Ankyra Sound last is gunfire

firefly's scent had faded from the pack and the borders of it. illidan had paced back and forth in search of the man, hoping that he was simply visiting someone outside of the sound. when the days passed and he did not return, the ghost had slipped into a state of complete misery. he did not understand what had taken his friend away. he did not understand how he could have left his newborn children... and far more selfishly, illidan did not understand how he could have left without telling him goodbye.

the stinging in his chest was something he was not familiar with. it was close to the betrayal that he had felt when he'd seen his brother in the cliff-side pack, fighting for their enemy. it was closer to his heart, somehow. it stung more than even the betrayal of his own blood. after all, he felt as though he knew firefly far better than he could ever or would ever know ephraim.

illidan trekked to the border and began to make his rounds in an attempt to clear his mind. somewhere in the back of his head, the ghost hoped that he would catch the scent of firefly. he was met with nothing but the smell of the blackpine.

Angry resentment had turned into quiet acceptance over the past weeks, and time surrounded by their small family had brought an odd sense of peace to the pirate.  She'd accepted the role of mother with an ease that she had neither anticipated nor understood.

Firefly was gone, but they did not need him.  Erzulie and she were once again synchronized, and that alone was enough to place a lightness over her bearing.  She'd learned something, though this hardship - a silent promise that had resolved within her.  She'd see if it ever arose.

She was out for a walk when she noted Illidan on the borders.  Rosalyn did not immediately move to approach him; she hadn't spoken to the Beta since their argument.  But she knew how much esteem her wife held in him, and knew that it didn't serve her well to keep separate.  So she voiced a greeting.  "Illidan.  How are you?"

it hurt to believe that firefly had simply disappeared from their home. illidan was certain that the man must have found something of great importance to leave without having said anything. at least, he hoped that the sun-touched male had not vanished without telling the boy goodbye. while they may not have had the closest relationship, illidan still cared very deeply for the other man. he did not want to see their pack without the presence of firefly in it. it was there, standing on the edge of their claim, that he set his mind to searching.

before thoughts of his childhood could flood his memory and dissuade him from this task, there was a voice that sounded from behind him. the ghost turned his head around with some surprise and breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that it was rosalyn. at this, illidan offered a soft smile to her and nodded his head. “i can't smell firefly anymore... has he gone somewhere?” the boy asked her.

firefly was the father of the newborn children in their pack, was he not? surely, rosalyn would know where the father of her pups had disappeared to.

Instead of answering her question, he immediately went in for one of his own.  Which was likely pertinent to how things were going; and honestly, asking how another was doing was the most filler of starters.  It always felt like an empty formality when she really didn't care about the answer.

He's gone.  Without a word to us.  She might be glad for it, but Erzulie had obviously wished him to be present, and that irked her.  He hadn't had the decency to keep his word to her wife.  Caiaphas said she saw him run, that night when Erzulie called.  Good riddance, she thought silently, but she was aware something existed between the two of them.  It had to, for Illidan to have accepted his ousting of his mother, correct?

it wasn’t that he disrespected the red woman. he had simply avoided the question she’d posed because he did not know how he was supposed to articulate just how he felt, or why he felt that way. there was a grounding misery that had made a home within him. illidan expected that it had simply become a part of who he was as an individual. there was not a lot that could possibly change that piece of him. in addition to this, he did not wish to share his sadness with those around him. he certainly did not wish to bring down rosalyn when she was surely elated by the birth of her children.
 
when the woman remarked that firefly had vanished without a word, illidan’s brow furrowed and he turned his sights away from her to peer into the distant terrain. none of that made any sense to him. how could the man just vanish without so much as a goodbye? how could he have left his own children to be raised by only their mothers? illidan did not believe that rosalyn and erzulie would have done a bad job on their own, but he could not help but think about his own childhood and his life without a father.
 
“i will find him,” he vowed in a graveled voice. he turned his sights back to her, determination setting in to the lines on his young face. “you and your children deserve better than that. you deserve support – respect – and this is not the way that is shown,” he growled angrily. then, the ghost shook his head to try and clear away the vile thoughts that were sneaking in.
 
“what can i do to help you in the meantime? i will step in wherever i can for you and erzulie…”

She frowned as he promised to find Firefly and bring him back, appreciating the sentiment but knowing it would be an empty effort.  Even if he did come back, he was no part of their family any longer.  Erzulie and she were agreed on this.

Don't bother, she replied, unless you want to for yourself.  We don't need him and will be the better for it.  There wasn't a trace of doubt or indecision to her as she said this, because it had been her opinion from the start.  All this had done was cement it in her wife as well.

