and den 'e was dropped dere and dey took good care of 'im.

Cambria couldn’t get enough of Etienne’s accent. It required some extra effort to parse some of his words, though the Dragonling didn’t mind that. He found the older man’s voice just as riveting as his physique, particularly when he shared such compelling details about his life.

Wow, he survived that? That’s… Had anyone else made that claim, he might’ve even said it was outlandish, but Cambria absolutely believed Etienne. I haven’t met anyone named Reki, although I don’t know everybody’s given names. Not many of them talk, you see.

Maybe that was another reason he found himself enjoying Etienne’s company so much. Even the Redtails who could speak didn’t often exercise the ability. Cambria might consider Mulherin his closest confidante, though more often than not, they spent their time in companionable silence.

Where exactly do you live, Etienne? the yearling asked. Maybe we could visit one another sometime.

His cheeks warmed again. The thought of parting ways made his stomach feel hollow, especially if there was any possibility they may not cross paths again. Although he did not think his strong attraction was mutual—especially seeing as Etienne had declared himself in love with another—it did nothing to deter the young male’s desire to keep this man in his life in any capacity.

A twitch of an ear. A soft breathy noise. Etienne listened and accepted and wondered. He was not sure of whether the youth could understand him. His words required a listening ear. But Cambria seemed to have such things and he appreciated it.

Etienne nodded his head. Yes 'e did. But we are strong our family. Born of queens and pirates. De sea both loves and 'ates us. I am not surprised. I am not even sure, Reki is still dere. We were not close after dat tragedy. We did not find out 'e was dere for sometime and as suc' 'e did not know us nor remember us.

Etienne chuckled. i be livin' in Swift Current Creek. I 'elp my sister Suzu take care of 'er 4 little ones. Der dad is well. 'e is dere for now. We be seein' 'ow 'e be doin'. 'e better do rite by dem all.

You can be visiting me. I be fine wit' dis.

Etienne lived near a creek, along with his sister and her children. He mentioned their father and Cambria idly noted that those pups had two father figures, when he’d never had one. That made his mind then wander to little Ruckus, which made his chest ache. He missed the little tyke.

He said nothing about his wandering thoughts, instead saying, Whereabouts is the creek? I don’t know exactly when I’ll be able to spare the time but I’d definitely like to stop by and see you.

Part of him wanted to offer to walk Etienne home, though Cambria knew that was impractical. The yearling ought to start heading back to the rise sooner than later, though he found himself utterly reluctant to call a close to their rendezvous.

And if you’re ever in the neighborhood, you can call for me at the rise, he said, trying to ease the transition of parting ways. And because it bore repeating, I definitely want to see you again, Etienne.

Etienne had never had a father figure either. And he didn't know if a father was truly that important. After all, they had all turned out fine hadn't they? For the most part.

Between de valley and 'ere. We near a pack called Kvarsheim.

Etienne smiled. I be never far. And if I get dat way. I will look you up. I wander a lot.

he did not say in search of something, but he didn't even know what anymore.