Dragoncrest Cliffs Till my heartbeat stops

whenever you have time ofc <3

Her talk with Jorunn had done a lot to absolve the anxiety of the previous days, but Rosalyn knew she was not finished yet. When she next had the chance, she immediately sought out @Val.

Raleska's expression had burned itself into her mind, and the knowledge that she had forgotten more than only the children was a guilty weight on her. She had, for the briefest time, lost their mother too. Even now, it was hard to remember what she had been like. Only the vision of her death stood out.

It almost felt as if it stalked alongside her. Perhaps she truly did haunt them.

val had not forgotten the coldness that glittered in rosalyn's eye. it reminded him of a remote island, inaccessible and unknowable. it had terrified him in a way deeper than the bear.

he'd kept close to @Indra III; he'd hoped to introduce her to those her age here, but even those were strangers to him. while sapphique was his home, he felt like a pretender. so much had changed since he left.

but that was the way of the world, wasn't it? it moved on, with or without his consent. deep in thought, val did not realize he had come close to rosalyn until he was nearly upon her. unwilling to withstand the crucible that was his heartbreak, val's eyes averted to the ground.

Now that she was here, and she knew how wrong she had been, seeing the way he looked away was like a knife to her center as well. Rosalyn wasn't sure what to say. There wasn't really anything she could that would take back what had already occurred.

I'm sorry. She didn't want to speak of specifics, or make excuses for why she hadn't known him. But her children were among the only ones she would always freely apologize to.

You've grown so much. I wasn't sure, and then... It was more lie than truth, and she couldn't finish the statement. It wasn't only pride that stopped her. Fear was more powerful here, and beneath it all, the worst of this was the terror she herself buried in the darkness.

when val had first seen rosalyn, he had taken her indifference as something cold; angry, even. chacal had been quick to deflect the sting, but even then val had held onto it. he thumbed the thorn daily, marveling its exquisite hurt -- until he came upon rosalyn.

now he realized it was not indifference, so much as something different. he was losing maman, the thing he had always taken for granted. his life had changed in so many ways, but he had always believed both of his parents would be there when he needed them.

this new reality was impossible to rectify. rosalyn apologized while val wrestled with his own feelings of selfishness. his eyes softened, by guilt and something far more tender: love.

"maman," val started, his voice trailing off softly as he collected his thoughts one by one as if they were delicate things. it is me that should be sorry. i was gone for so long. i'm sorry, maman. he wanted to ask so many things of her - to tell her everything he had seen, and felt, and heard.

As he spoke, she wanted to press forward, but the sudden memory of Reyes pulled her back. He too had returned different. And Rosalyn realized that, even now that she recognized Val, she no longer knew him. He'd been a pup when he disappeared. He was her son, but he was still a stranger.

All that matters is that you are home. That wasn't entirely true. They had lost so much time, and why? What had kept him away all this time, choice or circumstance? Both?

She was ashamed by the suspicion, after her mistakes, but it didn't disappear. Just as it had with Reyes, it hurt to see him grown and to know they'd have such a small part in it. It hurt not to know him.

What happened? She needed to ask.

it hurt val too -- not that he had grown without them, but that he had taken their place in his life for granted. stupidly he had assumed when he came back things would be as he had left them.

now, he realized that was just a child's foolish dream.

he'd always planned to come back. first the bear had driven him away, then he had gotten lost. then winter had set in, with wicked fangs. then he had found aventus, and the bear had found him all over again...

it seemed too much to categorize into simple words.

well... it was like untangling a knot. first there was a bear, and i ran so far. i found alyx again, but then i lost her too. and then a tall woman found me, and tried to bring me somewhere safe. only.. i lost her too. so many tangled paths he'd taken, deeper and deeper into the mire. and the whole time i was thinking i would come back, only, i didn't know where i was or how to get home. then winter set in. i wanted to keep going, but it was dangerous. val's eyes softened with something close to true sorrow. then, i was found by a wolf -- aventus. he became my friend, he brought me to his home and -- here, the boy fell to silence, as the threatening crack of his voice became too much.

after a moment to collect his composure val continued. i stayed with them until early spring. he could not bear to go into details or to think, was aventus even still alive? indra is from that pack, too.

Of course there were reasons. And of course, those reasons changed nothing. There was always a bear, always a winter, always some force to keep them. None of that ever changed the fact that they came back strangers. And it never changed the fact that they always left again.

She was having a harder time letting it go this time. It was mostly the guilt of her own forgetfulness, but there was also an ugly part of her that wondered - why now? Was winter really more dangerous than any other time?

Rosalyn knew she couldn't hold it though. Just as she had with Reyes, she tried to let it go, shoving the uglier feelings down where they would smother and slowly die over time. I'm glad you found your way home to us, she said quietly. Then she stepped forward to pull him into a tentative hug, growing stronger with it after she'd held him for a moment. This was what mattered now.

