Dragoncrest Cliffs He's the one who knows it's completely over

Etienne worried after rivenwood. It plagued him in the darkest of nights and the earliest of mornings. When the sun showed himself high in the sky and the moon showed her face, stars smatter across her like freckles. When he was working and he was talking. He wondered if he had done the right thing. For himself absolutely, for everyone else he was not certain. And if that didn't just rub him the wrong way.

But his heart didn't hurt as much, the thought of Heda. When he couldn't see her didn't bring with it a dark scathing hatred. And he didn't hurt in his love for Anselm when he couldn't see his face and know that the man behind the sunset eyes didn't belong to him. It didn't hurt as bad.

But a part of him. The sea goddess herself, she made him wonder. Why had he not fought for him. He had rolled over and let Heda take the one wolf he coveted almost as much as his sister.

And Heda had known and she hadn't cared. He could remember the knowledge winking at him from her eye depths. She had used his niceness against him. Had she been acting when she had been frantic just to get him to leave instead? That thought alone made him sick.

When Suzu had returned, she had brought her brother with her- and while Chacal would have rejoiced, she held back her enthusiasm as she noted the heart-sore look her son bore with him. She prodded her daughter for answers, but Suzu remained tight-lipped; more devoted to her brother than ever, which she noted with pride.

She gave him some space, at first; Suzu had told her he might need a bit of time to himself, but she'd waited long enough. While she had a new brood of children to feed, clean, and entertain, she would not ignore the needs of her eldest. She brought a hare with her, hoping he might at least have the apatite to eat.

She set it down, and moved to kiss one of his dark ears. "Mon Chéri, E-t-t-t-i," She chimed, noting once again how her words trembled, momentarily. Sadness wound its way into her heart, with the dawning realization that her stutter was beginning to return, for no obvious reason.

His mother had left him alone. Part of him enjoyed the peace. But he also wanted his mom. It was why he had come home in part.

She was there as if his thoughts conjured her. A bloodied hare in her jaws. Looking as beautiful as ever. Would anyone ever be as beautiful as his mother. He didn't think so.

He burried his head into the downy fur of her shoulder and chest. Noting her stutter and ignoring it all at once.

Mama. Poukisa lanmou mwen fè mal?

She winced, to see her son so wounded, and cradled him against her, grateful that regardless of their time apart, he still chose to come back to her. She had been so lucky to have such wonderful children; she took none of it for granted, knowing that there was always the chance it could be stripped away from her. She lived in fear of the next great loss, but also rejoiced in moments like this- where she got to hold her sweet, empathetic son to her chest and rock him gently from side to side.

If only she could cast a shield big enough for her son- to guard him against the costs of love. She had suspected that her son had gone astray, following his heart- but it seemed that the path had been full of thorns.

"If your love be not returned,
it can feel as if you 'ave been b-b-b-burned.
We can neit'er stop our love as it grows,
nor force another to 'ave it, I suppose.
Sometimes...It be best to let one go;
move on, an' find another, though-
at times it be best to stay an' wait,
an' 'ope dey might reciprocate.
It...Makes no sense, I know dis to be true-
but when you find de right one...Dey will come to you."

There wasn't one right answer- there were many. She couldn't be sure that any advice she gave him would be the right advice to give...All she could do was comfort him, and let him know that what he was going through was difficult- and that it was difficult for everyone.

"Will you tell me about dem?" She asked, hoping her son might at least get some benefit out of describing the object of his affections to her.

Etienne had always held his mother on a pedestal. She was the standard with which he held all women. And even some men. For his mother had been both mother and father to him and his siblings. And thus far no wolves despite his mother, sister and granmes had ever reached the standard.

Etienne had not planned to fall in love with a wolf he truly thought he couldn't have. He had only meamt to stop his heart from breaking. Amd instead he had broken it himself, tenfold.

If @Anselm hadn't come by now. Etienne knew now he never would. He had probably long forgotten the seaborn existed in his love with Heda.

Etienne froze and then spoke. The cadence of his voice as always like the sea. It came on me like de cool frost in late winter. W'en your own air is de only warm ting an' only for de briefest of seconds. I met 'im w'en i was at my lowest. I 'ad just left 'ome and de guilt and de pain was so 'eavy. 'E was only a few mont's older dan me.

Etienne's voice cracked a little. An' 'e was so mean manman. I tot for sure 'e 'ad to 'ave a bad mudder to be so cruel. 'Er 'ad tot 'im no manners an' spoiled 'im

But den dey left 'im. Just one day decide dey no longer want to stay and left 'im all alone. So i stay. 'E was angry and 'urt. Like a wounded beast. I took good care of 'im manman i promise.

He sighed. An' I always find 'im beautiful, but I did not expect dat attraction to turn to love. And it 'ad me so deep before I even knew. 'E 'as eyes like sunsets and fur like de cold mountains. And in dose eyes of 'is dere be a million different emotions 'e dare not say. 'E tinks in a certain way and very close minded. But 'e protected me w'en 'e didn't 'ave too. 'E made sure I took care of myself as muc' as i took care of otters. And den he lay wit' 'eda. Dey 'ad little babies and is is clear to me dere be no place for me in 'is 'eart. I left because I 'ate 'er so big. And it is a scary feeling dis darkness w'en i be lookin' at 'er. And it is not fair of me.

tag for reference