Sawtooth Spire unglücksfall

aw! tags for ref <3

rain lashed the high spires of sagtannet, sending torrents into the valley below. mahler watched windholme closely, for the river had begun to swell through the day, and now lapped dangerously onto the bank. even as he gazed toward the frothed rapids, a terrible cracking sound ricocheted through the air.
a pine, its seed planted too close to the crumbling embankment further downstream, had slid halfway into the water, snapping thick roots as eventually it plunged into the gnashing maw of the feral river. snapped to and fro, the needled branches split from their mother bole and rushed along the foaming surface.
@Phaedra would be terrified, but the gargoyle could not stop the summertime glut of rain. thoughts floated to @Star and her brood, upon whom he checked often. @Nyx would be with little @Ciri and @Elke now, and he wondered at the location of the lioness' den. and @Wylla — would she be worried for the new breadth of the river, or would she maintain her crisp sense of pragmatism?
mahler followed, for now refusing to worry, but he would not depart windholme until the debris had been washed farther down and he saw the overflow empty elsewhere.

rain was sometimes common in the summer, showers were no longer bone-chilling as they were in the fall or early winter before snow came. mainly they were warm, sometimes humid -- they were not dark and dreadful but rather a reminder of change. change would always occur whether recipients were ready or not. today, gracious was not ready for the rain. although she had her summer coat, it was hard to deny that rain did weigh upon her shoulders. she was glad she wasn't shivering to the very least. but unlike others, she didn't rush to find cover.

she had always found a mysticism to rain, feeling the water wash away the dirt and other organic material stuch to her body; it was like a ritualistic cleansing, a holy shower to wipe away the daily sins. the land was a ready recipient to the rain, though it was the cracks of a falling tree caught her attention. and to her surprise, she wasn't the first one at the scene.

she had come from the nearby thicket until she saw the sight; a tree in the river that swelled from the excess water. a sight of danger if not handled, but hopefully the water would be strong enough to pull it in and away. the sound engulfed her ears, but the sight did not distract her from seeing the amethyst-eyed eisen. she hadn't spoken to mahler in quite some time not, she wondered how he faired with his wife and brood.

he seemed thoughtful as he walked. gracious, finding the early part of the stream where it was still narrow, leapt across and landed in muddied dirt, stone, and washed up grass. brown and black splattered against her legs like sleek dark channel boots, she strode towards mahler with large strides, a chuff left her dark lips.

so SORRY

splashed in muck as he was, mahler found room in himself to hum amusedly at gracious' new leg-rainment as she came up from the riverbed. "fashionable," the gargoyle observed dryly. he approached, narrowing the distance between them. she seemed airy. well. more buoyant somehow, and he enjoyed the freshness of it so close to him.
"you have been quiet as of late," the man observed. it was not a statement of judgement, more that he was pleased to see her about. he cast a glance toward the river, frowned somewhat.
"do you think it vill rise higher?" mahler inquired of gracious, watching a splintered pine branch crack against the edge of a rock as it was whirled into foaming waters.

she looks away with slight embarassment at her new markings, ears turned back in a bashful manner. however, his statement of her lack of voice caught her mildly by surprise. she had been keeping to herself lately on the spire and knew she needed to be more invovled with her family. "there has been lots of activity lately," she said, mainly Star's brood being born and whatnot, "I didn't want to intrude on anything that didn't require my presence." childbirth could have several involved, or none except the mother. gracious, although she wished to experience being by newly whelped pups, would never encroach into territory that was not hers. speaking of mothers, wylla was one of them and was quite distressd the last time she had seen her. 