She kept her thoughts on Indra silent too, though she certainly had a few. She didn't like nor trust the way the girl lurked in their territory. Rosalyn would not do anything about it, but she would keep an eye on her, especially anytime she was near the den where their children rested.

underneath rosalyn's heavily marred countenance, a storm raged. val remained unaware of such subtleties, his own gaze tied to the ground in worry.

it was only when she spoke that he dared look up, his anxious eyes brightened by what she spoke. only... something nagged within him like an ugly shark's tooth against his skin. i'm glad too.

he hugged her tightly, pulling away only reluctantly. maman.. val started, feeling a sense of helplessness encumber him. oh! it was so hard. what happened?

She'd been honest with the pack, but the words would never come easily. It was too tempting to lie and to pretend that things were fine, that stepping down had been a choice of preference and not a necessity. That she was not being continuously driven to an unknowable future. Every time she admitted it, even to herself, it felt more and more inevitable. It was as if speaking solidified it.

Still, she was his mother. She knew lying about this would be cruel, and there was no excuse she could make that would hold for long. She struggled to find the words through the shame of it.

Erzulie and Chacal lead the pack now. She began, keeping her words casual but looking towards the trees. I stepped down. It's hard to explain, but things have been changing. It took me a while to know you. I remember now.

She fell quiet, remembering the way Raleska's eyes fell on her. I forgot your mother too. Raleska.

She didn't know if Val was aware, but something about the accusation in the ghost from her dream made her speak on it. Perhaps it would change things. Perhaps he would leave, if he would not have regardless. Perhaps he would no longer see a mother in her. It didn't matter; Raleska deserved to be remembered. And for as long as she was able, nothing would change for Rosalyn as well. She could no longer trust, however, that it would be her choice in the end.

even with all this time apart, val could read in rosalyn a hesitance. something within was breaking off from a greater part; something within was sinking.

he wished to hug her when she shared the news of stepping down. he wished to dispel her anguish immediately. but no touch could ever restore the pieces of rosalyn's mind that left her like flotsam.

he startled when she mentioned his mother. raleska. while he fought -- almost viciously -- against the thought stryx had planted in his mind, hearing it from rosalyn was different.

his mother.

val's eyes softened. "maman, you are my mother." he had so many questions, but none of them mattered in this moment. not when rosalyn seemed unspeakably vulnerable and un-whole. you and erzulie. nothing will change that. not even you forgetting me or everyone you love.

She was too overcome to speak for a moment. He accepted it easily and assured that nothing would change, but she couldn't shake the guilt. Nothing would ever make what she'd done, and what she might do moving forward, right. Because what kind of a mother loses the things meant to be most important to her?

Nothing will, she agreed, her voice rough with the emotion of it. She tried to quell it. I'm glad there's a part of her still here. But you were never anything but ours. Both could be true.

They should have told him earlier, but she hadn't thought it would be worthwhile when nothing could change. You were right to be angry. I'm sorry.. A silent apology to the ghost that lurked within the unending darkness. Maybe now she could rest.

a silence curled itself around them. val wished to press so many questions, and they hung the tip of his tongue poised like little harpoons. yet he had heard in rosalyn's voice an edge that forbade him to speak; a rare vulnerability in the armor of the strongest woman he had ever known.

he hung his head and looked at his claws instead. blunted down to their quicks and black.

nothing would ever change it, but it still hurt his heart to know the truth. "i love you, maman." he finally spoke up, grateful more than anything that he had come home before rosalyn had gone to join raleska in the gloomy fields beyond.

She couldn't see his struggle through her own, but those words drew her forward. She'd meant to give him space in the way Reyes had needed it but could not stop herself from reaching out and embracing him, pulling him as close as he'd allow and pressing her cheek firmly to the nape of his neck. I love you, she replied, firmly. And despite forgetting, she knew it was true. There was something in the way he looked at her that brought an answer from deep within. She hadn't ever thought herself as destined to be a mother but now she was one - to her very core.

She kept him there a moment, as long as he did not pull away, before releasing and brushing her muzzle across his forehead. Come. I want to hear more, but first, let's find something to eat.

They didn't need to dwell in this. He was home.

for val, this moment of physical intimacy eclipsed the embers of hurt that frayed his soul. he needed it in the way plants craved the sun; he hugged rosalyn all the more fiercely, wishing if he just held her tight things would never change, and he would never let go.

but he knew reality moved on with or without his willing participation in it. eventually the pair pulled away, and val was left feeling a little more empty than before after rosalyn's sweet gesture across his forehead.

he tucked such a feeling away, keeping his eyes bright so maman would see none of it. what do you want to eat?

Rosalyn fell in easily beside him, but allowed him to lead the way, a silent nod to the ways in which he'd grown. Let's see what your sisters have managed to put away. If need be, I'm sure there are birds near the shore. A gull, or even a nest of eggs, sounded wonderful. But so did any of a number of things they may have managed to catch.

Rosalyn still did hunt, but doing so tired her out, and right now she wished to share in his company a while longer. They could find something to share and he could tell her some of what he had been through, if he wished. She would tell him of the things she remembered here, his siblings and the things that had shifted and moved since his departure.

this can be my last! <3