Firefly Glen but if we go, we go together

This is forward-dated a few days. Tags are for reference (let me know if I need to edit any assumptions!).

She wished she could've stayed on the island a little longer, spent more time with the lovely wolves of Yuèlóng and convalesce in paradise. But Meerkat knew she must get back to @Bronco and the glen. He must be so worried about her. He'd already been through too much, so as soon as she felt up to the trek ahead of her, Meerkat said her goodbyes and thank yous to @Maegi, @Mou and the others (like @Nǚwū).

It seemed the winter storm had come to an end. The sun warmed her back as Meerkat journeyed south, taking it slow despite how urgently she wanted to get home. Inevitably, she thought of Atlas, and she wondered if he might've returned in her absence. She hoped so, though as the miles stretched behind her, Meerkat found herself grieving and gradually letting go. They'd had something special but things would never be the same.

At long last, she reached the glen's northeastern corner. She needed food and rest, though more than anything, she needed her brother. Meerkat squeezed her eyes shut and called for him.

Though he recognized the howl was calling for a particular Blackthorn, Antares was immersed in one of his endless laps around the outskirts, and it landed him rather near. Keen to seize the opportunity to find out what Meerkat had learned away from here, he would go see if there was any good news. He pushed his trot into a lope to head her way.

When he found her, she was alone still. He closed in quietly wearing a tired look, but a small greeting of a tail wave to see her returned to them--even despite the hellish weather lately. Bronco would probably be along before long, if he were to guess. Glad you're back, he started with before his paws stopped fully, leaving off the implication of in one piece. That was some type of relief. Still, even at a glance, she looked worn out, though, and instinctively he was expecting bad news at every turn. How was it out there? he asked simply to let her set the pace, especially since he was not exactly who she had summoned.

A black figure materialized in the distance along the borderline and Meerkat's heart leaped, just to sink once more. She wondered if and when that might ever stop. Drawing in a deep breath to steel herself, she turned to face him, letting Antares come to her. She could tell, just by looking at him, that his brother hadn't returned while she was gone. Swallowing against a lump in her throat, she dropped her head a bit and thought of what she would say to him.

She felt a stab of guilt at his opening words. She glanced at him from beneath her lashes, then down at her paws again. Antares didn't mention Atlas directly, concreting her belief that he must not be here. Swallowing again, she tried to choke down the feelings of failure, guilt and sadness to provide a response.

"It was pretty rough," Meerkat replied honestly, "and... I didn't find Atlas, or any leads on his whereabouts." She confessed right away, looking sideways into the glen—no sign of her own brother, yet—before dragging her amber eyes back to Antares. "I'm sorry," she added, painfully frank and simple. He probably didn't know that she'd caused Atlas's flight directly, unless Bronco or Fennec had told him. Meerkat wondered and waited, letting him get a word in edgewise.

Antares thought he could smell the seaside on her fur, among other things, and judging by her expression, he wasn't getting his hopes up. Pretty rough warranted a solid frown, but a slow, understanding nod as the rest of what she said set in. He was trying to steel himself for it all, too, and still didn't know what to do with any apologies besides try to deflect them.

It's.. okay, he sighed, speaking deliberately as he mustered himself along the way and tried not to look away from her. I haven't found anything either. Not even a hint, the dark Ostrega added. If anything, he only had more questions, and continued to find more lose ends. Did he... say anything to you before he left? About anything? Antares licked his teeth, sort of hating asking so simply, but he had this fear that Atlas didn't want to be found, and neither had he been able to properly touch base with his brother before his flight. Selfishly, his own grief had ruled him then.

"It's okay," he reassured haltingly. Meerkat bit her lip against refuting him, at least until he'd said his piece. Naturally, he wondered about the circumstances leading up to Atlas's departure from the glen. She could've said she didn't know, though she had never been one to lie. Of course, she'd never felt so guilt-ridden and torn up over anything like this before, either.

"No," she replied, though not in answer to his question, "it's not okay." Meerkat let out an audible breath before the confession came tumbling from her lips, come what may. "It's my fault he ran away." She paused to give Antares a moment to process that before elaborating, "I came back from the caldera and didn't know about Osiris and Leta yet. I asked Atlas if we could visit Toad's and Desdemona's graves. He..." Meerkat's steady voice finally faltered here. "He had a breakdown of some kind. I didn't mean to, but I think I made it worse. That's when he ran off."

