Lion Head Mesa They say strange fascination, infatuation

It played in her mind most days as she worked, whether she wanted it to or not.

Cleaning the wellspring brought to mind a rush of recent memories, and Nazli's work would slow. She would ruminate over them, and blush, and hope that no one noticed.

Others knew of course; Ramesses boasted, it was his right. Nazli remained oblivious. She chose to ignore the looks of other fellahin or the sound of their whispers. She did her work as best she could, and carried on as if nothing had changed.

One morning she woke feeling light-headed.

The next, it was the same only worse: and her breakfast did not stay down.

You work too hard, she would tell herself, and continue on with her day — meanwhile, it felt as if something had changed, only the girl could not figure out what. She would stumble from duty to duty, moving as deftly as she could within the halls, and keep out of sight - but sometimes, the feeling that overcame her would force her to tuck in to an alcove and retch.

she shouldn't.

but the smell of nazli had beckoned her much too long and like a greedy mazoi, makono trailed down the halls. only the smell of nazli had somehow become...acidic the longer she had followed it.

and then the sound hit her as well when she drew close, found herself confused and concerned.

nazli? her voice strained in her own throat.

The sound of the Crown Prince was briefly dwarfed by her own choking over phlegm and spittle; it was not a good scene to come upon, and had Nazli been more 'with it' she'd have hidden herself better and tidied herself more fervently; instead, she thought she felt a presence and lifted her head to look upon the mouth of the alcove, and there -- there stood her friend, her sister, her Prince.

Mm, Makono -- ! She looked the same: radiant, tall, perfect.

Nazli wavered, tasting the sour notes on her tongue of spent bile and realized how she must look. It was then she began to fix herself up; but even so, it was a haphazard attempt. She looked as if she'd just crawled out of the catacombs after an accidental nap, or something.

How have you.. been? Oh, that was not her place to ask! She smartened up, swallowing the taste of herself, straightening her spine, looking at the ground as steadily as she could: I mean, ah -- can I help you?

a great chasm yawned between them it seemed. no doubt placed their by her father, by the duties that had been bestowed to nazli that makono had wished against. that makono had been ready to find a thousand other bodies for.

mm, come with me? a question. not an order by any means. we can tidy you. find something for your...stomach? was that what plagued her so? a stomachache brought on by something, surely. perhaps tavina had something stashed aside for this kind of thing. maybe sayf would know a trick or two to help.

regardless, she looked for any reason to draw her lilac near.

The request would be heeded as hastily and readily as any order, because that's what it was, regardless of how Makono's voice framed it. Nazli began to nod but that sent her spinning mentally a bit, so she paused and waited for the feeling to abate, then followed.

To think the Prince was trying to help her! What a strange day indeed, that the royal would stoop to the role of fellahin even for just a moment. Nazli was of course fond of Makono, and willing to obey, but could not reconcile these two different aspects of her; it was not right!

I am alright, she softly protested. Despite looking green around the gills, so to speak.

Mm, maybe.. Tavina, she should have something. The sensation was slowly easing; the girl sighed, and muttered under her breath, It is worse in the morning. When I wake, I am dizzy... but what did Makono know of illness? It was silly of her to burden the Prince with this!

it was true that makono was not a medic. much of her studies had been devoted to handling the work of an ambassador and now a soldier! yet still she tried to dig in her mind for common suggestions.

she led them towards the stash of tavina, if nazli would follow.

well, what are you doing before you go to sleep? she asked softly. if nazli was not prepared to walk to the space of healing, perhaps makono could offer comfort. only she suddenly felt as if she did not know how!

and then she thought about a kiss but —

sympathy dizziness overcame her, perhaps.

Before sleep? Nothing different from her usual routine!
She thought of Ramesses with a blush.
Well, my duties have... expanded, recently, she answered as best she could, and walked alongside the Prince. but that is all that is different. I haven't changed anything else.
They neared @Tavina's storehouse, but Nazli was shy to enter. She did not know if the woman was there, or @Nala, or them together; things had changed in the mesa and Nazli still felt as if she needed to catch up.

sympathy dizziness became sympathy sickness. was it wrong? to feel so...distraught over it? over nazli's place and the things she seemed to fill her days with? how makono wished she was somehow still a part of them!

will you — she swallowed an acidic lump in her throat with hesitancy unbecoming of a prince. elaborate? and still she could not make herself command it! still she allowed nazli to set her boundaries and dictate her comfort.

makono leaned against the wall outside of tavina's space, not yet prepared to dive inside. damn whoever might listen to their voices from within.

*breaks own timeline

it was reprehensible.

and so when she heard nazli's voice clearly outside her door, she grit her teeth and approached the entryway, stemming whatever discourse might have been with a quiet, "come in."

the crown prince was with nazli — crown prince! as if she were not a veritable baby herself! — and she plunged paws into an herbal mixture and cleared her throat, back to them, expecting one of the girls to say why they were about.

What could she say! Was it forbidden of her to speak of the acts perpetrated by Makono's own father? Her royal, godblood father? If the Prince was meant to know, they would know. It was not Nazli who could speak of them; but then she was there within the space with Tavina, and Makono waited outside.

Her mentor, and mother, and for a long time her best friend - Tavina - busied herself.

Nazli was not sure what to say to breach through Tavina's work. It felt silly, coming here, when she didn't feel all that bad now. When the dizziness only came and went sometimes, and the nausea wasn't too terrible.

Clearing her throat, the girl murmured: Um, I... I have been dizzy, her ears slanted towards the door, hoping whatever Tavina would say did not reach there, and hoping it was not a disturbance to either woman. This felt so silly, to be so nervous! It was nothing!

