Redhawk Caldera Father time

Time was flying by faster than Eljay felt he could keep up. This year's pups were really tough. There were many, and Eljay could feel his age catching up with him slowly. With all of the pack's duties, he didn't have enough time to spend with his children. It felt like he was failing in all areas.

Today Eljay decided to take a break from feeling guilty doing me-things by giving a visit to @Teya. He searched through the territory for a trace of her scent.

tags for ref! <3

teya, too, was wearied.
the days were filled with children and their antics, and in the evenings she searched for her mate. but not so often now. because he wouldn't have left of his own volition, teya did not experience a good deal of grief. and somehow she attributed this to her first assumption that she had caused him to go.
when @Shenanigans was not with @Maia, she was with @Sorana and teya. the little pup had settled in well, and slept wherever she liked, either in a den or at the sluggish riverside rendezvous.
eljay was a welcome sight. teya's tail swayed and she pressed her cheek to his. "how you?"

Teya's expression brought a smile to Eljay's face. His tail wagged lightly as he approached and he touched his nose lightly to Teya's cheek. It's good to see you, he said. I'm alright. A lot of mouths to feed, but I'm glad we've got enough help in the pack. The pack had grown -- thinking about how he hadn't really bonded with any of the newer wolves made Eljay feel a knot of guilt in his stomach -- which was a great help. Especially with the new pup.

How about you?

"a lot of mouths. but maybe they old enough to help more, in winter." and by spring their surplus of puppies would be hunters in their own right. still she understood his worry; it was why she had hunted every day. 
"shenanigans funny child. still wonder where she came from."

Eljay nodded at Teya's words. She was right, of course; Roswell, Sylvie and Hymnal had proven that. They had helped make this year a lot easier on the pack and on Eljay and Maia. He wasn't so sure how they would've done it without the help of their older children. Hopefully it would be the same for at least some of this year's offspring.

Eljay worried about Shenanigans as well; there had to be parents out there somewhere who missed her. However, he simply hadn't the energy to go out looking right now. Do you think her parents will show up sooner or later? The details of how they found her were a little fuzzy on him right now.

teya shook her head slowly. "i not think she even remember them." it was highly unlikely at this point that parents would show up.
her tailtip twitched.
and she was not sure she'd let the girl go anyway, though she kept that to herself. "what you think about all of it, eljay?"

Honestly, Eljay wasn't sure what to think. He just thought of losing Elfie, and how even if he'd lose a child when they were too young to remember, he'd want them back by his side. Besides, when she grew up it seemed likely that she would want to know. Still, he didn't exactly have the resources to spare himself to go and look for Shenanigans' parents, so he just let it rest for now.

I'm glad she ended up with us. It was a small miracle that a small child would end up with a pack of wolves who could and wanted to expand their resources to look after her. There were all sorts of dangers out there, after all. Thankfully they found her. Teya, I... Eljay hesitated, took a breath and then said: I don't think I should be the Auspex anymore, or a leader at all. Or at least — it feels more and more lately as if I have to choose between spending time with my family or leading the pack, and right now I don't think I'm doing a good job at either of those. He looked at Teya to gauge her reaction while nerves raced through his body. He didn't want to abandon Maia and Teya in leadership, but he also didn't think he could do it all anymore. He longed to go back to just being the pack's caretaker, because he felt that was what he was better at than leading them.

<333

teya was about to expand more on how funny the girl was when eljay pulled their conversation in another direction.
he did not want to lead any longer.
teya could not say she faulted him. he had stepped up in their time of need and had led brecheliant through a long time of peace. they had all come to thrive beneath his leadership, flourishing each in their own ways.
teya swallowed and nodded at the wolf with the deep verdant gaze. "i understand, eljay." a wave of her tail stirred the air; she embraced this fully. "brecheliant should meet soon, then. choose new auspex."

<3!

