Noctisardor Bypass nutria

open to anybody in the den. set for an evening in the future.

Fiona had thought she understood, on some level, what Druid was going through. As she walked into the darkness of the den early that morning, she realized how underprepared she really was. Sure, she had taken care of her younger siblings a little bit here and there, but this place was so cramped and claustrophobic she could scarcely breathe. It actually wasn't until she was inside that she realized who the other woman was. The one Anselm had bedded. It was the same woman Fiona had offered to keep mother nature at bay, and she had refused, saying something about god.

Her name was @Heda, and suddenly all the dots connected. That also meant that the girl with the head injury—name unknown to her: @Ava Amara—was likely around here somewhere, assuming she was still alive. Fiona counted six(!) newborns between the new mothers.

When the sun finally began to set, which Fiona could only deduce from the opening of the den, she was exhausted. How had Druid done this even one day, let alone several? The witch had spent her entire waking hours keeping them from wriggling away, cleaning their poopy butts, and soothing their squalling mouths. She was lucky she couldn't help them eat, or she probably would have murdered them. That wasn't a very good look for a babysitter.

the last months had been ceaseless, and now all heda could do was sleep. she had been scarcely conscious when fiona had last come to the den, waking only when it was too late and the second individual to know her secret was ensconced very literally among her children.
something was very wrong with @Druid. heda tried to split her time between ministering to her sister, encouraging her to take fresh air and naps outside the den, and the demands of six nursing children.
tending so many was something her body remembered, an unfair but necessary advantage.
but the days blurred, and she did not think dinah had ever been to see her br— the new babes.
fiona seemed as worn as any of them. heda accepted her presence as one of feminine help, a respite after so much masculine posturing.
but she was wary. if fiona blurted even a hint in earshot of glaukos, things could harshly change.
her smile was wan, welcoming in spite of it all. "it's hard work. i had eight to nurse the first time," heda murmured, breaking the sound of contented children and twilight birdsong.

<3

Fiona rubbed her eyes, willing herself to stay awake just a bit longer. Just after she did so, Heda—the woman—spoke of her previous litter. Eight was quite the magnitude of children, and Fiona wouldn't wish that on anybody. Hell, even one of these little demons was enough to send her packing in all likelihood. Luckily for her, she was going to get to leave at some point. Druid and Heda wouldn't have such good fortune. They were tied by blood to these little hellions.

What Fiona wanted to ask was, "And you wanted them again? With Anselm of all the men in the world?" but she didn't. She also wondered where last year's father was, but she didn't ask that, either. They were acquaintances at best, and it wasn't any of Fiona's business. Besides, of the lot of them, Heda seemed to be handling things the best. Maybe because of last year's monster litter. So many questions would go left unanswered.

With no help? she decided on instead. Fiona had found that open-ended half-questions sometimes led to better answers than the direct route.

fiona's innocuous enough question almost dislodged the gently warm look from heda's face. "i was married then," she murmured, bending over one pup or another in hopes the shadow would not climb to her eyes where fiona could see. "we had a home and a pack. i gave birth to four and then another four were brought to us."
she reminisced through those sleepless, wonderful days when she had never felt so close to caracal and to the god who had watched over them. until he did not.
her golden eyes found fiona. she did not know what exactly the other woman knew of her liasion, and found she could not ask directly.
her paw stroked gideon's head, played with ezra's paw. 
"when i got here and found druid, she — had fewer qualms than i did about my ... ah ... natural situation. she offered glaukos' attention until the week ended," heda said, looking up to find fiona's eyes, "and i accepted."
there. the former hollow wolf was a smart creature; she could figure this out. with it came the reward of knowing something no one else did, something that could be leveraged.
five heartbeats went by. heda slowly shifted her gaze back toward her sons.

A single helper hardly seemed like enough, and it begged the question of what had happened to him. Fiona did not ask, and she sensed that it was not a happy ending, given Heda's appearance when she had first arrived in the hollow to be with her daughter. It also made Fiona wonder what would drive someone to look after a stranger's children. The situation sounded much different from what Heda and Druid had, considering the other parents had not been present to help out.

