Blackfeather Woods & i've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool for a while now

backdated - dawn of nov 30th, just outside the borders. set after this @Maegi - other tags for reference.

it had never really been a question of 'if', had it? from the moment andraste had uttered the wood's whereabouts, deep down tundra knew her heart would listen to none of the doubts her mind spewed. it would lead her here if it killed her. as if propelled by some unknowing force, sodden and mentally bashed the woman had fled the mountains despite anxieties begging her to just follow the pallid queen to her new home and let this chapter of her life close like it was so destined to. yet she'd misjudged the power of her heart; like she always did. so quick to take pride in the soldier esque mind she bore, the ghost had never given that beating organ the recognition it deserved. it was stubborn, determined and a pain in the ass but over all it was pretty fucking strong. 

so now here she stood, blackfeather...just...sitting there, a few lengths from her. her heart hammers aggresively in her chest as she inhales shakily, 'what now?' her mind seeks answers from the iron willed determination in her chest that had gotten her here in the first plae but having completed it's task, it offers up nothing. setting paw in the flatlands had been an overwhelming sensation, the stupid open expanses of meadow she'd always cursed having brought this onslaught of overwhelming, twisted, bitter joy she didn't realise she was even capable of feeling. still, it couldn't compare to what she felt now..standing before the whispering trees she'd learnt to feel safe within. 

tundra could never explain what exactly it was about blackfeather woods that meant so much to her. she was still unable to understand the extent of what she'd undergone in terms of recovery within those shadows; of course this place was important to her. it was the beacon of her ability to realise she could love and possibly, be loved. under those trees she'd gone from the traumatized, disturbed bringer of death to a true /admittedly a little messed up/ being of proper emotion. she'd learnt that perhaps there was a possibility of a normal life within this little forest. yet for some reason the pallid fae was unable to access these realisations herself, yet she'd long since given up questioning it by now. it simply was what it was.

her nostrils flare to breathe in deeply, the tug at her paws is so strong and it's painfully difficult to remind them that she cannot just go striding into the inviting darkness. this was not her home. she winces. it's a bitter realisation to finally make it back and realise she couldn't even set paw under the trees again, this piece of land belonged to maegi's pack and tundra was...no longer one of them. she swallows nervously. would the nona even want to talk to her? flicking her tail restlessly, she paces back and forth a few times to try and expel her building doubts when...a noise. eyes lift and she gasps as the raven detaches itself from the shadows to become an individual as it swooped down to greet her. "bertók!" she exclaims hoarsely, stretching up to nuzzle at her feathered friend as it circles her with an air of suspicion. "i'm sorry i..." she bites her lip, eyes shadowed but the bird is quick to drop the act and land carefully on her shoulder; resulting in a sharp exhale shifting from her jaws. "i missed you" she murmured, looking back to the trees as they whispered and beckoned.

were they all still there? maegi, of course. and brave little @Rowan keeping everyone safe? sweet @Moonshadow with her understanding words and....@Aries. she blinks rapidly, there really is only one thing left to do and so she tilts back her head as bertók lifts to hover by her and lets her song lift free to roam the forest for her; seeking maegi. when she finished, she leaned back on her haunches, sighing heavily. she had no clue what to say at all, but she needed to do..whatever this was.

She must be hearing things—right?

The call rose up and Maegi froze, ears high and alert atop her head. She moved slowly at first, and then quicker, her ungainly steps taking her down the familiar forest paths. She burst from the underbrush, the bone-dry branches clawing at her sides, and drew to a dead halt, staring at Tundra as if seeing a ghost.

You're alive, she said in wonder, jaw slightly agape. Joy rose up within her, an overwhelming relief. Her friend was alive. She was in one piece. Tundra had returned. And yet—

You're alive, Maegi repeated, in a slightly different manner. Death, or betrayal. The awful thought had reared its ugly head. But you left, her conscience countered, and she frowned, unsure of what to think. Or do. Or feel. She had prepared herself to accept Tundra for dead.

The Nona swallowed, silent for a few beats longer. Then: What happened?

The former Decima could explain herself from here.

