Whitebark Stream e[m]barazada

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"i am restless, @Crowfeather," she had told to the star, purring voice filled with affection and no hint of how his rejection had completed the replacement. "give me some days. i will bring you a magnificent thing." silvertongue would not be deterred, and eventually she set out alone and eastward. there had been no lie in her words, but as she traveled out of reach of riverclan, of swiftcurrent creek, and of kvarsheim, the star allowed her true intentions to be written inside her mind. she had found their path; she had seen how it wound together and brought both her beloved and his eagle together in the cave. from there, silvertongue needed only infer that which came next. it left her empty, ashamed to have been so desperate. there was no place for her as more than crowfeather's co-lead, and for his affection and support would silvertongue return to take her duties. after — after she found someone who could uproot her body to its former and uninhabited state. not with malice, not with hatred, not even with sorrow. there was simply no place for them either. silvertongue trotted quietly along a frozen stream.

gonna ask forgiveness instead - if this isn’t open to anyone please def let me know and I can delete this!! (Or he can easily leave <3)

Ashlar was ranging further in his hunting here, hoping to find some large prey that he could bring word of back to the Rise. He wouldn’t go longer than a few days without returning, and would range less as Avicus’ time drew nearer. But the pack, and she, needed to eat. He hoped to find prey that would guarantee an easier kill.

So far he had seen one herd, but every member of it looked strong and hale. He’d observed and noted them anyway, but then he had moved on quietly after a quiet moment spent staring at the stag on watch. It was magnificent. At least there would likely be more to hunt with the spring.

The bard spotted another shape in the distance and froze. He hunched and dropped instinctually, but then Ashlar straightened when he noted that they moved like a wolf. He’d mistaken them for a deer! Ashlar smiled, embarrassed, and moved forward with his head and tail slung low in friendly curiosity. H….hi. Sorry. I just…. You didn’t see any herds, did you? If she came from the way he was going, then he could save himself by asking.

i was no lie hoping for u & ashlar but didnt think she'd go all the way to the rise or he would leave so far! <3

tears blurred her eyes. silvertongue wiped them away with a small swear. when her vision cleared, the shape of a dark stranger was approaching. he was hued in earth-tones, with a hesitance to him that reminded her in a searing moment of crowfeather. "no," she answered in a voice that wished to move beyond her sorrow. "i am not looking for herds, hombre." in another time silvertongue might have marvelled at his handsomeness. but now she only wanted to find what she had come for and return home to begin life anew, without the opening again of this chapter.

amazing!!!!

She looked upset. Ashlar took an apologetic step back and glanced down before looking again, this time with a bit of concern to color his expression. It’s still helpful, thank you. Just because she wasn’t looking did not mean the words weren’t true. If she had not seen any then he could go a different way.

But first, he wanted to help her as well. Ashlar had learned by now that strangers rarely shared the burdens of their hearts easily, but he also knew that harm rarely came from asking.

What are you looking for instead? If he could help, he would.

he had asked a question of her. now he offered the same, an exchange of information. silvertongue very nearly turned around and proceeded for riverclan, but her intentions rooted her willowy legs. her glassblue eyes formed a distressed look that slid headlong into resolution. the star lifted her head proudly. "i am looking for a healer." she was in the middle of nowhere that she could see; it was unlikely she would find one unless she trudged upon a pack far from the trio of linked groups in the valley.

Oh. Oh!! As she straightened, he did too, though he kept his ears forward and his tail low. Ashlar’s smile grew some as he realized it would be simpler than he thought to assist, and his eyes lit up with the prospect of it. He always loved an opportunity to use what he knew to help, even with the fear of failure that always lurked beneath it. He knew that he oftentimes was not enough to truly fix the problems they faced.

I’m a healer. I’ve been learning, always, but I might be able to help. His words grew more sure as they got into a subject he knew and cared for. Is someone hurt? She appeared to be in fine health, but maybe she was asking for advice. He had seen this before too.

for a moment silvertongue did not register what the man had said. and then her breath flew into a low, incredulous laugh. how easy. tears threatened her again. too easy. she looked at the stranger with mistrust. and yet her mind asked after what other recourse she had. "no one is hurt. what do you know?" the star inquired, hesitant also to trust herself into the care of a man.

He was clearly relieved that no one was injured, though the question made his nerves instantly return. His ears titled uncertainly as shyness crept back in. He had never done well with the pressure of tests.

Still, she needed help.

