Broken Antler Fen Absolute zero

Had Wraen been aware of the difficult relationship Tambourine had had with his former sort-of-wife, she would have wondered, why had it taken him so long to realize that it had done him no good? Why had he stuck with her to begin with? Had it been because of a misguided impression, what a married life should be like? Had it been because he had felt lonely and attaching himself to someone/anyone had been his way of escaping it? Had it started out good and ended sour? Had there been qualities about Larkspur that he had liked, memorable experiences that they had shared? Had he seen someone broken, but worth saving and failed at that? 

All of these questions and endless wonder, because she had never been in any such relationship herself. She did not know, what it meant to fall in love with someone and to build a family on it. She did not know, what it meant to share a life with someone, to grow together, to adapt to them, to accept them, to sacrifice even. Of course, she had impressions and ideas, what it could and would be like, what she would do. She had heard stories and observed others, how they went about their lives, and yet though it was tempting to dive in and give it a try, the fear of being deliberately hurt held her back. She feared missing the red flags, she feared growing bored and tired of someone and not being able to tell them so. She feared of being abused and not realizing it. That's why she admired people, who went into this willingly and with joy, because the longer she lived and had seen more, the less she enjoyed the concept.

After all she had been on her own for such a long time that she was no longer afraid of loneliness and what it entailed. It had been the deep sea she had explored from one corner to the other. It was calm. It was consistent. It was safe. It was, where she felt in control, where it was comfortable and easy to navigate. Most importantly - it was a place, where everything depended on her only. Occasionally this responsibility was hard to bear, she mused, what it would be like to share it for a little while, but then it passed and she was happy and content again. Ironically enough for a person, who encouraged others to go out in the world and discover themselves, she was very much a homebody herself. But then... she was not a hypocrite - she had been out there, many times and had eventually found that one place, which her soul could call home.

"Not as grand as mine," Wraen remarked, when he had finished telling her. "Why didn't you stay there?" she asked. "Or were there more beautiful places yet to see and discover?"