Haunted Wood de dragul tău

She couldn't possibly hope to collect herself anytime in the near future, though Meerkat had a few moments to make an attempt as she led @Issorartuyok toward the neighboring woods to the south. Her heart did a funny little dance against her ribs as she kept her brown eyes trained straight ahead, guiding the way beneath the nearly bare treetops. Perhaps unnecessarily, she sought some semblance of privacy.

The yearling stopped in a small, sun-dappled clearing. She took a breath, squared her shoulders and finally looked at her companion. His words raced through her mind. "Young Meerkat would be an exceptional and treasured wife. I simply do not know if it is what she wishes..."

But instead of asking him about it or, better yet, answering his question, Meerkat felt the need to say, "I'm sorry she put you on the spot like that." Had he only said what he'd said because of Towhee's presence? Had he meant it? Or had he only told her mother what he thought she wanted to hear?

Issorartuyok followed the scout with his head low. He did not know what to make of the conversation that he had shared with the Sovereign of the Redhawk wolves. It had left him feeling confused.

As Meerkat led them, she did not seem talkative. The northern man did not wish to force words from her, not when he was not certain what there was to say. Towhee had believed that they should talk. Issorartuyok was under the impression that they already had. He had described his plans to the young scout. He had been honest to her from the very beginning.

I do not understand, the man admitted in a quiet rumble. I believe I must have said something to give her this impression. Ah, and he had made it difficult for the young scout. Would she be upset at him? Issorartuyok wondered but did not ask it aloud.

You did not express an interest when I had spoken of my plan. To have a husband, to have children, and you have said you do not desire a role of leadership. The man sighed softly, turning the dark brown of his eyes to her features. He wanted to know what all of it meant and why it had happened.

I must say I am sorry to you, scout Meerkat. But I do not know what I have done to imply these things to Towhee of the Caldera. The man sought answers from the young woman.

Not only did he speak, he said more than she had actually anticipated. Focusing on his voice gave Meerkat a chance to ground herself and calm some of her inner reeling, though some of what Issorartuyok said to her made her emotions want to run away again.

Her lips parted when he pointed out she'd never shown an interest. Meerkat couldn't argue with that, having spent the entirety of her time trying to suppress her feelings, much less act on them. But he hadn't shown any particular interest either, at least until today.

"You—you have nothing to apologize for," the yearling said when it was her turn to speak. "You didn't do anything wrong. My mom just assumed, plus she's not exactly the most subtle or tactful." Her lips pressed together momentarily. She was a little angry with her mother, though maybe Meerkat had needed the push to be more straightforward with how she felt.

"I'm not interested in leadership but I do think I want a family. Are those mutually exclusive?" But Meerkat didn't give him a chance to respond before sucking in a breath and plunging ahead. "Did you mean it? Do you look at me that way?" She felt her limbs quivering. "Do you like me, Issorartuyok?"

Subtlety and tact would not have played well with Issorartuyok. It was both a blessing and surprise that Towhee had approached the subject in the way she had. If she had not mentioned the two as a pair, the northern man could have returned to the glacier believing they had shared a simple conversation. Pushy may have been a better word for how the Sovereign had behaved, but it was not one that Issorartuyok possessed.

No, they are not exclusive. It is simply a belief that a pair who leads a village is stronger. They are fortified by their bond and it fortifies their people. His words were said plainly.

Meerkat then asked him a question that made him feel older than he had in some time. She wanted to know if he liked her. The exaggeration of the word was insinuative. He held her gaze and frowned, frustrated and still bubbling with confusion.

I have never looked at you as a wife, scout Meerkat. Because you never expressed to me a desire to be a wife. I did not think it appropriate.

The frown deepened.

But it is difficult not to like you. Even as only a wolf of the glacier.

Issorartuyok did not know if this was a satisfying answer. How was he to look at her with loving intention if she had not expressed the wants for such things? It felt too far out of his reach. He was a man of honor and he was still a newer member of the village they shared.

