Lion Head Mesa I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. [WP]

She had caught the tail end of the horse ceremony. And literally the "tail end," because once she'd seen what was going on, she'd turned tail and skedaddled the fuck out of there.

What was happening?

Her days in Akashingo were filled with misery. No longer did servants at her beck and call spark joy within her. Now they were just a symptom of whatever sick, twisted hierarchy this place was. No longer did children excite her. Her own had died in her womb, perhaps before they were even born.

But she'd seen, briefly, @Teya and @Sorana, and so she'd either summoned them away or had raced to catch them up, eager to see them and to inject some sort of. . .fucking normalcy in their midst.

This was not right. She didn't belong here. She never had.

Teya, Lilitu called out, voice ringing off the canyon walls.

they needed to leave.
she did not dare let sorana out of her sight; she tried to guide the girl through the thronging crowd, still haunted by the thick scent of blood that had suddenly filled the air.
a servant, whispering that the princess —
"lilitu!" the raven gasped out; she embraced the girl tightly and looked into the face she had expected to see lit with joy. "it good to see you."

Teya, she gasped, and flung herself into the woman's embrace. She buried her nose in the creamy brown fur, inhaling the scents of, oh. . .the caldera, Maia, Eljay— everything she didn't know how much she missed until this very moment.

Or at least since her womb had grown cold.

She pulled back, fighting tears. Is this your daughter? she gestured to Sorana. She studied the girl. There was some resemblance, but the younger wolf was darker. Still, they were clearly close.

Lilitu sucked in a breath. I'm getting married soon, too, she announced. Officially, I mean. And we tried to have pups, but. . . Oh, crap! Commence the waterworks. She smiled bitterly through the tears that cascaded down her cheeks. Anyway, I wanna go home.

You all were right. I just wanna go home.

Can be skipped as needed.

Sorana let herself be led through the crowd by her mother; it was all she could do to steady her breathing. Here it didn't smell so much like horse blood, but the memory of it still filled her nose. Her legs still trembled. The fur on her face was damp. She ignored all the servants and guests they passed and wasn't sure she would be able to hold onto her composure if they stopped for any of them.

Including Lilitu. Sorana did not remember her; they had never met, or if they had, it had been when Sora was too young to recall. The woman flung herself at Teya and Sorana skittered a few steps away, tail curling to her underbelly. She looked sharply side-to-side, as if afraid someone would come to bring them back to the ghastly altar now that Lilitu had stopped them.

But none came, and when Sora found enough control to look back at Lilitu, it was to see tears in her eyes as well. Sora was naturally compassionate, but also terribly overwhelmed; she was crying with Lilitu without entirely understanding why, and her breath came in quick little gasps.

teya was struggling, breathing hard. sorana had been struck so harshly by all of it; she wanted also to flee, to bundle the girl into the cool night air and travel all through the dark back to brecheliant.
the raven reached swiftly for sorana, comforting her back, and then turned a helpless eye to lilitu. "i so sorry," she breathed, eyes stinging; she pressed their foreheads together, nodding fiercely. "yes. yes. come home — ah —"
she glanced to sorana, then to lilitu. "can you leave? now?" marriage, on the horizon, standing like stars in the pouring tears on the younger woman's beautiful face.

Without even thinking, she lurched forward, hoping to press her muzzle against Sorana's forehead; she'd caught the tears in the girl's eyes and had felt a strong pull. All were grieving, and frightened by what had gone on here. She could relate.

Almost, she murmured, glancing at Teya. I have to be married. And then I can go as I please.

It seemed a long time. Vast. Impossible.

But she could wait. Her bright green eyes saught Sorana, warming, hoping to set her erstwhile packmate at ease.

tagging u for sorana to decide <3

she was torn; she wanted to leave at once. it was right to leave now. but lilitu was waiting for a great event. either teya departed in this hour to take sorana home and miss the wedding, but return for the princess; or they both waited.
they were each stained with tears, the green-eyed princess and her own poor girl; teya looked back and forth. "@Sorana," she said at last. "do we stay for lilitu? take her home after? or go home now, and i come back?" she swallowed, hoping the bride-to-be would understand her hesitance to keep the girl here after all that had happened.

They left it up to Sorana.

This was a big ask. She was still only a little girl, no matter that she was growing quickly and would soon stand at her mother's height. She was only a frightened young thing in a strange place with strange peoples and customs. How was she to know the best course? She wanted to leave. She wanted to go, now, now!

She held her tongue from uttering that, instead frowning in confusion. Her eyes, bright blue like her mother's, lifted to the yellow-green of her kin, for that was what Lilitu was. Kin in this foreign palace. Won't your husband be sad if you get married and then l-leave?

It was an innocent question, not meant to side one way or the other; she did not know the nature of this arrangement. Wouldn't it be easier for all involved if Lilitu simply did not get married and left now?

Lilitu thought it was a little unfair to put that all on Sorana, though she didn't say so aloud. The girl looked understandably torn, and when she spoke, it was with Lilitu's betrothed's feelings in mind. That made her smile, albeit a small, sad expression.

It's not like that, she replied gently. We're getting married for an alliance. We don't. . .really know each other that well.

If Charles's feelings had blossomed into love, or anything resembling it, she certainly wasn't aware. And there wasn't anything in her heart as far as affection for the raggedy young man.

She just, just wanted to go home.

I can leave on my own, when it's done, Lilitu said, returning her gaze to Teya. She set her jaw, even as she felt the tears on her cheeks begin to dry. I will talk to Ramesses. He said I could go back to Brecheliant, once I was married.

cool to fade! sorry for the wait!

teya found that she'd fucked up and especially in the way she felt suddenly uncomfortable by the arrangement. hadn't she even encouraged it? but now she was thinking of sorana, and how this might make it seem okay for the girl. and she hated this reaction, because it changed nothing about how she loved lilitu.
she wondered why ramesses would just let her walk on the marriage, but it did not matter. "home is there when you come, lilitu," she said, moving forward warmly if the girl allowed.
"maybe you sit with us? for a little bit?" she invited. "i want to get away from party for few minutes," she said, glancing at sorana and prepared to lead them both to a quieter reclining along the walls.

Last for me!

Sorana couldn't say she understood any of it. Didn't wolves get married when they were in love? Getting married to someone you didn't love seemed like a recipe for disaster. It made her think on all the fights Reyes and Teya had had when they didn't realize she could hear them, which made her feel sick in her stomach all over again.

She couldn't muster up any more words, but followed the pair to a quieter place and fidgeted in silence, trying not to think about the fights, or that her parents might not have loved each other and maybe that was why daddy had left her, or that she might someday have to marry someone she didn't love, or about the horse's screaming. She tried not to think of anything at all.