He was within the woodland's clutches, enjoying his own company for a while. He didn't want to do anything right now, especially since he could now spend time with his newly returned sister.
He was just getting up to find her and see how she was when there was a call; a bark for the lonely bird Bertók. Stone tried to cheer him up, but he always seemed to get angry to make him go away.

His head tilted in that puppy/german shepherd way before taking off towards the borders, tail streaming and ears slicked back. He ran as fast as he could, which was surprisingly fast. He had been zipping from one side of the woods to the other quite often, for games and reaching patrol points.
Now was a useful time for the endurance and speed he'd built up.

He slowed enough to gauge the scene as he reached the border. Maegi stood before her with an uncertain air, but he drifted past her right up to Tundra. 
Trust. Second chance.
Her words from their first lesson rung in his head as he reached up, licking her muzzle and wrapping his paws around her, his tail furiously wagging. 
How could this be?! Where had she been?

<33

was there an appropriate way to display the rush of pure incomprehensible emotion to overcome her at the sight of the scarred nona? likely no, and if yes then the woman did a poor job of it yet there was a sincerity to the shine of her gaze and the tentative smile to blossom slowly across previously dulled features. she speaks; 'alive' and a bemused laugh escapes the ghost at the absurdness of it all, somehow here she stood "it would appear somehow i am" another laugh, almost akin to a giggle. after all this time the first thing she would say would be a confirmation of her living status, despite her appearance she was in fact- no ghost.

yet nerve bordering hysterics fade as maegi repeats the statement; her own initial joy seeming too to wear off. positive emotions had quite the habit of doing that didn't they? swishing her tail uncertainly, the pallid warrior blinks somberly at the confusion of her companion. so much she wishes to speak yet it all seems to clog up her throat in a rushed want to word vomit all over the earth and in turn renders her speechless.

'what happened?' 

this time it is tundra who swallows, fighting the drying sensation with a quick swipe of her tongue over dark lips. in reality she should be overjoyed to be able to ensure maegi that not only is she not dead, she hadn't betrayed her. essentially tundra was utterly innocent but then...why does her heart seem to fall to the very pads of her paws at what she must say? it is as if she can live in denial of the past months even existing in this very moment if she simply does not speak...she is still decima of these woods and she could just step back into their shadowed depths...

then from said shadows bursts none other than rowan and although it is a startled noise to firstly slip from her jaws, especially at the contact as she staggers slightly- it is overcome by a shocking wave of affection for the boy. it is so foreign for her to be embraced that there is a moment where she simply tenses awkwardly before slowly willing muscles to relax so that she in turn leans into his hug and nuzzles him back with a smile. "i missed you" she whispered hoarsely before glancing back towards the queen "all of you" a side look is spared for bertók now too before focusing back with a steadying inhale.

"i...well this is going to sound funny but i can't actually remember a lot of what im trying to explain but um it'll make sense if i just.." a frustrated huff as she shuffles her paws "look i was caught in a landslide on some mountain, i woke bleeding from my head with rocks scattered all about me and...i had no clue where i was and couldn't remember that past entire day so had no clue why i was there and where i'd come from. i presume i'd simply been wandering and had for some stupid reason, gone further....i ended up in foreign lands though and it seems i must've travelled in the complete wrong direction, i wandered along the coast and through lands of snow before finally finding myself amongst those mountains" she gestures vaguely to the distant mountains "of course not realising what mountains they were. all i cared about was finding blackfeather but after those months i was weak and close to succumbing to the elements when i was found by a kind woman named andraste, she let me join her forming pack and regain my strength. as much as my heart yearns to return here...i must in turn for her kindness help her pack get through their first winter, it would be sinful if i didn't" a heavy exhale, eyes downcast.

if she could just close her eyes she'd still be leading alongside maegi, maybe rowan would officially be her apprentice..life could be good. yet it would appear she would never be finished paying for past crimes as she glances slowly back up to her friend, because yes it was with a stronger confidence now that she at least could refer to maegi as a friend.

