Broken Antler Fen keepkey

she fled brecheliant for the arms of the ghosts she did know. she had seen them buried. she had wept beside their graves.
the fen was silent. a cold autumn rain soaked her hackles as she searched not for cover;
you're slipping.
but for figures. forms.
ibis. wraen. "are you here?" the raven called out suddenly, abruptly, voice cutting with hope and horror through the quiet petrichored air.
go home. you're dreaming. you're sick.

*unable to resist*

Also lmk if assumption isn’t copacetic

Bridget hadn’t been in the area long, but she’d contemplated stopping by Moonspear before checking in at the Caldera. She didn’t know where her hesitation came from, though, and that frustrated her enough to require a solo sit down. What’s your problem, Bridge? Pretty soon her kids won’t even know you. She wanted to deliver the news that @Sorana was well, last time they’d joined up and spent a while together, while respecting her niece’s wishes to not share where they’d discussed her going next.

It really isn’t that big of a deal.

Still, she was leaning towards Moonspear. Maybe a less fraught reunion would take some of the weight from this one and knock her head back straight. She’d let it go too long again. Spirits help us if this is how it’s going to be every time.

Unfortunately for her - fortunately, for her pride - the decision was made instead when a familiar voice called out in the forest only a small distance off. Bridget’s ears pricked and she wondered who Teya was calling for… considered not intruding… and then decided she didn’t care. It had been too long, she missed her far too much, and she couldn’t just turn and leave without seeing her after hearing her voice.

Teya? She asked as she came into the same space of trees, though she didn’t immediately approach. She wanted nothing more than to sweep her friend up in a hug, but some part of her withheld, remembering all of the strained parts that held between them.

<3!!!

teya flinched hard, flinched; a covey of grouse took to wing and she stumbled back, leaves crunching underfoot. 
that flash of red —
"bridget."
she let out her breath and came closer, head snaking, eyes wild. "i — i saw reyes."
"he was in caldera, just — up. not him. but it was."
she wanted to cry.

Something was wrong. Teya seemed afraid, and Bridget took a step closer, glancing around to see what might have caused such a response. She never could have guessed the words that would come next.

Grief was a hard thing; it showed itself in strange, and sometimes extreme, ways. Bridget knew she hadn’t seen him and guessed that Teya knew it too. Correcting her wouldn’t do any amount of good.

This wasn’t the reunion she’d expected. It never is. You should know better by now.. What was important was that, right now, she do her best to calm Teya down. What did he do? If her mind had summoned him, it likely had a reason.

"not know! i — seeing things, bridget," teya breathed out in admission. she'd never regained her sense of sleep since before sorana had gone, and certainly not since. watching reyes die was horrible. watching him come back was worse.
"so tired," she breathed out, sinking down in exhausted calm to slimmed haunches. "that all it is. just — everything."
after all, who buried two husbands in as many years?

This wasn't at all what she'd expected in a reunion. It wasn't the awkwardness that she feared, at least, but Teya just looked so... small. So defeated.

She'd made herself a promise when she left that trying to fix her friend's problems only hurt their relationship. But sitting here, even just a few moments after arriving, she could already feel those careful boundaries cracking. Maybe it was Bridget's curse to bear that she'd always have this damnable need to fix anything broken she came across. Maybe it was also stupid to assume she could be anything but who she was.

Everything sounds like a lot. Do you want to talk about it?

Almost as if she'd never been gone. As if they were just sitting in a meadow, amongst flowers, sharing the things that filled their hearts.

"i not know. but — before i see him, i see another ghost. and she was there too, this time. with him. I," and she knew she sounded insane, crazed, a woman with a breaking mind.
"i want to leave, bridget. i have many happy memories here. and i have pain that haunts me. maybe that all this is."
she needed to be out of the caldera and gone for a while, absolutely she needed that. but what did her children need? they needed teya.