On top of all this, Heda had bedded Glaukos, and he surely presumed the children were his and his alone, a fact Fiona knew was shaky at best. If Heda had come here only on the tail end of her week... well, there was far more chance that they were Anselm's children and the Den Father was quite unaware. Fiona, on the other hand, knew what had transpired. Anselm had made that clear enough with how he had spoken following Heda's season. Neither Glaukos or Anselm were what Fiona would call "daddy material," but at least the former didn't appear to be a frustrated, closeted homosexual. He was just a frustrated individual for some other reason she hadn't deduced yet.

Don't worry, she said, I'm not here to ruffle feathers. Fiona meant it, too. If Heda wanted Glaukos to believe the kids were his, and that wasn't causing anybody pain, Fiona saw no reason to tell him. It would just upset him and make him less likely to bond with the children he was supposed to protect. Anselm, on the other hand... she wasn't entirely sure what he would do.

she was grateful for that, so very grateful; it showed in how her shoulders collapsed and her lips trembled. the sob did not arrive and the tears did not come, and heda felt a new gratitude in that. she glanced to fiona with a sense of solidarity forming like ice between them.
if druid trusted her, then heda had no reason not to do the same. "the little girl here," she motioned to kikimora, "is smaller than the others. i feed her with the boys because of it," she explained.
it was too easy to jostle the baby around at her size, with more robust plate-clearers around her. sometimes children needed more, and heda was happy to give it.
"druid is sick." she didn't need more, she just needed to hear fiona confirm it, and say that she knew what to do. heda certainly did not.
carefully now, she wondered what would happen if the other woman told glaukos. what he would do.

She thought the pale Den Mother might sob, but nothing came of it. If she had, the witch would have done her best to comfort her, out of duty rather than some connection. Fiona vaguely comprehended whatever Heda was saying about the children, if only because her mind was elsewhere: Druid's condition.

Worry was a bit of a misnomer for what Fiona felt for Druid. She wasn't even sure if "sick" was the correct word for what was going on with the Den Mother. Sick was something that could be cured with a bit of time and patience. Druid was beyond sick. Her whole life had been turned upside-down, and she wasn't the wolf she remembered herself to be. Not only that, but the wolves around her—outside of Heda—barely seemed to notice. Anselm seemed to have some sort of inkling, but only after talking to Druid did Fiona realize just how bad it was.

It's more than that, Fiona said with a contemplative frown. It's going to take a long time for her to feel herself again.

again, she didn't understand, and yet she did, on an objective and personal level. druid was her sister and her sister felt perhaps displaced in motherhood? heda did not know the words to use, but understood that her much-loved sibling was in a bad way.
"she can't be alone, i don't think. i — it would be better if she stayed with the pups longer, so she could be in one place. but i — i don't think she wants that. i would never try and make her stay. i'm just — just worried about her being alone out there."
out anywhere.
a breath; "i can handle these guys by myself. can you help me make sure druid isn't just — wandering?" heda asked softly, pained to even voice the words.

This is going to sound counterintuitive, but she really does need time alone. Druid said that she missed that part of herself: being out on her own. I know it'll be hard—especially since you care so much about her—but without that time to herself, she's going to completely lose who she is. If that happened, Fiona did not want to think about how bad it could get. Somewhere, rooted deep within, Druid's psyche was beginning to crumble.

She was out on her own for a long time, I think. Settling down and having kids so quickly changed how she saw herself—how others see her. Fiona was sure there was more on top of all that, more she wanted to know about Druid's past, but she wouldn't go behind her back to get it from Heda.

How are you doing with all this? I know you said you cared for several children last year, and you were not in great health when you were at the hollow. Fiona was surprised Heda had survived the pregnancy and childbirth in her weakened state. I want you to take some time for yourself, too. It's just as important as caring for these kids. Without Heda, Fiona was pretty sure at least half these little poop machines would die.

she didn't agree. heda didn't argue either, but nothing about what fiona had said seemed good or helpful. they needed one another.
she supposed the rest did resonate. druid hadn't done this before, let alone with a husband. heda wasn't sure about this arrangement, but it seemed to suit them both. so she commented nothing.
she loved her sister. if fiona thought these things were good, and druid wanted to do them, then heda would say nothing against them either. anything to make sure she got better.
fiona's concern brought a warm look from the red-nape. "i'm fine, really. now that i'm not struggling to hunt and take care of a family, now that i can relax, i feel better. and motherhood is easy for me. even at first, i just loved them so much."
heda was content to be engulfed in one identity at a time, and certainly den mother fit her now. "i don't even like to be away from them for long at all, really."