"the mother of your children," she spoke quietly, not understanding the relationship of the two, "she ran to me frantically because she couldn't find one of the children awhile ago." she is careful with her wording, not wanting to send a wave of panic to mahler. "have they -- have they been found?" it was none of her business, truly she had no right to stick her muzzle in someone's private life. but she had to ask, knowing mahler was quite pleased with his own kin. how was he handling this?

as for the water, gracious rolled her shoulders back in a shrug. "it is hard to tell, but there is certainly the chance. perhaps the water can simply pull it with it. I would certainly tell others to avoid this spot until it is cleared more, or until the rain stops."

he understood, perhaps more than he was able to communicate. it had come up after his grief over thade, and now gracious unwittingly circled back to it. "no," the eisen said softly, unable to say more. every emotion encapsulated in that syllable, and she would know his grief in her ear. grateful to speak of anything else, mahler refocused upon the swelled river and its threat.
"i think that is a vise idea," he commented, though he looked toward the churning water a long moment, concentrating. "sometimes the river gives a little gift, for free." an amused smile crossed mahler's features in spite of himself.
"oh, look," and there it was, a fish thrown from the rapids to gasp on the muddied bank amid gravel. at once mahler descended to grab it, careful in his footing lest he be swept dangerously close.

a lost child, gracious could not imagine the grief and flurry of emotions mahler and wylla are under. whilst she often took it upon herself to be a therapist, she knew better than to budge mahler. his one-word response gave her enough of a sign that she should lay the conversation to rest, unless he decides on his own part to speak more about it. she'd have to pick her words carefully. "my deepest condolence for you and wylla." she doesn't know what to say, but she at least felt it was somewhat appropriate for her lack of personal action after the run-in with wylla.

as for the tree and swelling river, gracious felt curious by his words. gifts from the river? her experience with fishing was rather short while she was on the coast -- she needed practice but had gotten better since the first time. she thought back to the man she met while she was there and wondered how he faired during this time. as for the fish that found itself on the banks, gracious stiffles a laugh. "it deemed you worthy," she joked lightly as she walked to join mahler, "perhaps it is the universe recognizing your good deeds." karma was a bitch, gracious could agree, but sometimes the stone cold belief could play nice. sometimes a little good energy in could do a lot to get good energy out.

often mahler wished, and terribly, that he might speak with someone. and gracious had always presented herself as gentle, trustworthy. but this was such a dire pain indeed; he saw better to keep it clapped up and locked behind heavy doors of his own making. talking would not bring thade back. 
"the river thinks better of me than i do," he declared softly, climbing back along the mud to fall into step alongside gracious. suddenly ravenous, he bit the offering in two, giving half to the elegant woman if she so chose to partake. "sometimes it seems sagtannet is very large. and other times," mahler remarked, glancing back toward the river, "it seems very small. it is an odd sensation."

"well, nature often does not lie, mahler. even when we stumble, there is always recovery. i find you wonderful." pain was temporary, although it weighed heavily on the heart and mind. while it felteverlasting, life went on even when tragedy strikes. gracious had lived through the ocean of life for 6 years now, surviving torrential storms and hurricanes and tsunamis, where she did not have one moment where her breath wasn't stained with the brine of salt.

she found herself intrigued yet again by the amethyst stare and the quiet words of her eisen as she began to work on her fishy half. in a way, gracious found another way she connected to the man, as if the two were wired the same way in the brain. their perception, their ability to sense change and catch the little details -- it was another thread that tired herself to mahler in an invisible way. for the pack, the family, to feel both big and small was a perplexing concept at first for gracious to understand. but after a moment of thinking silently, she nodded her head.

"we have lost many on the way to this very moment." faces came and went; she could not deny the hurt she felt knowing some wolves would forever be gone from her life. it was the lingering doubt of never seeing familiar faces that kept gracious awake at night. "but we have brought so much life into the spire with these mothers. wylla, nyx, and now star. we are growing once again."

she paused for a moment, thinking and thinking just a bit more. "but this almost sounds like it is beyond the number of wolves we have. have you felt... alone here in the spire, mahler?"

gracious found him wonderful. mahler did not know that the word had ever before been applied to him, and pondered it for a long and lingering moment before he shifted focus to the rest of what the woman was saying. "each of us are all alone, in a vay," the gargoyle responded evasively, then sighed and picked up the path that traveled alongside windholme.
"but i suppose, yes. and i do not understand how it could be so, vhen i am surrounded by those i love and respect, and vhen my children are here."
was there something below that? he did not know, but appreciated the sting of gracious' incisive nature. "it is good to speak vith you, frau. it is good to speak, at all," he went on, rambling, and then cutting it aside, though he remained in a warm thought for gracious and her gentleness toward him. sagtannet grew; it would be well.

his confusion of his feelings makes gracious grow quiet as he spoke. she wasn't quite sure what to think of it, nor how to really comfort or explain what mahler was going through -- the last thing she wanted to do was lecture him like the old teacher she was and make him feel unintelligent and lower. she licked her black lips as she followed the amethyst stare.