It was hard to gather what Teya thought about the matter. Eljay felt nervous to the core, and he really wished that she would give her opinion, share her thoughts or feelings. Now, he didn't know. She only said that she understood, but what did that mean about her own feelings? It should that he was nervous as he nodded at Teya. Yeah — uh, how is it usually chosen? Does everyone in the pack vote? He didn't remember; he just remembered that Teya chose him, last time. He'd thought to discuss with her who might be the best replacement, but it sounded like there were procedures.

eljay seemed nervous. teya was not sure how to convey that his stepping-down did not cause her pain, because she was so wrapped up in reyes' disappearance and her own status as raven, the daily work that went into not thinking about everything — she had no time to consider any effect.
it felt careless to think of things that way. he mattered. she cared.
teya felt numb.
"that how we did it when wraen — with wraen. but — brecheliant different now. what you think? vote? or we pick, you and me and maia?"

Teya asked him if he wanted something else than what was customary, but Eljay shook his head. No, we should do it the way it went with Wraen. She would've wanted that, he thought to himself. He still felt guilt gnawing at him for leaving them behind like that, but he could feel in his bones that he found it harder to keep up with everything all at once; he needed a break, so that he'd have more time for his own family. I've got to tell Maia, and then I'll call the meeting one of these days. I just wanted to tell you about it first. He thought Teya was a good option, although he didn't discount Maia either; honestly, they were the only two real options that he presently saw in their numbers, except maybe Bridget.

she supposed it was maturity that made her not insist the role of auspex be passed to her. it was just another name. eljay did not work harder than her, only differently.
and maybe she too was a little tired.
she nodded with a smile. "thank you, eljay. whatever you decide, you know you have support from me." and her undying respect. she was grateful to know first.

Eljay was already thinking who he would cast his vote to. Teya was a logical choice. But Maia worked hard, too, and a part of him wanted her to at least realise that she was good enough for such a role. Besides, he wasn't entirely sure what either of them wanted. Selfishly, he wanted Maia to both feel confident from having votes cast in her favour as well as have her by his side without duty eating away too much time. But Teya had always worked hard for the pack. She was the one who had chosen him. Thank you, Teya, said Eljay with a soft smile. For everything. I don't know what Brecheliant would do without you. His tail waved lightly, genuinely.

Regardless of who Eljay himself voted for, Wraen's memory needed to be honoured. How is this usually done? Does each wolf get to choose who they vote for, and is the wolf chosen then asked whether they want the role, or should wolves interested in the role step forward..? He wanted to honour Wraen's memory to the best of his efforts, so he needed to know the specifics. He then added another question as it popped up: And do the pups get a vote? And the Eun Liaths?

teya felt a lump in her throat as eljay praised her. she wanted to tell him that without his gentle guidance, she could not have become the leader he admired now. "leading with you make things easy," was all she managed, however, before she had to clear her throat and stave off the rest.
"everyone gets vote. you and maia and me, we ask pack who will be auspex. they all give their vote. can be anyone in pack. even them, if they want it."
her eyes shone, for it was a good way to remember wraen.

Eljay smiled at Teya's words. Thanks. The same goes for you, he said softly and he reached out his nose to touch her cheek gently. Teya was as old as Weejay, and with the absence of his own daughter he was happy to have her around. He was so proud of the wolf that she had grown into.

As she explained the voting process, Eljay smiled, thinking of Wraen. It was good that they do it that way. Do we get a vote, too? Or only all the other wolves in the pack? He needed to think because he had not yet decided whether he would think of Maia or Teya to vote for; but if he didn't need to vote, then that took some pressure off that.

"everyone, i think." her brow furrowed, trying to recall. "not supposed to vote for ourselves," she chuckled lightly.
this was big. this was monumental. she wondered if eljay was truly taking this as easily as it seemed, not without difficulty but graciously.
or if he was hurting, and she didn't know how to ask.

Eljay nodded. Alright. I'll make preparations. He felt jittery about it, but he knew he had time. He had to tell Maia first, anyway. Teya seemed like the most logic choice for the next Auspex, but Eljay knew that Maia would make a good one, too. He wished he had the words to ask Teya whether she wanted it; whether she could handle it; whether it would be good for her.

He didn't find them, though, and just stood in silence, smiling lightly while the gravity of his decision was starting to sink in. It felt good.

<3

she nodded, nudging him once. 
it would be a special time for brecheliant, and teya hoped that eljay could see the affection in her eyes as they parted ways.