Broken Antler Fen It's the awful, lonely secret of the dead-boy's heart.

It would have been smart to take a day to himself, think things over, and maybe sleep. Instead, Reyes left the meeting with Ruenna and crossed the border in to Brecheliant. He roamed a half-circuit of his usual patrol route but his heart wasn't in it; instead, he was harboring numerous doubts and warring thoughts about what the opportunity would mean. 

He needed to talk to someone - and his first thought, his only thought aside from all of that chaos inside of himself, was of @Teya. Perhaps he should have sought out another Raven or the Auspex, but it was the young woman who had been the most helpful to him so far, and her scent that he tracked across the fen.

and reyes would find her, subdued in expression but body moving in tight confidence through the sageflower fields.
teya stopped when she saw him, and though her quiet demeanour was without its usual attempts at tantalizing him, she was welcoming.
wordlessly the raven fell into step with reyes, casting him a glance as if to ask the unsaid question of why he had come.

When she drew close he felt a tremulous energy weave through him, something nervous, which he contained. She did not get too close or try to touch him and that was good; his mind was distracted, much like when he'd returned to the Caldera the first time and had been startled by his son.

Teya patiently waited for him to do or say something, and Reyes did not have her wait long.

Ruenna came to the fen. She called for me, which maybe Teya had heard, but he couldn't know for sure. She had an offer from Towhee and the leadership of the Caldera. 

She said I was welcome back - but I would be on probation, more or less. The omega. I would have to prove to them that I can be trusted by the pack before I can hope to regain the status I had as a tradesman. None of that really mattered deep down, as Reyes only wanted to be a part of his children's lives, but the offer had also stung.

It would give me my family back - or, at least my... children. I do not know what to do. Because it was what he pined for, but at the same time - I don't think Towhee really wants me back.

the more reyes spoke, the greater teya's scowl became. what sort of terms were those? go back in punishment? for what reason? tail switched, and she turned more fully to face him. to dismiss a husband for a time was one thing; to withhold his children was another.
and because she did not know the truth entire of what had happened, teya took only the side of the one she knew, and it was reyes. 
controlling her features once more, the little raven glanced away before her attention returned to him, and with it her voice. had he not sought better terms than omega? and ruenna! ruenna had said this! perhaps she had greatly misjudged the kindness of the mediating woman at the borders.
but she had spent too long being hotheaded, and so she curbed her tongue on that front. ruenna, after all, was only one leader. and teya had never truly spoken to towhee, not since —
"how long you allow her humiliate you, reyes?" was what came out, a vine laden with thorns and etched in her own bitterness.

I'd allow this and much more, if it meant I could see my kids. He remarks quickly to her, unaware that he is mirroring the tone of her own voice in the heat of the moment.

He knew deep down that he was lying. He was being contrarian on purpose; wanting to defend Towhee and his family even though they'd kept him segregated from them. Even though they might fear him. Another thought entered Reyes' mind then: She could have told them all kinds of things to turn them against me. It nearly took the wind right out of him.

Going back is all that I've wanted. Seeing them, being their father, whatever that meant, as he hadn't yet been given the chance to do anything fatherly with them, having missed their formative time. But if she's taught them to fear me then what? I show up, make an ass of myself for her amusement, play the fool at the bottom of the ladder while my kids learn to hate me.

He didn't want that. The negativity was getting ahold of Reyes now and he couldn't help the doubt that seeped through, knowing the struggle of being fatherless himself, and how much he hated the very thought of Firefly as he matured. Whose to say history wouldn't repeat itself?

teya shook her head when reyes had finished speaking. it was all too much for her; she was out of her depth when it came to the way of women with men, of husbands with wives, and them all with children. not something she understood. not something that teya truly wished to comprehend.
the frustration that contorted his features provoked the little raven into a closer step. she could not change what towhee might have done, might have said. she could not make this choice for him.
"i no help." it was said with regret. "whatever you choose, reyes, i support."
tonguetip between teeth, her third advance hot upon her voice-buds.
"but whatever you choose, i want you to remember me."

He had hoped she would have more to say. Some measure of intelligence imbued to only the fairer sex that he had no access to, or some opinion that might help Reyes make sense of things. He did not know what Towhee thought except that she had been angry the last time they had been together, so now he sought Teya's support, and beyond that, some measure of understanding that only a woman could provide. Instead he got acceptance as the bare minimum.

Whatever he decided.

I want you to remember me.

I wouldn't forget you, Teya. He countered, exasperated. For all I know, Towhee is waiting for me to appear just to scream at me again and toss me out. Maybe she's waiting to see if I have the balls to show up at all - and if I don't, that'd just confirm any nasty thing she's told the kids.

He missed the deeper meaning to the girl's words, still fixated on what was just out of reach.

teya wanted to scream in frustration. 
but she did not, only darted her coolwater gaze aside. "she want to know you will come back, no matter what obstacle she make." it was a challenge. and if reyes failed, or did not return to his children, towhee might feel justified to lock him out of the caldera.
a sigh, fluting through her saddened mouth. "if you do not want to return as omega, tell them you stay here, in brecheliant. and that brecheliant offer part of fen as meeting-place. for you and your children."
if she could not have him, teya was determined to help, and to keep reyes at close as hand as she could manage.

Yes, that was what Reyes thought. To have it confirmed by his trusted friend only added fuel to the fire; he could not trust Towhee any longer, not if she played such games with him and used their children in such a baiting way.

The offer was surprising too. That Teya would share a piece of her home so that Reyes could have his visits, even as a small option, so that he would not go back and be disgraced - it meant the world to him.

You are sure? That is very kind Teya. Reyes could not help the exasperation the girl felt, it exuded from her with every breath. It was a difficult situation but she was trying to be a friend to him, and he appreciated it.

I will tell Towhee that this is an option, and maybe we can find a middle ground. Somehow he doubted his stubborn-to-a-fault ex-wife would so easily acquiesce.

teya bit her lip, nodded. she wished to tell reyes to call for her alone if things soured, if towhee did not like the new confidence of him. that was how the red wolf seemed to her, all the same.
and he would leave here without the desire in the raven fulfilled.
teya told herself not to be so entitled. reyes was loyal to any vision of family, above all else. she simply did not understand.
"when you leaving, reyes?" teya asked next, a throaty breath that held somehow steady, and did not betray her inner turmoil.

Teya sounded reluctant to let him go. Reyes presumed she was worried about the fallout, whichever direction it went. Her pack had become tangled up in the Redhawk mess and Reyes felt a little guilty for it.

I told Ruenna I would take a few days to think things over, talk to my leadership, which to Reyes meant the girl, rather than Eljay, although the man might have been a useful tool for understanding the Redhawks and the mentality of Towhee; he had not thought of it, and besides, Eljay was busy being a father.

Maybe to some degree Reyes chose to avoid him for that fact; jealousy was his favorite color.

But I think I will go sooner. The sooner the better. So, if Teya had nothing else to add - and now Reyes was looking expectantly at her, mind buzzing with the possibilities of what he would say to Towhee or how he might react to seeing his kids - and he missed the shakiness of the raven utterly.

she nodded. 
yes. run to them. and do not come back.
but even the raven was not harsh enough to say it aloud. it was an aspect of her own pain. she cut it down and crushed its sensation beneath a hard step.
"i hope it go well for you," and she meant it, genuinely, "come back to tell me what happened." voice in a rush at the last, and reyes might not be able to tell command from request from statement.