Lion Head Mesa forty-first

@Nazli had inhabited many rooms inside akashingo. senmut did not wish for her to return to any of them as she recovered, and so ordered her moved to a small apartment near the court of the queen.

toula's kindnesses would do nazli well, he felt, and with the golden light to glow the room throughout the day, senmut hoped its warmth too would gild her in renewing spirit. today he came to her threshold, announcing himself politely before his entry, and carrying with him a small wrapped skin of fresh raspberries.

The move had been hard on Nazli, through no fault of anyone involved. No doubt Tavina would have put up a fuss about it - weak as the young derelict was.
However, the new quarters gave Nazli a refreshing change of scenery. It was warmer in the upper segments of the palace. The sun indeed flooded the room and it's warmth kept Nazli suitably lethargic.
When she heard movement at the door, she looked and saw Senmut, smiling.

her smile was inviting, and caused senmut an answering blush that raked through him, much to his shock. he nearly tripped on the way to her couch, and set down the gift with a flourish meant for her.

"they are growing rampant in the steppes, now that is is summer," senmut told nazli with earnest eyes, feeling that here the vacuum of their hierarchy would not touch so many aspects.

Ignorant to the many changes to befall Akashingo, and in a state of healing to boot, Nazli saw now only her friend the priest.
She thanked him with a look, her dark gaze briefly flaring with a sanguine glow as she saw the offered berries, and offered to him: Stay, share with me?
His prayers could wait a little longer, she thought.

his eyes alit, senmut answered, "of course." upon the floor the prince sat, bending over the small packet and dividing out the berries.

"you look well, nazli," he said with utmost softness, chancing a moment to glance up at her, toward the lilac face which shone with more and more health each day, Amun be praised.

She watched him parse out one helping for her, and one for himself, but did not immediately take a berry upon her tongue. Nazli was reminded of the berries she'd been gifted in the past — imagining Ramesses' face, in a flash — and drew a breath.

Akashingo changed so rapidly. It felt odd to be back; as if she had never left, in some regards, and as if she didn't belong anymore, at the same time.

Tavina does good work, she commends her mother.
Maybe... I'll be better, soon. Though there was no telling how long it would take before Nazli's energy had returned to what it once was, if that were even possible. She was a skeleton now; any work she was to do would be months down the line — practically a lifetime away.

The thought of that — of being fellahin once more — was jarring.

and when nazli was better? what then? he dared another glance at the painful angularity of her face and how she had become almost transparent.

"do — do you want to stay in akashingo?" senmut asked, his voice a hesitant sound that felt too loud in the small, lightbound room.

"and, if it it yes, in what role? we have — you would no longer be a servant." no, no, senmut meant to bring her out of bondage.

He sounded almost... nervous?

I'll never leave again. That was a promise. Leaving had been the wrong choice - it didn't even feel like a choice, now that she had returned.

As for her role?

Nazli looked perplexed. Her gaunt features made the expression pitiful. Then... what?

"anything. anything you want."

senmut slid his paw among the berries, toward her own; just a touch that he pulled away, his heart beating fast, rendering him no prince but only a young and unsure man.

"a noble, perhaps. or — a sesh. but never service." he swallowed. "you have given enough, nazli."

A noble?! Nothing about Nazli was noble, especially now. Her blood had always been that of fellahin stock, and after what she had undergone with Ramesses, she was the furthest thing -- !

Like Tavina? A sesh sounded more in line with how Nazli saw herself. She could barely believe anyone would offer her a role above being a servant, but being a sesh wouldn't be too far from her old duties.

I could tend my flowers again, she imagined aloud, picturing the meadow that she had begun to study and cultivate further afield - her bees! All that work had probably gone to ruin by now.

The thought gave her pause, though. And warmth, which she shared with Senmut; a spark of some familiar eager energy.

he nodded, perhaps too eagerly. "the queen now has in her court a man named haizel, a giant of a wolf, but so devoted to flowers. you would have your own spaces, of course, but you would not be alone in that passion."

his heart ached! it roiled.

his breath caught; it burned.

"would you like that, nazli, to be a sesh? tell me; i will make it so at once." anything, anything to please her, to comfort her. to elate.

to repay.