Something clearly had happened. Bridget didn’t know if Teya and Bronco were having problems, if it was the kids, or if it was something else entirely. Was Eljay alright? She hoped so, but it suddenly didn’t feel like her place to pry. She wasn’t a part of Brecheliant anymore, and no matter how deep their friendship might have been at one point, Teya had never really gone to her for these things. Maybe because she always seemed to be gone. If not at the start, now it was certainly true.

Then you should take a break. If it’s something you need, then they will understand. It’s okay to need things for yourself. With a family waiting, Bridget didn’t think Teya would go far for long, but either way; staying would only make her resent the reasons she stayed. It was clear at a glance that the other woman needed a break desperately.

Is there anything I can do? It was so polite, so… detached, compared to the things she wished she had the words to say. But this wasn’t about her and she wasn’t willing to try to find them. If Teya needed her here, looking after her kids and Bronco while she did what she needed, then thats where Bridget would be. If she needed her gone, well… that was nothing new to her either.

She was very familiar with needing space. She also knew, intimately, that it could only help so much.

bridget remained so silently close to teya's thoughts that it had taken her until this moment to realize that bridget did not know.
a garbled sound emitted from her throat, something like crumpled laughter crushed under grief.
"bronco attacked by cat end of summer. did not last a month. died next to me. now i seeing ghosts," and nothing in her voice but distance. "maybe i see his next."
eyes drying, no more tears now to weep. teya stared off into the atmosphere. "buried him in brecheliant. all my children suffer over their fathers," she added in a tone that fell to whisper, and then quiet.

Well, shit. Of all the responses she expected from Teya, Bridget couldn’t have anticipated that. For once she was absolutely incapable of summoning a response. She stood in slightly shocked silence, staring at her friend, thinking on how her life seemed to turn downward every single damn time Bridget came back.

Fucking hell, Teya. I don’t know who I have to fight to stop them from fucking you over, but someone deserves an ass kicking. Bridget could hardly believe something like that could happen to Bronco. She’d genuinely liked the guy. He was funny, and nice in a sweet way that a lot of guys wouldn’t admit to. He’d deserved better than that too. He and Teya both deserved happiness.

That’s why she’d left. If she hadn’t, could she have….

She cut that thought off before it could even gain legs. There wasn’t a damn thing she could do that Eljay couldn’t. Bridget took another step towards Teya, looking at her carefully. Trying to judge how welcome she was, or if her friend needed to pull away instead. He was a good man. You both deserved happiness.

And Bridget was a little pissed on their behalf, honestly.

it was almost laughable, wasn't it, where her choices had left her. and while teya firmly regretted no moment spent with bronco, had she known their love would end in this, she might have tried to take him away from it all sooner, instead of revealing her concept for a new pack in the spring, a fenpack which would be founded with a second litter.
"he was good man. bronco, boris, ponyboy, they miss him. they not understand." neither do i.
wearily, she pushed herself to her feet, feeling a thousand years older and no less light. "i not deserve anything, bridget, but they — not deserve this."
it hurt to breathe.

It wasn’t any surprise that Teya downplayed herself. It was a habit Bridget was used to but it would never cease to bring that familiar flicker of anger on her behalf. It wasn’t Teya’s fault she’d been raised to make herself smaller. But not for the first time, Bridget wished she could convince her that it was okay to take up space. Her feelings deserved room too.

That’s bullshit, Teya. Your kids deserve everything, but you do too. I know you wouldn’t make them prove it, to say that. So it’s pretty dumb to make yourself do any different. Her tone was more adamant than harsh, though a bit of the frustration did leak through. She’d never been great at masking that around Teya, likely why she’d make a shit therapist for anyone closer than an acquaintance. It required a disconnect she refused to feel.

