Spotted Eagle Mountain i'm going home

He'd spent longer than he'd wanted to in Brecheliant, but there were so many wolves to see and meet—not to mention, to explore his birth home, within which he'd never really properly gotten to survey.

He hated that it had taken so long, but at last, at twilight, he reached the southern edge of the canyon and howled for @Fennec, shuffling his paws.

All the while, his thoughts whirled.

He'd save them for his mother, though.

After meeting with Reyson, Fennec had traveled to the base of the canyon to wait. She’d been sure to thank @Makono for the visit and hospitality, and said she would visit again, but she didn’t want to risk missing her son’s return. She also didn’t want to run into Aquillus a second time.

When she heard Killdeer’s summons she smiled lightly to herself, then stood and moved to join him wherever he was. She’d remained in the foothills of the mountains, unwilling to risk or put in the effort of traversing them alone. She would arrive where he was fairly shortly.

He smelled Fennec before he saw her. He chased the wind, following her scent, eager to reunite. Once he found her tawny figure in the shadows, he chuffed and closed the distance, tail flagging.

Ma, Killdeer exclaimed softly, not quite embracing her but waiting for her to touch him.

Find anything interesting out there? he inquired, brow raised slightly.

She came forward without hesitation, hugging him. Her expression shifted slightly, catching Bronco’s scent mingled on him, but he wouldn’t see it thankfully. By the time she pulled away she’d be smiling.

I just let Makono know that Mereo was gone. I figured they would want to. She didn’t need to mention her reason for leaving early.

She leads Akashingo now. On my way back, I ran into Reyson. He says hello. Her smile went a little wry. She still wasn’t sure how that particular meeting had gone.

How did it go? She didn’t necessarily need details on any of the wolves he’d met, but she did want to know that at least.

He nodded along to her report, giving a brief smile at the mention of Reyson. He hoped the man had been able to voice everything he'd mentioned to Killdeer about Fennec. He'd forgotten to tell her himself, and she deserved to hear it.

Hi, Reyson, he chimed in, since she wouldn't have seen his face. It was fine. Brecheliant knows about Mereo now, too. And I met a few of the wolves there. It was good to see the old place.

He tried not to sound too wistful as he spoke. The caldera was nice, but he knew damn well Fennec and Bronco shouldn't be living in the same pack—and he wouldn't do that to either of them.

Instead. . .

So. . . I ran into Caracal in the mountains, a little while ago, Killdeer explained, tail shifting slowly behind him. He lives on an island now. Him and I went there once, actually, when we were traveling. It's nice. He's happy; he's got a girl there.

Pause, inhale, then: I promised I'd visit, he went on. He scanned his mother's face, looking for any warning signs, indicators that this was far from desired. Wanna relax on the beach for a few days?

She didn’t mind him keeping it vague and felt no need to press for details; it was how she preferred it. There was no one in Brecheliant she felt pressed to visit. Not even Eljay anymore.

Caracal was another matter she wasn’t sure how to feel on. She had a momentary wondering if maybe something was actually wrong with her because she had zero desire to see her brother either… there was just nothing there. Like with Tierra, or Towhee’s newer ones, Fennec had nothing but blood to connect them with. The mention of an “island” was another story.

She wondered if it was the same one. Either way, the place was a nightmare for her, especially after her near-drowning. Would he want to settle there? Any place surrounded by ocean would be a literal prison in a way even the canyon hadn’t managed.

If you want to visit an island, I can stay on the shore a few days. She felt awful saying it again. Her voice proposed it casually, but she listened for his reaction, hoping his heart hadn’t been set on anything more.

Surely he wouldn’t want his mother there while he visited an old friend? His father was one thing, but Caracal had dragged him away from them so many times it was hard to keep count. Personally, she’d be happy never touching ocean water again.

It wasn't a "no". . .but it was far from a "yes."

I don't wanna leave you behind again, Killdeer replied, frowning. Her discomfort was evident. What's up, Ma? I promise we don't have to swim—there's a sandbar at low tide that we can use to get there. We discovered that last time.

Well, not before he almost drowned. But. Yeah.

He cocked his head. I want you with me, he said quietly. We don't have to go if you don't want to.

Even if it crushed him to have to stay behind, and think of Caracal waiting for his visit indefinitely.

They’d gotten there using something similar as well, she recalled, though it hadn’t made the trip less harrowing for her. Fennec could hear his disappointment and relented, though she wanted to be honest. She could put up with a little fear momentarily, that wasn’t a problem. But she wasn’t sure she could deal with a life on an island.

We visited a place like that, looking for a place to settle after the Caldera. I just don’t like feeling trapped in a place I can’t leave. Even with the sandbar it was too much of a risk for her to take on her own - one wrong step and she’d have been swept away from it, with no landmarks or way to determine land vs sea. Drowning wasn’t an experience she planned to repeat.

We can visit. She’d go for him, but she wasn’t entirely sure she’d stay for him if his heart became set on it. You’ll just have to help me get there. The thing she couldn’t explain was why that made her so uncomfortable. Mereo had been hard enough with the feeling of looming walls - the first thing she’d done was explore and map her own exits.

She didn’t plan on leaving, but the option to roam was a necessity.

He heard her out, nodding, and drew closer to his mother, pressing his muzzle to her temple.

I promise, I won't let anything happen to you, Killdeer murmured fervently. We'll get there, spend a day or two visiting, and then we can find a new home. Is that okay?