"even when everything goes right, sometimes we in our own skin feel unwell. something lingers inside of us that keeps us from enjoying what surrounds and enriches our lives." she knew the loss of thade was something mahler faced, but she had no idea about the other internal struggles her eisen battled on his own. inner demons were scary to battle on their own. "I wish I could pinpoint it for you, dear mahler. but this discovery will be something you must do on your own, within yourself." she wanted to offer more, but gracious knew her own limits. she can't tell others directly what their internal problems are, they had to reconcile it with themselves before they could seek help from her.

his appreciate tone towards her causes a large smile to creep upon her face. she was glad mahler was coming to enjoy these little talks they've shared together. gracious hated to admit this, but mahler was truly the only other wolf she had created a connection with. wylla was somewhere in the distance in terms of relationship building, she doubted she had even shared a word with the female lead before the incident with searching for thade. 

"i'm glad to hear, we all need someone to talk to once in awhile. i'm happy to know you are able to find a bit of solace in me." this was the greatest position gracious could play, the therapist. she enjoyed knowing others and getting to understand them, to work with them, to comfort them. this was her way of extending her grandmotherly ways into the world, by gently touching the hearts of others.

mahler smiled at her then, continuing their trek, but was otherwise silent as he thought upon what gracious had pulled from his head. he knew the names of many demons that might lay between he and his happiness. thade; the pall of his own failure was cloying, for it had lost him his young son, phaedra's trust, and wylla's love. 
there was also nyx, for whom he felt a sweet affection, but he had locked away parts of himself even from her; nyx, who had never treated him cruelly, nor had a harsh word. she had given him beautiful daughters, and mahler had given her nothing. 
barbed by his own silent contemplations, the gargoyle was grateful for the distraction of something else along the river. hackles flared at the sight of a young bear, leggy and mistrustful of the approaching wolves. on a halt, mahler lifted his lip, warning the overgrown cub in a quiet show of possession over the mountain.
he was rewarded with the lumbering step of the fleeing beast. too large to still be with its mother, mahler neverthless turned away from the river, heading into the pinewood beyond. "life is full of consistent and painful introspection. it is the vay things must be, though it is painful. and i understand vhy many refuse to do it."

she joined him in the display of possession of their home, her lips pulled up in a sharp snarl before settling once the lanky animal ran off and gave way to the wolves. they seem to leave behind the swelling river and now enter the second phase of their talk. the pine seems inviting, the scent of petrichor entangles itself into gracious' coat.

the older woman sought silence as she listene to mahler make sense of life to himself aloud. often her head bobbed in agreeance with his statements. of life was peachy keen as everyone makes it out to be, then why were there so many demons hanging around the doorways that wolves wanted to open? every possible turn there was a horned beast with pillowing, smoky breath that stood as an obstacle to enjoyment of life. gracious had silenced them years ago, but knew their presence never truly left. she still sees them at night.

"bittersweet, isn't it?" she asked gently, shoulder brushing against her eisen carefully but in a sense of camaraderie. "but you also have many things to be grateful for, to help balance the bad out. beautiful children and a family who stands behind you. not many can say they have what you do." her aim isn't to shame him for his internal feelings but simply remind him that not everything is bleak. no one could exist in a monochromatic world that lacked color and expression. while there were moments of ache, there were the moments of bliss behind it as well.

