Redsand Canyon vultus

fennec did not move to anger.

she only questioned.

germanicus had expected rage. or tears. but in their absence he realized and with a jarring gratefulness that his flawed nature had not yet touched her heart. 

a stab in that, of another failure.

germanicus shook his head. "i do not know how to be happy. i do know it will not come out of someone else's effort."

and such was the totality of things. he had seen happiness with crowfeather and had thrown it away. he had not followed ruenna into the sunshine land.

"i hurt him so very much."

he felt he could give fennec a half-dozen reasons on why he and the epochian would not have fit. a dozen reasons why crowfeather did not deserve to shoulder the damaged weight of his spirit. and in exploring them he found he still did not forgive himself.

he had used meadow, for all the conflicted affection of his heart. and now he had sent her to pain and to shame. he had denied crowfeather and skipped over him for a new life.

"i was better alone," germanicus said in a ragged whisper. "happiness is not what i seek. it is peace."

and fennec could not pour that into him either.