He paused, and then revisited something that she'd said. You can leave. We will leave.

It ruled out the island for a place they'd settle, but that was okay. He'd lived apart from Caracal before and he'd do so again. Perhaps there was a spot on the mainland that would be friendly to them—and close enough to everyone near to his heart.

So. . .will we go? he asked.

She smiled. Anyone else and she’d have immediately snapped back for the reassurance, but from him it was never belittling. She trusted his love in a way she couldn’t with anyone else.

We’ll go. She could handle some discomfort if it meant he was happy. And of her siblings, Caracal at least seemed okay on past occasions. She might have resented him a little for the way he took Killdeer away, but she was grateful too that he’d looked out for him. And given him the chance to explore with someone instead of alone.

It wasn’t as if she’d given him any actual siblings.

Selfishly, she didn’t say that it would be alright, if he chose a different place. He had options that weren’t open to her; his father, the island, places where he’d be loved and welcome. Instead she just returned the kiss and then wordlessly waited for him to lead the way.

He knew that, surely. She was just thankful that he didn’t seem to want to take them. She’d treasure his company as long as he would have her.

Thank you, he replied, relief suffusing his voice in every syllable. Seriously, it'll be okay. And it won't be for long. I just promised him, you know?

He stepped forward, grinning, and took his mother further into his embrace.

I love you, Ma, Killdeer whispered. We'll find a place of our own, soon. Where we don't have to answer to anyone. Where we can boss everyone else around.

The two of them, interlocked, atop the mountains. 

Inseparable.

She embraced him back fiercely and knew, in that moment, she would be anything he needed her to be. It didn’t matter if she thought she would fail; when it came to his happiness, she could neither afford nor allow herself to.

She would build them a home if she had to claw it from the ground herself.

We will. It was a promise. She just held him a moment longer, then considered the things she needed to ask. What’s the thing you want home to have most? The thing we should look for first?

She didn’t have an answer of her own for that… well. Outside of him. She hoped that he had something a little more defining to guide them forward.

Hmmm, he replied, taking a moment to ponder the question. That, he hadn't thought about so much. The wolves around him were most important; setting took a backseat.

I suppose. . .well, somewhere with plenty of game, obviously, he continued. And fresh water—I forgot how pretty the lake at the caldera is, Killer added with a smile. Trees, but maybe open places too, with deer—

Oh. He'd thought of something just then, but he wasn't sure how she'd take it. 

Somewhere closer to my dad, he said, a little quieter. Just so I could go and visit him more often. Even though he'll have his paws full with his new family.

A less intuitive wolf than Fennec might have missed the faint note of pique that colored that trailing statement. He was happy for Bronco, no doubt. . .but the thought of Teya's coming litter filled him with an almost-nauseating sense of, What if?

She wouldn’t know most of what he was saying when she saw it, obviously, but she’d know it when she heard and felt it. Open spaces for her were a mixed bag; she always felt exposed, but within a claim, it also made it easier to navigate. The southern end of the canyon had struck a good balance for her - too bad she hadn’t been able to enjoy it for long.

Close to his dad. Immediately she wanted to refuse. Fortunately for both of them, she also immediately rethought it. Towhee and all likely weren’t coming; was she really going to shoot this down too?

I’m fine with that, but I’d rather he not cross our borders. Her ear twitched back uncomfortably. Fuck, she didn’t even like that much of a stipulation because it made her sound petty even to herself. But it was also a condition she would need if she wanted to be comfortable living there. Right now she was still dead serious in her intentions to actively avoid Bronco for the rest of eternity. If you can live with that?

She could risk running into him if she had somewhere to go and the chances were small to none. Having him visit beyond borders increased those chances considerably.

Her answer shocked him, briefly. He stood for a moment, silent, looking at her. He knew he'd hurt her, but—that seemed extreme.

Finally, after a couple heartbeats, he found his voice. That's. . .fine? Killdeer ventured, mouth quirking uncomfortably sideways. I mean. . .I'd be going to visit him, usually. And even if he was nearby, I wouldn't, uh, make you see him.

The vitriol between his parents suddenly came alive. He felt extremely out of sorts, and took a couple side steps away, looking out over the mountains.

Tears came to his eyes, suddenly, stupidly. He blinked them fast away.

Fennec felt the silence, it settled over them so thick. It hung on the air a few moments, increasing the uncomfortable feeling of guilt she had already wrestled with.

I’m sorry. She finally broke it, softly, but didn’t explain further. She couldn’t. Bronco had said things he couldn’t take back, things she couldn’t forgive, but they weren’t things that she ever wanted Killer to hear. She wouldn’t risk him feeling as thrown away as she had.

As she still did.

So she lapsed into quiet once more.

Don't, he said, but his voice echoed as if it was miles away. He swallowed, and then looked at his mother. I won't bring you two near each other.

They could not coexist. That was clear.

As for their next steps. . . We'll visit the island, and then we'll find a home, he said firmly. All right?

All the while, Killdeer felt pulled a thousand different directions, like his being stretched across the entirety of their plane. Thin, taut. Loyalties every which way.

It hurt to hear him put it that way, and to hear the pain behind the words. But she wasn’t strong enough to fight it, to say she could do otherwise. She still needed this even if it hurt him. Some mother.. She was doubly convinced that losing the chance again was for the best. One innocent casualty of her fucked up relationships was enough.

Alright. She took a breath, then moved forward, following his voice to pull him into a hug before he could begin walking. I love you. She needed him to know that, always, no matter what.