What do you wish? I cannot give all the answers. I have been honest with my intentions and the path my spirit will take.

The frown she received in response made Meerkat's stomach drop. She wished she could take those words and cram them right back into her mouth. What was she thinking? Why the hell would she ask that? And why did she phrase it so childishly? But she'd asked the question and now she would have to deal with the answer, whether or not she liked it.

"I have never looked at you as a wife, scout Meerkat." She felt like she might throw up, if her throat hadn't suddenly closed. "I did not think it appropriate." The words immediately preceding this statement should've lent them a different context, though now she flushed red beneath her pale fur. She felt a strange mixture of anger and shame. Why should it be inappropriate to have feelings for her?

He paused, frowning even more. "But it is difficult not to like you. Even as only a wolf of the glacier." The implicit rejection struck down the anger, leaving only shame and a cruel sense of worthlessness. Meerkat knew better than to believe that, though the feeling nonetheless subsumed her momentarily.

Issorartuyok asked her what she wished, though she didn't know how to answer that. Besides, she didn't think she could speak right now. Meerkat turned away, tears pricking at her eyes to accompany the stinging like a slap to the heart. She supposed it was better to know. Maybe now she could actually move on with her life.

But for the moment, all she could do was struggle to compose herself. And fail.

The young wolf said nothing.

Issorartuyok stared pointedly at her, anticipating that she would provide him with a response. More than this, he had anticipated that his words would open the door for her. If he had shared his plans with the scout, then moved to encourage her to do the same, why would she not? Frustration bubbled alongside his confusion.

You are upset.

The man’s voice was rough with his perplexity. The ways they talked often left him wondering, but he did not understand what had happened to lead to Meerkat’s expression or the way she turned.

Meerkat, you cannot ask me to love you in this way so soon…

The northerner felt his chest tighten.

Please, I am a man of honor. I have only respect for you, for your skill.

What did he need to ask her to get a response? The thoughts whirred through his mind without pause and he felt he was losing track of things. Somehow, he felt he had been put in the place of a villain. Issorartuyok only wanted to communicate with her, to share their desires and come together with understanding. He was not opposed to the idea of taking her as a wife, not at all. The man wanted to do it the way he believed was right.

I have not known you as my soul’s pair. We have not explored that. Please speak… I do not have many more words. I wish you would speak.

She thought she felt his eyes boring holes in the side of her head, though Meerkat couldn't bring herself to look at him yet. Only when Issorartuyok mentioned love did she move, quite suddenly whipping her head sideways. She felt heat creeping along her throat, her stomach clenching. He begged her to speak and now she rushed to oblige.

"I asked if you liked me," Meerkat said quickly, "not if you loved me. I don't—" Her lips slammed shut. "But I think you're answering my question. You don't look at me that way. You're not attracted to me." She exhaled every single ounce of air in her body, it felt like. Then she inhaled. "And that's okay. Really. Is it hard to hear? Yes. But I'll be okay. It's fine. Really."

Her soft eyes rested on his face a moment before dropping away again. Meerkat breathed in and out a few more times, willing away a slight, sudden tremble. Her chest ached in a familiarly ephemeral way that pulled a sigh from the very deeps of her spirit. She'd told herself not to say anything unless he expressed interest first. Now she'd paid the price for violating that simple rule.

Thanks, mom, Meerkat thought sullenly, reaching up a paw absently to rub at the sore spot in her ribs.

Frustration sprouted again, and this time it reared its head in his expression. The northerner drew his head back, sternly watching the glacier’s scout. He did not like how she had changed the meaning of the words, how she had insinuated something in her first inquiry with her tone. Even with as dense as he was, he had not missed it.

It was not what you said, Meerkat. It was how you asked me. I am not strong with the common language, but still hear your voice and how it changes.

The girl still did not offer him an answer. She did not tell him what she desired or hoped for. The only thing she had taken away from their conversation was that he was not attracted to her. Issorartuyok wished to remove this from the scenario. He could not work through his frustration swiftly enough to formulate a response that would ease that part of her mind.