Would Antares blame her, like she blamed herself? She swallowed, wondering if she'd still have a place in the glen after this conversation. "I'm so sorry," Meerkat whispered, for whatever it was worth, her head dropping to hang low between her shoulder blades. She wondered if it would make a difference, for better or for worse, if she mentioned they'd technically become mates immediately prior to his flight. But she made no mention of it, just like she hadn't with her older siblings. That secret was safe between her and her former(?) husband(?).

Right away, she denied his attempt to just set that apology aside and not look at it. His ears perked up, and interest simmered quietly in the navy stare he answered with. He knew. Didn't want to hear it, particularly, but didn't fancy the first thought to be a very welcome back message. Still, he was very willing to hear her out as the details blossomed from there about what had transpired between them. He felt his eyes start to narrow, and his head just swarmed with a dull, aching hurt.

Next thought was that he was clenching his teeth and only barely keeping it contained. She had to feel downright awful about this. As much as he had tried to keep their.. whatever it had been with the googly eyes at the hunt, away from himself, Antares didn't envy her position any. She was suffering too and he was trying to gauge how worried about that he should be. Hopefully, Bronco would be here soon as well..

I knew something wasn't right... the dark Ostrega breathed, brows scrunched. He was distant before, after.. Osiris, that just really seemed like.. it, he scoffed and this time felt a little growl hitch up into his throat that he directed away from Meerkat. I wasn't any help to him either, to any of them when it apparently mattered the most, and I know it feels terrible, Antares grated. We've all really fucked it up lately, and sorry really changes nothing in the end I guess, so we'll have to do what we can now, he sighed. Are you going to be okay about all of this? she looked.. a whole mess about it too. He supposed he hadn't really looked into her attachment to his brother that deeply. Antares did still appreciate that she had searched for him.. covering a lot more ground than him, too.

Now they only had to cope, instead. He hated it, definitely Was she able to? Was that even alright with her?

His words hit her like a blow, stealing all the breath from her lungs. When she sipped in another lungful, she felt a little lighter for it. It all still weighed heavily on her young shoulders, though hearing that it might've been something else that truly triggered Atlas lessened her guilt somewhat. It made sense too, that Osiris's violent death might affect him so horribly, much more than Meerkat's oblivious attempts to comfort him.

"It really does," she agreed quietly. Losing Atlas was just the most recent in a slew of terrible tragedy that Meerkat still hadn't processed entirely. But as Antares pointed out to her, they had no choice but to move on with their lives and try to pick up the pieces. Meerkat felt a little hopeless on this point—surely the pack had been shattered beyond repair—but maybe...

Antares wanted to know if she was going to be okay. Meerkat truly didn't know how to answer that other than to say, "I'm not sure." It was her honest answer. She'd never been through anything like this. It had changed her and she wasn't entirely sure who she'd be in the end. She did not imagine she would ever be as blithely, brightly carefree as before.

"How about you?" she asked, not only because it was easier to focus on someone else's pain but because she genuinely worried. Antares had lost two brothers in a matter of days, not to mention warm bodies from the ranks. She wanted to comfort him, though she didn't know how except to add, "Is there anything I can do?"

It was not that he set out to discredit Meerkat's misery here, or tell her that she was wrong to feel at fault for what had played out. Surely her aches were mighty, and massive too.. but Antares didn't think she ought to shoulder all the guilt herself. He couldn't know, and never would, if there had been something she had done to push it over the limit for Atlas, or if she had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time to be the last to see that fallout--or maybe she had delayed the inevitable somehow, who knew. Whatever it actually had been didn't change anything for them here and now, standing here wallowing in it.

At least when she spoke again, agreeing, he could believe he hadn't stunned her entirely with his presentation--which was a good enough sign for him. As for if he was going to be okay about this? That warranted a freshening up of his frown. The answer his heart spoke with was raw, new still. No, but.. Honestly I don't know yet, either. he replied. His brothers were gone, his family mourning even more than just that. It was all so very much to process. He felt terribly misplaced as he masqueraded as someone who might know what he was doing here in the role Osiris, and Atlas, had left while at the same time, he felt that he had fallen them all so terribly short by not helping to change the course that had brought them to so many dead.

Antares was going to stew something awful about this for quite some time, no matter what happened or what anyone did. Rest up.. and try to regroup. I want us to get past these bad times together somehow, he spoke quietly. If they could be happy here still. He knew it would never be exactly like it was but life was moving on with or without him. I told Bronco to help me piece it back together here, whatever that means exactly.. too, I haven't figured it out, he practically winced because it was a bad answer. He shouldn't be far off either.. by the way, since he's been patrolling more, he edged in, thankful for a diverted subject there though he was sort of dismayed, and worried about Bronco's still-probably-mending injuries. Actually it was difficult to gauge just how much he needed to concern himself with everyone now that what had once been a trio of Ostrega brothers was just now him, mentally upheaved, but dead-set on pushing for some future that wasn't this, somehow.

