Broken Antler Fen berryblade

for whenever! <3

food was becoming scarcer in brecheliant.
teya frowned. it had been some time since large game had been hunted. 
the caldera was gone.
perhaps in some way this had unsettled teya more than before. she visited the graves of ibis and wraen, and when she was done, teya breathed in and descended.
today she sought @Eljay, seeking his confidence on the matter.

Winter was always worrisome, but this winter seemed to be turning into an especially tough one for the Fen. Eljay had experienced it before: a famine. He was afraid that if they let the nutrias do their thing, it might turn into another one. The last time had not been specifically in the winter, but to see creatures eat away food that their other prey needed was harrowing nonetheless and reminded Eljay of the last time. What if the other animals left? The other prey was getting scarcer every day. It had to be stopped.

Eljay was just contemplating all this when Teya showed up at the den. He looked up at her and nodded, unable to hide the worry on his face. Hey Teya, he greeted, and he waited to hear her thoughts.

when teya found eljay, the first thing she noticed was his own worry. this both relieved and frightened her. it seemed they shared a concern over the fen, but teya was not sure of what they could do next.
she bumped the auspex' shoulder with her crown and sighed. "there is little food. the caldera is gone. we are alone, and too far from allies." 
with the redhawks departed, teya supposed that left moonglow alone. she frowned. "should we leave?"

Teya cut right to the chase and it seemed that she shared some of the worries that Eljay had, too.

Even though he shared Teya's worries, Eljay had not considered leaving the Fen at all. It was his home, and where his children were born and had grown up. How could he do it to them to leave? He remembered clearly how terrible it had been to leave Redhawk Caldera when they did for Heron Lake Plateau, even when he was much older than his children were now. How could he possibly make the same decision for his own children?

Her question therefore caught him off-guard, and he looked visibly surprised. Leave? he repeated. Then, as it sank in, he realised that maybe it would be the best for everyone. But how could he do that to his children? After a moment of stunned silence Eljay asked, Are there any places nearby that would be good? Do you know why the Redhawks left? Eljay knew little about their departure, though he knew that they had been small as a pack, too. That they hadn't even come over to tell him in person stung more than he was willing to admit. It was a strange thought that he might simply never see Towhee again. Eljay couldn't help but wonder if he ever crossed her mind like she did his, or if she had completely forgotten he even existed since his departure. He'd always wanted to make amends, but now... Now it was too late. He didn't even know where she lived now.

Either way, Redhawk Caldera was a territory that he knew and that might provide a good place to stay if all things went south in the Fen.

she was relieved to hear that eljay had an idea. teya shook her head. "i not know why they move," she said. "no sickness. no violence." they had simply all left.
the idea of moving to the caldera intrigued teya. she was not sure reyes would wish to go, given the fact that none of his children had come home to him in brecheliant.
"i will scout it. look around," the raven offered. maybe returning to a place that was familiar would be good for eljay. this was his home, but the caldera had been that for a long time before the fen.

It was rather strange that they'd just left like that. And that they hadn't even come to tell Brecheliant — Eljay — about it. It hurt more than he was willing to admit. It was a good sign that they hadn't left because of anything bad, though; if Redhawk Caldera was still good as a territory, then maybe... Eljay kept thinking about his children and Maia. About all of the places here that had namesakes of wolves they all loved. The wolves buried here.

Then again, his parents were buried in the Copse, and Eljay still thought of them frequently. He didn't need to visit a physical grave to. If they were all crippled from hunger, perhaps dying themselves, then what use was it to cling to sentiment?

He hesitated at first, but then conceded with a soft sigh, Alright. Eljay hesitated another moment before he admitted, I hated leaving Redhawk Caldera, the first time around. I didn't understand why the others chose it. I'm just... I'm afraid that — What if the kids hate it there? What if... What if Maia misses visiting her sister's grave? There's just so much we have here. It's our home. Once, Eljay thought he wouldn't want to raise kids again anywhere else than Redhawk Caldera, but now he felt differently. Now, Brecheliant was home, and Redhawk Caldera had lost a lot of its shine. Oh, how cruel were the fates to put such a dilemma in front of him now.

wraen's grave had very recently become a sore spot between maia and teya. she worried the inside of her lip, wondering if she should tell him about their exchange. "i not think the grave is — i not think it should be considered." it would always be here. the fen was theirs, so long they lived. teya would hold some territoriality over it whether or not they moved.
"the kids need new environment. brecheliant is home when we together." her tail wagged gently. "the caldera was yours, eljay. it can be this again." she searched his face, looking for something resolute, something to suggest that their auspex even wanted to go.

