Broken Antler Fen sagebrush

whenever ur free! <3

following her most recent excursion to the redhawks, her first and only, for now, teya had sequestered herself far from everyone. she took up as many patrols as possible, hunting into the late hours, and dropping where she stood to sleep.
pride warring with a deeper sense of self.
but after several days of this, teya slid into a decline, and chose to remedy it by bringing a mouthful of blue-green moss to where she could swiftly find @Bridget, her fur tousled and her eyes holding a stark hurt.

<3

While she hadn't actively avoided Teya, Bridget hadn't gone out of her way to push into her friend's business of late either. Between @Izumi and the kids and keeping up her usual roaming activities, she had plenty to keep herself occupied with anyhow. Sure, it hurt her feelings that Teya seemed keen on avoiding her, but would going after her and demanding a conversation really make things better?

Actually, yeah, probably. And she was keen on doing it if she could find a damn thing to say that hadn't already been argued about already. As if it was her fault a few of the Redhawks were loons and yet she didn't want to start a pack feud over it. Fuck.

At least, she was pretty sure that was what this had come down to. The specifics of the argument were kind of lost to the whole sleep-deprived brain fog, but one thing stood out. She'd asked Teya not to go to the Caldera, but her friend had ditched out and gone anyway. She wasn't mad but she was definitely miffed, the lamer and harder to respond to cousin.

Having just finished prepping some plants for drying out, Bridget was a little dirt-spattered and cooling off when Teya came with the moss. She was a welcome sight, but Bridget's reactionary smile fell a little flat when she noticed that something wasn't right. Okay; there were a few ways they could do this.

To hell with it, she was getting to the root of it. There was only one thing here that actually bothered Bridget and it wasn't anything about the shit situation. It was Teya shutting her out. Been a while, she started, trying her best not to sound too accusing and (mostly) succeeding. What, is this how it's going to be now? Because, no lie, it fucking blows. A little laugh helped to cut the tension, but only just. For all she knew, she'd fucked things up worse just by saying that. After all, she didn't entirely understand what she'd done in the first place.

bridget's voice cut teya across the cheekbone. she dropped the moss and stepped forward with an angry lash of her tail, unable to help herself. blazeriver eyes were frustrated, fixing her lover with an hotheaded, zinging anger.
she caught herself, but only barely, spitting "you!" before she could stop. and the raven was more deeply angered now, at herself for misstepping, and, and stared irately at the ground between them.
"there a lot you not know, bridget."
"there a lot i not say, because — because i not know how you feel. hm? in love with ibis, then she die."
tears, suddenly; she had not meant to say it, but rushed on, for that was what teya did —
"then she die. so i f — mm — i — ah, kynareth. leader of saints." she arched a sardonic, hurt brow quickly at bridget, begging the cardinal not to ask, but to infer as heavily as she wanted.
"well, he have wife. so," she sniffled, "then i find you, hurt, and i just — i ready to fight. for you. so. then you," scuffing at the dirt with a paw. "i was right to go and demand apology for you. and i get it." she lifted her head. "i not ashamed of that. even if you not want me to go."

She was right, she'd definitely not made things better. Teya was clearly pissed and Bridget steeled herself defensively against it, but listened silently. Her ears twitched but she quelled the response that leapt up even at her first words. As if she didn't know that. That was a lot of the problem. It had been all along.

But she was apparently finally getting some answers. In love with Ibis? Bridget couldn't help her look of shock at that. It wasn't that she disliked the idea, just that it was so... sudden. Bridget had felt attraction so many times she'd lost count, but love wasn't something so easy for her. And here Teya was, professing it for a wolf that Bridget hadn't even known she knew. There was a little jealousy there, maybe, but what over? Was it that she loved someone else, or that she'd felt that way at all? And so easily... holy fuck.

And another one too, one with a wife somewhere. When Bridget had wanted answers, this wasn't what she'd had in mind, and she wondered why Teya was telling her this. Did she want a reaction? Was she testing her, trying to make her reveal something? If so, it wasn't going to work. When she looked for something more, something she hadn't shared, she came up empty.

