Redhawk Caldera ambergris

teya had ignored every milestone of her pregnancy and now the raven found herself at its end. the flutters had been ignored, the kicks studiously set aside from her mind. even as her instincts intensified, the woman had not seen fit to call it what it was.
naming it would make it real. she had forced herself to accept the physical changes to her body. the sickness. the fatigue. the way her emotions had twisted and writhed until they were tangled vines she could not hope to stir, not now — the hunger. the displacement inside her own flesh, inside her own skin.
but teya would not name it.
by now sweet @Maia would have noticed her friend's disappearance from any traveled trail or even the borders themselves. but perhaps by now the gentle wolf might have also found herself distracted by her own preparations. it would be far easier for her. teya didn't want think about maia now, maia for whom motherhood was so natural and for whom there was a husband who had wanted all of his children.
the little violet had entertained vivid, insane fantasies in which @Reyes and bridget fell in love on their return journey, and she could scarcely begrudge them that. it was not acceptance: it was that she had told herself over and over again that when he came back to brecheliant, it would not be for her. and why would he? she would be something he did not want to be when he returned. she hated him and by turns ached horribly with love and with desperation that somehow he should know and come back at once.
the first pains came late and in response she disinterred herself from the new space she had dug down into the earth to find. smeared with soil, squeezed from fitful sleep by the throb of anguish which had begun in the base of her spin, teya flung herself into the water.
long swimming strokes; she cut through the lake in a semi-circle and pushed herself beneath the surface again, breath a trail of silversmith bubbling until her body focused upon her lungs and she no longer felt the tightening ripple along her flanks. the face of the channel was pierced again and teya drew her dripping form onto the other side of the island.
she found herself breathless and unable to leave the bank where the lake touched her paws; she found herself fleeing back into its embrace when her body sounded another knell. this time there was not space between and there was not strength to throw out her arms beneath the water. teya dug her claws into the bank, half-submerged as she forced a guttural cry into the mud beneath her jaws.
the pain was horrendous, far worse than the raven had expected it to be. but the largest torment was every muscle and fiber and atom tuned directly into the center of herself, which felt as if it were expanding and moving to swallow even her own consciousness.
there was no lash of thunder to announce the rainstorm that suddenly opened up over the lake, pitting the surface all around teya with a rush of pattering droplets. she lifted her muzzle into them and opened one eye as the current contraction waned to nothing but the dread of another. get out, she told herself, forcing shaking limbs to carry her up the sloping lakeshore and then the few steps to the mouth of her den.
lie down, and teya was not sure it was even her voice which spoke in such solemn instruction. it was too late to call @Eljay, or perhaps it was not; he had all the experience that teya did not and maybe there was more than a little regret as she bent forelegs lamblike and nestled her wet body against the pile of milkweed fluff and sheepskin and silken furs plucked from the plush coats of rabbits. as soft as she needed. softer than she deserved.
maybe if reyes was here they could reconcile, teya thought frantically to herself. the tightening spasms were starting again, and anxiety spiked high in her chest. i do not want to do this!
but there was no other choice.
eventually the sensation of denial and revelation and even coherence banked down beneath the rhythm of pain, the breath between each swell which cut higher and sharper as if it were the caustic arching back of some eldritch sea creature slicing the top of a darkened river. rain still rushed lightly over the top of the den and it provided her with a lighthouse of sound upon which she could focus.
push
even if teya had wanted to resist she would not have been able. her entire existence focused upon the bearing down, beyond her control and beyond her comprehension, again and again and again, until the only sound in her own ears was her own strangled keening and finally a blackness, and when she blinked up through the velvet there was nothing else and no one else save for
"—@Sorana." voice cut into hoarse shreds uttered despite the fact that there was no one to hear them, and teya working upon instinct once more to guide a single crying cub to breasts already wet with a welcoming letdown. the rain went on. teya closed her eyes and lay back inside the new room she had dug inside the den itself, welcoming the respite of the numb sensation which washed over her now.

Great spirits looked down from the stars upon Reyes Rivaini while he traveled away from home with lines of tension drawn between his shoulders, all alone, and said, this one needs a second chance.

Great spirits peered down from the overcast heavens at Teya Ishtar as she swam in the lake and tried to banish her fears, all alone, and said, this one needs a gentle touch.

So it was that one singular sprite was chosen for the pair and delivered as Sorana, who came into the world not knowing that one parent suffered for bearing her and the other was far, far away. The moment she was born and freed, she experienced a rush of love so strong it even quieted the panicked sobbing that wracked her newborn lungs. It was cold and wet from how the rain soaked mama's fur, but for all her discomfort, Sora was content. She nuzzled into Teya's soft belly with what little coordination she had and nursed, softly kneading.

