Lion Head Mesa ductile

dated for present day, this is after tavina's recent talk with treva, after she visits maegi's kids, and after she gets back from the palace after making contact with kvarsheim! (taktuq) <3

the halls of akashingo were both familiar and a constraint.

no one had touched her supplies while she was away.

and maegi was dead.

her lips trembled. tavina was in her pristine examination room, puttering with things that did not need to be fixed. poor @Gucci, came the thought. and then another: how would he think of herself and nala helping him? preposterous, even; she had not even asked nala!

the tremors of his own body made sleep a fantasy. little paws carried him trough the halls, dogtag mirthless in its clinking. 

if in the wake of the queen's murder he looked terror-stricken, now he was haggard, dull-eyed.

the little man dragged himself by the sesh's door, oblivious to his location and her presence.

the clinking of the dog-tag brought tavina's head up. shit. she dabbed at her face until the tears were mostly gone and walked to the door.

there was no light in gucci. it had just gone out. even his walk was without its usual jauntiness. "hey," she called softly to him, exiting the exam room. "i am so sorry."

he had made past the entryway, when his name was called. it still took him a couple steps more to process, to stop and turn his head with a flat "hm?".

oh. tavina.

he couldn't even give her a wag.

the chihuahua was silent a long moment, looking at the ground before the she-wolf, then at the same next to his feet. he made that sort of sound one does when trying to wet a dry mouth.

"ah..." weakly.

"...yeah." accepting.

he had nothing else to say.

depressed. voidlike.

how could she bring nala's light into this place? more likely these corridors might take it from her.

but she must allow the woman to make her own choices. she could not always act as the proverbial prince. "come here. please?" she tilted her head toward the freshly appointed medical chamber.

gucci nodded again. listless, he came into the examination room.

she looked over him.

"you're not sleeping." and he was hardly responsive. tavina frowned.

"if i mix a sleeping draught, will you take it, noble one?"

aaa sorry that was a short reply, got it in before my internet access got cut <33333

with abject dullness the neb looked over the room, more out of reflex to show polite interest in a host's living space - rather than any spark of curiosity.

again, tavina's words did not reach him until a longer silence. an ear turned in her direction before his head did.

"hm? o- yeah. yeah ah could use it." he attempted to grasp at the threads of composure, but still his tiny body trembled as he moved to seat himself in a spot.

he wet his lips. he tried to say something. he stayed quiet with an open mouth.

he tried again.

"mi... tavina." 

"she... she ain't gon' git a mournin' period, is she?"

no worries!

tavina paused.

"as far as i know, her body was not brought back to akashingo. pharaoh intends to have a ceremony for her."

tavina watched him. "neb. the children. if you — perhaps you might —"

but the words would not come.

first he was shakily nodding. yes, yes ceremony. but no! she were sensitive about the topic of spirituality, and what if she took offense to that? but oh-

he wouldn't be able to ask her.

it was that thought as, much as a single word from his friend's mouth, that froze him.

the children.

but oh!

gucci carefully gathered his limbs closer to himself, feathered tail curling about them.

"...ah... ah don'..." his teeth clenched. the chihuahua's frame bent. "ah can't..."

now he was bending further, until his belly touched the floor and his paws weakly flexed just a touch away from his contorted expression.

"tavina." his voice cracked. "they was almost mah own!"

he covered his face, else the sobs escape him.

tavina lay down alongside him, chest welling with a reflection of his own agony. had it been love, he and maegi? the sesh had seen no evidence of that, but gucci felt his sensations so deeply it would not have surprised her.

he wept.

"oh, gucci," she said, letting go of the formal for the present. "they still are." a marriage or not, the noble had meant to adopt them. why would he be withheld from that.

"speak with pharaoh. he named you their father before akashingo, remember."

her words so gentle, her large self so comforting besides him. but oh!

"but ah cannot!" he released his face, cheeks tear-streaked despite all efforts.

"they was.. they was maggie's more th'n mine, n ah ne'er heard 'er wishes regardin' 'em." his lipline trembled and he tried to blink away the waterworks.

"ah c'nnot b' father t' pups o' late mother t'might've been offended by mah raisin' 'em!" he put a paw to his creased forehead, bit his lip. desperate for the depths of his conundrum to be understood.

and maegi... quiet, poised maegi, she was a woman of the world! of history and family and loss and faith and so, so much more than could fit in his own five years of unobstructed comfort. 

five years in which not once did he feel grief as sharply as he did now, robbed - for the first time! - of something he so deeply desired, and worked himself - for the first time! - to see be made into reality.

and now the man, feeling as boyish as he was sized, did not know how to honour those gone. those he no longer could be with even in fantasies - else he'd go mad.