It just wasn't that easy for her.

I don't have any secrets. Bridget answered. She couldn't help but feel angry, hurt mainly by how clearly Teya laid out everything she'd been keeping quiet. Why? If I knew how I felt, you'd be the first to know. I don't play games, not with wolves I care about. As she said that, she looked down, feeling her anger burn a little more. She was more bothered by all of this than even she'd known, and the words got hotter with every statement.

I know there's a lot I don't know about you. I'm not about to own that, though. It isn't my fault if you don't trust me enough to tell me things, but don't act like it's surprising when I don't know where I stand with you.

They were friends and even lovers, sometimes, but Bridget felt like she barely knew her. Her past, her wants, all of it. Ever since she'd been side-swiped by Teya's decision to become a Raven, every step her friend took made it more apparent how much of her was hidden away.

whatever reaction teya had expected, or wanted, bridget provided none of those things. 
and so, after all of it, she only stood fuming, glistening with grief, aching with rage.
and so little of it meant for the cardinal! and so much of it meant for herself!
"i not know what i want, bridget. i not know who i am sorry. i sorry have to deal with — that. me."
aggrieved, tendrils of her reaching inexplicably to wind around the cardinal.
her coolwater eyes lifted finally, and a great sigh broke from her.
"should we ... start over? again?" eyes reaching for her lover now, wearing an expression not too far from desperate.

Imagine, starting over again. No way, she replied, shaking her head in an immediate reaction. She did slow down though, and a lot of her immediate anger cooled relatively quickly as she noticed Teya getting upset. She really didn't want to be the cause of that, she just didn't know what else to do at this point.

I want to deal with you. This you. You aren't something you need to apologize for. She said that with feeling, hating that she found it necessary. Bridget wanted to know more because Teya was a wolf worth knowing. Was her doubting that the reason she didn't open up? You can talk to me. You don't have to, but I like it. When you do.

God, was this needy? Maybe. Look, she'd never claimed to be perfect. And if Teya didn't want to, they'd still be friends. But she had a hard time, at this point, picturing more with a friend who had hidden even something so big as love away. Bridget was running over previous conversations in her head, wondering when she might have given the impression she didn't want to hear about it. She didn't want to throw out the possibility that it partially her fault, but so far, she couldn't think of much.

she nodded but did not agree. teya had become accustomed to sharing intimate words and a bed with bridget, but not the inner places of herself.
not even ibis had been given that.
the only one who had come close to it was kynareth, which stung her to think about.
she was the problem, after all.
"um," she said, eyes welling with tears that provoked a bout of self-hatred. "i go away for a little while. when i come back we — i tell you. ah. anything else. or —"
she stood before bridget tensely, wanting both to be released and be held there by the cardinal.

She was frustrated with Teya for the way she drew back, but she was frustrated with herself too. This wasn't in any way what she'd been hoping to achieve here. Clearly she'd done something wrong, somewhere along the line, if just pressing this much was causing so much distress.

Look, forget about it. She'd already said what she wanted to, and she couldn't do much more than that. This wasn't worth losing anything over. Maybe, one day she'd earn that trust, but it obviously wasn't going to be today.

Don't... she was about to say 'leave' but stopped herself. This entire thing had started because she'd asked Teya not to do something. She didn't really have the right to do that, and she couldn't do a second round right now. If Teya needed a break then she could take one. Fucking hell, Bridget had stepped in it this time, hadn't she?

It was just more avoiding anyway. She still wasn't sure she understood exactly what she'd done to upset Teya so badly. Nevermind. Bridget looked at her for a moment, then made the call to stop while she was ahead. If you change your mind, I'm here. This last bit was a little softer.

She could have used a break too, maybe, but she'd lost her appetite for it. She wasn't sure why, but Teya's sudden mistrust of her hurt a hell of a lot more than she'd expected even in coming here. She wasn't really sure what to make of that.

;;;

"okay."
she drew a breath.
things were weird now. and she had made them this way.
the little raven turned, and did the thing that had become easiest to her: she ran away.