Duskfire Glacier NulettuKutik

I am a fierce glutton for making my cardboard man hurt. I would like to set this shortly after Issor has returned from scouting with the youth. If you'll have me? ^^ Open to anyone, otherwise.

The man sought @Meerkat.

Issorartuyok could not help but to feel that he had made a terrible mistake.

Perhaps he had clung to the culture of his birth too closely. Perhaps he had not opened himself up to the types of feelings she had desired. All their time together had melted into a pot within his head.

The northerner prowled the village territory with worry etched upon his dark face.

Issorartuyok knew that he could be better to her. He could give her things that she wanted. The man was capable of learning! He was not so stuck in his ways that he could not whisper… things. The whispers she desired! He was capable of such feats, if any were. So, the man called out in hopes that she might grant him her company for a short while.

As nervous as she felt about this conversation, she knew Issorartuyok deserved to hear from her. They hadn't spoken since their "breakup" nearly a month ago. Meerkat wouldn't feel bad about that—she'd needed both the distance and the time—and though her feelings had definitely changed, she still cared about him. She respected him. She hoped they could remain friends.

Reminding herself that this was Issorartuyok they were talking about and he would quite likely take the news in stride, she squared her pale shoulders and went looking for him. It still jarred her a little when he called for her. Heart thumping against her ribs, she made no reply but she did make haste.

Seeing him for the first time in weeks affected her in a way she did not expect. It made her profoundly sad. She'd pictured a future with him, here at the glacier, and now none if it would happen. Of course, it wasn't all bad. She took a breath and thought of Njord, heat crowding under her jaw. Gently, she pushed him from her mind and strode toward the Alpha.

When she reached him, she offered a simple and slightly awkward, "Hey." Although she had been looking for him, he had called her, so Meerkat paused to give him an opportunity to explain. Meanwhile, she took a couple breaths to calm her thudding heart.

The young scout had found him.

As she approached, she offered a small greeting. The light from her previous talks with him did not seem to be present. Issorartuyok hoped that he had not messed things up so badly that he would not see it again. It was a dreadful thought to fill his mind when he wished to speak on more hopeful things.

Meerkat, hello, the northerner offered a small smile to her, drawing his gaze up to her own. The softness of her features had been lost on him before. How had that been? Issorartuyok fought to clear these things from his head and to focus on his goal. The man had sought her out with intent. He had hoped to make a better image of himself.

Meerkat, I wish to try again.

The man swelled slightly – he felt out of breath, though he had not been running.

I did not give you what you needed and that is my fault. I wish to try… to try again. To be a good man for you. I wish- I can- the words he had so carefully concocted in his mind had vanished, too.

I can learn to be the type of husband you would like to have. I can learn the whispers of- the whisper- What on earth had she wanted him to whisper to her, again? I can whisper the good things to you. The good whispers you wish to hear. I will grow my whispering strengths.

Issorartuyok bowed his head.

I wish… to try again.

The smile and warm greeting put her a little more at ease and set a hopeful tone for this rendezvous. It didn't seem he held the time apart against her, which didn't particularly surprise her—he was too pragmatic for that—but it was still a relief. Meerkat really did hope they could walk away from this as friends.

But then he said something which sucked all the air out of her lungs. Not only were the words themselves shocking, the way he stumbled through what he was trying to say really struck her. The stoic mask slipped and she glimpsed the tender man underneath as he pleaded for a second chance. If she'd felt sad upon seeing him, it was nothing compared to the heartache as he swore to whisper things to her. It might've been funny in other circumstances, yet seeing him like this was one of the least funny things she'd ever witnessed.

Issorartuyok went silent and bowed his head, awaiting her response. Meerkat stood there for several moments, stunned into silence. There were so many thoughts and feelings swirling around inside her, it was a wonder she could contain them. She did feel a little like she might burst at the seams, her own skin suddenly ill-suited to the emotional creature it housed.

At length, one in particular sprang to the forefront. And it wasn't one she'd expected. It was anger. How dare he come to her now, right after she'd found happiness elsewhere? Meerkat seethed at his timing. She hated that, for a moment, the sight of Issorartuyok struggling made her want to turn her back on this newborn spark with Njord. But, no! Njord gave her everything she needed without even having to be asked. She didn't need to teach him how to treat her because it came to him naturally. Fuck trying to train up a proper husband. It was too little, too late!

