Hideaway Strath I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

All welcome <3 maybe @Nyra ?

Charles still hadn't calmed down from all of the things he needed to think about now. A lot of thoughts had passed his mind the last days, thoughts such as:
— Is she pregnant?
— What are the chances that she is pregnant?
— I mean, it could just be a bust, right, and then there's nothing to worry about, haha.. ha
— Will everyone respect me now that I did the thing with a woman?
— Of course they will.
— Why am I not cured from these thoughts about men?
— Oh damn I hope I don't run into a handsome man.
— Right, back to freaking out about this fatherhood thing.
— Will I become like my mother?
— Is being a father different than being a mother?
— Will she even want me to be a father??? ?
— I should probably find someone with a father to ask for like... what to do?
— What if my children are gonna be an annoying little shits? Aren't all children annoying little shits? Isn't the fact it's gonna be my kid mean it's gonna be just as bad as me?
— I'M NOT READY, AAAH!!!

Charles filled his days worrying about all of these things and more. He had no idea how to go about this whole fatherhood thing, considering he didn't have a father and the only parenting example he had was his mother (he still assumed all mothers, and possibly parents, were abusive; that was just what becoming a parent turned you into). He also had no idea if Nyra wanted him to even play a role, but he was too afraid to really ask her. Heck, he was too afraid to even go looking for her.

Feeling trapped, the coywolf decided to fill his time that day with exploring some of the Strath, and followed the southern walls of the territory with a worried, twitchy frown on his face.

ask and ye shall receive! :3

 



It's been almost two weeks since she bedded with Charles. 
While the banging wasn't absolutely fantastic, it had,in the end, calmed her desire to Get Sum Fuk and that was what mattered most in the moment. 

Nyra wandered aimlessly, doing her tasks as Overseer, yes, but also just letting her thoughts flow in and out. 

Would she be a good mother? 
Would Charles want to play a role in raising their kids? 
Was she ready to be a mother? 
Was HE ready to be a father?... 

Sighing sharply, Nyra turned her head, catching sight of the coywolf who, like her, didn't look too excited. More nervous, perhaps. 

And yet she made no move to approach him.

When she came into view, she didn't look very excited. Did she have regrets? Did she look at him and realise what ugly trash he was? That their children would be, too? Charles felt a nervous twist in his gut at the thought of this. But he couldn't be a coward forever.

After swallowing thickly the coywolf decided to approach her. His posture was submissive and he licked his lips as he neared. Hey, uh...

... He didn't really have much more. Or, rather, he had a lot to say, but words failed him when he actually faced her and Charles just stood with his mouth half-ajar, unsure what to say and how.

Maybe it was the way he approached. Maybe it was that she was expecting him to ask.

It was better just to say it.
"I'm pregnant." She confirmed softly

Without any pause, she just straight up said it. There was something soft about the way she said it, even though her initial demeanour had seemed stand-offish towards him. Oh, that's... Good? Great? Congratulations? ... what you wanted, yeah? He offered an awkward smile, and it was clear that Charles had no idea how to act or what he should do or say. He was terrified to become a parent like his own mother, but there was little he could do about it now. It was happening.

Except he didn't even know if Nyra wanted his involvement at all. The coywolf swallowed thickly and then he found the courage to ask her. He looked at her briefly as he said, Do you want me to be there when they're here? And then he looked away while waiting for the answer, too nervous to look at her face.

Nyra nodded once to his question. Yes, it is what she wanted. 
But was it the right choice? She might never know. 

Then, the boy asks her something that would give him major props in her mind just for asking: Did she want him there? Did she want him to take part in raising them?

"I will not stop you from being there for the lives you helped create." She answered gently. 
In a way it was her saying yes, but she was also giving him a choice.

Well, that's good, then, Charles said after her nod, also nodding, feeling awkward.

To his other question, she said that she wouldn't 'stop him from being there for them'. What did that even mean? What did she want him to do? Charles wasn't the best for-himself-thinker, at least not when it came to the big things. Yeah, he could decide whether someone was a friend or what game to play or what cache he'd rob — err, use — for dinner, but like... Whether he should be a father to them?

