Duskfire Glacier young right now

Meerkat stood in the shadow of the glacier, staring ponderously into Bosk Iana from close to the borderline. There were many things on her mind, though she buttoned up every other issue for the moment and focused on the task at hand.

She wanted to meet with the pack's youths. As a scout, she wanted to ask them all about their recent foray across the wilderness. As a coach and therapist, she wanted to offer her apologies, particularly to @Arius and @Ensio. She knew the pack's Alphas had been looking after them, though Meerkat felt she'd failed to play her role lately.

She called for the two boys, @Veteran and @Wayfarer too. Feeling strangely intrusive, Meerkat then moved a little deeper into the territory, finding a comfortable patch of dry grass sandwiched between Bosk Iana and and the curve of Qeya River. Just north of her position, it sprawled into the meadow. It was here she took a seat to await the pack's youngest members.

Veteran answered quickly. 

"Coach Meekah!" he cried as she came into view. He ran to her, but managed to slow his roll down before impact, conscious of how much bigger he had gotten in the last few weeks. He fell against her lightly, nuzzling into her shoulder fur. 

"Where have you been?" he asked when he pulled away. He tilted his head, curious and smiling. "You should have come scouting with us, it was so cool!" Why hadn't she come with them? Wasn't she their pack's best scout? It didn't make any sense that she wasn't a part of such a critically important scouting mission.

I welcome the others to hop in anytime.

It did not surprise her when Veteran appeared first, skidding toward her with a friendly nuzzle. Meerkat smiled at him and nipped at his ear when he nosed her shoulder. The smile dimmed a little at his question, though she carefully schooled her expression.

"I was scouting too, in another direction," she replied. "But I heard your trip was more successful than mine. I want to hear all about it, especially the new digs." Meerkat reached out to fondly ruffle his fur, even as she felt a pang in her chest, knowing she wouldn't be joining him there.

Meerkat had also been away scouting. That made sense to Veteran, and he didn't think to question her any further on it.

"Okay," he agreed readily. "The place that everyone really liked--" Well almost everyone-- "It's a big mountain in this middle of this thing called a hen-ter-lands. A place with lots of rivers." Veteran had learned quite a bit of new geographic terminology over the last few weeks. "The mountain has caves in it, and it has hot spots like Frostfire Ridge. Maybe it will even have lizards, when the warm weather comes back." 

Other than being hopeful about the lizards, Veteran's eagerness would likely come across as a little ingenuine. Traveling had been fun, and he was glad to be included on such an important mission, but he really didn't want to leave the Glacier. He didn't want everything to be different. Never far from his thoughts was the mention that Issorartuyok had made of new pups in the spring, which Veteran hadn't even thought to consider before. It was a lot of change being presented all at once. He'd been brave in front of Issorartuyok and the other kids, but now that it was just him and his Coach Meekah, he was feeling unsure.

Meerkat laughed lightly as he tripped his way through the word "hinterlands," her eyes lighting up. "Oh, really?" she queried, letting him finish. She chuckled again when Veteran mentioned lizards. "Maybe! Did you know I was born there? In the hinterlands, I mean, in a place called Sun Mote Copse."

She tried to place this mountain he mentioned, though Meerkat hadn't spent too much time exploring the hinterlands before moving away to Moonspear at five months of age. In any case, it was comforting to know exactly where the pack intended to go. It was certainly a ways away from here, though Meerkat knew the way, which meant visiting wasn't out of the question.

"It kinda sounds like another place I lived, Redhawk Caldera. That's where I came from right before I moved here," Meerkat shared, thinking of all the caves beneath the water-filled crater. "I'm sure it'll make a great home. Did you see any other cool places while you were out there?"

At Meerkat's revelation, Veteran fell agape momentarily. He regained his words quickly. "I saw it! I saw the copse with all the sun-motes! They looked like fairies dancing!" His eyes sparkled for a half-beat before he realized how girly that sounded. He tossed a glance over his shoulder quickly, to make sure Ensio and Arius hadn't heard him. 

