Totoka River i.iv : who was trained not to spit in the fan

{dogs}{part one, episode four}

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She was so close, so close. She could see the island on the horizon, the Skybowl reaching to the heavens. Her garden, her beach, Reed and Seelie and Venninne. . . She was so excited she could hardly stand it, and hobbled quickly along the winding river, her eyes fixed on the sea.

Except. . .oh. Maegi stopped by a certain bend, brought to a halt by a sudden memory that rose from the dead. Vaati. She had last seen her older brother here--perhaps the last she would ever see of him again. The words they had exchanged, the way they'd left things. . . A lump rose hard and fast in her throat; she tried to swallow it down and failed, sitting back in agonized grief.

How could she possibly go on, when she had lost so much--and looked to lose even more in the future?

@Rokig, dated back to the afternoon of the 18th