Lion Head Mesa tenax

just so many words smfh

"it is not clear to me." it was not an auspicious answer. but germanicus did not want a pause between them. he had not thought concretely of a yes, but he did not yet want to say no.

"being offered children reminded me of what you had asked." the answer had been dismissed then. the eagle realized that too had been a lie. he had couched it in the act itself. and then he had lain with maggie.

how cruel he had been to crowfeather, and all because he had not understood until these moments.

there was the metallic taste of shame in his mouth. how dare he lay here now and speak of love and betrayal in the same breath. he should have made his choice — yes — and explained little. it would have been a severing that he might have justified as necessary. 

the tactician had been aptly named.

he fought down the experience of self-loathing. he would not allow himself to be compromised during this discourse. 

"she made her offer not knowing what i am. in order to give her a proper answer, i will need to be truthful. and so i have none for now."

germanicus cleared his throat. he wished he had not come to begin this in such a sloppy way. even to sit beside the shadow upon the floor and converse would be preferable to this. it was an agony of affection that rushed in him to have crowfeather so close. 

"'the sun is setting on the redhawk caldera.'" he was quiet in the darkness. "it was what she said to me first. i did not answer well and have affected her in some way."

so there would be no rejoinder until he could collect himself. that ruenna understood him and that her words remained with him and that she would be fitting for him tormented germanicus. and in the same vein it was an equal anguish that he fought against to continue flouting the sense of tradition that had always been the eagle's personal demon.