Before Antares even spoke, she thought of something she might be able to do: make herself available as the pack's resident counselor. But "might" was the keyword. Meerkat wasn't entirely sure she felt qualified for the task, nor strong enough for it. She would have to think on it. In the meantime, he didn't bring up her trades, which was a little bit of a relief.

He painted with broad strokes, which made sense in such an otherwise senseless situation. "We'll figure it out as we go," Meerkat found herself saying. It was a platitude, as was the next word she added: "Together." She meant both genuinely though and tried to convey that by catching Antares's eye. She couldn't quite bring herself to smile, though hopefully he would be able to read the look on her face.

He mentioned that her brother would likely come by any minute now. Meerkat glanced around and, seeing no sign of Bronco yet, decided to share something that might help get Antares's mind off these matters. "I stopped at Brecheliant, Neverwinter Forest and Yuèlóng in my search." She swallowed but made no further references to the missing Atlas, instead saying, "I was met with compassion and kinship at each. We have a strong network of allies in these wilds," counting Moonspear and Redhawk Caldera among them as well. "We are not alone."

Antares answered first in a slow nod. It didn't sound like much--to simply say they'd figure it out as they went, but he was able to take his solace in this. He knew how true it was going to ring in the days and week to come. Any little bit was something and as she said, at least they did not have to face it all entirely alone. It's something, at least. he agreed, despite the distant look in his eye.

When she carried the subject towards other matters, ones more relevant to a greater picture abroad, he was quick on his feet after them (hungry for distraction, and keen to direct away from himself as ever). We do have good support, he added sincerely, but he was caught up on the span of her distance, and the sheer lack of news on his brother for an instant. Never once do I doubt that, he sighed. Here, tucked beneath the foot of the Spear, and with the Caldera just across the way. In many directions, they were quite secure.. and yet..

Determined, he would take the chance to make mention of something else, too. It could very well be of use to her, somehow. I tried to visit Kaistleoki recently and search out their way, but no luck. Seemed like the entire pack either moved on or vanished, too. I couldn't find any trace of them, Antares said, vaguely worried that it was a reoccurring notion of disappearing wolves lately. Was the winter really being that bad to them? A young wolf of theirs named Ravaryn ended up finding the Glen's borders in the snowstorm, lost from her family. I was intending to reunite them, but.. no luck. And maybe, between Keyni and the rest of them looking out for her just enough, it was better than nothing if harm had come to the riverside pack somehow..

Antares shared a tale of his own travels. Meerkat's lips pulled down into a frown. She wasn't particularly familiar with Kaistleoki—even the name was only barely familiar—but she could tell this information was of significance to him, and thus the glen.

"I'll need some time to rest," Meerkat said, "but I'd like to visit my father, who lives in a pack on the coast. It's called Sapphique. When I travel there, I can ask around about Kaistleoki, if you like." Her lips pursed for a moment as she thought of Kyr's's words: "We have lost quite a few too ourselves, with the storms..." "We're really all in this together," she murmured, more to herself than to Antares.

There was still no sign of Bronco. Thinking his injuries might make it hard for him to come to her, she said, "I think I'm gonna go find him. Bronco, I mean. You're welcome to come with." Surely Antares had other things to do, though if he wanted to tag along, he was more than welcome.

If nothing else, he hoped she'd use his note on her travels. He was doing decidedly less of them lately. Winter, alphaship... feeling guilty if he was gone for too long still, worried about bears savaging them while he was off gallivanting in faraway places again. Anyway, it seemed like she picked up on the hint and detailed her own plans from there. Yes, if you can keep an ear out for any word about them, I'd appreciate that--but please rest well first. I know it's hard lately, he frowned, with everything going on it certainly was for him with his dreams so haunted.

On Bronco, he understood. Go ahead. I want to cover more ground out here, he gestured almost somberly, but could easily chalk it up to duty to the borders. Antares almost wanted to tell her he would stop by later.. since he sort of wanted to see Bronco, and he could use good company, but he didn't manage to muster it up past a slow, lingering sort of nod. No guarantees he thought, before making the last farewells towards parting ways with Meerkat for the time.