And in the mornings -- it is nothing, really, I am alright now. She straightened. It is fortunate that we have such a lovely Crown Prince, who concerns themselves with... with me, and the fellahin. Commending her friend, and then letting her voice fade to disquiet.

her heart burned like a wildfire in dry bush. up in flames quicker than it could be soothed. she wished to snap on tavina, to pull near nazli. then realized how ugly it all was. how the tension held in her shoulders effected her mind too.

for a long moment, she fell silent.

it mattered not if nazli praised her in that way. it felt somehow hollow against the striking of her heart. jealousy. yet makono had not pinned it as such and she stewed sourly in her own mouth.

whatever she needs... not that she truly thought tavina would skimp at all but, let it be seen. let it be known. that her heart still beat for her lilac even when it burned.

and perhaps a relaxant. for me. she said nothing more on the request she made for herself.

"dizzy. what else. and for how long?" dizziness most rationally accompanied other symptoms. and nazli's formality over the crown prince was frustrating; she could not speak so directly.

"lemon balm," tavina said to nazli after depositing a tiny heap of dried but fragrant leaves in front of the lilac girl. her eyes lingered on the fellahin and then she bowed a little bow to the royal child.

rummaging; "rosehip and lavender-water, divine one," the sesh murmured, setting the tincture in front of the young heir.

presently her eyes returned expectantly to nazli.

Various herbs were offered to Nazli and Makono; as for the questions she spared only a sly look at her toes before answering,
A week or so after... But she couldn't speak of it, even if Ramesses was the type to boast Nazli was not! My extended duties must be tiring me out. I am sure I will be alright with -- with rest. Perhaps I am ill in the morning because I overwork myself?.
Tavina must have known.

she burned! she seethed and shrunk in upon herself in a steaming gaze!

quickly she drank the provided tincture for herself, then set her tense shoulders back once more. knowing that the medicine could not be instant but wishing it so!

excuse me. a courtly nod of her head to both women. then she was gone, to storm down off a hall and into the fresh air. into the serpent lake where she stewed in frozen waters.

her jaw tensed. tavina did not try to keep makono from leaving.

in the vacuum left by the crown prince, the sesh cleared her throat once more. "i am going to ask that you be — kept from your tasks," the physician murmured, for she did at very least suspect.

how could this be? and yet —

Makono left! At once Nazli relaxed, but she also felt a strong guilt that couldn't wholly be identified.

Tavina's suggestion made her suck a sharp breath and frown. I -- I can't! She was finally doing her duty! Ramesses was happy! What right did Tavina have to take that away from him? It felt offensive after all Nazli had been put through to prepare.

You can't. I just need more rest. The more she protested the more her voice dwindled. Tavina wouldn't suggest something like this unless it was very important, she reminded herself.

"i certainly can if you are — if there is a chance you are with child, nazli." her voice was sharp, not strident but harsher than she had meant.

immediately she relented, the purple eyes softening; indeed, almost toward tears.

"this is —" she could barely find a word for it, opening her arms at last to the young servant.

What Tavina said didn't register.

Her welcome embrace came before Nazli understood. She still couldn't fathom it; with child?

It was one -- one time, it... what? Hard blinking, dry mouth, suddenly feeling claustrophobic from the walls around her and Tavina there, and -- !!!

Nazli shoved the woman away as she spun sidelong to retch a few dry heaves.

pushed aside, and yet tavina came after nazli, seeking to pull her back into the reality of the small examination room.

"one time is all it takes," she warned in stiff tones, anger warming a dish of rage meant for pharaoh. 

"let me keep you here, nazli," tavina urged, choosing not to add so i can be sure.

She wanted to stay. To let time slide backwards to when she was smaller and her work was easier, to when she knew nothing and was not expected to do these many other things. To be a girl again. She was still so young but somehow caught between stages: a girl, a woman, certainly not ready to be a mother!
How can you be sure? She asked in a pitiful manner, desperate, hushed. Nazli did not want to give in to the dread that now filled her!
How can I be expected to deny him, if he asks for me? He is -- it is pharaoh! Now her voice rose in pitch; a hurrying body across the hall gave pause but moved on momentarily.

tavina, choked by rage and fear! "and i am your doctor," and his as well, her crisp tone said. her words were not law but they held their own weight.

eyes brimming suddenly. "oh, nazli," muttered, "i should have — kept you safer."

I pressured him. As backwards as it sounded, she believed! What fellahin could pressure a pharaoh for anything? But of this she became adamant and unseemly.
He gave me a choice! I could come to him at a time I wanted, and I chose then. I wanted it over with. I wanted -- to make him happy! Was that not what Nazli had been trained for? Born for?
Her face contorted with a childish tremor of confusion and sorrow, and she tried to stow it, but was too late.
He was happy! I did a good thing. She wanted to convince herself of this and yet was met with nausea and a spell of dizziness that swept her off her feet.

tavina shook her head, lips pursed. "he is a man. you are — a girl," and the words burned, seared.

she could not face the girl for now, a lurching in her own gut. "i want you to return to your bed. i am going to speak with him. now."

finality in the purpled eyes.

Tavina ordered she stay and was already storming off, but Nazli tried to stop her. She felt hotly embarrassed by the woman's reaction and was still deeply confused, but mostly she could not find fault with Ramesses.
Tavina! Please don't--! But there was no stopping the woman, who had cleared the hallway already, so Nazli sank back. She did not need more prying eyes, or rumors flying.
She sought a bed and lay in a heap there, unsure if she trembled now from her unknown illness or the nervous energy that now possessed her. Why was Tavina so adamant to speak with Ramesses? He had done nothing wrong!