As Teya said that the grave shouldn't be considered, Eljay could not help but feel that it was a bit easier for Teya to say. He, after all, was asked for an ultimate decision and it would impact the life of his own mate. They would only miss Wraen's grave, but Maia... Well, Wraen meant a lot more to Maia than to the rest of them. It didn't feel right to take that from her. Eljay frowned thoughtfully and decided to keep his thoughts for himself. He didn't want to argue about it, and maybe he knew somewhere deep down that she was totally right.

Teya said that Brecheliant was what made a place home, and that much was true... Eljay nodded. You're probably right. But it was clear from his voice that he was still hesitating. I just — The first time around, when I moved to Brecheliant... Maia didn't want to come to Redhawk Caldera. What if she still feels the same? I want to talk to her first. I mean, it doesn't hurt to scout it out, but just — I need to make sure she'd be okay with it, too. And the kids. Eljay nodded as he looked at Teya, hoping she understood where he was coming from. He knew he should not let the feelings of his closest stand in the way of what was best for his pack, so Eljay honestly hoped they'd be positive towards the change.

teya nodded quickly. "i not mean not talk to her, please, talk. i wait — i be patient," she said with a little self-deprecating laugh. "i just — wraen. ibis. tambourine." her eyes filled with a sorrow that still had not yet quite resolved.
"i think maybe it me who want to leave the graves," teya said quietly, with a fully honest tint to her words. she trusted eljay and respected him immensely. brecheliant was beautiful. she knew every part of it.
and maybe now she was restless. she wanted a new adventure.
and she could not let her own hastiness make their pack a casualty. 
"thank you, eljay. for being good auspex."

Eljay smiled gently when Teya said that of course he should talk to Maia. The smile quickly dissipated when the subject turned to all of the wolves they'd leave behind. He nodded gravely as she recited the names.

What came next was unexpected for Eljay. Teya admitted that maybe it was her who wanted to leave the graves behind. He didn't fully understand why. Maybe it would be easier to see their deaths as a part of a past she would no longer live in?

He had some experience with it, though. In a way, maybe it was easier to not be around Wildfire and his parents' graves anymore all the time. But on the other hand, they were still with him. It wasn't the moment that he had left the Copse that that had changed. He shared eventually, They'll always be a part of you. It differs per wolf how much it matters whether their graves are here, physical, nearby. But leaving here will never be leaving them. Maybe it was not what Teya needed to hear — her motivations for wanting to leave the graves behind were a bit foggy for him, after all — but Eljay wanted to try and say something, anyway.

Thank you too, Teya, he said in response to her next words. I'm glad I have you. He wasn't sure what he meant exactly by it. Feeling a little self-conscious to have said such a personal thing, Eljay looked away, then looked back and smiled sheepishly. I mean — I'm happy you're here, too, thinking about what's good for the pack and — you're like... Like family. Which was exactly what Brecheliant was all about. It was hard for Eljay to express precisely what he meant to say, how much Teya really meant to him; it was far too easy to say too little, or too much.

teya nodded, though it hurt to hear. she did not want to leave wraen or ibis or tambourine behind. but she wanted to abandon the pain of losing them. this was complicated and so she remained unsure of how best to say it. eljay's words brought an unexpected prickling of tears to her nose and eyes.
"i feel same way." being unofficial auntie to the first brood of maia and eljay had been incredible fulfilling. it had not engendered in her the same want for motherhood.
she was worried about that. last year she'd had bridget. 
this year she had reyes, which was a thought both comforting and terrifying.
on impulse she leaned forward to bump his shoulder with her crown, hiding the sheen of tears in her eyes.
"this what wraen wanted."

Eljay was glad that Teya felt the same, though he still felt some nervousness at having to tell Maia the news. If she didn't want to go, they wouldn't go, of course; but Eljay also knew that they had to go somewhere, so he really hoped that Maia would see the reason behind that, too. Eljay'd been cutting his own meals to be able to feed his children, and he knew it was a dangerous path to walk.

It was good to know that Teya felt the same way, too. As Teya bumped her head into his shoulder, Eljay smiled softly and leaned his head back to touch the top of her head gently with his nose. He had never expected Brecheliant's wolves to become family to him so quickly, and he had never expected that Brecheliant would be more of a home to him than Towhee's Redhawk Caldera ever could. She was right, too; this was what Wraen would've wanted. They were going to be alright.