Redhawk Caldera? "My great aunt Rue lives in Redhawk Caldera," he stated matter-of-factly. He had never met this aunt, but Mom was fond of her. Lane had been excited to reunite with her, that time she went scouting at the end of summer. 

Meerkat mentioned that the mountain would make "a great home," and Veteran just looked at his feet. It was cool and everything, but he didn't want it to be home. This was home.

"Y-yeah," he answered a little shakily. "We saw.. saw a..." He trailed off. Suddenly, tears were welling in his eyes.

Her tail waved when he exclaimed about seeing Sun Mote Copse. "Yeah, it's really pretty, isn't it?" Meerkat rejoined, head canting a little when he glanced over his shoulder. She looked that way too, wondering if he'd heard one of his siblings approaching. But it was still just the two of them. She frowned thoughtfully.

His comment about Ruenna certainly caught her by surprise, gaze cutting back to his swarthy face. "Wait, Rue is your great aunt?" Meerkat questioned, then bit her lip. Should she tell him the caldera had disbanded?

Before she could arrive at a decision about that, Veteran very unexpectedly teared up. "Hey!" Meerkat exclaimed, moving closer to touch her muzzle gently against his. "What's up, buddy?" she murmured softly, brown eyes both concerned and confused. "Talk to me."

After he made sure his brothers had not overheard his emasculating exclamation, Veteran nodded conspiratorially to Meerkat's statement. It had been very pretty. The sunlight dancing in the copse had reminded him of the way the light caught Samani's strawberry blonde pelt. 

"Mmhmm," Veteran would confirm about Auntie Rue. Ruenna had been a caregiver to Lane when she was a pup, and she was not technically related by blood (unbeknownst to Veteran). Lane did not consider the lack of blood relation to be a noteworthy distinction, and so Veteran would not either. 

"'S just a lot." He sniffled, letting his chin fall against Meerkat's shoulder. He was almost as tall as her now. "Dad and Tzila. Moving. N-new pups coming. Ensio.." Veteran's eyes burned a hole in the ground. "Ensio's better than me at everything. Issorartuyok likes him better now. Everyone does." Heda especially. The last statements were unsubstantiated, of course. But it was how Veteran felt.

"It's just a lot," he said and Meerkat could certainly empathize. She was pretty sure she'd said this very same thing to his mother not too long ago. Some of the specific grievances he aired were news to her, though. Who was going to have puppies? And since when was there a rivalry between Veteran and Ensio?

Out of all the pups in the glacier pack, Meerkat was fondest of Veteran, though she knew it wouldn't be particularly appropriate to say that. Instead, she said quietly, "I don't think either of those things is true, but tell me what makes you think so."

Veteran shrugged. It would probably sound conceited if he said it out loud, but he had kind of gotten used to being the golden boy of Duskfire Glacier. First to apprentice, first to learn a trade, first to bring down a caribou. But now, it was like Ensio was there to one-up all his successes and witness all of his failures. "Whenever I get upset, Ensio is so calm and always acts so perfect and says the perfect thing. Then Issorartuyok always says, 'Ensio is right.' ..I'm never right anymore." Life had gotten trickier, and Veteran was trying to get through it, but he wasn't always perfect. It just burned him up that Ensio always was, somehow. 

"And I don't think Issorartuyok likes lizards! Or frogs, or snakes. He likes the things Ensio likes." Out came more projecting, and more unsubstantiated claims. He was just venting at this point, and it felt good that Meerkat was listening. He burrowed his muzzle into her shoulder.

"Could you give me a specific example? So I can better understand what you mean," Meerkat requested, nipping at his whiskers. It would also give him more of an outlet, since she could tell he needed to get these things off his chest. Maybe he only needed to vent, though Meerkat would love to offer advice if he solicited it.

"I'm with you: reptiles are pretty neat. Fun fact: my mom was bitten by a snake and almost died, so I try to avoid them. But they're still really fascinating creatures. Can you imagine living with no legs?" She wrinkled her nose. "Anyway, nobody's perfect, eh?" It was a lighthearted comment, though her thoughts were darker as she momentarily pondered several of Issorartuyok's flaws besides no appreciation for saurians.

