Redhawk Caldera The Mountain

@Maia

Dwin had been quiet ever since she had returned home from her trip with Sylvie. They had had to cut it short due to unforeseen circumstances and it seemed as if her sister was quite content to enjoy the simple pleasures of a peaceful domestic life. Her younger sister on the other hand felt differently. Physically Dwin was home, participating in all of the tasks and duties a wolf her age was expected to fulfill, but her thoughts often were eslewhere. She revisited all the people she had met along the way, but most often she found herself sitting on that beach next to Val and talking about life.

She missed him. Make no mistake - she was not in love with him, long gone were the days, when she had nurtured innocent crush on the older man. Rather his views and his opinion and the way the conversations with him challenged her made her realize the extent of, what she was missing out on, while remaining at Brecheliant. At times Dwin felt as if she was one of the Big fish forever trapped in the lake at the caldera - they would live out all their lives and never once wonder, what else was there in the world. But she knew. And she craved for the experiences and knoweldge that her home could never fully satisfy. 

Splash. She pushed a rock in the water and watched it send ripples across the mirror like surface of the lake. If only difficult decisions in life were just as easy to make as sending this rock down to the bottom of the lake. 

thanks for starting!! <3 I’ve been meaning to get us one up too

Maia could tell that Ceridwen was quieter after she and Sylvie had returned from their trip. Sylvie had told them about some of it but hadn’t hinted at anything going wrong or being wrong, so Maia didn’t press her daughter for answers. Maybe she was just tired from the travel!

The Auspex kept herself busy hunting, sharing time with her mate and children, and thinking about spring. The weather was turning. Soon everything would become more lively.

Today she sought out Ceridwen, spotting her daughter near the edge of the water. Maia watched her for a quiet moment. She was clearly deep in thought, and Maia felt a slight twinge of foreboding. She had an idea of what this was about.

Hey. You mind if I join you? She asked lightly, keeping any trace of that worry from showing.

"Of course not," Dwin smiled at Maia, who had startled her a little, because she had not heard her coming. Even though there was enough space on the ledge for both of them, she moved to the side to give her mom just as a good viewpoint over the lake. "Waking the fish up," she explained and sent another rock flying down in the water and then offered Maia to do the same. "Last week there was still ice and I found some dead fish lying on the shores elsewhere," she told. "None of the big guys, though - I hope they pulled through," she told. 

For a moment there Dwin thought she saw movement in the water, her body tensed, ears perked up and her gaze followed the underwater shadow intently. But then it was gone and she was left wondering, if she had simply imagined seeing it. It could happen, if you wished too hard for something. "How's..." dad doing? Dwin paused and decided to ask something else. "How are you doing?" because from her point of view Maia was so invested in caring for her aging spouse and tending for needs of others that it could may as well be that no one had asked this to her in a very long time.

Maia smiled when Dwin elaborated, looking at the water. I’m sure they did. It would take more than a little ice to stop some of them. Immediately her own mind wanted to go on a tangent. What if some of the bigger fish weren’t just fish, but something else? A story maybe…

But she’d wait on that. Her daughter was asking how she was. Maia didn’t register that she’d almost asked something else, though she did think a moment on the answer. I’m doing fine. she responded honestly. I’m glad you and Sylvie had a good trip and came back safe. Things are quiet here, I know, but I don’t think that’s the worst thing. Maia looked at the water again, hesitating. Maybe she shouldn’t say more.

She did owe her children honesty though. I miss your brothers and sisters. I’m so glad that Chickadee stayed close enough to visit, but I wonder how they are. Jay, Aiden, Hymnal, Frolic and Callahan. Ani’s dad came looking for her a little while ago. I wish I could have told him she was safe. The not knowing was the worst part.

Silently she thought of Jasmine, Diantha, and Roswell too. Ceridwen had never met them and likely never would, but she hoped they were happy somewhere. They weren’t hers to claim as children but that didn’t stop her from loving them like they were her own, even after all this time.

Boring is safe. It is stable. Dwin thought to herself, sometimes really wishing that she had had a chance to meet Maia in her youth. Before she had settled down and traded life of adventure to the duck-pond life here was. How could it be that she never felt the urge to go out in the world again. Surely it could not be so that she considered having seen enough of it already?

