Redhawk Caldera Stray away from the forces that make you

He wasn't leaving.  Instead, he was... whining?  Or at least a close approximation.

She'd known a bit of what to expect, but she hadn't realized how bad it would be.  She felt guilty as hell about it in a really nasty, really complicated way that she couldn't describe or explain.  She knew it wasn't her fault, but that didn't mean it was easy to remember that it had been helping her that had done it.  And it had been her who almost hadn't managed to save him in time.

Her ears pinned back as her stomach shifted uncomfortably, different from the nausea and lack of appetite she'd been feeling.  It cooled the edge off of her anger some, but that just let the exhaustion back in.  Why was he even here?  They'd fucking replaced her after a week.  Okay, so sure, she hadn't been testing them or some stupid shit like that.  But she hadn't realized they'd do it that easily, and it still hurt her feelings in a way she hadn't felt since - honestly, ever.  Another check for the Redhawks; they never would.

Her internal struggle between guilt, bitterness, and a weird growing sense of despair took a few moments.  In the end it was impossible to say what won, but she bared her teeth silently, gritted.  Fine.  She'd fucking do it.  It didn't matter anyway.

She adjusted, then slowly began to raise herself to her paws.  The other day she'd managed a step or two; today she didn't manage a single one.  She'd had barely an appetite, barely slept, and as the knife plunged into her side, it twisted with the flex of muscle.  She sank back down with a reedy whine that she quickly bit back into a violent hiss.  The world wavered for a moment, and not for the first time since this happened, she couldn't hear anything but the rush in her ears.

She forgot he was there, for a moment.  All she could do was press her forepaws and muzzle to the dirt and try to calm her breathing down before she completely lost it.  Slowly, her choked gasps began to settle into the same stilted breath as before, the roar quieting down to a quiet, hazy buzz.