Sleepy Fox Hollow Hang up my heart, let it air out
Private  October 11, 2019, 04:35 PM
Takiyok
Pledged



The borders had become her obsession. Ketzia's recent finding had her even more on edge than she already was, and so she had patrolled tirelessly. Her stomach growled its resentment at being so empty, but she ignored it as usual. Prey had grown even more scarce, and since she had ensured the children eat anything she found, she had gotten considerably thin. It all made the intrusion into their caches even more infuriating, and if Taki ever caught the thief, she would make them pay. 

She paused to mark one of the trees that lined the hollow, quickly moving forward when she was done. There was no time to waste. A quake rippled through the earth then as if challenging her claim. She had to fall back on her haunches to keep from being thrown to the ground. A cracking in the distance made her turn, and she saw as a line of trees were pulled from the earth at their roots and slammed to the ground, a crack in the earth left where they had once stood. When the earth quieted again, she huffed anxiously and quickly trotted from the worrying place. It was, unfortunately, not anything they hadn't already been experiencing, and she wondered if it would be safe to stay in the mountains much longer. She hated to leave, but she was afraid they soon would have no choice.

Inuttuk
Common

October 11, 2019, 05:45 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
<3

        there was thievery afoot. mahler too pledged violence within his heart to the wolf, when found. there would be no chance of ‘if,’ even though he must take all season to discover the cur’s whereabouts.
        departing his conversation with ketzia, mahler had sought the spare offerings of a nearby cache and drawn up the fragrance of the fiercely pacing kapitän. it was not dread that rushed him now, but adrenaline; he stalked along takiyok’s trail until he came upon the winterwhite remarking a border.
        the earth surged; mahler grit his teeth and clung grimly to the loam with blunt claws until the tremour had swallowed up the trees and was gone.
        stepping lightly to her pale side, unsure still if she wished his touch, the gargoyle glanced heavenward. ”i do not think this can be our home for long,” though of course it was no home at all. ego, blodreina, praimfaya, ingram, tahani; kazimir. no more.

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October 11, 2019, 10:20 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

The General's scent hit her before she felt his presence at her side. Grief and anxiety had made her angry with him in his absence, but now that he had returned mostly unharmed, she found it difficult to hold on to her anger. She was just glad he hadn't become a other missing loved one. The most recent quake already had her feeling uneasy, and even though she still felt hurt by his rejection, she couldn't help but brush up against him in greeting, seeking comfort from the one she trusted more than anyone else. 

She nodded her agreement to his words. I've been thinking the same thing, she offered, her tone heavy with despair. She didn't want to leave Stigmata and her sister to the crumbling mountains. But how could she keep her children in such an unsafe place? She couldn't; they were the most important thing in her life, and she had to protect them. But where do we go? she asked, her voice quiet. And...what about Stigmata's dream? How could they work towards Diapora's future if they could no longer call the mountains home?

Inuttuk
Common

October 16, 2019, 07:34 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
        "his dream vill live in his children," mahler murmured, repeating an iteration of the truth ketzia had told to him. brash as he was, stigmata would not have suffered diaspora to remain in the mountains as danger grew, not with his pups half-grown and still vulnerable. "ve have two choices: go vest to the place beyond the second range of mountains, or go east, to vhere caribou might be."
        "smoke rises in the east, however, and i believe ash fills the sky now. it does not seem prudent," the gargoyle muttered, pressing on into matters of business before he saw fit to broach what he had spoken of with their pionier. and yet here he paused, reached to takiyok. "i do not vant to leave either," mahler murmured, his own tones weighed. "it is an injustice."

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October 17, 2019, 03:47 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

The General was right: his dream would live on within the children. But that didn't completely soothe the ripping feeling in her chest at the thought of abandoning the mountains. She wouldn't keep her children in a dangerous place, though, not even to keep herself from breaking. I know, she quietly replied. It would be stupid to try and hold on to the mountains while they crumbled around them, and she wouldn't lose any more family. 

