Sleepy Fox Hollow Gain the weight of you, then lose it

Wylla felt as though she was melting into him, absorbing Mahler's warmth and melding with his cool grey fur until no inch of her felt separate. She drew in his scent between heaving breaths and allowed herself to believe, for just an instant, that she was the only one. In that instant, she let herself believe that if she asked him to stay here with her for good, he would agree.

She was sure he wouldn't, but it was nice to think it. As he washed the tears from her face, she closed her eye and tried to capture it in her memory so that the next time she felt like she was alone and unwanted in the world, she could reminisce on what it felt like to be someone's focus, even if it would offer only a few seconds of respite. It couldn't possibly last; it would shatter the next time she asked for something, like always.

Wylla became aware of the heat and the throbbing in her shoulder then and felt compelled to pull away, but she made herself remain. Mahler, she said faintly, turning her head so she could look at Phaedra again

If not for him, because this was temporary and she feared that it would be the same as Sagtannet, and if not for herself, because she could not bear to return and admit her shame, then she would do it for Phaedra and Thade. She could stay for them, with or without the rest. She could find a way to turn a blind eye to the rest, she thought. That she had valued her selfish indignation over her own children... It was no wonder Tiercel despised her.

I don't want to die.