A specific example? 

"Um..." Veteran hesitated, sniffling a few times as he tried to collect himself enough to explain. 

"Like, when Issorartuyok told all of us we had to move. I was upset, but Ensio wasn't, and I don't even get that!" Veteran didn't understand how Ensio had held it together, especially when he had been so prone to blowing up in the weeks prior. "It's like no one cares anymore that dad is dead and nothing is the same. I know we had the funeral and the mourning is over, but how am I supposed to just be fine now..?"

Veteran breathed in deeply, steering himself back on track. "Issorartuyok said that we had to move or the pups this spring would die. I don't- I can't.. I don't want--" Veteran did not know how to put his feelings into words. It had felt extremely unfair to him, that right in the moment that the move was dumped upon him, what felt like a choice between wanting to stay and wanting to go had been suddenly warped into a choice between dead pups and alive pups. He huffed. "So now I'm the one who wants to kill puppies, and Ensio's the perfect one--!" 

"--And Heda likes him better!" Yikes, he hadn't really meant to say that. His cheeks burned, and he looked down. He hadn't really meant to make it so obvious that his feelings were wrapped up in jealously over a girl. 

The stuff that Meerkat said about snakes was pretty neat, and he looked up in interest. After a few moments of considering the "no legs" question, he felt a little more composed. Then she hit him with the "nobody's perfect" question. 

"I guess not," he allowed, agreeing that Ensio probably wasn't perfect, because no one was. "No one's perfect except you, Meekah." A tiny smile edged into his expression. He had missed his Coach Meekah, and he was glad to be home with her.

When Veteran took his opportunity to vent to her, Meerkat focused her attention and sat up a little straighter, ears pricked in his direction. She thought she could empathize with him on a few of his points, though she resisted the temptation to interject. She was glad she didn’t, especially when he seemed to hit a wall in articulating himself. She leaned forward, rapt, her mouth pulling down at the corners as she watched one of her favorite pupils struggle.

Of course, she wondered about Heda, particularly when Veteran seemed to immediately regret sharing that particular tidbit of information, but Meerkat chose to focus on his earlier words, saying, I know what you mean, I think. I joined in the summer and it’s an entirely different place now than it was then. I’m not fine, either, and I hardly knew Wintersbane or Tzila. I know how upset you must feel. She’d lost a parent too, though she didn’t mention it now, wanting to keep the focus on him.

But talking about all of this was a stark reminder of why she’d sought him out today. She suddenly dreaded telling him her plans, in light of this conversation. She inhaled sharply when Veteran insisted she was perfect, which of course wasn’t true. Meerkat couldn’t help but wonder if he would still have such a high opinion of her, after today.

Hardly, she rejoined, smiling tightly. I actually wanted to find you—and your siblings—today because I feel like I’ve not done a very good job lately. And I wanted to apologize for that. I don’t want to make excuses, but I’ve had some personal issues lately that have compromised my time and attention. Like you said a minute ago, it’s been a lot lately, and I just wish I’d done a better job being there for you guys.

Moving closer—and gently embracing him with a foreleg around his shoulder, if he allowed it—Meerkat said, It would go against my code as a coach to declare favorites, but you’ve been such a joy, Vet. And I’m sorry life’s put all this on your plate. She almost told him Issorartuyok shouldn’t have added to the weight on his young shoulders, though at the last moment, she resisted the uncharitable urge to rebuke the Alpha in front of their young charge.

It didn’t feel like the right time at all, though Meerkat knew she had to come clean. There’s something I need to tell you, in regards to the move. And I understand if you’re upset with me—you have every right—but I hope we can still be friends, even after I tell you… I’m not going, when the pack relocates.

She sucked in a breath, giving Veteran a moment to process. Whatever his reaction, Meerkat would be sure to field it diplomatically. She was determined that no bridges be burned during these final days living among the glacial wolves.

I edited a vague conclusion onto this since it’s been a month, but feel free to revive if you want to continue it (I’ll see it).