Otter Creek Does it hurt to feel so high?

The scent had invaded all spaces of Etienne’s world. And where most would find it intoxicating and in a sense he did. He could freely admit. Heda or the widow was beautiful and her scent alluring. But Etienne bless his soul wanted nothing to do with it.

But he doubted Anselm would let it alone. He needed to get away from them both. Find somewhere to just exist, to be Etienne.

Where he could love the mountain boy silently, without any possible exposure of his secret. Because how could, more so why would, anyone love a sea born boy with mask of family face.

He stumbled so lost in his thoughts and found himself staring into the waters edge. Covered in ice. His granme staring back. How long had it been since he had actually looked at himself.

He traced the contours of golden eyes. The dark brown mask that covered the sandy color of his fur.

He dashed a paw at it again and again and again, until bloody prints and jagged pieces were all that were left.

Then he curled his body tightly into a ball and cried. Silent as he could.

Dusty Rose was there because I said so. He's got legs and all, y'know? They're long and they like to be moving so he used them to walk his fluffy ass over the mountain and just happened to find Otter Creek.

And he was just a little lost. Sure, he could retrace his steps, but the route he'd taken had been frustrating and dangerous, and he was hoping he could somehow get back without going through that headache again. More specifically, he was hoping some kind soul would direct him, because fuck if he was going to put all that work into poking around, doubling back, and poking around some more. That sounded boring, and Dusty Rose did not weather boredom well.

When he caught sight of that distant figure, he opened his mouth to scream-shout a coyote greeting: HEY, YOU! — but something brought him up short, and instead he stood there and watched, and after a long moment, he realized he was watching from a lot closer.

'Cause — y'know. Legs.

"Etienne," he said, jogging the last dozen yards. The sight and scent of blood made him hungry uneasy, but he came close without much thought. Once there, he found he had little to say. Clearly the other man was not alright, so he didn't bother asking. He also did not bother asking if Etienne wanted help or company, so as not to give him an opportunity to say No — because fuck that, too.

He squished himself close, his head and ears swiveling to check their surroundings before he scrunched down himself.

And just as quickly as he had arrived. He was not alone. But he chose to ignore it for now. Who on earth would want to come near a sodden, bloody broken wolf.

But his name was said and head lifted. Brown masked ears lifted and golden gaze fell on the coyote of grays and browns. Eyes of sky staring at him.

A small gasp of surprise as the other male stepped and then curled right into his space. Etienne felt it like a cold shock to his system. How long since he saw his mother and sister. How long since anyone bothered to give him a sweet caring touch.

So at this moment Eti chose to take it. It was something his sister would have done. So with careful precision mindful of the blood that fell from his paws. He curled legs around the coyote. Head buried in Dusty's spine, and he cried.

In Etienne's position, Dusty Rose wasn't sure he wouldn't have tried to tear the face off of whoever disturbed him — so he was prepared to face some backlash for his efforts, no matter how good-hearted they might be. He flinched just a fraction when the wolf turned toward him, but he was still ready to catch him when arms came around him.

"Oh," said the coywolf, sympathy dripping from the little word. He wrapped a paw around Etienne in turn and held him back, wondering what news could have brought on this kind of reaction.

Without knowing, he didn't really have any commentary. They were Being Sad for the moment, and he would only try boosting Etienne's spirits when they were done Being Sad. So he didn't rush it. He only held on, heedless of any blood or tears that might stain him.

It felt like hours later when it finally seemed like a good time to speak.

"Do your paws hurt real bad?" he asked, deciding to address the most easily processed hurts before anything else.

Etienne could have been nasty about it. He could have bit and snapped. But he chose to take comfort where comfort was given.

Dusty said nothing. Just held fast and Etienne preferred that to anything else he could have done. It made him calmer quicker.

Etienne sniffled once and lifted his head a shake of it. Not yet. I be imsginin' i be to upset and dey be too cold to feel yet. But when de do start to 'urt. It gonna be bad.

Lacerations crisscrossed the pads. Some even between his toes where he had recklessly smacked them into the ice with abandon.

Dusty Rose imagined so too.