Nazli was immediately smitten with the idea, of course. There was resistance only when Senmut said he could make all this happen - as a priest, how did he have such power?
She had to laugh; a strange, wheezing, airy sound that left her winded. Nazli calmed and waited for her heart to slow before she said, but how? Senmut, her voice was breathless.
I thought... Makono, she is surely angry with me.

nazli did not know. how could she?

"makono is no longer here. she became pharaoh for a short time. and then she departed. we do not know if she means to return."

he looked down to find his paws wrapped around her own.

"toula is queen now. she has made me erpa-ha. hereditary prince."

a breath; held; would nazli turn from him now when their stations had so greatly changed again?

What?

A blink.

Makono...?

Senmut? A prince?

Another blink, and confusion! Pain, surprise, worry, awe; exhaustion. Weakness. She trembled and tried to speak, but all that came from Nazli was a low, mournful sound.

Had Makono gone to find her? No, surely not. No pharaoh would do such a thing; what foolish romance flavored that thought! Nazli was dizzy, and her heart felt as if it had plummeted through the floor.

She -- She must, return. Her voice croaked, and she coughed to clear the rough edge of it, overtaken by an abundance of emotion. No, she could not look at Senmut now.

Nazli wavered, trembling beside him. There is quiet for a while; she composes herself over time and only because her energy is too sapped to emote at great length.

once when he was a pulse-beat, anxious we'eb, senmut had looked at the lilac favored by pharaoh's daughter and loved her. loved her for the fact they were both fellahin, that they had both ascended beneath royalty's design.

senmut had wanted to be a full priest not only to honor the gods, but to perhaps, with her agreement, provide nazli a chaste marriage offering the protection of his status.

but now he was prince; now he was beholden to be the queen's choice if the time came and no one had garnered her favour as potential pharaoh.

the void between them yawned in bleakness. "we have been waiting."

Nazli's heart ached; it was hardly the first time, however in the past few days she had felt something chip away at her core, and this last thing was almost too hard to bear. It was as if someone had pierced her through the chest. She could not breathe deeply without the fear that Makono was off somewhere, waylaid, or somehow struggling. Knowing what she did now of the world outside of Akashingo, Nazli's feeling on the subject was immense and all-consuming.

She did not think of Senmut, now. She did not see the yawning chasm that separated the two of them, nor the flicker of love-turned-duty in his eye; thinking only of her dear friend Makono, the guilt of her own betrayal of that relationship, and all that hungry, aching, malignant fear. She had no words.

Instead of speaking, as she was so overcome, Nazli pressed close to Senmut and seemed to burrow deeper against him. Her frailty consumed by the plush of his well-maintained coat, her sharp shoulder and hip digging against the meat of his side, so much like a child hungry for comfort. Her eyes watered.

senmut let out his breath solemnly; he moved until his scarlet arm was gently around nazli, holding her to the straight-scribe framing of his flank and ribcage. there he cradled her against the palace-glossing of his pelt, trembling in time as he sought to contain his emotion.

"she would want also for you to no longer be fellahin," senmut insisted, at last gingerly setting his chin lightly over the dome of her head. "when she comes back, you will rejoice in new honor. and if she does not, then live in her name as well."

priest and servant, his voice turning to the reverence of prayer.

Senmut was right, and she knew it.

She will come back, Nazli answered, almost defensive in her tone, when really she was hurting — mourning a piece of herself that was missing. No wonder she had felt so strange when she'd returned! A withered mess; but worse, it felt as if her Ka suffered with Makono's absence.

Nazli sighed in to Senmut and inched back, then pressed her forehead against him. Sesh. I will work hard — so when she does return to us, there will be bouquets, and vines, and — everything blue, like the sky. She was tired. Her rambling was almost pleasant save for the sorrowful undercurrent.

At last, though, it was decided.

"rest now, sesh."

senmut did not think he had thought of her ever as fellahin, no more than himself. the new rank fit far better upon her narrow brow. "you must recover first," breath a whisper as he shut his eyes, as he held onto nazli and onto this moment.

"and then all of akashingo is yours to beautify."

senmut was dizzied, thrilled; his heart raced as a fine horse upon the sands.