East would have, naturally, been her first choice; it was where the glacier was, and she was certain they could find another home there. They would still be close to the mountains, and maybe they could return if the quaking ever ceased. But she had seen the smoke darkening the sky as well, and it filled her with dread; something about it told her to stay as far away as possible, and she wasn't one to ignore her instincts. She had been thinking recently about land west of here. She had only traveled as far as blackfeather woods, where she lived upon first arriving here. The memory of that time made her heart hurt. Things were so different then; it seemed like a different lifetime. She quickly pushed the thoughts away to focus on more pressing matters. Like how the words injustice seemed like an understatement. She couldn't think of a word that encompassed just how she felt being forced to part with yet another thing she loved. I agree: the land to the west seems more promising, she answered, choosing not to confide in him any more of her feelings on the matter; it wouldn't help anything. She needed to separate herself from her emotions to do what needed to be done—be a mother and Diaspora's Kapitän. Have you seen any of it? Taki asked next. She hated the thought of leading her children and the pack to a land none of them knew anything about.

Inuttuk
Common

October 18, 2019, 03:51 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
        a shake of his heavy muzzle. "i know nothing about those places," he admitted ruefully, frustrated now by his own ignorance. and despite nyx' status as scout, mahler was loathe to send her so far, not with the land in turmoil, not after the death of blodreina.
        "there is also moonspear," mahler went on. "if our numbers fall too far, perhaps ve vould be safer there than attempting a trek so far vith vinter soon to arrive."
        he was delving now into matters close to soul, concepts which dragged heavily at his sense of worth as diaspora's general. now then, was not the time to suggest hydra — it was a moment to plan.
        so many things had been lost with stigmata; mahler knew that recovery was possible, but he was not sure what form it might take. 


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October 22, 2019, 04:59 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

She frowned, unhappy with his answer. Why would he suggest a place he knew nothing of? But she supposed their options for potential new homes were limited, especially now. She wanted to offer herself to go check it out. Scouting was once her one and only job, but she held back her suggestion. She didn't want to leave the children without both of their parents at such a precarious time. Maybe they could send one of the Geists; they still had yet to prove themselves, and this would be a good way to do that. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by his next suggestion; she didn't like it. Taki shook her head. I don't want to be under the rule of some alpha I don't know. There was no way she would give her loyalty to someone she didn't know; what if they turned out to be completely worthless and undeserving of such trust from her? And I won't ask the same of my children, she added. Nor would she put them at the mercy of a pack leader she didn't trust. She wondered why he would suggest such a thing? Did he not have faith in their ability to persevere? Had that not been all she had done lately? Plus: I would like to have pups in the spring, and I don't want that privilege taken from me. Selfish maybe, but she didn't care. She only had a few more years left to have children, and she wasn't going to waste precious time yielding to some unknown alpha. She wouldn't budge on this, and it showed in the resolve now in her expression. She knew he had only offered it out of a need to keep Diaspora safe, but she couldn't help but feel like joining another pack would ruin them.

Inuttuk
Common

October 26, 2019, 05:33 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
        takiyok was swiftly disappointed in mahler's bleak appraisal of diaspora's well-being, and he bit the inside of his cheek, unsure of what now to say. and the winterwhite's displeasure continued, though it was the mention of new children that brought the general's attention sharply to the fore.
        "vith whom?" he inquired, a blurt of a sentence before he had been able to stop it. ears fell back against his heavy skull; mahler turned away at once and pretended to ponder the smoke rising above the taiga, a thud rising strangely in his throat. "forgive me, takiyok. do not answer that."
        he had no right to feel this way, no right at all; he had refused to return takiyok's suggestion of committment, all but spurned her affection. and yet the idea of her arching the pride of her spine beneath the pleasure wrought in her by someone who was not him —
        "i vould like to see new pups in diaspora as vell. it is a bad idea to bend beneath the rule of another, you are right." a silence; onward he pressed, glancing to see if takiyok would accompany him.

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October 26, 2019, 10:42 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

She hadn't expected his question, but she didn't blame him for asking. Diaspora was his too, and it made sense that he would want to know who would be fathering any pups she might bring into it. She hadn't really thought that far yet, though; she just knew that she wanted to create more new life and further their empire with more heirs. But then he spoke again, demanding that she not answer; he was as confusing as ever. And the way he had turned away, as if feeling ashamed for asking. She paused for a few moments, frustration seeping into her expression as she watched him continue forward. She wished she could just turn her feelings off—forget how desperately she wanted him to feel for her the way she felt for him. Things would be so much easier if she could just magically stop being in love with him, but it didn't feel like that would happen anytime soon, especially since his face and his scent and his fucking presence were all searing reminders of his rejection. She had promised herself that she wouldn't bring that up anymore, though. 