"you are correct. if my father saw me, he vould feel that i have accomplished all that a man must aspire to be." leader twice over, experience writ into his very flesh, strong of step with undimmed vision. and children." the only criticism would be that a man should strive to be more prolific. but mahler had seen now the damage of that, and only thanked whatever foul luck had unraveled the most insolent of those plans.
he knew of no friendship between nyx and wylla, but it — and here mahler drew his mind away, returning to himself with a gesture of his muzzle toward gracious. "i have talked about myself a great deal," the eisen commented, thankful for the tangible signal of her attentiveness. "perhaps for a time you tell me anything you vish to share, about vhat has shaped you across these life."

"I'm old, Mahler, but I'm afraid I don't have any legendary stories to tell like other wolves do." She grinned to him, though couldn't deny the small pang she felt in her heart as the words escaped her lips. Her life was not a tragedy by any means, there were many others who felt their existence was a waste. Gracious found lots of meaning in her life but could not deny the failure she felt as a woman her age -- no children, no husband, no legacy of hers. 

"I've done my best to learn from my past experiences, all the obstalces I have faced and overcame. Yet, I cannot deny they still bear weight onto my shoulders," she searches for comfort in his lilac glance for a moment, "I've reached my 6th year of existence and I have nothing to offer to this world." Gracious felt herself pause in her tracks as she finished that sentence. An expression of slight grief writhed onto her face, ears falling back as she turned her head away in embarassment from her eisen. "You've created something out of your life, daughters and love and comraderie. But I-- I lack that fulfilment, that accomplishment."

Perhaps she was weak to share such a private piece of her insecurities that plagued her adult life. But Gracious held no regret. Mahler was special enough to her where she felt comfortable to share with him. He was a friend, a good friend. One she hoped to keep for the rest of the years to come.

mahler listened, and found that he did not agree. but nor did he know if gracious answered with all of her truthfulness while holding some things back. there was no reason to disbelieve her, the gargoyle supposed, and pondered her delicate ash-grey features for a brief moment as they both stopped.
vhat i have accomplished came at so great a price i cannot describe it," mahler answered softly, keenly. "having children, having many children, is not the sum of vone's life. i found that out in a harsh vay." open now, the muscles of his heart laid open for her perusal, an uncommon thing from a man so driven by solitude.
"and sometimes i vonder at how much less hurt i could have kept from sagtannet had i remained childless. but what does a man know?" mahler inquired, lavender stare dipping toward the churned earth. "i know nothing of vhat a mother's heart must feel, only that it hurts. you accomplish more by existing than by giving birth," he swallowed bitterly, ashamed of his bile.

his words are tender, though they seem to sting him at his very core. gracious remembered how nervous she first felt when she had encountered her eisen, how he dined and invited her, despite the feelings of minimal tenseness between the two merging packs. it was the start of something gracious would never forget, the start of a new relationship. to her, mahler filled the void where hse lacked a friend, a pair of ears to listen to her woes, and a pair of shoulders that would support her if she dare fell.

perhaps he was right, gracious was more than a procreating machine. although it could be considered any woman's destiny to give birth, that was only the biological aspect of it. she was more than that, everyone was more than what nature determined them to be. it felt easy to scream from the hilltops that her worth was beyond her ability to raise children, but deep down she knew she could never admit it nor accept it.

"it is a shame we cannot relive our days and change what we did in the past." a soft exhale, reality sets in before she can create theories and drown herself in the mystery of life and its meaning. "but not all is lost, perhaps we can move together through these troubling times, your presence is comforting." soon, a small smile etched itself onto her lips, genuine and sweet.

"and yours is the same." mahler was not sure he had ever made a friend of a woman. even his companionship with men had been sparse — kierkegaard, stigmata, ingram, wintersbane. but mahler's interactions with the supposed fairer had almost always been upon promise of what he could give: children. and so he had grown distant from them; he would have grown into the very mountain had wylla not come about, descending to grant what was wished of a powerful man, and then decamping for the remainder of the year.

but he could not do that, not now. and mahler no longer wished to do it, was the importance of that fact. "i vould like to valk vith you again, gracious," the gargoyle intoned now, stopping upon their trail to lay his eyes upon her. "and you have given me many things to think about in the meantime." a smile, tugging at the edge of his mouth.