Lion Head Mesa [ap] I'd rather have the right man, than the right wedding.

germanicus had not expected ruenna's swift answer. 

he was contemplative. the eagle did not allow his face to betray a notion of his feeling, so great it was.

for the first time he allowed himself to think of crowfeather in a whole way. the sensation which followed went against the grain of the sort of nature he wanted to possess. and yet it was in this abrasion that it had not been a wound which opened but a road into an open and unplanned future.

germanicus was furthermore surprised to hear that ruenna was not offering him a place at her side in the caldera. that under the hypotheticals of this contract, she would come to his. he could not very well see her in the sunspire. but the eagle told himself he must not visualize any aspect of this. he revisited her vision in his mind.

his thoughts returned to the shadow. he forced himself to consider all reasons for it. 

"you would forgo love for what you desire." the imperator's voice was quiet. hers was not a choice made lightly. he did not need to tell her that he was not made for it. look now how crowfeather lay in his heart and germanicus turned his inner mind toward a place ahead that might not be the east.

the eagle loathed how the precise organization of a contract appealed to a mind built for structure. he looked at ruenna. "it would be a hard home, lady redfern." his voice was not meant to dissuade. "you understand how rugged a world it will be." the existence of men was hard. the presence of a woman might compromise that. he would consider what she had said in an objective way, inasmuch as he wished to bind himself to impulse. as if a yes might change the brooding self-awareness that had so lately come to him.

germanicus too knew he could make no choice until he found the direct words inside himself for the shadow.

"i would like to give you a decision now. but i cannot. the canyon is not a home. not yet." he felt it would be inappropriate to promise ruenna any such thing now, when the sunspire was only churned red mud and cold rock. and a boulder of a young fighter. "it is currently not a place for children or mothers."

germanicus felt his heart might break from his chest when he thought of crowfeather so near. the sounds of the wedding seemed to grow louder. "i have a great respect for you, ruenna. i am unwilling to compromise that by having nothing to offer in return." he felt she might understand.

he heard ramesses' laughter and stirred.