No more or less than you want to, she added.  The offer was in good faith, she sensed, so she didn't let it bother her.  But on some level she was annoyed by the implication that, without Firefly, they would need help. Their children had two parents and a loving home; it was unthinkably more than she herself had had, and there was no way they could want for anything more.

he did not know what he wanted for himself. his life would have probably been monumentally easier if he did. he found it far more difficult to separate the things he wished for himself and what was best for those around him. while he might have wanted to chase down firefly and explain to him that he had done wrong by the women in the pack, there seemed to be a more level-headed understanding from rosalyn that suggested it was the last thing she needed him to do. the sun-touched man who had swept through and then disappeared did not have a place in her life and that was something he had to respect.
 
when it came to being a presence in the lives of her children, illidan felt as though he might have crossed a boundary. the boy looked to the ground with a somber expression on his scruffy features. the gold of his gaze seemed to team with feelings he had not shared. “please forgive me, rosalyn… it is not that i believe you and erzulie would be anything less than perfect parents to these children. i am selfishly thinking back to my own childhood without my father and how it had hurt me. i want your pups to have support… i want them to know that they have an entire pack that would do anything for them, that is all.”
 
the tone of his voice was hollow, but he could not meet her gaze. emotional vulnerability was not his strongest ability, but illidan had felt as though he owed her at least the smallest of explanations.

Rosalyn watched him struggle impassively at first, but then smiled wryly as he finished his apology.  He was young, and perhaps if he was ever a parent he'd realize how defensive one could become.

I had no father either, nor mother after she decided she no longer wanted me.  Rosalyn replied, flicking an ear idly.  Blood and role don't matter.  What matters is they will have the support they need and never question that they are worth everything.  She looked at him carefully.  If you can help with that, then I'd be grateful.

Whatever Illidan's doubts or their differences, Rosalyn didn't mind him holding the role he did, nor did she mind him playing a part in her children's lives.  He had a quiet responsibility that was both aggravating and admirable.

before that moment, illidan had known virtually nothing about the roguish woman. rosalyn had been more mystery to him than anyone else in their pack. he knew that they did not agree on many things, that she was a smart woman, and that she had a great deal of warranted pride. still, the ghost had never really gone out of his way to learn much about her past. he may have held his own so closely to his vest that he thought it rude to ask others. it was difficult to request that those around him should bend where he would not.
 
“i certainly can offer that. i’m sure you would like time to tend to them and to protect them, but when they are old enough to venture out on their own… i will bring gifts for them and perhaps introduce myself,” he said to her in a soft voice. he could already see several things that would do well in a family den. deer antlers would prove to be useful for chewing. swatches of pelt from prey would make for soft bedding. surely, he could find something that would make a suitable toy for the pups.
 
“thank you for your patience and for your presence in the pack,” illidan said after a moment of silence. his tone was sad, but it carried a heavy weight of genuine emotion. he knew that rosalyn and her family were a good part of the reason why rusalka still stood strong. he was not sure that she had been properly recognized for the loyalty and bravery that she had shown.

It was quickly becoming apparent that a new avenue into Rosalyn's good graces was emerging - kindness towards her children.  She saw now for the first time a trace of what Erzulie saw in him.  He was softer than his sister, and she would never prefer his company to Raleska's, but he was a credit to Caiaphas perhaps.  Provided that softness did not jeapordize Rusalka.

Thank you, she responded, and felt they'd reached a sort of accord.  Speaking of, it was time for her to return to them.  I will see you around, Illidan, she finished before turning and departing to relieve Erzulie of her watch.

it was the first time that he’d felt as though he had actually managed to have a conversation with rosalyn. one where he didn’t feel like he was putting his feet in his mouth or that he was offending her with the way that he shared his thoughts. he felt as though they had actually talked, and the outcome had been better than any discussion they had previously. something about that was relieving to the ghost. he had fretted over hose close he had grown to erzulie, but the startling contrast in his relationship with her mate had been worrisome.
 
the red woman bid him farewell and turned to where her family would be waiting. there was a brief moment in which illidan was envious of what she was returning to. he had dreamed of having that kind of dynamic family. when he had been younger, it had been the memories of his siblings and parents that had kept him fighting. he only wished that things had been different for them.
 
illidan turned to hunt in the blackpine. he did not stop thinking about the new pups or their mothers. he silently vowed that he would do everything he could to make sure their journey into adulthood was filled with good things. it was the least he could do, after all.