He felt there was something hidden in those words, mostly because she didn't really answer his question. He could not imagine that she would truly think that whether or not he'd be there for them, it would be alright either way.

Oh. Right. So... He blinked owlishly as he tried to process that. .. What do you want me to do? He couldn't help but ask the question, because he just needed to know. He didn't feel near adult enough to make an important decision like this himself.

Nyra knit her brows some, thinking. 
Yeah she would be fine raising their pups on her own, she thought, but she also realized over the years...

"I think it's important that our children know their father. You are a mischievous but kind soul, and I see no issue with you being around to help however you can." The Overseer was once again indirect, but she hoped it was a bit clearer that this was a choice he would have to make himself. 
She wasn't going to force him. 

So to his awkward, owlish blinking, she mirrored his inquiry back at him. 
"What do you want to do?" Nyra asked softly. 
Her efforts were only aimed to help him, not confuse him. And her hellfire gaze was patient, understanding. 

Like she knew, in a way, what it was like to be young and thrown into this.

Charles listened closely to what she said, because he wanted to know what was expected of him. Nyra first said that it was important for children to know their father. Charles'd never known his. He didn't even know who it was. He didn't even know fathers were needed until he discovered the nitty gritty details of how children were made through his interactions with Nyra, when his instincts did the job.

Honestly, Charles'd never been called 'kind', so when Nyra said that he looked genuinely surprised. He didn't know what mischievous meant, so he skimmed over that. Alright, then, he said eventually.

Her question took him by surprise again. He wasn't normally asked what he wanted at all. Charles looked thoughtful for a moment before he said, I don't know. Does a father do the same things like a mother? His question betrayed his inexperience with fathers, but he didn't know how else he would ever find out if not to ask, however wrong it felt to admit that he had no clue what he was doing.

Nyra was also thoughtful, and answered his question slowly.

"I didn't have a good father growing up... but I imagine a great father loves and protects his kids instead of abusing them." She spoke from experience she wished she didn't have, a sad flame in her eyes

Well, that's pretty useless then, Charles thought as Nyra mentioned not having a good father. He thought she meant that she didn't have a father, maybe. However, when she continued he realised the true depth of her words and it made him realise what they meant. It felt like gravity was just a little tighter on his body when he heard the words. He wasn't entirely sure what abusing meant but he could tell from the context that it wasn't very good.

So were they simply doomed, then, to repeat the mistakes of their parents? What if he turned out to be like his mother? He wanted nothing to do with her, and definitely didn't want to look into the water and see her face reflected in his own. How could he possibly prevent that, when apparently, that was what parents simply did?

Loves and protects... What did that mean? Could he do that? He had to try, but was he really the good person that Nyra somehow seemed to see in him? The coywolf looked conflicted at these words and he was silent for a good time before finally responding. I... will try. He wasn't ready to be a father by a long shot, but he knew that he had to try, at least, for their sake.

The youth seemed to hesitate, to be thinking for a long time. 
All the while, Nyra stood a silent watcher, waiting patiently for his answer.

I'll try. 

To that she offered a soft smile.
"Making an effort is all I can ask right now. Thank you." She exhaled, seemingly decreasing in bodily tension. 
With cold-burn amber eyes, Nyra continued to watch Charles for a few moments before she finally began to turn away. 
Would he stop her?

Charles honestly wished that he could just run away right now. He wanted to get away from the shit he'd seen and gone through. He just wanted... Well, that was the problem, he didn't really know what he wanted. There was a restlessness in him. He hated pain, but he also craved it in some weird way. Charles knew that something was deeply, unsettlingly wrong with him, though he didn't entirely rule out that maybe, everyone else was feeling the same way all the time but just acted chill, like he did.

She thanked him and seemed to relax a little. Charles felt really weird. Eventually she turned away. For a moment it looked as if the coywolf would step forward to — well, what exactly? — and then he stopped and just stared as she turned away.

He wanted to say or do something. Something manly. Something that'd make her think that he was cool. But he didn't know what, and so in the end, all he could do was just watch her walk away in silence.