"they'll always be hers. but you have to remember her for them, gucci."

her throat felt tight.

the state of him, his tears; it drove her heart to deep sadness. tavina's gaze rested openly on him. "they've names. but they need a surname. and titles."

the sesh smiled, a hint of sadness at her mouth. "i can help you. i have — well. i can help." gucci did not need to raise them alone.

the small man was deep within his own mind, tavina's words reaching him as if trough water.

but he heard them.

the chihuahua righted himself into a sit, straightened and inhaled, despite knowing it would be in a fruitless effort to calm his quaking body. but her words had reached him.

gucci lifted his head and looked at tavina.

"ah don- ah don' wann' impose. ahm..." clenched teeth. "so. terrified. o' doin' th' wrang thang." a shaking, daintily gloved paw rose to cover his eyes. he tried breathing again.

and exhaled.

fwooo.

then lowered the paw and looked to tavina again, a volatile smile quivering on his lips, lightly shaking his head.

"i'll listen. j- jus' say what's th' idea, n ah'll listen."

tavina sat up a little, clearing her throat. she shut her eyes. "it's a — it's a long story. and a wild one. but someone is coming here, to the palace. to live as my — companion."

she could scarcely say it aloud.

"and — i would need to speak with her, of course, but — she's rather family-oriented. oh, gucci! i mean to say we'll help you raise them. as if — as if we were equal parents, all three."

tavina, spinning a silken wish she hoped would be truth. "so you see, you don't have to be terrified."

he listened, but his ears only perked up when it dawned on him who was being referred to. of course! the friend! so careless he suddenly felt, realising he hadn't been paying mind to the sesh's troubles.

and the offer had his little jaw going slack.

the mouth quivered, his eyes turned misty again, but now the smile couldn't be fought against, pushing the tears out his large, brownblack eyes.

"o tavinah!" the little man barked, and forgetting restraint dove into the fur of her lower half, hugging her to the best of his small wingspan's capabilities.

"o gleamin' jewel, o bright'st star, what'd this palace do withoutcha kindness n smarts!" gucci praised, muffled. he pulled his face out and looked up. 

 

"is that friend rehomed now? is she safe? i'll yap 'till midnight 'n' day after inta th' pharaoh's shapely ears if that'll git 'im t' let 'er join!" his curved tail beat enthusiastically.

aww <3

tavina hugged him back, ignoring how gucci's specific nearness made her chest feel. there was no other man who had done so for her. curious she should find such a sensation for one without physical power. perhaps that was part of it.

"you would have gotten on fabulously without me," she reminded him, charmed by the moistened look of his gratitude-limned eyes. "she's safe. i'm to go and get her soon. when she's settled, we'll have dinner."

"aw, ya shameless flatterer!" he laughed, wiping away the tears.

gucci scooted away, cleared his throat, and attempted to get himself in physical and emotional orde; deep, quick breaths trough the mouth and exhales out the snout, while attempting to smooth down the ruff of his chest.

"a'ight... a'ight!" he shook his head to clear it. "s soon as she's 'ere," and again he looked tavina in the eye. "ya gimme a howl, n imma unleash th' extent o' mah fab-u-lousness upon th' pharaoh." the look in his eyes was of exaggerated stone cold seriousness. then in softened, and his tail swept the floor like a broom.

"ah'd love t' meetcha ladypal."

ladypal. "she really is gentle."

she would save the other surprise for last: that nala was not a wolf but one of his own species.

she pressed her cheek to his and began to straighten the herbs, then stopped. "let's have lunch before i go," she urged. "outside akashingo. down by the steps maybe."

snuggling her cheeks brought him tail-wagging delight wrapped in nostalgia, the former housepet remembering too well the love of his Ma.

"-f course!" he yapped at her offer, still attempting to fix the obvious signs of his messy, messy emotional state. "need mah help? fixin' 'em plantsies, gittin th' very best cut o' hare?" his eyebrows wagged.

then he felt another sting of tears behind the eyes, and quickly looked somewhere else.

and she was not immune to it, nor ignorant of his struggle. "why don't you do that, find a cut of meat and have the servants prepare it. i'll bring some herbs for garnish and meet you down there for a picnic."

she hoped he would see her soft dismissal for the mercy it was: he was very proper, and must get himself together for his own sake.

the man was immensely grateful, but felt that saying it would somehow be inappropriate.

"sure, gitcha th' juiciest cut." another quick smile facing her, and then the neb turned around and cantered out the chamber.

a hallway down, he slowed, and supporting himself against a wall, wept a little more.

oh, why must joy n grief be such close bedfellows!