Rising Sun Valley leidon

it made her want to recoil, but perhaps this was how she had made etienne. and so heda locked herself to the earth and stood fast. "what you decided is between you. how i feel is how i feel." what he had said, but for herself, where she would truly hear it.
it didn't matter to him. he spoke nothing of the children and she felt the throbbing wound of caracal's absence looming over them.
and before that, mahler's own interminable silence.
what about them? heda wanted to ask, but she saw how he closed to her, how his words were a firm ending to what she had tried to begin.
she dusted the drying mud from her shoulders and tried not to ruminate on the more crazed thoughts flitting through her mind. once she'd thought anselm could be a new beginning too. 
be well. take care of yourself. i'll see you around. all stupid. all condescending.
her golden eyes met his once more, filled with a conflicted flare of encouragement for whatever life he chose to live now.
heda wheeled around and trotted in the direction of the mountains. it was far too late to pick up any trails, but she'd search further than before. maybe she would find — something.