Redhawk Caldera opalescent

baby tag for ref or to join <3

teya was near a snapping point. the trespass and the sendoff of the stranger had never left her. she remained on edge, coiled tight and a near insomniac. she spent more nights outdoors or crept back late, scented with the wild land over the borders.
her offerings to @Sorana became more exotic: a beaver's tooth, a dotted snakeskin, and one time, a single leatherbound bat wing.
— a mother buying space from someone she loved because she couldn't barter with @Reyes any longer and so never tried. 
it was one such night. the moon was highflung and round. it illuminated her as she came back, and this time she was perfumed with wolf.

He'd made sure to feed Sorana before she went to bed that night, and stayed up until she was fast asleep. She was growing so fast — someday soon Reyes knew he wouldn't be able to keep company with her this way. His other children, the ones who had abandoned him for their mother, had moved on so fast; he was determined to hold on to Sorana for as long as he could.

When she was fast asleep, he didn't want to leave her. The sound of someone outside of the den made him look sleepily to the door, and with a cautious air about him, Reyes begrudgingly left his daughter where she was nesting to go investigate for himself.

It wasn't the first time Teya had arrived home at a late hour, smelling like anything other than Brecheliant. It was the first time that Reyes had pulled himself out of his father-daughter fog to really take notice, and he stood in the den mouth barring her way, watching her in the moonlight.

He didn't know what to say, except — Do you think I'm an idiot, Teya? His voice was frigid. The expression on his face was a mimicry of stoicism but there was obvious hurt there, in the tired lines around his eyes.

reyes looked older now, tired. teya would not deny the way she still responded to the very look of him, but the tone he took with her now had the resentment racing in harsh spikes all through her figure.
her tail switched. she brought her forepaws together.
"i not know, reyes. are you idiot?" 
the pain in the shadows smeared under his eyes threatened to tangle her in a fishing line. but it was good to see that, somehow, good to see reyes evince something other than the golden, doting father and repressed, distant husband.
her heart began to race. her mouth dried.

Her answer didn't spark anything in him. He wasn't angry exactly, he didn't want to withdraw or back down from this conversation. They both knew it was a moment that had to happen sometime; was it better to happen while their daughter was young or old? Asleep, or aware? He didn't have the answers.

Instead the man sighed. Tension coiled in his jaw.

What are you doing? He didn't really want to know. There had been plenty of clues. His voice was heavy with exasperation. He stepped away from the door but not enough to let her in, only to put more distance between himself and the sleeping child inside.

Do you really think its appropriate to go out at all hours? You're a mother now, Teya. Come on, you have -- we have, responsibilities here. He rallied through these words swiftly, his voice a hush, not that he expected Sorana to overhear. I'm here. Sorana — he thought she might appear at the utterance of her name and looked sharply over his shoulder, but then back to Teya hotly; —your daughter is here. Where have you been?

teya had thought reyes audacious before but it was nothing like the hissed, beneath-the-breath scolding he delivered now. her eyes dilated with anger, and only the mention of sorana's name kept her from raising her voice. but she did not back down, and now the tips of her teeth showed.
"brecheliant is safe. caches are full. my responsibility is to all of pack, not just you." she evaded what he meant, ham-handedly shoving it away. "you do not decide what appropriate. she have me. she has you. that what she needs." she felt like she was going to begin shaking at any moment. 
and the tears, the tears were a true threat. how could he act like there was no reason for why she stayed so distant?

Decide what? His whispered voice rose in volume and he caught himself, tense all over, straining to keep control over his voice. Seems to me you've gone and made all the decisions already, Raven. He felt like he was crowding her but he hadn't moved any closer since that last step, and there was ample distance between them.

Who else has had you? The man boldly implied what was on his mind; wreathed upon her coat without any care what-so-ever to what her precious pack might think. Did rumors abound within this kingdom of Teya's, or was she oblivious to them? Uncaring about how that might reflect upon their little family (strained as it may be); or the daughter she claimed to be responsible for?

