Redsand Canyon You've only known the ones who leave at dawn

the edge in the shadow's voice struck at his psyche. the eagle grew still and rigid in the military-shaped attention that had precluded every part of his life, including these moments. but the yellowpaint stare had not closed, not yet. he was not certain he could after what had been said to him, and what he had spoken in return.

it felt as if it were a lie. crowfeather roiled as if it were one. the imperator saw its cruelty but the true lie would have been that he had experienced nothing. that the shadow's sentiment for him had crashed against the unfeeling rock of a boundary-line. germanicus was not able to return such words with a shrug.

both bared and both now bleeding. he was selfish. he wished to be loved. he wished that there was not an ending to it or a past tense. and yet had he not accepted that so many months ago when he married and poured himself into the foundation of mereo? the silver jawline was tight once more, its springtrap tension the only outward sign of his own great war.

he was angry. why had crowfeather tormented himself to come so far? had he meant to fall upon the sword of love if germanicus had not been married and not newly become a father? his thoughts were unfair and all at once he saw in his spoken word the message he meant to send: that once more crowfeather should not forgive him and that he must move on.

the compliment was bitter and he did not answer it. he told himself that the boy was too young to understand that there were forbidden ways to love another and that those reared in such repressant ways might never cultivate the ability that seemed to come so freely to the shadow's heart. 

"it has nothing to do with timing nor bravery." his voice at last settled into a neutral place. "and it is not anything to do with some perceived failure on your part." germanicus blinked, a hard thing that felt as if steel plates were sliding behind his eyes. "it is i who was not enough." the eagle's tones shimmered for one bursting moment and then calmed again. the mien of an imperator returned. the shadow glittered with misery. "i know you ... i feel you will not want to remain in mereo a moment longer. i want to ask you to eat and rest and see the physician, before you —" leave.

and this time germanicus did not believe he would ever see crowfeather again.