Though there was much suspicion on Maegi's part, she was willing to hear Tundra out. It appeared the reckoning was coming, but first, Rowan burst onto the scene, all smiles and wagging tail. It brought a smile to her face as well, watching their reunion. She was unaware that the boy was so fond of Tundra—but, then, the woman had been a fixture here for a long time. Until she'd left.

Left, and stayed gone. . .but not of her own volition. She winced as Tundra told the story of the rockslide, knowing how it was to be lost (she repressed a shudder, thinking of her time trapped beneath the earth). Andraste was not a name familiar to her, but Tundra's decision to stay in the mountains was not beyond comprehension. She owed that same sort of debt to Undersea and had carried it out to the best of her ability.

I understand, Maegi murmured, nodding. I was once lost, and stayed with those who took me in. Thank you for being honest—and I am so glad that you're alive and well. She sucked in a breath, ears folding backward in some misery. I wish I could have gone searching for you. We lost so much in the quakes. . .I couldn't leave. Nor could I send anyone else.

I hope you understand, her eyes whispered, fixed delicately on Tundra's face (so long had it been since she'd seen it!).

Feel free to skip him if you two want to spree

He withdrew to regard Tundra whilst she spoke of why she was absent. Of her trial in the mountains and how she had come to find another pack. A pack she was now in debt to, but that was ok. He'd help those who'd helped him. 
Then, it was the first words of how winter may be hard. How some people needed help in it; but why? He'd not been taught of why yet, but he'd find out soon. He assumed the broken earth caused the food to go, which was, of course, bad. But he didn't know winter did that too.

"Where is your new pack?" 
He didn't want to lose his mentor figure again. He knew things here were...not good. But hopefully, he could find her soon. Perhaps see her in the winter to train and meet others where he'd be safe. 

she feels as if she balances precariously on the edge of a steep precipice. the softest gust of wind would be enough to send her hurtling to an untimely demise- yet sometimes she wonders would it truly be such a shame? perhaps if the wind were called for it would mean she should just let it take her, it whispers her name often...

her gaze lingers on the woods, unwilling to fix on the nona lest she see something she could not handle. yet when she speaks it is in soft murmurs lilted with understanding. a soft exhale, she turns away from the yawning metaphorical drop before her and refocuses on her pale companion. fleetingly a pained smile graces pallid features as her tail swishes lowly at her hocks; 'alive and well' she rolls the words over gently within a fragile mind, well well well...she surely must be well and not simply alive yes? she sucks in a breath just as maegi too finds some internal reason for the same steadying gesture. eyes flicker at her change of tone, ears tilting forward to anxiously await words.

ah her head is already shaking halfway through the marred woman's words. dark, encompassing orbs seek the returned press of the other's bicoloured gaze. another slight upturn of pretty features, stepping slightly closer as she murmurs with gentle urgency. "maegi never would i have expected such a thing. i sought you out, chose this place as my home and you as my leader not because i had nowhere else to go; winter was over and i young and healthy. sure the woods were always special to me but i could see you understood them too, i sought a leader who would provide for the pack and that is what you did, and...." ears lean back somewhat bashfully, not used to delving into such personal matters. "you gave me something i never thought i'd be destined to find again; companionship. i...i didn't come from a good place, i believed my only duty was to serve but here, here i became part of a family i'd given up on seeking. i learnt to care and that perhaps others may care for me...that is more than i could ever have imagined and i thank you"

a shaky exhale as she glances away, embarrassed and awkward. she feels...vulnerable, something the warrior was not used to and it leaves her breathless in its aggression. had she gone too far? would she be deemed crazy? swallowing anxiously she flicks her tail and glances back up slowly, very ready to change the subject and something the nona had memtioned previously offered the perfect way. "you said you's lost so much? what happened?" a troubled frown and a flicker of guilt, 'you should've been here'

rowan pipes up and she starts slightly with a soft smile, oh how she'd almost forgotten his presence and now he too had witnessed her little display. perhaps it was better she had never gotten to take up an official mentor role for him with her evident instability. "a vale hidden securely in those mountains, it's called courtfall" the smile threatens to falter at a want for her to be referring to her home as the woods but she wished not to worry him about her own misgivings, childish as they were.