"Mom... I won't stay in Brecheliant," Dwin spoke out loud the decision that she had made a long time ago. "I am this angry, broody, distrustful person, when I am here," she said. "And I am not like that, when I am not here. During my trip I met so many interesting people and there is so much for me to learn still," she told. 

"There... there can't be any progress, if one stands still. I have had a feeling that there is sort of an expectation for me to step up eventually, but I... I cannot do a job out of duty and loyalty alone. I could, but that would mean giving up on something very important for me," she told. "I want to find the path that is my own. And... unfortunately... it's not here. Has not been for a while now," she finished, avoiding Maia's gaze and looking out in the distance.

Well, this was…. Not unexpected. Abrupt, maybe. Maia let Ceridwen finish, quietly allowing the words to settle. She didn’t want to respond with her first instinct, which was always going to be to hold them close. That wasn’t her decision to make, and as much as it hurt to hear this now, like this, immediately after the things she’d just shared, Maia took a breath.

All we expect from any of you are the things that make you happy. No matter where that takes you. She replied finally, looking at her daughter. She had hoped this day wouldn’t come but knew that it would regardless. The world was a big and interesting place. They shouldn’t miss out on it.

I understand. She wished they all could be happy here, and that the home they’d built was enough. It wasn’t, and as much as Maia might struggle with that, she hated more that Ceredwin seemed to feel obligated in some way to apologize. You don’t owe us anything. Your dad and I will miss you, but we’ll be fine.

"It does not feel that way all the time," Dwin shook her hehad, feeling a little guilty that she was saying this. "I mean... from some of the conversations I have had with Teya... I get a sense that she would want me to take the path that is expected. And if there was not a part of me that did not believe this to be true, I would not care," she told.

"But... you are getting older and Teya's not going to have any children anymore. And those we have had - even me - they do not stay here - what will happen to Brecheliant? When you are gone and there is no one here left to keep it going?" she asked. "I do not think it is fair to expect from any one child to continue the legacy and tradition here, but as much as Brecheliant now does not fulfill my needs, I would hate to see it perish too," she explained. 

"There is no good decision here for me, where I won't feel sad, is it?" she asked. 

Ceridwen’s worries echoed Maia’s in such a perfect way that she didn’t have an answer right away. Instead she pulled her daughter into a hug, giving into the overwhelming urge while she thought about what the future might be.

It was impossible to imagine her life without Eljay, but he was older than she was. So far she’d dealt with this reality in denial, but now that she stared at it, she knew the answer was obvious. This was her home and the place her children knew. Even if Brecheliant crumbled to dust around her, she would still be here.

You don’t need to decide that now. We aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. This place is all of ours; yours and your siblings. Always. You will never not be welcome home for as long as I’m here, if you ever want to come back. But you shouldn’t stay because you think you have to. You should be here if you want to be here.

Maia gave her daughter a light kiss on the forehead, then watched to see how her words came across. Her dad and mom had never needed to say those words to her, but she knew they had felt the same, and it made remembering that she hadn’t been there easier when she had struggled with it.

Amalia and Bridget aren’t ours, but they are still family. Same with Killdeer. Maybe more will come, or maybe some of your brothers and sisters will decide to come home. A lot can change, even in a year.

"I risk sounding very inconsistent," Dwin admitted, resting her head against Maia's fluffy shoulder, not yet willing to let go of that embrace. She would not haev tolerated this from anyone else, but mom to her still was the most important and favorite person in the world. "But... I like it here as well. I have spent nearly all my life here and I have grown attached to the place and, while I know that going out in the world will be the best thing for me, I am also... you... I feel... leaving would feel as if I am abandoning a good old friend," she exhaled, then retreated to meet Maia's gaze briefly. 

"I... kind of want to be here, stay here, if many things were different. But then - if they were, it would no longer be here," she chuckled at her lack of talent, when it came to expressing intricate thoughts in words. "Maybe... yes... a lot can change. Maybe I will change my mind too. Who knows..." she agreed thoughtfully. "You know... I think that the greatest regret is that dad will be sad," she referred to Eljay's unwillingness to let any of the kids go."And my fear is that I... he will... you know..." she was not a superstitious person, but saying "he will die", felt as if it would invite the inevitable much sooner than necessary. 

"I would not want to think that our goodbyes now would turn out to be the final ones," she said with a sigh.