So she trotted forward to his side, quiet for few seconds before finally speaking. I don't know yet, she answered him anyway. But, I would be willing to to offer you what I offered Stigmata. Speaking his name out loud was painful, as was the reminder of a simpler time when the former General was just a mildly irritating wanderer lurking too close to her kingdom, but she ignored that for now. If that is something you want, she added. He might not think of her as someone he could love, but she wondered if he might be interested in the strong pups she would surely bear for him. It didn't immediately occur to her that this might not be a good situation for her, but even as the doubt flickered in the back of her mind, she dismissed it; Diaspora's future was more important.

Inuttuk
Common

October 27, 2019, 04:02 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
literally no pressure to match length; i got hella carried away lolll

        this he had not expected; more than a flicker of surprise in mahler’s stare as he laid it with pensive thoughtfulness upon the kapitän.
        what she offered stigmata — a loveless contract, bound in newborn flesh and nourished by her own body. yes she would give diaspora hale new cubs, and if he were to father them, their legacy would only grow larger, undiminished.
        ”i vill not say yes until you know vhat it is i plan. i vould be honored, takiyok, and a true father to any children born between us. firstly, i am not vithout love for you,” he admitted, dark lips tense with worry of her rejection, her continued hurt. ”it is not vhat you vish, and i understand this. but there is no need for a cold arrangement between us, if you decide to choose me in the spring.”
        painful; anguishing, somehow; he looked to her burning gaze to see what would be reflected there. ”secondly, i have decided that the best thing for diaspora are footholds of our blood in as many packs as i am able. stigmata felt ve could hold the entire sunspire, and for that i loved him, but it is not possible vhen he left us so many young ones and not enough to hunt for them.”
        mahler paused, overwhelmed by the breadth of his speaking — he settled his gaze forward now, attempting to hide the jumping muscle of his cheek. ”i vant all children born in diaspora this next year to be mine. i vant diasporans birthed in moonspear. i vant to seek the same sort of alliance vith the veald volves, vith those who line the spire. i vant —” 
        a heavy sigh 
        ”— to lie the foundations for our return if ve must leave the sunspire for now. and it is not lust that drives me, takiyok; i make this choice in full avareness and vith diaspora in mind.”
        ”it is not my vay,” mahler whispered, subdued. ”but perhaps it is diaspora’s vay. and you must know it all, before you offer such a blessing to me.” stoneflower eyes found hers again; mahler hung in the agony of waiting; anticipation of her ire, her hurt, her condemnation.

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October 29, 2019, 03:47 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

Despite the fact that her proposal had been only in the interest of Diaspora's future, her heart raced in the moments between her words and his reply. If he declined, it would be yet another rejection, and she knew her pride would suffer for it, now matter how much tried to convince herself otherwise. But he didn't decline, not exactly. In fact, at first, he surprised her by not only accepting her offer but suggesting that it be more than just a formal agreement. She met his gaze with nothing more than understanding and nodded. A more practical arrangement is not a requirement; I just thought you might prefer it that way—given how complicated things have been. Given how complicated she had made things. 