Rather than blooming at the praise, Maegi wilted. She was too far into the depths of self-deprecation to see the truth behind Tundra's words. She nodded along, as was appropriate, but her subconscious refuted each and every little thing mentioned. She only spiraled lower as the woman questioned her about recent moons.

Cassiopeia is dead. Anansi is dead. Sobek is dead. Sakhmet is missing. Hela and Scylla are missing. Reed is missing. Nightstar is missing. You— She'd lost track of it all and cut herself off. You were missing. The forest is wounded and so are we.

Courtfall. Perhaps one day, she would visit. But everything was still too new, too raw. The mountains called to Maegi, too, but for different reasons. She would be able to compartmentalize this tumultuous time eventually. 

But not now. 

Thank you for visiting, Maegi said, her voice, her eyes, empty. The capacity to feel was drained, the effort too herculean.

a soft breath billows forth as brows furrow with oncoming concern at maegi's shrinkage at the relatively positive words she spoke. had she been better practiced in social graces she may have pressed forth, noticed the wilting for what it was but being as awkward as she was; tundra could only twitch her tail uncertainly yet remain ultimately silent. part of her even went on to fear that perhaps she'd come off too forward, freaked the pale woman out- this was not the tundra she'd shared the forest with maybe. weak it taunts softly from the depths of her mind, taking on that authoritative male voice that had shaped her into the soldier she was toda- no, that wasn't true because now she'd grown soft and weak. ears press against her head at the sneer and her jaw twitches lightly as dark eyes shift down to focus unseeingly on her paws.

yet maegi speaks and ears are tempted forth once more albeit somewhat tentatively. eyes lift at the words, widening with shock at the drastic element of it all and ears regret lifting as they turn back shamefully once more. "i should've been here..." she breathes, tail lashing behind her. so much death...and she wandering about useless and lost like a stupid child! she'd been taught better than that. "i'm so sorry maegi, i know that doesn't change anything but...i am" a light shrug before muscles sag and her rear end seeks refuge on the cold ground. "was it's the earth's angered rumbles?" she queries softly, presuming had it been something as dire as an attack maegi would've led with it. 

then; thank you for visiting,

and tundra cannot help but flinch, painfully reminded of her status as nothing more than a visitor. a shaky inhale, eyes lifting to seek the gaze of her nona. so hollowed out, devoid of emotion...it hits so close to home that she stands once more and steps closer; gaze sharpening with intensity."maegi i implore you not to shut the door on feeling, as tempting as it may seem at times..it's all a lie" please her gaze, so large and round; hits maegi with such an unveiled want before she finally breaks off with a sigh. "i...met venamis in the mountains. the meeting started off okay at first...he told me he left because you let someone into the ranks...his father's former second in command? and he believed he was a threat, but yea then i misjudged his maturity once more and the little brat threw a tantrum at what i said and wouldn't even tell me where blackfeather was...i swear he pisses me off so much" her muscles tense instinctively at the bubbling anger. stupid shadow pup, thinking he was so great when he was nothing but a rude little- 

she inhaled, relax; this time the voice is not his but a new softer toned murmur that had never been present until recently. "anyway luckily for me andraste had seen it all go down and was nice enough to actually tell me how to get here" she flicks her tail and glances off to the side, still a little embarassed by her own incapability.

She shook her head. You couldn't have known, Maegi responded, refusing to let anyone else but herself take the blame for all this loss. Her, and— Yes, she added. Well, mostly the shaking. The cold, too. We won't survive this winter if we don't do something. Leave, or. . .

Tundra didn't understand—or maybe she understood too well. Maegi didn't want to feel. Not feeling was easier. Better. She would take the emptiness over acute pain and sadness, the heart-rending grief she had endured. Perhaps one day she might allow herself to be more vulnerable, but for now, the point was moot. She didn't feel; she couldn't feel.

Of course, she snorted, rolling her eyes as Tundra described her encounter with Venamis. I'm glad you got directions, eventually. We have allies in the mountains. . .maybe if we end up there for the season, I'll pay this Courtfall a visit.