Great spirits gazed down at the little life brought to bear by these two wolves who needed good in their lives and thought, this one will do.

Eljay had been checking up on Teya regularly, but it was tough, if not impossible, for him to keep both her and Maia surveyed and healthy. He felt like a failure in the middle of it all. His old anxiety spiked up again and regularly he found himself breathing in between the space between his legs as he tried to calm himself down. They needed him, but Maia was still weakened and even between himself and the older children, Eljay didn't seem to manage to bring her enough of what she needed, and Teya was still feeling miserable.

He tried his best, but it just wasn't good enough. Eljay's checks on Teya were frequently and daily, but he had his doubts whether she would ask him to perform his duties as midwife. He'd tried to find the words to tell her that the odds of it going wrong were not more if she didn't ask for help; only the odds of it going wrong for her would be bigger. But it was such a sensitive subject that he had no idea how to breach it. It was so clear that this was not what she wanted. It was not understandable to Eljay, who'd always wanted to be a father some day, and who'd been over the moon when it had happened. Even in the middle of losing Wiffle, his children had been his rays of sunlight.

It was raining heavily that day and Eljay had a terrible feeling in his gut. Usually his gut was right. He hadn't gone to find Teya despite it all, instead wanting to hunt her something fresh first — there was some in the caches but he'd bring it to Maia later — and when he had finally managed to find something — curse how bad he was at hunting the small game — the rain was pouring down heavily and it had soaked his fur through and through before he even swam to the island.

At the other side of the water he found wet pawprints on the bank, scrambling and struggling, and his heart shot to his throat. He hurried, following the steps towards her den with the thin rabbit he'd found in his mouth. He dropped it at the den's mouth and called, Teya? He could smell blood, birth, heard something akin to squirming. He didn't dare come in — not without her permission — and called softly, Can I come inside? Then waited with bated breath, hoping that she was still alive.

Hymnal had been her father's faithful assistant through this very tough time. Mama was not doing well with her pregnancy and something happened between Teya and Reyes. Teya was sad and Reyes was gone, and Hymnal didn't understand any of it. All she knew was that she wanted to be there for her aunt in any way possible.

She had been of the same mind as her dad today, trying to find a meal for Teya. But her efforts were put on hold when she found her father's scent and discovered it led to the lake. She found Teya's scent there too and grew worried. 

She caught a glimpse of her father on the island in the center and jumped in the water to make her way there. She didn't care about the rain; she had never paid much attention to how she looked.

She ran to where her father was the second her paws touched the shore. Hymnal stopped at his side as he called out for Teya. She didn't recognize the strange but alarming scents around her. Her heart slammed against the sides of her chest. She hoped Teya was okay.

a crust of tears had formed over her eyes. teya blinked the gummy mixture away. eljay was calling to her.
the raven's body felt hugely bruised. she wanted to snap at him to leave. and at the same time she was so thankful that he had come.
teya tested the steadiness of her limbs but decided she was too weak to rise. she stared down at sorana in an almost disbelieving fashion and then lay against the pup once more, closing her eyes.
"come in, eljay."
she had not caught hymnal's presence yet. the raven turned into herself, dulled eyes lifting to meet the auspex as she allowed him a glimpse of the single pup tucked against her underbelly.

Feel free to skip and PP Sora going forward!

What was a supernova in the world of Sorana was not so earth-shattering to the adults, but nevertheless, her birth was far from unremarkable. Things were happening around her, but she was heedless of them. When she had suckled as much milk as she could hold, she released with a groggy hiccup and cuddled in to the sodden, warm-smelling fur of her mother, where she fell into a deep, milk-drunk slumber.

Relief flooded Eljay when he heard Teya's voice from inside the den, as he had been terrified that something might've gone wrong. He heard sounds behind him and an ear flicked backward, but as soon as he caught Hymnal's scent — therefore labeling it as 'not a threat' — he ignored her presence, for now, wanting to focus his attention on Teya. Maybe if there was anything he needed for Teya or her pups' wellbeing he could ask Hymnal to fetch it for him later.

At Teya's invitation he came in. Eljay looked softly upon the single pup pressed to Teya's side as it suckled contently, and he could not suppress a smile. There seemed to be nothing off with it, as far as he could tell on first glance. One? he asked for confirmation, just in case there might have been more that he needed to find and move to the safety of their mother's bosom as well. How do you feel? he then asked, quickly followed by: Can I do a check-up? He didn't specify whether he meant Teya or the pup, but waited with getting into a distance for physical touches until she spoke; he knew that it was a lot to birth children, and that meant he needed to keep as much space as she needed.