He doubted Stigmata's dream to control the mountains and she did not blame him for that; how could they claim such a thing now while also discussing abandoning the Sunspire completely. And she was equally frustrated with the lack of support for the amount of young they were responsible for, although she tried not to be too angry with the former General about it anymore; it did not help her deal with her grief. She was confused at first by what he meant when he said footholds of our blood in other packs. She didn't really like the sound of that, and she soon realized why as he continued to explain. She was glad that he chose to look away then because she could not keep the swell of jealousy from twisting her expression. Her heart began to slam against the walls of her chest before she could reel in her reaction. He was not hers, and she couldn't control what he did. And as much as she hated to admit it, his idea had merit; she couldn't deny that. One thing continued to bother her, though. The way he phrased something...he wanted all children born to Diaspora to be his. Reason could not change how adamantly she hated the way that sounded. What she thought he was implying sounded an awful lot like the situation Stigmata had put her in, and she was not interested in repeating that. All of Diaspora's children? she questioned. I cannot stop you from breeding with wolves outside Diaspora, and I can't ignore that it would give us an advantage. Her jealousy concerning that was irrational, and she willingly recognized that. But it sounds like you intend to have children with other females in Diaspora. Jealousy swelled in her chest again; jealousy and betrayal. But that wasn't why she decided to speak against it. That would be a repeat of last year, and I have no interest in that. If you wish to have children with someone else here, then I rescind my offer. She wore her usual emotionless mask, hiding how much it hurt her to say that to him. I too can offer alliances through breeding, and then we wouldn't be stuck with a pack of children that are solely our responsibility to care for. She would not willingly place them at such a disadvantage. Ensuring their return here and fortifying alliances with their blood—those things she understood. She admired his dedication to their home. But she couldn't let them drown in pups this year with no support. She had already decided she wouldn't permit any other female to breed, but it wasn't her place to stop him from breeding. She could, however, strengthen them by sacrificing what she wanted for what was best for Diaspora.  


oops, i did anyway

Inuttuk
Common

November 02, 2019, 07:42 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
        she was so stricken, mahler decided, caught in a desperate stasis between duty and affection. takiyok accepted his plans to further their lineage outside the territory, but her voice was hot, was scathing, upon the subject of other mothers to carry his young within diaspora.
        she wanted, then, to be the only one.
        a museful twist of his lips; he shook his head sharply. "i do not mean to fill diaspora vith ... i misspoke." in this moment, he was vulnerable, moreso than perhaps he had ever been; mahler drew a long breath and began again. "if there are children born here, i vant to be their father. and if you vant to be the sole mother in diaspora, then that is your right."  
        he pondered how nyx, how ketzia, might accept such things. was it altogether fair? 
        what he had told sarah was true: spreading his children across the teekon would absolve diaspora of the greatest labour when it came to supporting young mouths. therefore he must hold to his belief, hold to his agreement, not lose himself in the impending season and all its temptation.  
        "how vill you stop the others?" he mused lightly, vaguely, not wanting to inspire more wrath from takiyok. for all he respected her, mahler feared too the volcanic depths he sensed in the winterwhite; he would do nothing to invite an explosion upon his head.

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November 05, 2019, 02:26 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

Her indignation quickly dissipated at his clarification, but she still hesitated, presented now with the prospect of forging an alliance through carrying the offspring of another pack. Of course, she would prefer her children be from Mahler—benefit from his presence as well as strengthen Diaspora internally. But: I feel like I shouldn't let you shoulder such a responsibility on your own. Her feelings and wishes aside, she wanted to ensure that Diaspora had future and wondered if his way might be more...abiding. And the toll it would undoubtedly take on him—she hated for him to be the only one to bear such a burden. I could make another pack the same offer, she added. It might be...easier. She wasn't sure how much she would be able to separate feelings and duty once hormones were involved, and she wouldn't want to make things more confusing than they already were. She had been the one to make the offer, though, so if he was sure then she wouldn't question it anymore. 

Her eyebrows drew together in thought at his question. She hadn't really thought that through yet. Surely anyone interested in having pups this spring would ask them for permission, but she wasn't stupid enough to believe things would be that easy. Well, it won't be a secret if any of the other females come into season, she answered. Within the borders of Diaspora, I can make sure nothing comes of it. That shouldn't be too difficult. If they manage to get outside our borders and breed, then they will not be allowed to return home. Cold maybe, but she would do whatever it took to ensure there was no repeat of last spring. They were struggling enough already, and if anyone was willing to sacrifice their future and go against the rules, then they were not a Diasporan anyway.

Inuttuk
Common

November 14, 2019, 10:50 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
        he fought the new tension in his jawline and turned away, focused for a time upon their trajectory. "vhatever you vish to do, you have my support, takiyok," the general intoned, more stiffly than he had wanted, more formally than was necessary between them. i love you, he might have said, and ended the silent war between them in its entirety.
        but it was not only i love you, it was i love you, and i love another, and another still. i do not know what to do, for i did not believe i had the capacity for such. and because of love, i will not choose, and because i will not choose, you all will suffer. the words were struck upon his tongue, twisted; mahler could not untangle them, and perhaps he also did not wish to say such unfair and convoluted things to the winterwhite.
        and so he was quiet, looking to the plume of ash far beyond them, thinking of the mountains behind, considering the buried graves of those diasporans who had fallen in the past months, and left them all unsure, all bereft.