Maybe Tundra would come back to her, instead. That seemed like wishful thinking at this point.

her eyes darken a little when maegi offers words that should reassure. however it wasn't the point, one could never know what may or may not happen. that is why you had to always be vigilant, present. she should not have spent such a large amount of her time wandering away from the woods she'd claimed to be so devoted to. it would've been bad enough had she been a mere subordinate but tundra had been one of its leaders, she had taken on part of the responsibility of everything within the tall trees and yet had still leisurely "wandered". her gaze hardens, tail flicking at her hocks. yet nothing could be done now, that was the hardest part. the past would forever sneer at her from the shadows, as it always had. 

ears flick at the end of the nona's sentence...won't survive? "leave?" she echoes, body completely still. what was blackfeather woods without...well without blackfeather woods? it sounded stupid, a pack was the wolves not the territory they inhabited. yet it was different here...the forest, the wolves, they were the pack. what was one without the other? she knows deep down that maegi would make the right decision and she knew the other cared for this place, she wouldn't drop it for nothing. it was just...a bit of a shock. "where would you's go?" she asks quietly. do you mean relocate or disband? her eyes seek the desperately for the question she could not bring herself to utter. bertók perches lightly on her shoulder, rustling his feathers uneasily as she worries at her lip.

she nods distractedly, eyes tugged towards the shifting darkness beyond this conversation. would they be abandoned for any to walk through? her heart clenches. the mountains, it would be nice to have them relocate to somewhere so near if they had to. a soft sigh drifts forth as she blinks. "that would be really nice maegi...my heart, i believe it'll always belong to blackfeather." it's spoken with solemn honesty for as true a fact as it was she sometimes wished it weren't true. to be fickle in nature would come with much less hardship. 

she doesn't wish to leave yet there is nothing more she can think to say as she falls quiet, ears leaning towards the soft familiar whistle of the trees and casting a sidelong glance at the quiet rowan. what did he make of all this?

She nodded once, quite stiffly. Leave, she confirmed. To wherever the prey is. Diaspora, our ally in the mountains, plans to track the herds. It only made sense to follow, to release the sentimentality that shackled them here. . .right?

Maegi mustered a smile at Tundra's admission. So will mine, she murmured. The forest was lucky to have you—and so was I. For as short of a time as it had seemed, the woman had been loyal, and an able co-leader. She couldn't muster any ill will toward Tundra, only wishing the best for her in Courtfall.

The Nona then turned toward Rowan, who had been unusually silent. Did he have any thoughts to chime in?

He listened, knowing that if someone talked enough they'd give information they'd otherwise wouldn't. If Maegi was talking to him, she wouldn't have told him they would leave.
He stared absently into the horizon, listening.
Then they stopped, and he felt eyes on him.
Rowan looked at them, ready to defend himself.

"I'm staying. I don't care if you all leave." 
This place had his friends and it was safe. Everything outside was not. There were already people scared of him. The shouting woman. She was scared. 
Venamis was still at large. He'd hoped the piece of shit had died. 
Here, the steam was still running. Enough for him to drink, and the birds helped him eat, be it their own frail, dead bodies or some other creature.

a pained look briefly crosses her features at the confirmation yet all she responds back with is a heavily mustered nod. she does not wish to make the nona feel any worse considering how difficult a decision it already was and yet still she struggles to hide such prominent feelings. how she wished she could rediscover the somber faced mindset she'd once maintained so well, to slip into such an aloof state sounded incredibly appealing and yet no, she seemed cursed to feel the extremity of every inch of each emotion her mind shot at her. "diaspora.." she echoes, tucking the name safely within her mind. at least they didn't plan to depart to the sea or the lands of snow, they would be close and that..was something at least. unless their plans to track herds stole them away again, she swallows. no, surely the prey would return itself right? she would like to believe so, find confidence in the natural cycle of the earth but nothing that had led to the prey's initial disappearance had been natural, had it? never had she seen the earth in such uproar before and a soft sigh slips forth into the chilled air.

a smile as weak as the winter light peeking behind heavy, ashen clouds curls along her jaws at the younger woman's words. part of her is urged to disagree, insist she had done nothing to hold the forest lucky to have been in her presence yet weary as she was she simply opts to murmur; "likewise, maegi. thank you." 