"Then let's move while it's still numb," he suggested. "Just back into the trees a bit, alright?"

He helped as needed, wanting to get Etienne out of the cold wind. The ground was hard, but Dusty Rose raked a a shallow bowl into the dirt and pushed slimy leaf litter back into place. It was not a den, but it would be warmer than the frozen dirt, and softer still besides. And it was just barely big enough for two of them, but that was by design.

"Lemme look at 'em," he said, poking at one of Etienne's paws with his twitchy black nose. There wasn't much he could think to do for them, but he could at least assess the damage. "So," he said while he did this. "How'd this happen?"

He didn't guess it had been entirely by accident.

Etienne stood and followed. A wince as some of the more tender wounds like the ones inbetween hurt. But he didn't whine or whimper. It was his own fault wasn't it.

An improvised den was made and Eti curled up again, but left room for Dusty to join him. Etienne furrowed a brow as Dusty shoved his nose near his wounds, but he obliged. Lifting them upwards so the boy could see them.

Etienne gave a hollow laugh. I did it to myself, but accidentally on purpose? Yea.

He shifted. I am not a normal wolf. Dere be a weirdness to me. But dis time. I look like my granme. 'Er is dead now, but it is w'at my family see w'en de look at me. I juat saw 'er myself w'en i be lookin' in de ice. So i broke it.

The coywolf hummed over the state of Etienne's paws; the ice he'd stomped in had been clear of debris, but their walk in the woods had not. Dusty Rose began laving dirt from between the other wolf's toes, one large ear cupped toward the explanation being given.

"I have a lot of weirdness in my family," he commented, a wry half-smile hooking his mouth at the corner. But his dark blue eyes were sad on Etienne's face. He knew a little about what it was like to look like someone else. It was part of the reason Dad hadn't wanted to leave home. That and the weirdness, which he hoped was not the same brand that plagued Etienne.

He held one bloody paw between two of his own.

"What was she like?" Dusty asked, point blank. "Your grand-mère."

They hurt, but Eti had deserved it for hurting himself. When the coywolf began to help clean them he was both relieved and a little unsure. He was usually the one healing others. To relinquish that even for a moment.

Etienne knew there was nothing wrong with the way he was. He was built this way. But how others would look at him when they found out. That was the shame. Not in being of his persuasion, but knowing some may hate it.

Etienne breath3d outward. Oh granme Erzulie was brave an' smart. A 'ealer. And 'er love all of us an' 'er wife so big. 'Er taug't me 'ow to 'eal.

So he reminded them of someone they missed rather than someone they reviled. Dusty Rose knew it from both sides, but really, he didn't prefer one way over the other. He'd always wished to be nothing more than Dusty Rose, plain and simple. The way that Dad and Slow West both had looked at him from time to time could still make his temper flare, if he let himself thing too hard about it.

"I look a lot like my sire," Dusty Rose told him. "I spent a lotta time growing up trying my best to act completely different from him, 'cause I hated how my family saw him in me. But he loved me all the same, y'know? They all did."

A little frown tugged at his mouth, now.

"I don't really see 'em anymore, these days," he admitted. "And it kinda fucken sucks, if you really wanna know. And it's my other dad who went and died, and the one I look like is the one who's still kickin' around in the desert. And it cut me up pretty bad and all, but..."

His head cocked to the side.

"Is there something else going on?" he wondered.

It wasn't that Etienne hated hia face b3cause he missed his granme. It was because he hated that hia family saw hia granme. The way if he showed up in the dark and they didn't knos him at first and it was that slow click or the suffering call for Erzulie. Or how his family would gaze at him so sadly.


A soft chuckle. langaj konsa

Etienne patted the other with broken paw. I am sorry you be missin your Papa. And it is 'ard bein away from family.

Oh just dat de man i love is probably urm deep inside a woman that i t'ougt 'e 'ated, but well season does strange tings. I cannot blame anyone, for i don't tell.

Another sad smile; he was used to it, by now. But even as he'd been inured to the hurt of it, it hadn't been enough to drive him into self-destructive fits. Then again, Dusty Rose knew that he treasured himself more than most ever learned to.