It isn’t your fault that the world keeps shitting on you. You’re allowed to be angry about it. Bridget was sure she already knew that, but she said it anyway, hoping it might open up something. Anything that wasn’t this blank numb, familiar from the days when she’d folded herself into Reyes’ life.

bridget always came to her defense against self. bridget always started impartially and then not at all when it came to teya's regard of herself. and the ironic part was that she thought of herself so very much in this way due to what had gone on between them, how she had created a horrible situation and then chosen right before bridget's eyes. twice.
"but i not angry," teya cried a little, voice too hoarse to be loud. "i so sad, bridget. so empty. i want to lie down with bronco. to stay there. i just — i can't —" and when she hung her head, tears flowed over her mouth and she thought she had never known such warmth could erupt from inside her.

She got a reaction, albeit not one she would ever hope for.  If her hopes mattered she’d have come back to find Teya surrounded by mate and kids and fabulously happy.  Maybe that’s why she herself was angry; she’d given herself space, and in doing so, thought she was giving Teya a better life.  Instead she just wasn’t here when she was needed.  Again.

You’re allowed to be that too.  That’s probably healthier, but I hope you don’t mind if I’m pissed off for you.  But seeing Teya weep made her more heartbroken than anything else.  Unable to keep herself from it any longer, Bridget moved to close the distance between them entirely.  If Teya didn’t pull away, she would finally embrace her, hoping it would help in at least some small way.

You deserve the world, Teya.  I’m sorry it’s done everything it can to convince you otherwise.  I’ll always remind you.  She didn’t allow herself to finish it aloud.  It didn’t feel honest to say, right after an absence, when she didn’t call this place home anymore.  An empty promise she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to keep.

she listened; she tried hard to internalize it, the sense of deserving that bridget was trying to impress on her. but if she was worthy of so much, why did the universe continue to deliver blows?
it was the way she had come about her marriages, wasn't it? the way she had encouraged reyes, the way she had not hesitated to take bronco after fennec; her ears splayed and a single sigh found voice. "i glad you back, bridget." even if it was for a moment. her eyes said as much in addition.

She couldn’t tell if the words had actually helped, so decided to leave it at that. Eventually maybe they would even if they had little impact now. Teya’s quiet response made her throat unexpectedly tighten.

She wanted to stay. She wanted to be here for her. But that wasn’t an invitation, and their situation was way too complicated for her to take anything for granted.

They’d never dated, not officially. But it still felt wrong.

I’ll be close by. I wanted to visit Mooonspear, and I can stop by Brecheliant too. If you think that’d be alright. It felt wrong to leave her like this. It felt wrong to follow.

"yes, of course."
when had everything gotten so awkward between them?
oh, yes, when teya had chosen time and again someone who ended up devastating her, twice in reyes' case. he who had harmed her spirit and then kicked off this mortal coil. and bronco, taken from them all at the very moment when teya felt like she had healed, and was looking forward for the first time to repeating motherhood.
now she wanted to surgically alter herself so it could never happen again. "you stay for a bit. maybe we fish together."

Absolutely. The promise fell from her naturally, and she knew she would make good on it. Wherever she wound up, she would come by soon to check in and the two of them would fish. Not quite like old times but as close as they could manage.

I can walk with you back. If you want. She couldn’t help offering. It felt strange to leave her here alone and upset, and too much of her wanted to reach out and find common ground.

"all right."
she did want this, but for now she wanted the peace of bridget and the gentle splash of the water, the wind in the grass of the caldera and the breeze from the fen playing across them both.
but in this moment, it was time now to turn for brecheliant. teya was grateful not to be alone in her trek.

Teya said yes. Bridget was relieved, and together they would make their way back to the Caldera. She wouldn’t stay this time, however, as some part of her still felt more like an additional complication than a support pillar. This wouldn’t change until she returned to check in and saw just how much Teya needed someone there.

As they walked, she let the silence settle, but stayed close to her shoulder as best she could. Their pelts would brush reassuringly, every so often, but outside of this she didn’t have many words to say now. She didn’t know how to make ghosts disappear; or even if Teya wanted them gone. Some things would only be possible with time.