Um, wounds mostly. And sickness. How to help the stomach, and how to keep infections away. There’s a lot I don’t know, but sometimes I don’t know how much I’ve learned until I need to try. His expression grew a little apologetic with that soft confession. Ashlar wished he had the confidence and skill to present himself as an expert but he couldn’t lie.

there was nothing the unknown wolf said which suggested he could do as she needed. she was given two options then: to admit to him what she had left to seek, or to move in search of a woman who could do the same. and all the while, to feel her body slowly pollinated by the tiny wisping roots let down deep inside her pelvis. "what about pregnancy? what do you know about that?" silvertongue pressed, pupils reflected lowly in panic.

Ah, there was a perfect example! He relaxed. I’ve helped a few. I know things for the sickness and for helping with strength. I know some of what can go wrong. Baba…. he told me some things, to know how to help. The monicker slipped out before he could drop it, and he felt a small flush of embarrassment. It felt strange for Ashlar, even now, to refer to Gannet with any other term.

She seemed nice enough, but there was still something amiss. He could sense tension in her, and was doing his best to answer so that he might help her to relax the same. Had she noticed something wrong in a pregnancy of her own? Or did a friend need help? He couldn’t tell from looking at her, and it felt like an unwise (and unkind) thing to assume.

I know I’m a stranger, but… that doesn’t mean anything, to me. I always try the same, it doesn’t matter who it is. Maybe this would help. He wasn’t sure.

Mature Content Warning

This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: frank discussion of pregnancy termination

baba caught her ear and held it, but not harshly. father. once she too had been a child with a papa, though she scarcely remembered his name now. "do not ask who i am or where i am from," silvertongue warned the man in a hard voice even as tears started to pour crazily along her face. father. if she made one of crowfeather then the future that had only just expanded before him might darken, and she would take no gold from her prince of shadows. "i am —" and finding she could not even say the word in relation to herself, silvertongue gestured to her unchanged belly, "and i do not want to be." she studied him with a fierce look. "can you — what does your learning say?"

He nodded immediately when she told him not to ask her things. It didn’t matter to him if he did not need to know to help. Ashlar immediately regretted this when he was able to understand what she was asking.

At first he was confused. Then her tears helped to clarify the meaning and he felt a lurch in his stomach. He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it as he realized those questions were things she’d asked him not to say.

The deadlock was unlike anything he’d ever known. He wanted to help her, and the thing she was asking for was clear. But Baba had given him this knowledge to show him what to avoid, the ways to keep a mother happy and her children healthy. Would he be helping or harming her by doing as she asked? He knew nothing of her and could find out nothing. So he could not know why.

Or maybe he could ask. But he would find a way to do this that was kind. One that would not hurt her. Ashlar took a breath and felt a small amount of anxious nausea pass over him. He wasn’t sure that this was right, but he knew the alternative was to refuse her outright. That wasn’t something he could do.

I can help. If that’s… if it’s what you want. He began quietly. The words trembled slightly. I… you don’t have to. But I’d… it’d be easier. If I knew why. He would trust her choice if she chose not to say, but her tears made him worry that the choice was not the one she truly wished.

"because i do not want to be," silvertongue snapped, ears splaying. what did it matter? would he help or not? she surveyed him with a scathing look that only relented as she saw the softness of his eyes. "it's not time. it will never be time," the star gulped with shuddering breath. the tears came again but she ignored them to stare at the man. "if you cannot help me, i will find someone else." there was the matter of payment, but for now silvertongue put it aside.

He was sorry he had asked, to make her respond the way she did. But Ashlar was also not sorry because it did truly help. Both responses spoke of her own wants, showing that the tears were not reluctance. He looked down when she rose in anger against him and his ears splayed apologetically. But when his eyes rose to meet hers, they were resolved.

I’ll help. There was one plant in particular he wanted to find, the safest way. But he did not know how long it would take. I need to find it. But he told me a way, if it’s early. She was not showing yet so he knew it should do as she wanted. I can… I’ll look now. He wanted to see if she would stay or if he would need to come find her once he had what he needed.

once more silvertongue felt the panic, the necessity of pulling away and returning to riverclan at once. but she forced herself still. "it has been less than a month," she said quietly. "i have just started to feel — diferente." too early to show. too early for the small things inside her to take a form that was firm. "let me come with you," the star asked in a voice gone soft with exhaustion, with relief. with sorrow, spiraling and deepening. crowfeather would understand if she came home and stayed this way. he would even help her. but silvertongue thought then of germanicus and her resolve hardened.

Ashlar nodded. Okay. He didn’t say anything more as he began to move southwest. He looked for what they needed as he went, but he hoped to find it in the shade of the trees if he could not here. He’d seen it in the past.