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November 19, 2019, 01:22 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

His tone made it clear that he had no trouble separating feelings from duty, although she guessed it was probably easier for him. She was the one who had created this strange tension between them, and she didn't see it dissipating anytime soon, much like her feelings for him. But, she would continue to try and keep her pesky feelings from interfering with her ability to lead Diaspora. Unlike the clear meaning of his tone, his words did nothing to help her decide which would be best for them. He was leaving the decision up to her, which normally wouldn't bother her; she was not an indecisive wolf usually. This choice was big, though, and could have just as many far reaching consequences as it did advantages. Because of that, she found herself unable to decide right now. I need to think about it some more, she finally replied. She felt guilty. She had been the one to offer the agreement, and now she was possibly changing her mind. But she needed to consider what would be best for Diaspora and most importantly, what would be best for any future children she would have in the spring. 

She followed his gaze to the ash-dark sky in the distance, anxiety spiking in her chest at the sight of it. Looking to him again, she brushed against his shoulder, ignoring the way it both comforted and pained her to feel his fur against her own. What else weighs heavily on your mind? she asked, offering him a chance to unload some of his worries and stress on her. They were friends, after all, and co-leaders of Diaspora; supporting each other went with both.

Inuttuk
Common

November 24, 2019, 03:10 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
        think about it, do not think about it! he wanted to snap at her suddenly, turn away, abandon his fellow leader where she stood with the burden of the tension between them. mahler was proud, his arrogance flaring. he was general of diaspora, not takiyok. how dare she assume so little of him; how dare he capitulate to her before the season had begun?
        but that was the price one paid in a partnership such as theirs; to give and to take. he considered andraste, and slowly his flaring anger quelled until all left was shame for his silent outburst. he had the willow, distant as he must keep her; takiyok had not even the hope of such love before her in this moment.
        if only she would accept his affection for what it was; mahler's head hung down the weight of guilt that he could not commit himself to anyone for fear of further pain, and when her tones sounded, he locked the thoughts behind a heavy door. "i am vorried about leaving the sunspire, but i am also elated to see new lands," the gargoyle said softly, pensively.

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November 26, 2019, 11:28 PM
Takiyok
Pledged

She had no way of knowing what was going on inside his head. The guilt she felt came only from her own overthinking. I'm sorry; I know I'm being confusing. A rare apology from the Kapitän. It wasn't often she apologized for anything she did or said, but she somehow felt like she was being unfair to Mahler. I just need to make sure it's something I can handle. She admitted her weakness to him, embarrassment burning in her chest in response. She hated to admit any time she felt weak, but for some reason she did now. 

She could understand his worry over leaving the mountains; it was a worry she shared. But his eagerness over exploring new lands was something she didn't necessarily sympathize with. There was a time when she would have felt the same, but with Ego still missing, she feared him returning to an empty home and not knowing where to go from there. I worry about leaving too, she offered just as softly. She left out her fear regarding her son, not wanting to shift the focus from what was on his mind. But we will survive whatever happens, she promised. It was something she truly believed.

Inuttuk
Common

November 30, 2019, 08:29 PM
Mahler
Sagtannet
Eisen*
fade w ur next post? <3

        "takiyok," and here his voice blossomed with warm affection, a spring rose unfurling from beneath snowmelt. "ve are equals in this. please do not be sorry for how you feel." despite the fact that the words felt thick and odd upon his tongue, that he had not truly taken them to heart, mahler wished to impress his support upon the winterwhite. if diaspora was to survive, there could not be enmity between them.
        "ve are strong," he murmured in agreement, though he thought immediately of those that had been lost in the past months. perhaps their little band would make it through the snows at any rate. hope must be had, and if not hope, then the coldness of pragmatism. 
        mahler would not allow his patriotism for the ideals of diaspora be the death of any of its children — he would rather they exist in bondage than not at all.

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