it is then that they both focus on blackfeather's youth as the boy looks back with a surprisingly fiery expression. brows raise at his statement and she casts a sidelong glance at maegi. shit, had she come and rubbed on an open wound? she hesitates, at a bit of a loss for words as dark eyes run across the boy until finally her head shakes, a sad smile gracing tired features. "rowan...the woods will do okay they don't need to be protected. it is the wolves that do, it is hard to leave your home i know but you're brave- i believe wholly in your ability to make a home for yourself wherever you go." a bit hypocritical considering her own displeasure at the wolves of blackfeather not residing in blackfeather but she also knew her thoughts were wrong, he had to know that home was more than a place, right? gosh was she in any position to lecture at all. shrugging, she murmurs "no one can force you to leave but i think you should be careful not to go with your gut instinct, things like this you really need to think about" she blinks and looks back to the scarred nona, unsure if she wanted to add anything or if they'd been over this already.

Of course, Rowan would be obstinate. It was in the nature of a young man—hell, a youngster in general. She remembered her attitude at that age. She summoned patience from the very depths of her, a deep, slow inhale while listening to Tundra explain things much better than she could.

She's right, you know, Maegi said shortly, meeting the woman's gaze before looking at Rowan. And it's not about the place, Rowan. . .it's about the wolves close to you. As long as you're with them, anywhere can become home.

Perhaps, one day, Tundra would live alongside Maegi again. For now, it was clear they would call different places their own. Nevertheless, she was grateful for everything the former leader had done, and relieved that she had come back to visit. It was closure, at least. She was alive. She was well.

Feeling the conversation come to its inevitable end, Maegi dipped her head briefly, tail swinging behind her. Best wishes, Tundra, she murmured. I hope this isn't the last time we see each other. Once all words had been exchanged, the Nona withdrew into the trees, though not without a glance at Rowan to see if he would follow.

She doubted he would. She was accustomed, by now, to going it alone.

Why did Tundra have to be so wise? Perhaps if he'd liked her less he'd be more inclined to throw a tantrum, but he listened. He did have to think, and it wasn't the wolves.
The birds don't leave.
He'd be without his friends.
Void and Stone. 

Perhaps Sithis would be a better name for the female crow. She led him to death, she ate death like Sithis. Perhaps Sithis controls her.
So Rowan made Void Sithis. 

The youth nodded solemnly to Tundra's words, knowing she was right, and he should think more about his decisions. His only real friend was his sister, and even so, she was absent all too often. And all too soon, Tundra was leaving, and he would have to make his own departure.
"Please come back," he'd either find her or stay here. Or end up back here.

"and to you" she echoes softly, ignoring the unbidden clench of a harrowed heart as hollowed eyes track the departure of the nona. watching the trees embrace her pale form before swallowing her whole and having no right to even consider following, words didn't begin to express how that shattered her. swallowing against the discomfort whilst trying to shut out the whispers of the forest, she looks back to the solemn faced rowan. how could she lecture him and let herself display such grief moments later? no she had to be optimistic, for him. yet her mind somewhat selfishly used him as an anchor of her own, told herself that for him alone she had to be strong yet in reality, it was partially just ammunition to keep herself afloat. smiling weakly, she leans forward to embrace him lightly; nebulous murmurs drifting forth to wrap tentatively about the two- "life has to have balance rowan, wolves die so that there's room for new ones to be born. balance is what makes the sun rise each day, the grass grow so plentifully- there will be spanners in your life sometimes that will seem cruel and unjust but it doesn't stay that way...things will always get better again."

exhaling shakily, she pulls back and casts a sidelook to bertók. she wished she felt as certain about those words as she sounded, but they had to believe right? tundra may not have faith in any gods, but they all had to have some sort of confidence in something, right? nudging him lightly she finally murmurs; "go on, go home" before straightening and looking to her feathered friend once more. "us too bertók, it's time to go home" and she turned with a sweep of her tail to prowl away from the woods and towards the distant, brazen peaks.