The flowers wouldn’t be in bloom just yet, but she only needed the seeds.

The bard was tempted to fill the silence between them as he went but he let it fall between them instead. He didn’t know any words that would be welcome right now.

there was nothing to say. silvertongue followed because she did not want to be alone. she drew the cowl of coolness over her frame and moved beneath its transparent rippling to wherever the man led. somehow the anonymity between them helped a good deal. "you will stay with me, señor?" she asked at last, understanding what was to come but not knowing if she was to do that part alone.

They were getting close to the trees. Ashlar recognized the area, and he began to look about more intently the nearer they got.

I will. He answered, pausing in the search to look at her for a moment. He wanted her to know he did not mind. It’s… the plant, it should be safe. For you. But it might still… I don’t know. I’ll stay, just in case. For that and for her.

Hopefully it would only be a few days. Avicus was nearing her time as well, though he imagined he had a bit of leeway still. He did not want to miss that for the sake of a stranger, but she was alone and Avicus was not. Prophet would do what he couldn’t if this turned out to be the case.

She would understand this. He was Haelend because he could not allow others to come to harm, not even strangers on the path he had chosen.

the man reassured her and began to search. silvertongue sat near the imposing bole of one of those trees, back straight and eyes refusing to be haunted by the reality of what she meant to do. it was right. it was necessary. and so the star was still, was silent, thinking of crowfeather as she longed so fiercely to return to him.

It took a while of searching, but he eventually found what he was looking for. The stems were right and the leaves too… so they weren’t the dangerous ones that could be mistaken. The flowers were dead by now, but there were still dried clusters of seeds present on a few of the stems. Ashlar gathered some of these carefully and brought them back to her.

These. he said softly. They’ll… if you eat them, it’ll start too soon. It’ll be done. He placed the Queen Anne’s Lace at her feet.

Now it was truly her decision. He wouldn’t rush her or encourage her, but he would remain here until she was ready to go home either way.

feel free to PP liberally here <3

silvertongue stared at the plants for a long moment, her glassblue eyes tracing the dryness of the stems, of how dessicated the things looked. but she needed them; here her future lay on the ground before her. without more hesitation, she took up their mantle onto her tongue and ate in entirety the bitter herb which would open a new path before her. the man was correct. it was not long until the cramping began; her face twisted with pain and she sank down onto first her belly, and then her side. but she refused to cry aloud, the tears insane and silent.

It didn’t take long for the effects to take hold. Ashlar felt his stomach twist as he watched her apparent pain, but he could not give her anything for it without risking adverse effects. She would have to bear this out on her own.

But he could offer whatever comfort he could. He came alongside and settled himself close, letting himself be both mooring and warmth at her back. Gently he began to message the places that felt tight within her muscles. It wouldn’t relieve the worst of the pain but he hoped it would help some and at least allow her to relax some through it.

He was silent at first, but then began to hum softly, prepared to stop if she showed any displeasure. It was as much to sooth his nerves as hers.

silvertongue told herself all through the pain and cramping and at last, the reddened loss, that this was the only way. she could not turn crowfeather's head toward her, not at this moment. and she was not made to be a mother. the man's gentle, knowing touch brought tears at the relief. the star was not certain how much time had passed before she was able at last to sit upright, sodden, weak. "southeast is where you will find me. i want to pay you for what you have done." her voice invited no disagreement. "whenever you arrive, call for me. i will know your voice." silvertongue hesitated then, unsure if she was ready to be alone.

He fretted over if he’d killed her despite knowing the plant was the safest option he could have taken. There were others that would have been more violent and more sure, but unless she’d been further along and he’d known this one likely to fail, he could not in good conscience provide those. Even this one left him desperately hoping the universe would allow his help to be enough this time.

He stayed close when it was done and continued his attentions, though he went from a massage to more soothing strokes as the pain seemed to lessen. Ashlar stopped only when she sat up, rising immediately to his feet to assist her if necessary.

His duty was to the rise, but he had one to her too. She needed his help and he was here to give it. He would still be home when needed.

Let me come with you home. I can turn back early if you like but I’d feel better knowing. His voice was gentle but firmer and more sure than it had been before. Treatment was hard but this part was easier. In this he knew what to do.

no, silvertongue wanted to snap. but instead she nodded a perspiring, sallow head. "not so close. turn back when i tell you." her voice, however, this time carried no weight, only weakness, and presently the star sagged back against the ground in exhaustion. how awful this event she must forever carry in silence. "please."