And that was sad, in his very intelligent opinion. And then Etienne went on to say another very sad thing, and maybe that wasn't something he could connect with quite so easily, but Jesus, even he knew that had to suck.

"Shit," said. Eloquently. He knew pretty well about what the season did to the people he loved, but he, personally, had never felt driven to be a whole fucken asshole about it. He put it down to being a more rational creature than some of his male relatives, and that had been annoying enough. If it had been a partner instead to go crazy, he was sure he would've felt it much more deeply.

Or it would have been reasonable, at least. Truthfully, Dusty Rose wasn't sure having a partner was for him in the first place.

"You deserve better than that," was the conclusion that he came to. "Whether you can blame him or not, y'know? It doesn't mean you deserve to feel this way."

Etienne usually wasn't self destructive. But he supposed in a way he had enough.

Etienne chuckled woth a small nktecof darkness at the perfect way this coywolf swore. He himself did not often use foul language. It felt beneath him.

Etienne nodded his head. I know I do. But I cannot make myself leave. But i also did not tell 'im and that is my cross to bear.

While Etienne acknowledged that he deserved better, Dusty Rose was not wholly pleased with his answer. Sure, it was his cross to bear. It was also his cross to set the fuck down, and maybe Dusty just didn't understand when it came to romance — but it seemed to him that Etienne had some options that were much better than... Y'know. This, even if he really couldn't make himself leave.

The coywolf was frustrated with the false complexity of the situation. And he was frustrated with himself, just a little, but having been yet unable to experience the special brand of insanity that was romantic love.

"My dad liked to say that sometimes people just need to be given the chance to treat each other gently," he said after a long moment. "The problem is that you've got to show them right where they can hurt you most deeply to do it. And sometimes you're wrong, and they hurt you. But don't it hurt well enough already?"

He dipped his chin.

"It's a mean fucken world out here," he said quietly. "I don't guess I gotta tell ya. But I never hurt anyone 'cause I was angry, or 'cause I just plain wanted to. It's always been on account of me being scared, or hurt, or scared to get hurt, one."

Etienne knew he deserved better. Knew he also was the one who needed to change. Otherwise. Well this was his future. And yet he couldn't quite give up yet. Although what was he giving up. Anselm didnt know.

Etienne lay his head along the shoulders of Dusty then with a soft laugh. The last onw is 'im. 'e is a ti gason blese, a wounded boy. And per'ap it is de 'ealer in me dat love 'im most.

Etienne sighed. And yes it 'urts well enoug' now.

The coywolf shifted automatically to accommodate the other wolf, making himself into as comfortable a pillow as he could manage. He couldn't make sense of Etienne's unwillingness to put things out in the open. Dusty Rose had always been taught to ask for the things he wanted, and often, those things were easily given to him. He could not really imagine Etienne telling someone that he loved them and that wolf not being thrilled about it — even though he, personally, was disinterested in being told he was loved by anyone in that particular way. He was an outlier, wasn't he?

"When you're vulnerable with someone, you give 'em the chance to hurt you real bad," he said, looking up at the canopy, "but you also give 'em the chance not to. And sometimes it's healing, I think, to see that there are hurt places in others just the same as there are in you. 'Cause it's easy to think you're all alone in it. Just you and all the things snarled up inside you."

He sighed.

"You oughta give him that chance to hurt you, if you love him," he said quietly. "If he's doin' it already without even knowing. Maybe he feels alone, too."

Dusty was accomodsting in a most unusual way, but Etienne liked it. He found he liked Dusty that he thought of him as his friend.

Etienne smiled. You is smart one, Dusty. and he was. The boy was wiser than his years. Pwrhaps he jad a life similar to Eti's.


'e tink women likin' womwn is not rite. 'Ow you tink 'e take man likin' man?

Hw remembered well the conversation with Anselm about his granmes he had called them gay in a ride way. Drawing the line clearly to Etienne. At least for now. He would have to tell Anselm someday, but he knew if he did. It may end everything.