Reyes was fuming. At least this time he was aware of the anger inside of himself and was doing his best not to act on it; his ruddy mantled coat glimmered like fire in the moonlight as his hackles bristled. He looked away from Teya long enough to take a breath, which sounded as if it quaked down his throat and in to trembling lungs.

reyes was furious. her eyes glittered. "no one who matters," she growled. "i surprised you care after all. i did not know you able to give a fuck." it felt wonderful. it felt horrendous. she flicked her eyes over his shoulder, dreading that she would see sorana there.
but her daughter did not appear, and so she dragged her gaze back to reyes. her chest swelled with several breaths. "yes. i make decisions for me. you be amazing father for you."
she bit back the most sordid of retorts: you didn't even want her for it was hurtful in a different way. that was the last agreement she and reyes had shared. 
it was unfair to sorana. her eyes brimmed with hot tears. "i have lived without love or touch, reyes. i not do it any more."

Reyes couldn't process everything that she said at once. Thinking he didn't care (but he was here, wasn't he? Fighting for their family!); thinking he was some unfeeling bastard, and punishing him for it by what then, sleeping with strangers? She didn't deny it. Her words were poison — at least those she deigned to speak aloud.

He held his own tongue as much as he could, until the end. His anger flared as he turned to look at her, this woman he had once loved and now couldn't even recognize. So full of spite for him. Even her smell was unfamiliar because of all the different facets to it - pieces of other men. How did he deserve this?

Right, so I deserve this do I? After all I've done, all I've gone through — everything I gave to you; and what about Sorana? She somehow deserves this too? He was rambling but he was angry and couldn't put together the right words to say what he wanted. Was he sorry? For Sorana's sake, and maybe in some small way his own. Could he apologize when he'd done nothing wrong? No, of course not. She probably wouldn't even hear it.

His anger hid deeper things that Reyes had no name for. He was hurting and it was clear, even in the gray haze of moonlight. He didn't know what to do about it. You could fuck your way across the Wilds for all I care, Teya! The very least you could do is wash their smell off before you dare come home to us. His hackles rippled; his voice was a storm which cued curiously with the passage of a ripe cloud over the moon's face.

teya felt the blow of that, and the selfish starved part of her reeled to know that even her basest behavior would never conjure any care for her. reyes was done with that and he had been finished with her the day she told him she was pregnant.
why shouldn't she believe that?
teya stared at him, trembling. still. a gentle breeze lifted the aroma of the unknown man from her coat and stuffed it into her own nostrils. she felt choked with shame and yet defiant — "what did you do for me, reyes? I carry her! I birth her! you not even here for that," yes, and before he could protest, "because i rather send you away than have you present. do you ever ask why? do you ever think of what you said to me that day?"
her voice for once followed her thoughts. "and then after, when i try to talk to you, you act as if i am bad. or wrong. you not want me around, reyes. you have what you wanted."
the tears were rolling now, silent and angry. "i think you stop loving me that day. i feel it. i not searching for love out there, reyes. just — a moment to feel like someone want me for anything other than being a mother." that was the end of it, then. teya swallowed hard as she stared at her mate.

This was it, this was the conversation that they'd both been avoiding. The distance that had been conjured between them by the arrival of their beloved daughter now facilitated an explosion of — what could he call this? For him it was rage; for Teya maybe it was more like yearning, because what else could send someone in to the arms of another lover but loneliness? Grief? She grieved now openly; weeping for some lost part of herself. Reyes couldn't fathom her tears. He refused to witness them and tried to look away but her words were like hot iron lancing through him.

I'd rather send you away than have you present.
You have what you wanted.
Anything other than being a mother!

I didn't want you around? You sent me away. If it had been my decision I would have been here for her birth; that was you. Its all you! His voice erupted with a flow of such exasperation! He wanted to shout and scream at her, twisting everything! Always the thought of Sorana there waiting in the dark, sleeping through the brimming emotions and the slicing words.

He was cooling now, and tired. The emotional bone-deep exhaustion that came when every ounce of feeling was utterly spent. It made his next words sound chilling rather than empty and he couldn't help that.

I know what I said. I know that we were both against having a family, and I thought — I, what was the point of talking about this? Even now Reyes was resistant to it. He shuddered a breath. His eyes were glossy in a way he'd never experienced as an adult and he hated her for that. I thought we were agreed, so I said what I said. And now she's here, and I've changed. She's my daughter Teya; what the hell do you want from me?

If he had to choose between mother and daughter, he'd already made up his mind, and so far as Reyes understood it - so had she. Isn't that why he'd been sent to fetch Bridget? He paced, wanting to draw away from her and the den, and everything, and just hide from it all.

