Two Eyes Cenote [m] zinc

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she was out, alone, feathering her paw along night crocuses and lillies and some suffusion of yellow blossom with soft pale petals; she;

"oh, god, where did you go, nala?" she asked the unfeeling sky that rang with her cry;

"why did you —" and her gaze crumpled, and she sank down among the cacti she had known would blossom, had known would unfurl; she sat among their flowerings, wilted like a rose at the edge of an avenue.

The harrowing cries don’t belong to the beauty of this night, the panorama of flowers and stars and the dark luminous earth beneath. Tavina’s cry is starved for answers. This pain is successive and infinite and which no beauty could console.

It is true there is not enough hope in the world, and also true that Eset is not competent enough to restore it. It is her wish to create hope, but out of what? From what?

In silence she takes Tavina into her arms.

and in them tavina found warmth, and absolution; she found something that eased the horrible unsurety and pain inside her.

she cried among the blossoms, kissing the inside of eset's wrist, eyes plundered by her grief until she could hardly see the pointed pretty face.

"it's going to be a year, almost. in spring." she marvelled in a salt-bittered voice, staring up at the sky.

Her voice is agony; a tearing absence no word can express, resonating like the echo of something lost. The wound is within Tavina. Nothing Eset could speak would salve it.

The arms folding over such sorrows begin to stroke. A year.

“What is she like?” Her question arises, nose too raising under the projection of milky light.

"oh, so kind. so — considerate. thoughtful. her eyes always — she always saw me."

tavina was sick of being so — ill. so ill with love.

she wiped her face; cleared throat; did not yet draw away. "have you ever loved so fiercely, eset?" tavina asked, knowing she intruded but desperate to understand.

Considerate. Kind. Seeing. A full wife. She searches Tavina’s eyes, their glow in the night vivid like two lost moons. It was so strange to see her this way, shed of her composure. Eset reaches to take her dark cheek into her a palm; lightly, gently, seeking permission.

Her head shakes first, slow, “no.”

She feels that constriction so keenly, the substitute that had closed like a fist around her chest, absolving her from the crime of being born. Something was left in its wake but it was not love, was it? Love required trust. She would never again have that. And as she bears witness to Tavina's loss of love in its pure form, she can think only that she is grateful she will never know the torment of giving away her heart only to have it returned in shattered fragments.

Oh- but she did love fiercely. She loved to start a conversation through a seating chart. She loved to exert a silent force. She loved to watch an idea spread and know that it was her who put it there- the paltry girl in the corner who no one would think anything of.

And in the darkest, vile trenches of her being she loved that a wolf fell to the bite of a coyote.

“Remember when you found me in the desert? I was weak. You saved me. You took away the pain,” her voice courses, eyes over Tavina's steady now.

“I wish I could take away your’s.”

it was so good to be held.

tavina shut her eyes and tried to pull the sensation into all the starved places of herself, even as guilt for the attempt opened a snapdoor within her heart. the sesh told herself she could not know if eset approached in duty or in want.

but tavina understood also the variance of a woman's expressive ways; she knew the other had come to her, had touched her, in full knowingness and autonomy.

her dark paw slid to cover of eset's own, something like a smile struggling to exist upon her mouth. "i don't want you to take it away," came the salt-shimmering grief of a voice too rough to do more than whisper. "it's all i have left of her. it's what reminds me she was here. that we were here."

She leans into Tavina, cheek soothing her chest, drawing a slow palm over her heart to feel the insistence of blood beneath her touch.

“Let it remain,” upturned eyes root to the woman’s intricacies, seeing through Tavina’s own, transfigured with her love, pulsing in its light; it’s pain, “but be here too. We are here.”

She lowers her lips to graze the warm juncture of her shoulder and neck.

breath, allowed to exist against the side of a face carved from exquisite shadow. what eset gave was taken, accepted, returned. responsive in subtle shades, the inside of the slender wrist, hers now to caress with a slow progression.

and if there was anything in tavina which feared in part that eset had somehow been sent to her, it was dispelled, for there were no men here to demand anything that was not offered. a kiss now, for the velveteen mouth, another for the sculpted collarbone, and the profusion of a half-dozen blossoms unraveled perfume around the pair.

we are here.

