Greatwater Lake trying to fit beneath the skin

making some assumptions. let me know if this is not okay. set for November 8. all tags after Scarab for reference

It was time to take @Scarab to see his family. If he wasn't going to join them, he at least should know whether they were alive or dead (he'd said as much). She was fairly certain she could find this plateau that Rosencrantz had spoken of, and at any rate, the boy would know the scent of his old packmates. She assumed so, anyway.

Leaving @Sakhmet with a stern admonishment to stay near Jakoul or @Moonshadow, they departed at sunrise, breath fogging in the icy pre-dawn air of late autumn. Despite her handicap, the two made good pace, and it was late afternoon when they arrived at the lake, the expanse of silver-blue stretched out before them.

Maegi lapped at the cool water, eyelids drooping slightly with exhaustion. The famine had left her weaker than ever before; even short trips were taxing. Jaes willing, the game would be back soon. . .but soon enough to strengthen the pack again? Or would their return be too little, too late?

How are you feeling? she asked Scarab, licking her chops and backing slowly away from the edge of the water to rest on her belly.

a glimpse skyward as scarab and maegi reach the lake tells him that soon the light would disappear and in its place the shadows of night would veil the world. already, they come out to play, stretching as they dance upon the earth. scarab's lapis lazuli gaze watches maegi as she moves to the lake and a few seconds later, follows her lead, bowing his own head to lap at the water. it's frigid and he shivers slightly as it slides down his throat to settle in his stomach. still, it is refreshing.

scarab's ear twitches in maegi's direction at her question but he stares at his distorted reflection in the unstill water's surface, considering it. a heavy sigh spills from betwixt his lips. how does he feel? i'm ...— regretful? sure, in the face of it he feels doubt. nervous, i guess. nervous that he'd be right and his family would be dead. nervous that they wouldn't be dead. how could he face them ...knowing what he's become in the name of survival?

nanowrimo: 178

She nodded, understanding completely. I told you about the time I was hurt as a child, Maegi murmured, gently taking in his youthful, unblemished face. It took a long time for me to go home. Even when my pack sent wolves looking for me, I refused to go with them. I wasn't ready to face the changes. It would never be the same.

And then she'd gone, and yes, things had been different. Did she regret it? Absolutely not. Perhaps one day, Scarab would return to his family. She hoped, though, that he would glean the kind of friendships and love from his stay in Blackfeather that she had from Undersea.

The faces she'd met. . .Coelacanth, Reed, Venninne, Mou. . . The island would always be home; a piece of her heart would always stay there.

It will be okay, she promised, feeling a kind of confidence that had been woefully absent for days upon end. Whoever we find, whatever happens. . .I know things will turn out fine. And Blackfeather will be there for you, regardless. She gave him the ghost of a smile, the expression more in her eyes than upon her lips.

scarab offers maegi a small nod as she speaks about her past experience that, prior, she's mentioned briefly. she tells him that it took her a long time to go home. scarab breaks eye contact with his distorted reflection to look at her then, bejeweled gaze taking in her face thoughtfully. though he knows pretty solidly his reasons for not wanting to leave maegi and blackfeather woods even if his family proved to be alive ...he wonders if he, too, might fear the change. their change and his own. it was no secret that there were parts of scarab that had died, parts he shed like a snakeskin in his fight of survival but he doesn't feel pressure to act like he hasn't done horrible things that he should be ashamed of but isn't to survive with the blackfeather wolves.

granted, he hasn't told anyone about it ...but still. her words of encouragement cause his emotions to swell within his chest and form a lump in his throat that feels a bit constricting. maegi... he begins, swallowing thickly. if ...if i tell you i did horrible things to survive before you found me. ...would — would that change how you think of me? he asks in a choking whisper. he supposes now might be the best time to air out his own secrets before they burn him alive. she's shared with him, taken him in ...she, out of anyone, deserves to know the truth.

he takes a deep, shaky breath. when i washed up on the coast it was destroyed. there was nothing and i was in no state to hunt anyway. i washed up near these wolf corpses and i — monster, the voice of legion hisses at him. i ate from one. i ate from one and i felt no remorse. no shame. i still don't. i'd do it again if i had to. i didn't tell anyone because i'm afraid — of the truth. of what you and the others would think of me...but you deserve to know. to know who and what i am. it gives her time to change her mind about him, he thinks, to drop him at rusalka like a hot potato. this truth was something he owes her, at the very least.

nanowrimo: 385

She felt whatever simmered beneath the skin begin to bubble up with his first mention of her name. She turned her full attention to Scarab, not answering his query, just cocking her head, silently urging him to continue. Her lips drew tight as he spoke of the coast. . .and corpses. . .and consumption.