"i wanted you to keep loving me, reyes!" teya almost screamed under her breath. she hated to cry in front of him. she loathed how he never encircled her with his arms when she wept, how he left her so vulnerable in every moment she ever tried to show him.
maybe she had only gotten into a relationship with him because she hated towhee.
that realization drenched her as if it were a barrel of the iciest water. 
but it did not change how she felt. she could not shut him out with coldness. reyes had always found his way beneath her skin. "i want you to understand that if you not choose to come back because i pregnant, i would be" stuck "alone. and the night i tell you how much you hurt me, you become angry and cut me off."
it didn't matter. there was no excuse for what she had done and continued to do and would keep doing. why even have this conversation? exhaustion sundered teya down onto her haunches.
"by the time i tell you about — i tell you i was pregnant, reyes, it was too late. you say you cannot do this and you ask me to —" well. he knew. "and then you just ... walk away."
the tears were slowing. her voice was empty. 
"it over then." it was over now. "have what you want. i not leave this island. and in a year, you not have to fake it any longer." sorana needed that year. they could give her that year. teya could do that for her. and she already knew reyes was capable of it. everything he had he gave to their daughter.

On and on she went, reaming him out. He deserved some of it. He listened because he had to, standing there like a bulwark against the verbal assault, as if his body could withstand it all, weather it so that Sorana wouldn't hear it. Better they have it out now, he thought bitterly. Better to expose everything before she was old enough to comprehend it herself; because what if she heard all of this and still chose Teya? Reyes couldn't lose again.

She cried as she yelled. She cried as her voice lowered, until she was empty of feeling and nothing else came out of her. He could see a sheen to the felt of her cheeks; when he dared to look, anyway.

Some finality came with her next words: It over then.

He took a breath and was about to refuse her this truth, but he couldn't. There was nothing more to say. The hour was late, they were both drained of feeling.

Reyes turned and began to walk away.

he'd walked away from her that day. he'd walked off when she told him to get bridget. and now somehow the sight of his retreating back snapped something inside teya like a twig. "no," she garbled out under her breath, and then she quickened her pace, aiming to snake between he and the solace of the den.
"you say yes, reyes. yes to a y-year. then i never have this fucking talk with you again."
he did not love her. he did not care what she did. but he owed her the stability of that first span of time, if anything. her mind had long started to work toward binary transaction, and this was the sum of it.
tearstained coolwater eyes sought to hold his own.
if he said yes then she would accept. and if he said no then she would not allow him to sleep before they sorted the future.
there was freedom in it. she wanted his stamp of agreement that one day she would have the thing he could never give. it would be worth more than any love in the end.

For a moment he felt a touch of respite. It was the start of his processing; he needed that, but it didn't last very long. Teya was suddenly the one to close the distance and to stop him at the arch of the den mouth, her voice a quick venomous whisper that caught in his ears, jerked him back in to the fight.

He looked at her as she spoke, really looked. His eyes were tired and they weren't dry. Reyes loudly sniffled to stop himself, blinking rapidly, not wanting to be seen with such prevalent weakness written across him. It was why he'd tried to walk away but she, she had stopped him. Confronted him.

Teya had made her ultimatum and there was no going back. He swallowed thickly, tried to quietly clear his throat but it still felt raw when he answered, ... fine, yes, a... a year. Then you can, ah, he looked away, grimacing, frantic; then back to her again when he thought he could speak straight - do whatever you fuckin' want.

He waited a beat before he turned this time, staring at the emptiness of the den mouth but then, mouth hanging agape, he turned away from it and moved forcibly away; nothing would stop him this time. He needed to think, to dispell everything that had been pulled up from the depths within himself. Reyes couldn't do that here.

had she ever heard him swear before? teya couldn't remember. but the glissade of sinister delight that defiled her gut now brought horror in the next moment.
he had cracked open further than she had ever seen before. what a horrid thing that it had taken this to get them there. 
his shoulders were hard and unmovable. she did not try to stop him for she knew she could not. she only breathed and gasped and sobbed when he was gone, as quietly as she could, turning her head away from the den and swallowing as much sound as possible.
good job on ruining everything, you dumb whore, snapped her mind. that tone was new, courtesy of the latest ashamed grief lashing her spirit. and that voice would remain all night and into the next morning, where she would experience a greater terror than this night had ever been able to bring.