Noctisardor Bypass yuljeda

it was the wrong thing to say.
heda had lost caracal, had lost glaukos, and now anselm's presence near her was suddenly in jeopardy. had she the ability to articulate her dozens of snarled feelings, she might have recognized that the early, abrupt death of her husband so soon into their marriage and their time as parents had left her with a clawing emptiness that formed itself into a desperate codependency on the men who were close to her.
druid only wanted to protect her. heda could appreciate that even though her unexplainable panic. 
"yes. we were." heda ran her tongue over her teeth. "we can hardly talk to each other but — there's something...there." something deep and twisted, the soldering of bones at birth. "i look at him and i want to — try again," she admitted, leaving out the parts where anselm had blatantly rejected her bids for partnership. "i don't know what he wants. maybe that's all he wanted, but i —" wanted to give it "— maybe that's all we'll ever have." how pathetic to voice that she would settle for essentially nothing but a rough, near-frantic coupling in a dark forest. 
how pathetic to realize that she would have made only that connection become their sum, if only anselm would realize she was good for him.
"i'm lonely, druid." her sister's love and the unconditional affection of their puppies was not enough for heda, and it made her feel monstrous to realize that.