With no word from her father to stay outside, Hymnal assumed it was okay to follow him in. She immediately realized what the unfamiliar scent was—birth and milk. She would never forget the mixture of smells and how strange they were. 

Her eyes were drawn to the little girl tucked against Teya's belly. She was so pretty, and Hymnal wanted to be her big sister too. 

For now, she tried to concentrate on what her dad was doing, how he was checking Teya and the pup to make sure they were okay. She wondered if having one baby was normal; she would have to ask papa later. 

Hymnal stayed near the entrance, waiting to help if it was needed and hoping that aunt Teya was okay.

seeing eljay made teya feel some sort of way. she was grateful that he did not move to touch her. but he had never been like that before. "one," she confirmed, stiffening somewhat as the breeze carried her the scent of hymnal outside.
her niece did not answer.
teya swallowed and nodded at the auspex. "how is maia?" she asked, moving in any way he needed for this examination, and shifting the girl toward him. "her name sorana."
she was silent.

One. He nodded. The situation was tense, and Eljay wished that he could do something to make it better. He found it difficult to gauge how Teya felt, because he knew that this wasn't what she wanted, but he hoped that the magic of becoming a mother would change her mind; that Sorana would change her mind.

She did not answer his question of how she felt, instead asking how Maia was doing. She's fine, he said, off-handedly. How are you? he tried again, even though he realised just after he asked it that maybe she hadn't answered because it was too difficult right now.

She didn't answer his question either; instead simply moving to accommodate his check-up. He looked at Sorana, first, as he repeated softly, Sorana. Beautiful name. Eljay checked Sorana and Teya, and as he concluded that everything had gone well, he nodded and said softly, with a small smile, You both look fine. He glanced over his shoulder briefly at Hymnal, who hovered at the entrance, and asked to Teya then, Can Hymnal come in? If you prefer, I, or — or both of us can leave you be, too. Just let us know what you need.

teya's gaze shot toward the entrance and she hesitated a long moment before she shook her head."too much, i — tell her to come by in — just some days." her voice was shaking; she hoped the girl would not be so upset with her.
but teya could not take another being in this space near her own air.
"i fine, eljay. uh — maybe ... fish. or something," she asked, hating herself for asking, hating the fact that reyes was not here to do this for her, hating that she needed anything at all.

Hymnal heard Papa's question and then Teya's answer that followed. Her ears fell and she stepped back. She didn't realize her presence would be too much; there was still so much about all of this that she didn't quite understand.

She wanted to help, and if that meant giving Teya space, then she would do that. She could always come back in a few days like her aunt had said. There would be other chances to learn, too. 

Without a word, Hymnal turned and left. She thought mama might need some company right about now with papa busy, so that's where she would go. 

last from me <3

Eljay nodded when Teya said that maybe Hymnal could come back later. She then asked for food, and Eljay remembered the rabbit he'd dragged out here. Eljay backed out of the den and started, Hym- only to realise that she was gone. He then searched for the food he'd left near the den and dragged the soggy rabbit in to Teya 's den. I hope this is alright for now, he said, then, I'll bring you a fish soon. Human was good at fishing - much better than Eljay himself, already - but she was gone now, unfortunately, so the fish would have to wait. He lingered for a doubtful few seconds before saying, Will you be alright? Do you just want to be alone right now..? He would stay if she needed it, but he could also go if that was what she needed.

teya's shoulders struggled with something that wanted to be a shrug but shook only with a sob. "i not know." having eljay close was reassuring, but having him close reminded the raven that she was keeping him from maia. 
and having him here reminded her that reyes was not.
"this good. i be okay, eljay," she finally mumbled to the auspex, raising teary eyes. "i think if baby sleep, i sleep too. that what i need." sleep, a velveteen blanket of it.
but motherhood was not compatible with such things.

He was not too sure if Teya told him that he should go because she wanted to be alone, or because she thought he needed to be elsewhere. Eljay nodded nonetheless and did not question her; all he could do was what she asked him to do right now. She needed sleep, and he'd give it to her.

Eljay reached out to gingerly nose Teya's cheek before he withdrew. He opened his mouth, though wasn't sure what to say, or how to say it. In the end, he nodded at her and said, Rest well. Then he withdrew and headed back to Maia, his heart torn between a heavy feeling and one of joy for the appearance of the newest member of Brecheliant.