Maia didn’t move away, allowing her daughter to lean on her for as long as she wanted to while she listened. It was, admittedly, good to hear that she was conflicted about leaving. Maia didn’t want her kids to feel stuck, or to miss out on exploration and even families and friendships and stories if their own, but it was comforting that there were things she would miss in Brecheliant. Maia worried a lot about the type of home they had made, whether or not it felt like one to their kids.

You have just as much a right to change things here as we do. Maybe a little change could even do us all some good. Still, I understand. Maia did, probably more than Ceridwen even realized. Her fears about Eljay echoed Maia’s own anxieties, and she remembered feeling the exact same way about Wraen. Her sister’s fading health had been most of the reason she’d remained in Brecheliant, even with Eljay’s love of the Caldera and through their early time navigating a relationship with distance.

Your dad is fine, and he’d rather you come back with news and stories to share than mope around here. Even if he doesn’t know it. Maia said with a smile, her voice fond as she lightly teased her mate. If you do decide to go, you can always come back anytime. And, for the record, you don’t have to leave Brecheliant to travel. The whole idea behind this place was offering a home where everyone is free to come and go. Maia did not take advantage of this as often as she might have a few years ago, but it was still a feature of Brecheliant that she thought was incredibly important. The kind of home that she and Wraen had always dreamed existed.

"I do not think that this would work like that," Dwin replied, thinking that you cannot make the den that has grown too small for you more comfortable by simply redecorating it. It would still be too small. "It is the novelty, the meeting and exchanges with other people that I miss," she explained. "While here I feel more compelled to protect my home and view every stranger as potential danger. Outside... well, probably, they still might be dangerous, but... not the same." 

"Well, I do not mean to cut ties with you. I think that winter months are very good and solid reasons to sway anyone's mind," she chuckled. "But until then I would want to take a lot and a bit more from, what the world has to offer me," Dwin sighed. "And learn a good deal too," she finished. 

Maia didn’t think so either. She’d known even before she said it, but maybe someday that would change. Brecheliant was not set in stone - it was what it was for now, but maybe someday, Ceridwen or another of her children (or someone else entirely) would make it something different. Something better and new.

That’s good, because I expect to hear all about the people you meet and the things you learn. Maia replied, smiling as she did so. I’m so proud of you. I know you might not need to hear it, but I really am. I’m really glad you came and talked with me about this. It felt better than she could ever describe, knowing that Dwin felt she could come to her. If she only ever had that from her children, she knew she would be completely and utterly content.

Let us know, when you decide. We’ll be sure to send you off properly. The decision seemed like it was settled, but Maia wouldn’t assume or try to rush her towards it. Spring was only just getting started; there would be no better time to explore.

"Well, I had one send off party already. And look, where it got me," Dwin smiled and bumped her shoulder against Maia's in a friendly manner. "Nah, I think I will be good just bidding my goodbyes to you and maybe some other people personally. Or just you and dad. I won't say I am too old for a send-off party, but - you know - it does not feel as necessary as it did, when I set out first," she told. 

"Would you like to have some lunch and then tell some of your very best adventures?" Dwin suggested, getting to her feet and stretching. One part of the conversation had come to an end, but she was not yet ready to part from her mom yet. Nowadays they did not spend too much time together and therefore Dwin wanted to cherish every moment she got with Maia.

Of course. As long as you say goodbye to us, we can let the others know. Maia understood not wanting to make a scene, though just the thought of that goodbye made her heart squeeze. It would be hard but she would get through it, just like she did every time one of them chose to go. Not for the first time, Maia felt relieved that her time having children was finished. The ones that she had were more than enough, and the more she had, the more she would need to worry about each night as she wondered how they all were. Nothing any of them said would ever stop that worry, so she would always keep it to herself.

Of course! I can tell you about how your aunt and I started out, back when we were determined to become professional travelers. I’m sure you can guess that there was a lot more to it than we thought. Maia laughed as she stood and moved in close, accompanying her daughter as they went to find something to eat. It would be good to laugh about her own inexperienced travels, both to show Ceridwen what not to do and to show how far they’d both probably come since being that young. Maia had changed her mind; Ceridwen might too. Or she might not. Either way, all she wanted was for her daughter to be happy.

we can fade here if you like! <3 I’ll miss their threads but can’t wait to see where she goes and who all she meets!