Now, you are giving words to me that I have not said. It is unfair. I never said such things at all.

Then, some of his frustration bubbled out.

And was I to gaze at you in longing? Hoping you would someday – perhaps – look upon me the same? Am I made to convince you?

The northern man breathed deeply, steeling himself against the conversation so heavily centered around emotion. Issorartuyok realized that he did not have a talent for discussing these things. If he could only have spoken to her in the northern tongue, the way he would speak to his village. It did not matter, though. It would just be noise in her ears.

I did what I believed was honorable… the way a man honors a skilled woman in my village is not by trying to bed her. It is by treating her as his equal in every measure.

Never had she heard Issorartuyok speak in this tone of voice. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, ears folding slightly. He insisted she was putting words in his mouth. Meerkat felt an unpleasant heat licking in her belly. She hadn't meant to do that. She barely had a chance to contemplate it before his next few words hit her like a punch.

She turned her head, gaze weighing on his contorted features. Her brow furrowed. Surely he didn't mean that he way Meerkat initially took it. Issorartuyok went on to say he only wanted to treat her with honor and respect. She was beginning to realize there was a massive communication breakdown at work here and that, very possibly, they were on completely different pages about how something like courtship worked.

"I don't want you to bed me," Meerkat refuted with a strained laugh. "I'm not looking for some grand romantic gesture or anything like that, either. I mean. I just... I like you, Issor." Never before had she called him that. She wondered if he minded. What did that matter, compared to what she was confessing? "I mean romantically. To use a childish word, I have a crush on you. And of course I was hoping you felt the same..."

But you don't, she thought. She wanted to say that. And that's okay. But Meerkat bit her tongue lest she put words in his mouth again. She didn't dare hope she had totally misread that part, though she bit her lip too, waiting to see if he might clarify, now that she had attempted.

I could.

That did not feel as fulfilling as what she had admitted to him, but he was only honest.

If given the chance.

If he had to be honest, Issorartuyok did not believe he knew how to make grand gestures of romance. The northerner was a consistent gesture man. He would show small things – things given each day that would build overtime. He did not understand the budding sensation of a crush, or if he had felt something similar. The man would likely not have allowed himself to entertain these emotions, if they had been felt.

For the first time, his head fell below his shoulders.

Meerkat…

I am afraid I do not know how these matters work here, in these lands. I may have done poorly.

Issorartuyok sighed once more, deflating the tension in his shoulders like a forgotten balloon at a children’s party. He felt so out of his element. The chill in the air nipped at his nose and reminded him that they should return to the glacier soon. It would not do well for them to be gone for so long. Issorartuyok trusted Lane, but he did not want her to shoulder the entirety of their shared leadership.

Can I ask you to share your feelings more? Is that something that is acceptable? I may be able to show you… more liking, if we are in agreement.

Her mouth twisted a little at his, "I could." She shouldn't have to coax someone into being interested in her. Issorartuyok shouldn't try to force it. The thought made Meerkat cringe a little, her self-esteem also resembling a deflated balloon.

Still, she wondered if they were just looking at this situation through very different lenses. They were from different cultures. They quite literally spoke different languages. She breathed in and out of her nose as she contemplated these things.

Another strained laugh escaped her. His request was simple but it certainly wasn't easy. "Sure, yeah, I can try," Meerkat agreed quietly, "but Issor, please don't feel like you have to force yourself to have feelings for me. First of all, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that. And secondly, neither one of us deserves that."

She swallowed thickly and didn't speak for a moment. But then she added, "No matter what, I care about our friendship a lot. I hope this doesn't change things there..." Well, of course, Meerkat had wished for more. But she hoped he understood what she meant, even if they seemed to be on slightly different pages about much of this.

No, not by force.

The man shook his head. He felt he had done a poor job of speaking to her in a way that relayed his feelings on the matter. The barrier in their languages was a challenging one, for the first time. The large wolf contemplated it and tried again.

