Redhawk Caldera WSS: Prologue

It weighed on him to attend to one responsibility, knowing all the while that in doing so, he'd be neglecting another. And he'd made choices on his own, so it wasn't as though he had been forced into a situation which had taken him away from his younger siblings. When he had visited on a monthly basis with Meerkat, those visits hadn't been long- and he hadn't always been able to track down each of his younger siblings. Over time, it got more and more difficult to do so, simply because the more time passed, the more he became aware of how he was failing them, and how they were growing up without him. He'd wanted to be a good big brother, and most of the time he was able to tell himself that he was a good big brother- but as Alyx would soon point out, he hadn't been a good big brother to all of his siblings, equally. 

He could tell she was spiteful, and that she wasn't going to simply tiptoe about it. He knew he wouldn't enjoy this conversation, but the fact that they were able to have it at all was better than nothing, or so he thought. It was a way for him to settle a debt he owed; Alyx had every right to ream him out for not being there. And she was right- he had promised her he would be her knight in shining armour and then...Then, he'd left. She wouldn't have been privy to any of the arguments he'd had with their mother. She wouldn't have seen Niamh pin him to the ground by his throat, choking him until he wet himself. But she still had every right to be upset with him not only for leaving, but for not offering a proper explanation, and for not even asking her how she felt about it. 

He'd done what he'd had to do; and it'd been more for himself than even for Meerkat, but escorting Meerkat had been a welcome and noble enough excuse, but not any more. 

So he listened patiently while she enlightened him about how she felt. He was surprised to hear so much spite directed toward Meerkat, whether it was because she was jealous Bronco had gone with her, or for other reasons, he wasn't sure. Was that the only reason she resented Meerkat so much, and thought that everyone thought Meerkat was the best, or did she have other reasons as well? He could have argued perfectly valid points, in order to rebuke her for saying such things, as he knew that Towhee, Niamh and Phox all loved- and doted upon- all the children equally (or so he thought). But this wasn't his podium, and he felt it best if Alyx was allowed to make herself heard. It sounded like she had plenty pent up. 

So he nodded quietly, solemnly, while he puzzled out what to say. He didn't want to contradict anything she'd said- though he did honestly think the whole "Meerkat's everyone's favourite" thing was confusing, because he had no idea where that notion came from. He hoped it wasn't simply because he'd chosen to leave with her, but he also didn't like to think that anyone else in the pack wanted to nurture that belief. That wasn't fair to Prim, Quetzal or Alyx to feel as though they were loved any less than Meerkat. "I should have," He said, addressing the one thing he felt he could take full responsibility for. "You're right. But...Can I tell you the real reason why I left?" He asked, a bit timidly. It wasn't something he liked to admit- but he felt that by now, his sister had a right to know.