And just as he felt nothing, so too did she.

You answered your own question, Maegi responded, her voice soft but firm. You did it to survive. You would have died without food, and they were already dead. Would she do the same? She wasn't sure, but then, she'd never been in that situation. Should the caches run low, and Sobek's body on offer. . .

She shuddered briefly, and then shook her head, as if signifying the revulsion wasn't for him but for the thought of consuming her son's flesh when there were other options. Still other options. Thank Jaes.

No, she continued, I don't think any different of you. The Melonii paused, eyes looking past him for a moment before returning to his face, locked squarely with the boy's own gaze. If I told you I did horrible things out of fear or hatred, rather than survival, would it change how you think of me?

And in her ears, the muted splash of a body hitting the surface of the sea, sinking low.

the suspension that tenses scarab's muscles as he waits for maegi's response to the exposure of his darkest and deepest secret heightens the golden prince's anxiety until he feels like he might explode. he is statue still except for a twitch in his shoulder and the steady rise and fall of his flanks with each breath he takes. and then she speaks. and relief floods him like a tidal wave. the tension saps from him and he sags a bit with his relief. she didn't think any different of him. she didn't turn from him in disgust as he's feared she would.

though scarab would still keep his bout of cannibalism close to his chest ( expect apparently when he's burning with fever and wanted to use it to threaten someone ) it did not feel quite as heavy as it had before.

his lapis lazuli gaze remains focused upon her, startled for a moment as their gazes lock as she asks a question of her own; asking scarab if he would think different of her if she told him that she did horrible things out of fear or hatred. no, it doesn't. he tells her firmly. after all, she'd never done anything horrible to him and self-centered as scarab was that was all that mattered to him. how anyone treated him was how he felt about them ...what was done to anyone else wasn't really his business or concern, he feels.

nanowrimo: 241

She couldn't help but let her face warm at his obvious relief. Poor thing had probably been carrying the weight on his shoulders for quite some time, now. Whatever he needed to unburden himself, she was an open ear. She had no room to be judgmental, given what she had gone through, the things she'd done.

And, apparently, judgment was not his decision, either.

So we're square, Maegi responded, softly smiling. No one is perfect, Scarab. We've all done things we might not be proud of. But you did what was right for your body, and I did what was right in my heart. Sometimes, the only factor that counts is what it takes for us, and our loved ones, to be safe.

Lainie, she might regret, but Parvati's death she never would. Perhaps it was the woman, from whatever hellish grave she rested in, who had snatched her sons from her. Wicked bitch.

so we're square...

scarab watches as maegi smiles softly at him and he feels his lips returning it, though his is laced more with relief then anything else. his tail wags behind him a few times in the joy he feels beyond the relief. at least, if nothing else, maegi accepts him for the monster he is and that was something he is loathe to let go of. the end justifies the means. scarab murmurs with a sage nod to her statement. others might not see it so, he knows, but he knows now that he has maegi ...and no matter how wretched he is she won't forsake him to the cold. he likes to think that his stars and suns of his life will feel the same but ...in exposing his truth to them he feels nervous all over again.

maybe...he wouldn't tell them. not right away, at least. this potential reunion had him nervous enough. the uncertainty of whether they were alive does not need to be plagued by the uncertainty of whether they would accept him still despite of his unashamed actions. one step at a time, scarab tells himself.

nanowrimo: 196

Exactly, she responded, heartened to see Scarab return her smile. She dipped her muzzle to take another drink, enjoying the freshness of the water. That was what she needed to focus on. Too often, she got caught up in the big, grim picture, but little things like these. . .

They helped her forget, at least momentarily, about all she had lost.

Let's rest here for a while, Maegi murmured, chin dripping as she turned to Scarab. Is that okay with you? She was exhausted, even more so after this conversation, and could use a break. Her eagerness to get home was, for now, superseded by weariness.

And she would enjoy the company of Scarab, though monsters they both may be.