Noctisardor Bypass faya

"it's not the life i wanted for them." heda wiped her face. "he won't even be around them, or me. we were just... coming back from a hunt the other day and he wouldn't even walk next to me, etienne," the young mother whispered, rather stunned to finally realize that anselm's coldness had truly affected her.
she had thought it was only about his lack of involvement with gideon and ezra. but now heda saw it for the rejection of her that it was, and how each day's potential for their interaction took away her energy upon waking.
"i don't think he cares, maybe — maybe not in the way i thought he would." it was shameful to have him deny her, not only as a wife but even a person it felt like.
and then there was the part that she could never tell a living soul, something that must live and die with she and anselm, something that surely affected him as profoundly as it did her. "it would be all right if he ... claimed them. stood as their father. but i don't think he will, because of me." square one. she didn't know what to do, but she knew that she had to warn the bear man, if she did nothing else she needed to warn him.
"if i promise not to leave, promise on everything, will you cover for me while i go for a day and come back?" she could live with everything else if no one died.