The resulting silence was Dusty Rose forcing himself not to dole out more advice which was, at this point, throw out the whole man. Although even nearing three years old he had yet to experience lasting attraction to any male or female, he had never considered that one sex went with the other anymore than they went with themselves. Now that he thought of it, most couples he knew were a male and a female — but what was the difference, really?

Y'know. Aside from the obvious. But even his parents had found a way to bring some cute lil kids into the world, so what could possibly be the problem?

He was starting to think that Etienne had fallen for a very dim sort of fellow.

"I guess people are gonna do as they think is right," he said tightly, in that backhanded Appalachian sorta way. What he meant was, I guess you can't beat sense into a bucket or maybe, he's wrong and I don't think he's got much of a chance of learning to be right.

But Dusty Rose, despite all appearances, had been raised with manners.

"I suppose it don't help to tell you you can do much better," he said, not much hope in his tone.

Etienne chuckled. I can 'ear you forcin' yourself not to say more. My sister Suzu like dat.

Etienne was much like Dusty. He saw nothing wrong with it, necessarily. Yea sometimes, more often than not it ashamed him. But again it was more the reactions of others not so much his ways.


Etienne grinned. It 'elps and I know. I just gotta wait for my 'eart catc' up to my good sense.

His mother would be so upset if she knew his pain.

"You sister sounds like a gem," said the coywolf, who thought that any similarities between himself and others were worthy of admiration. He still thought he'd like to meet this Suzu, but he hadn't yet made it up to the coast.

Suzu sounded sensible, but so did Etienne, most of the time. He seemed so smart and level-headed, but this guy — whoever he was — had dug into his psyche like a tick. There was probably some allegory that Slow West would've made out of it. Lyme disease and broken hearts or something else just as half-baked and sentimental. Without such inclinations, Dusty Rose was content to label the guy a bug and leave it at that.

"Well," said Dusty, frustrated still with this impasse but knowing it was not really his business. All he had was what was right in front of him, and haranguing Etienne's absent love wasn't doing either of them any good. "I hope it works out," was all he could really say. "But if it doesn't, you should look me up. Or maybe do that anyway, when you've got the time and inclination. I'm with a pack called Hearthwood, now. They're just up the mountain chain from where we met, down in the foothills."

Etienne smiled fully and grandly. Transforming the plains of his brown masked face. My Suzu is. 'Er be my very favorite wolf. I would do anyting for 'er.

But he hadn't done anything for her had he. He had left and he had not returned. And she missed him as hexmissed her.

Eti tilted an ear. I know of dis pack. I 'ave met one of de leaders. Reverie.

Though he didn't mention the pain of that day for her. It was best unsaid.

I will visit you often and 'opefully I won't be such a mopey mabel.

thread with rev is still ongoing, but i figured it was okay to vaguely mention it here <3

The coywolf's ears pinged in surprise at Reverie's name. "Rev? She's a peach," he replied, though she was also sort of a recluse, lately. Dusty was a little surprised she'd gotten the chance to meet wolves outside their pack.

"Don't worry about it, alright?" he said on the topic of moping. Because Jesus fucken Christ he hoped not, but he also wasn't gonna hold these sort of sorrows against Etienne. He was a healer — he deserves to have someone take care of him every now and again. In fact, "You can come even if you've just got shit you wanna get out of your head. Even if it doesn't change much — it feels better talking about it, right? It still hurts, but maybe it doesn't fester so much."

He smoothed the fur of Etienne's temple with one last, fussy lick. He knew one thing for certain: those paws were gonna hurt in the morning. And as much as Dusty Rose prided himself on being capable and independent and still, y'know, helpful — he didn't know much about healing. Unfortunately, Etienne would have to figure that out for himself.

"Just rest, alright?" said Dusty. While you still can.

A soft chuckle. 'er does seem nice.

Etienn3 had not been outside of yheir borders when he'd met Reverie. He had purposely went there searching for the pack members. To learn to sow accord. Make good neighbors.

Etienne smil3d and nudged Dusty softly. Tank you Dusty.

A small sniffle and he burrowed further into the coywolf's embrace. He was very tired amd he knew come morning it would hurt so bad.

last from me. Thank you!