I mean only if I can allow myself to feel. Feelings can be held down. Now, I will know that I do not need to hold them down, yes? Issorartuyok’s head tilted questioningly, hoping that he would receive a firm confirmation. There was nothing that he liked less than guesswork. It made for a challenging and thought-filled time. Try as he might, the northern man was simple. He shared his thoughts and feelings when they were relevant. He answered questions with the honesty of his soul.

Meerkat stated that she did not want their friendship to be impacted by the conversation they had shared, but hadn’t that been the intention of their words?

You will still have my respect, scout of the glacier. That will not change with words like these.

Then, your mother asked if you would have children in the snow-clearing season. Is this what you wish for?

Admittedly, she looked at him a little strangely when he spoke of permitting himself to have feelings. Cannot relate, her inner voice blurted, right before her heart skipped a beat and her stomach flipped. What was he saying? He did have feelings for her, only he'd suppressed them and just needed to stop doing that?

She stared at him, not fully processing his words of reassurance. But then Issorartuyok snapped her out of it with a pointed question. Wolves didn't sweat, naturally, but Meerkat swore her elbows started to sweat nonetheless.

"I haven't—" Meerkat began to say, then burst into a loud laugh, which sounded much more good humored than the last few instances. "I didn't think I could relate to suppressing feelings but..." She huffed and shook her head, then went motionless, brown eyes capturing his gaze. "I wouldn't let myself think about it much before, because I didn't think it could happen, but... yes. I think I'd like the opportunity to have children when the time comes."

Whether she could relate or not, it was something that he was quite familiar with. The suppression of his immediate emotions was something he had done early, when he had lost three of his younger siblings to a terrible illness. Meerkat did not need to relate for it to be so. Issorartuyok did not know if this was a cultural difference, or if her life course had never required her to do it. They had surely lived very different lives. This had become clear in the conversation he’d had with her.

When Meerkat answered his question about children, Issorartuyok nodded his head.

Then we have that in common, he said with a small nod.

When Issorartuyok had left his home, he had only done so to fulfil his purpose. The man knew that he was destined to have his own village, to fill it with his children, to love them and care for them alongside his wife. It was a simple man’s goal, and he had no intention of letting it fall short. If Meerkat could see herself in this role, Issorartuyok would make it so.

We should think of returning to the glacier soon, Meerkat. Would you like me to accompany you to your mother again, or is that a talk you wish to have alone? Whatever her wishes, he would respect them.

Something in her belly felt molten when he echoed her. Of course, she'd already known that about him, though now the context was entirely different. Did he want children with her? The idea of coupling with Issorartuyok that way and bearing his children made fire lick through Meerkat's veins.

When he asked if she wanted him to accompany her back to the caldera, she glanced in that direction thoughtfully before facing him again. "Wait here. I'll tell her goodbye for the both of us. I won't be more than an hour. Then we can head home."

As she shifted her muscles in preparation to begin moving, a thought struck her. Meerkat paused, wondering if it would be too forward. But then his words whispered through her mind. "Can I ask you to share your feelings more?"

Reaching out, the yearling touched her muzzle to his. She didn't offer a lick, nor linger. Nonetheless, it was a familiar, intimate gesture. Their eyes met. Meerkat smiled. Then she quickly turned and headed back to speak to Towhee.

Meerkat stated that she would return on her own and she would bid her mother farewell for the two of them. Issorartuyok did not have any issues with this. He believed it would be nice for her to spend a few moments alone with the Sovereign of the caldera. She had not gotten that opportunity when he had been there before.

Just before she turned to leave, she met him with a soft movement and touch.

The northerner met her and nudged gently beneath her chin. The earthy brown of his eyes searched hers for a short moment before the young scout turned to return to the caldera and to speak to her mother. Issorartuyok would wait in the same place for her to return. His mind would travel to the glacier in hopes that they were doing well and that he and Meerkat would return to their people to find good things.