She knows the dogma of teeth; there is none of it here.

Tavina’s embrace is tender, her kiss opening and unhurried, stirring waves of intensity into her flesh and loosening the tight parts of her. The flickering of her own taloned paw rifles through the darkness of her fur, up her neck, cradling her head.

Against the unbright earth she coaxes Tavina, to coalesce with the night.

they have time eternal, each moment its own inhale.

eset, she determined; first, eset. to seek beneath the satin pelt for the delicate skin, to tease and build until they are both inexorable.

coalescence into nightfall, shadows twining.

***

there is healing in the afterglow, here where winter had no ability to steal the warmth now mingling between tavina and eset, seastars to echo the seductive reach of desert petals toward a starry sky.

The flowers sweetened around them, wan and flittering beneath the twist of body and the gratified flush of breath. Her gaze touched upon the beautiful purple eyes of the sesh where a mending warmth spread.

It was not Eset that Tavina came for. She understood this. They did not come for Eset-

though for the illusion of a former obsession; or an unnamed woman outside their possession; or the glimpse of a lost love. It was never her they came for- but the vision she could sell. This was her value.

Exploited, once. No longer. She’d have a choice in it- when, how. With who.

She falls into a languid silence beside Tavina while her body undulates in successive ripples. She feels whisperings of the dark gods. To Tavina, she would not speak such things. She knew the doctor would seek to remedy the wry parts of her- it is what doctors do.

doctors wish to heal. it it is surprising to find someone who will hold a physician's pain.

with eset she lay, both woman wrapped in her own splendid introspection, but at length the sesh rolled closer and propped herself upon one elbow, dark paw trailing through the soft pelt along eset's abdomen.

"if i wanted to see you again, to — entertain — you again, what would you say?" nothing for her; she did not want reciprocation, she wanted to be lost in a woman's pleasure and the sound of her voice until the cries defeated the pain in her spirit.

She shifts against the dark earth, further exposing her belly to the touch- a movement away from any languor.  She looks up into Tavina’s face, consummate pleasure in the gold of her eyes and curls her mouth.

“Do I not entertain you?”

"very much so, eset. but i — it's — you, for me, do you understand?" breathless laugh, self-deprecating; no words to explain that she loved the melding of women in such ferocity she almost yearned to be a man; "you could never touch me again and i would remain as happy as i am now."

her eyes wandered along the silken jawline she had only just kissed, and then to eset's eyes. "you serve all of akashingo every day. let me serve you."

A mere thought, and into her eyes snakes embers, watching. She’d been consumed by the notion of reclaiming control- in the breath before shame she wanted to ask Tavina how, her imagination expanding for a moment with a vision of pain like fire on the soft parts of herself-

and a swift repulsion.

She sits upright, confused for an entirely different reason- that a brilliant doctor like Tavina would demean herself.

“How can you say this?” Her voice distresses as she reaches to take Tavina’s hand into her own. Is it the intensity of grief that degrades?

She was in many ways wary of touch. But she would not find pleasure in taking alone.

tavina clasped eset's offered paw between her own. "we have many names, women like us, eset." sometimes slurs.

"i do not need any touch to be fulfilled," tavina whispered, leaning close to twine their mouths for a long moment that seemed to have no end.

Mature Content Warning

This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: heavy suggestion

She flattens herself beneath Tavina’s kiss, receding into the silt until her blood flows again under molten skin and she convulses against the doctor’s rhythms.

The instinct to serve is always there- but she will refrain. Perhaps because she is beginning to understand-

That Tavina may not want to be reminded of something- in the same way Eset did not want to be reminded that she was a courtesan.

in the way of women, such love ebbed and flowed; paused for breathless grins and soundless kisses before bodies continued and the world became only the shape of eset's kiss and the sound of her voice.

and when they must part, again; tavina pulled eset into the curve of her body and draped her arm over the slender waist, the flowers opening to a paling sky; "stay here. please. just until the sun rises."

She does stay, held in Tavina’s gentle arms until a first light trickles across the red horizon.

And in that time she wonders what she might have been like as a girl who had never had all the firsts of her life stolen by service.

And wonders how another could ever possibly understand why she was this way.

And wonders, wonders-

how she can ever find peace with a faulty heart.