She watched as the Den Mother softened, and Fiona felt like she was actually doing some good. No apprehension like Druid had displayed, no defensive questioning as Anselm had shown, and no grey blocking like Glaukos had given her. It reminded the counselor that yes, some folks out there really weren't completely wrecked to their core. Surely Heda had her problems, but at least she wasn't a shell of herself.

You don't need to be away for long, Fiona assured with a smile. Besides, it wasn't like Heda could leave for too long. Even with two nursing mothers, six mouths to feed was a lot. She seriously wondered how Heda had managed eight the year before. The mere thought of being responsible for that many children was a nightmare for Fiona... but perhaps her support system had been a lot more stable back in those days.

One of the children began to whimper, and Fiona pulled them close, bathing them with her tongue with the same care that one would clean their toilet—which is to say, not much care at all, but determination.

the smile, returned; "in that case i'll try and get away more." heda appreciated the encouragement, even if she didn't think she needed to be away from them. if anything, she had formed a near-need to let their necessities become the sum of her existence, falling into the ceaseless hours with a vigor she had for nothing else.
she watched fiona fondly for a moment, then bent to join her, and soon all the puppies were inching their way toward her available belly, freshly scrubbed and none too happy about the entire thing.
"thank you, by the way. for trying to take care of me in the hollow."

In the way that tending to children came naturally to Heda, tending to the psyche came naturally to Fiona. She'd apprenticed beneath one of the best in her coven, of course, but only because she had earned that spot with hard work and determination. Some of what she knew now had been taught to her, but some of it had simply been a part of the witch's own psyche. She'd always been curious about what made others do the things they did, and getting to the root of that was just as satisfying as a well-earned meal.

The hollow. Some days, Fiona missed it, if only because she'd had only one focus at the time. Here, her focus was split between many. And while she had tried to help Heda there, she knew that the decision to suppress mother nature had to be with one's self. Fiona could not force anyone to drink the tincture that would keep it at bay, though she wondered now if either Heda or Druid would take her up on the offer in the future.

Even if you do not use it, I will teach you and Druid how to make the medicine that will keep away your season. Fiona wondered now if Heda thought the children, and everything that had transpired, were all her god's will.

perhaps fiona might see the tenseness which limned heda's shoulders now. "all right," she said evenly. "it may be that druid finds use in it. i want to know in either case."
why did she resist this so much? how had answering the call of god this year done anything more than complicate her situation with a severe immediacy?
perhaps because it was unknown, though the young den mother had no thoughts to elucidate upon that vague concept for herself.
she smiled, trying to pull away from the moment of brief thrumming; "i'm interested in learning medicine, actually. i decided i wanted to learn while druid was pregnant. there's even a pharmacy here that was kept pretty organized when mahl — when it was in use."

Heda seemed at least willing to learn, even if she did not want to use it for herself. Having that knowledge alone would make her more powerful in her own right, given that she would have the ability to choose. The Den Mother went on to mention that she had an interest in learning more about medicine, and not only for her own purposes. There was mention of a pharmacy as well, though that had never been Fiona's way of working.

Fiona wondered on the half-spoken name, but she didn't pry. I can certainly help with that, she replied, and I'm sure Etienne can help, too. He had different techniques, and while Fiona still thought he had done wrong that day with Heda's elder daughter, she didn't think he had done it on purpose.

a nod came then. "i look forward to getting started," heda offered, wondering if she should go out and familiarize herself with things or if fiona would help — no. she needed to do as much alone as possible, in order to prepare for more in-depth lessons.
satisfied with her internal checklist, a yawn almost split her skull. "goodness!" she exclaimed with a laugh, sighing; "i think i'm about to fall over, i'm so tired, fiona, i'm sorry."