But the fury passed quickly. How could she stay mad at him in such a vulnerable moment? She knew the truth would be painful enough without yelling at him. Meerkat let out a long, quiet breath, tipping her head backward to peer at the sky as if begging the heavens for strength to handle this conversation with the care it necessitated.

"No," she said. "I told you, Issor: neither one of us should change ourselves, or settle." Her breath was shaky, though she thought of something Njord had said and it calmed her. "You bring me peace." "But it would be disingenuous not to tell you there's another reason. I found someone who's a better match for me." Meerkat very nearly told him he would find a better match too but though she hoped that was true, this was not the time for empty platitudes. And she almost told him she was sorry, because she hated to hurt him, but Meerkat would never apologize for feeling the way she did about Njord.

No.

The northerner faltered, recoiling slightly in surprise.

Meerkat went on to speak and say that she had already made it perfectly clear. When he believed she would stop and leave him, she continued further. She spoke of someone else who was better than he. She had found someone who was better. Issorartuyok blinked at her, head shaking.

You have already found a husband?

It had only been…

When the northerner thought back on it, he realized that he had spent a large portion of his time tending to the young ones in their village. He had worked with Ensio after the boy’s parents had died. He had worked to train Veteran in hopes that he would be a good man. Issorartuyok had even taken young Heda and given her a new home with their people. In addition to this, he had journeyed out to find them a new homeland where they would not starve.

And Meerkat had replaced any prospect they may have had in loving each other.

A bitterness swelled within him. Issorartuyok did not give up so easily.

Before, she would've thought he might take this information with the same stoicism as he did everything else. But now, Meerkat could not possibly guess what Issorartuyok would say. Perhaps the mask would slip right back into place. He'd mentioned suppressing his emotions before. Or maybe he would surprise her by letting loose. She braced herself.

When he asked a pointed question, she swallowed. Meerkat wanted that with Njord, of course she did. She'd spent their entire night together dreaming of a future with him, but she wasn't going to rush things. The two of them hadn't even talked of plans or titles or anything beyond acknowledging their feelings and enjoying one another's company.

Meerkat replied simply and honestly, "No. He's been my friend for a while and we just recently..." Did Issorartuyok really want to know these details? Did she want to tell him? "I guess you could say we're courting."

She gazed at him, trying to gauge his expression. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? He'd looked taken aback at first—which, understandable—though now she couldn't quite read him. It made her chest tighten in sudden apprehension and once again she fought off the impulse to apologize.

Courting was a word she had used before.

If her courting with her friend was anything like the courting that he had done with her, then it was possible it could go either way. Issorartuyok nodded his head and then smiled to her again, swiftly. She had not become a wife to this mysterious man, not yet.

Then there is still time, is there not?

The northerner drew himself up, proudly, filling himself out. It was a display of himself! Issorartuyok could remember the young bucks of his home village and the way they would parade their strength to the ladies of the snow. He had scoffed as younger man, but perhaps it was what Meerkat wished to see.

I will fight this man for your honor.

Issorartuyok nodded his head firmly, still smiling to her.

This was what she desired, wasn’t it? She had wished for him to show his passion.

His smile returned, which should've been a relief. But the swiftness of its reprisal disconcerted her, as did his next question. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to parse the implication, even as Issorartuyok suddenly stood tall and proud. They widened at his declaration, her lips parting in astonishment. Was he serious? Issorartuyok didn't make jokes. He was serious.

He looked so pleased with himself as he declared his intentions. Meanwhile, Meerkat's face abruptly scrunched. She knew him well enough to understand he meant well, that this sentiment came from his northern upbringing. But here was more incontrovertible proof that their entire mindsets toward these matters were really not compatible.

"What? No," Meerkat said, "no." For a solid ten seconds, she couldn't even articulate any further, she was so thrown by this turn in the conversation. Once more, she was filling to the brim with several dozen different emotions, all of them intense.

Now the anger surged again. "No! Why would you—? I just told you he's a better match for me. That isn't something that you can change by challenging him to a duel! Issor, it wouldn't change anything between you and me!" Her voice dipped, losing the heat as she added, "We are just not meant to be."

She breathed for a moment, trying to collect herself. There was part of her quite galled by this exchange, yet ever the diplomat, Meerkat wanted to smooth out the ragged edges. "It has nothing to do with you. I choose him because he makes me happy, Issor. Don't you want me to be happy?"

The scout argued with him, listing reasons, making her cause as just as she could. The longer that she spoke to him, the heartier he seemed to grow. It was not until she had finished that he found himself laughing wholly, throwing his head back and chuckling with his entire frame.

