Nova Peak schädigen

Minutes ago, Mahler had said that Nyx did not want him.

Now he spun a tale of how he had spurned her love in some valiant effort to claim Wylla's forgiveness, all because he loved only her. She read no devotion in his words, only that lie. She does not want me. And yet, she wanted me to love her back. She said that I made her feel alive. In the end, he wondered how she could not see what he had sacrificed for her, while confirming her very deepest fears about Nyx, and about him, as well. In every word, she imagined regret. The taste of that lie was bitter on her tongue.

Ah, if not for Wylla, he would have been free to ask Nyx to stay. Or, at the very least, he regretted allowing Nyx to leave. He regretted not returning her love! He made her feel alive, did he? More than he did for Wylla; Mahler made her feel wretched. She wondered if he regretted every little thing he had done since she wound up at Diaspora and merely kept it all to himself, every chink in his opinion of her, until they stood here, and he told her he had done it all for her, and in so many words, admitted that he regretted everything.

(At least, that's how she chose to take it.)

I never asked for that! she snapped, the fury blazing up in her breast again, swallowing her hurt and her indignation and her hope entire. You stand there and say you let her go because you wanted my forgiveness and you love me, but then you accuse me of ruining your life or whatever point you're trying to make. You just said she didn't want you but oh, wait, nevermind, yeah she did? Do you not get it? Based on what he just said, Nyx would've swooped in and taken everything from Wylla if only Mahler had said yes to her, and now Mahler was as good as telling her that he regretted that. That made her stomach churn. She thought she might be sick.

I wanted comfort. I wanted reassurance. I wanted you to show me that I mattered by holding me and telling me so, coming home at night, soothing me when I feel insecure, not these ridiculous ways that make you resent me and make me feel guilty for daring to have feelings so you can keep on doing the same shit and resent me even more. I just wanted you to give a fuck about me when I was hurting. Support me. Stop for two seconds and realize the effect your choices had on me. Anything. She couldn't do this anymore. She was going to throw up if she kept on much longer.

I did forgive you but you didn't even notice. That hurt most of all, that she had gone to the cliffs for vengeance for him and lost her eye in the process, spent all that time guarding him and feeding him and watching over him when he was injured, cuddled with him and professed her love again on Nova Peak, and he never noticed any of it. He just kept doing the same idiotic things, putting Ciri and Elke ahead of Phaedra in her eyes, resenting her for not wanting to be involved with them, feeling strained because he had put them all in this position. You're too busy blaming me and resenting me and regretting things and standing there telling me all about it, as if that's supposed to make me feel loved and cherished and wanted. Nothing like making choices that you regret and building resentment to show someone you want them around, am I right?! Nothing like reminding me that I signed up for this and have no right to complain, except I had no idea you could make me feel so shitty! She wondered for a moment, absurdly, why she even bothered trying to explain how she felt. He would invalidate that as well with his pride. Tell her how he had sacrificed so much and she was just so ungrateful. All it does and has ever done is make me feel worthless and despicable. I have plenty of that without you. You... you of all wolves should have my back, but you never do.

Although she had always torn him down, as well, but she wasn't the one who had gone and tangoed with another woman and gaslit her about what was going on between them and spent the past six months holding her concern about it against her. He thought of it as a head pat to dismiss Nyx, but hearing him say "you're good to me" would have rang so sweet in Wylla's ears. He just didn't get it. He never would, and she felt foolish for hoping.

I'm done, she choked, swallowing down the nausea, turning away, preparing to find somewhere in the forest where she could weep far away from him. She didn't know why she'd held out for him to spill his guts and tell her that it did all matter to him and he did want to work on it. She didn't think he was even capable of it.