First, you are speaking to me like I am a child. That is unkind, but I understand why you do it.

The smile did not fade from his features.

Second, you seem to believe you know a lot about love and courting and these things, but even a man who has never laid with a woman knows that we all change.

This time, his features shifted slightly. He was paying close attention to her words, this time. He did not wish to forget the things she said, to confuse himself with her terminology. When she had first spoken to him, it had been to say that she did not want him to change. That she did not think either of them should have to change to be something they were not.

You said neither of us should change. We all do. You will change. The man you court will change. What will you do if he changes into something you do not love as much?

Then, more tersely, and what will you do now? For there is a man standing before you who is good. Who is willing to embrace this change and face it with all his spirit.

For a second, the frustration he’d stored away bubbled up.

You have no patience. A plume of air was huffed through his nose.

Meerkat wanted her love right away, it seemed. She did not want for him to change, but she did not like him the way he was. She did not want to wait to see if they could sort things out. She wanted to run to find someone new who could fill her head with her damned whispers. Again, the instinct that she was too young burned through his belly. Impulsive and childish, he thought then before chasing the nasty words from his mind. Issorartuyok cared for her.

You told me you had feelings for me and now they are gone? Only a moon and you have washed your feeling away.

And then a very specific memory from his time in the north drifted back to his head.

Issorartuyok had been made a fool by several girls in his village. They had led him on, made him believe that they were ready to become wives and that they would wait until a family could be made with him. One of them had led him out to the distant frozen shore. It was there that he waited in the cold. The northern man had waited until the sun had vanished in the distance and he had been left with the snow and starlight. She had never come. It had been for their pleasure, for them to laugh.

Did you do it to make a fool of me?

Genuine confusion contorted her features when he accused her of speaking to him like a child. What did he mean? There was no time to wonder, much less ask, before Issorartuyok bellowed a laugh and launched into a soliloquy. The former made her jump, the latter saw her going still, lips parted.

"No," she said quietly, brow furrowed. Anger, disgust and hurt all flashed across her face. Did he really think she would do that? And all the rest of what he'd said: was that what he really thought of her? "Of course not. I never meant to hurt you." It has nothing to do with you, she thought again, though she did not bother repeating herself.

She really didn't know what to say to the rest, other than, "Right or wrong, it's my choice. Fighting with him—fighting with me—isn't going to change anything."

Suddenly, she realized she felt a little sick. Her stomach had begun to churn and she felt a burning in her throat. It was really no wonder. This conversation was unprecedentedly revelatory. The things Issoraratuyok was saying to her... Meerkat wasn't even entirely sure she could comprehend it all until she had some more time to process.

No, she’d said again.

When he looked at her, he could only see the anger and disgust that had painted themselves upon her face. Anything that might have followed it was lost. The dark ears that might have captured her attempt at some small reassurance had fallen and pinned to his head.

Was this what displays of emotion created?

Issorartuyok was a fool, indeed. But he would not be made a fool for long, no. The northerner had grown tired of being laughed at, being mocked. He had grown tired of willing himself to try to be a way that was not immediately comfortable for him. All of it had been done with the intent to grow into a better man for her and look where it had left him.

Alone – nothing but the snow and starlight to keep him company.

Duskfire Glacier will be moving to the west. We have a great journey ahead of us. Two mountains we will cross until our destination. You must decide if you will go or stay with the man you court.

Issorartuyok did not wait for her response. When he met her gaze, his features were hard and cold. He’d had enough of emotion. The northerner nodded curtly and then swept away.

The sudden change of subject gave her whiplash, though the closing statement lent it some context. This was the much more pragmatic Issorartuyok she knew, speaking from a place of detached reason. It was a fair enough disclosure, whatever else had come before it. Meerkat returned his hardened gaze and nodded.

She thought about declaring a choice right then and there. Surely Issorartuyok didn't want her in the glacier anymore, right? And it was tempting to run into the comfort of Njord's arms, knowing they'd be wide open to her.

But just because she'd chosen Njord over Issorartuyok did not mean she'd chosen Njord over Duskfire Glacier. It had been her home longer than it had been Issorartuyok's. She wasn't just going to drop everyone else she cared about here over... whatever this had been.

She gave Issorartuyok one last searching look, swallowing thickly. She had seen a whole different side of him today. It would take her time to sort out her thoughts and feelings about the conversation. One thing she knew, as she turned to go: they certainly weren't parting as friends.